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View Full Version : What to Do With Little Boy?


safechner
03-31-2010, 12:33 PM
I just started to watch a little 5 year old boy for a couple hours. He decided to hate my daughter who is profoundly deaf. I asked him what is the matter and he said I don't want to be around her because she can't hear. What is a big deal? I explained to him she wouldn't harm him any way and she can't help it. She didnt do anything wrong to him at all. All she wanted to play with him. This is my first time to have problem with him who dont like her. Many daycare kids love her and they learn sign language from me so they can communicate with her. All of their parents pleased with their kids who loves to learn sign language.

I told him, "I can't hear too but I can hear if I wear my hearing aid. Do you have problem with that" and he said nothing. I explained to him everyone different like he can speak two different languages (Spanish and English). Somehow he really hurts my daughter's feeling so I think it would be best for me not to watch him for a couple hours. :mad:Or do you think I should talk to his mother about it?

tymaboy
03-31-2010, 12:46 PM
I would talk to his parents. Maybe she can talk to him & word it a way that he understands better. Maybe put him on a 2 week probation incase it does not change.

momma2girls
03-31-2010, 12:50 PM
I agree, talk to the parents, and set up a trial period, in case it doesn't work at all. Good luck!!

CoachingForQualityImprovement
03-31-2010, 12:58 PM
I would totally make this a learning experience for him. Bring in books, about ALL abilities. Hang sign language posters. Dolls of various backgrounds/abilities, etc. You can probably find some great free resources to share. He clearly doesn't understand, and you will be doing him a great service to teach him about accepting people for who they are, not what they can or cannot do.

BUT, definitley talk with the parent about it. It should be being taught at home as well. AND, if it continues, and it is hurting your daughter, then I would terminate.

grandmom
03-31-2010, 01:40 PM
Totally agree with Crystal.

Call your library. They should have some great resources for books.

His parents need to know what you are doing to help him understand.

I think if you let this boy go, you are making your daughter a victim of her disability.

Former Teacher
03-31-2010, 03:35 PM
I just started to watch a little 5 year old boy for a couple hours. He decided to hate my daughter who is profoundly deaf. I asked him what is the matter and he said I don't want to be around her because she can't hear. What is a big deal? I explained to him she wouldn't harm him any way and she can't help it. She didnt do anything wrong to him at all. All she wanted to play with him. This is my first time to have problem with him who dont like her. Many daycare kids love her and they learn sign language from me so they can communicate with her. All of their parents pleased with their kids who loves to learn sign language.

I told him, "I can't hear too but I can hear if I wear my hearing aid. Do you have problem with that" and he said nothing. I explained to him everyone different like he can speak two different languages (Spanish and English). Somehow he really hurts my daughter's feeling so I think it would be best for me not to watch him for a couple hours. :mad:Or do you think I should talk to his mother about it?

It's a shame that kids start being mean at such a young age. :(

Anyway I have different opinions on this post. Please with ALL DUE respect, more so since you are a regular :) ) I mean no offense whatsoever.

On the providers end, yes I agree to talk with the mother. She needs to know. I also agree that yes you should make it a learning experience. Since this child already knows 2 languages maybe you can entice him to learn a third.

On the parent's end I understand that yes you want to shield and protect your daughter. You have EVERY single right to and you should of course. You also have the right to be upset. However again with all due respect, once your daughter reaches the school age ( you didn't say how old she was) the children will be just as mean if not meaner. Are you going to tackle them all?

I don't agree with my wonderful and outstanding colleagues on the subject that you should terminate. Again I think you should make this a learning experience.

We once had a 2 year old who was the size of an 8 month old. Very under developed. She had to be kept in the infant room since she wasn't even eating foods only a special formula. There was talk that maybe she too was deaf. If that was the case we told mom that all the staff would learn sign language. She also had an older son who was in my pre-k class. I mentioned to mom that I would even teach the children sign language as well. I started to cry she was so happy. Unfortunaly we don't know whatever came about with the family. They moved away so she can be closer to her work.

Point of my story is that IMO I think it would be beneficial to all if everyone would learn sign language :)

laundryduchess@yahoo.com
03-31-2010, 03:48 PM
I kind of agree with other posters, in the fact that I would tell mom you need to talk. Let her know whats been happening. I would give them the opportunity to help him accept your childs deafness. I agree that teaching him now that its ok for someone to be different is what needs to happen,..

that being said,....

if he cant get over himself,.. term him. this is your daughters HOME and where she will come to to get away from the world. Her safe haven if you will and theres no way in the world she should be expected to give that up. Yes kids will be mean to her,.. yes she will learn to be bigger than small minds,.. but her home,.. no way,... thats her turf, and it is her safe zone.

safechner
03-31-2010, 07:41 PM
Sorry I was a little upset what had happened today. It was so hard to deal with my daughter who was very upset but she is ok now. I explained to her about it but she is moving on so she will give him some time to get know her. She was shocked what he said to her today since it has never happened before. She can read lips but she can't speak on her own. As you know, she also has PDD (on the Autism Spectrum). It is kinda like mild but she is very smart girl. She is a 9 year old who is in 3rd grades.

I am not mad at him because I knew he doesn't understand about her deafness. Thank you, Crystal. I would make it a learning experience for him but I only watch him once a while. Maybe 2 or 3 times a month. I just shocked for him to say that since he is very young for his age. I left his mother message on the phone because it was so hard for me to get ahold of her since she works as a nurse. He has 17 yrs, old 15 yrs old, 13 yrs old, and 10 yrs old sisters and brothers. That makes sense he learned from them, who knows.

My husband and I tried to protect her but I know I wont be there for her when she get older if someone will be mean to her or something like that. However, her dad--hearing is overprotective her since he is her daddy's little girl. I know she will need to stand up if someone tries to mean to her or something like that. When I was a little girl and I played with a lot of hearing kids but I have no problem. Until I started middle school, some of them were making fun of me being deafness or mean to me. I always said to them, "you can be mean to me but it doesn't bother me. That is your problem, not mine." I was a very black heart when I was younger! For my daughter, I dont think so because she is very sweet girl who loves people no matter what. That is who she is.

Thank you everyone and I really appreciate it. Hopefully he will accept who she is. I will give you an update how's it going soon.

Former Teacher
04-01-2010, 07:04 PM
Wonderful! God bless your daughter and you for being a wonderful provider!

*hugs*

safechner
04-09-2010, 12:31 PM
I decided it is not worth my time for him to come here once a week. A few days ago, I took him in but he cried that he don't want to be here. I feel I didn't do anything wrong at all. Today, the bus showed up at my house and I told her it is not my duty to watch him today. I heard him started crying.

A few days ago, I asked him what is wrong and he said I dont want to be here because it is too many girls in here and he dont want to play with my daughter who is deaf. She didnt do anything with him at all. I tried to teach him anything but it seems not work. I will call his mother that I am so sorry it is not going work out that she needs to find someone else. My heart is broken because I thought I am a good provider so I always want to make sure every children are happy here with us:( I know no one perfects.

Chickenhauler
04-11-2010, 02:18 AM
Sounds to me like the problems this child is having start at home.


Kids don't learn to 'hate' on their own.


You have nothing to feel bad about, you gave it your best shot, tried to work with the child to overcome his bigotry (that's what it is) and he instead chose to remain ignorant and close his mind to what very well could have been a lifelong friendship.

His loss.