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View Full Version : My DS4 "Doesn't Like" ANY Of My Dck's


Bizzymom1111
01-04-2011, 09:48 AM
Hi! So my problem is that my son who is 4 says he doesn't like the dck's. He's an angel until the first one shows up and then he starts. He'll sit there and just scowl at the kids. He doesn't want to sit by them at meals, and he constantly takes toys from them saying"that's not for daycare". I have been doing this for over a year now, so this is not that new to him. Also, he is absolutely not getting shorted on ANY attention from me. I have gone out of my way to make sure he gets LOTS of love when the dck's are here. I've been patient with him, but now I'm getting kind of upset by his behavior. The dck's are very nice to him and just want to play, and he doesn't even give them a chance. What really makes me mad is that he'll do this stuff when parents are around, and I don't want that worrying them, or thinking badly of me or him. He's never hurt anyone, but I am constantly having to watch over him bc I'm worried he may. What should I do to help him? He is a very sweet and loving boy, and is just an angel...usually. (excluding dc hours!) any ideas or advice would be VERY appreciated! Thanks!

momatheart
01-04-2011, 09:54 AM
Are his toys seperate from daycare toys? Is his room used only by him or do the dck have access to it?

Is there a way you can have some time alone with him before the kids arrive? And is there just you and him time after everyone leaves?

Maybe he would do a well with a special job to help you out.

jen
01-04-2011, 09:57 AM
Hmmm...

I think I would lay down the law and let him know that it is NOT ok.

If he takes a toy and says it's not for daycare, I would let him know that any toy that is out during daycare is a daycare toy in a very firm way. If he spoke unkindly, I would let him know that it is unacceptable behavior and that if he can't be nice to the other children, he can go sit in his room by himself. I told my dd, "if you can't play nice with your friends, then don't play with them at all." Then she'd have to play in her room by herself. It didn't take long at all for her to decide that it was more fun to join the group.

Please don't take offense, but he sounds like he's on a little power trip. I would stop that today. He is old enough to know better and his behavior will reflect on you.

gbcc
01-04-2011, 10:00 AM
My son started similar behaviors at 5. He wouldn't want to share with the dck, he would claim the house and everything as his territory, act out behavior wise, ect.

I ended up separating his toys from daycare toys. If he wanted to play with his toys he needed to go in his room or another room where children where not allowed. We also started having "special" lunches. My mom or dad would watch the children and we would go out to eat or do something special. Once school started we changed it to date night dinners.

He is 8 now and still has issues periodically with sharing toys and attention.:rolleyes:

laundrymom
01-04-2011, 10:01 AM
Here I would say" christopher Eric lastname. You will not disrespect me go to your room. When you change your attitude you can return. "Right in front of God and anyone else.

Then when became back he would be given 2 choices. Play repsectfully or clean something. I don't ask if my kids like the dc kids. It's a non issue. I don't CARE if they like them. They arent there for a playdate. It's a paycheck. And my son would either suck it up or I would have the cleanest baseboards and floors around. That's our punishments here though. If they backtalk or misbehave they wash something. You wouldn't take him to the office with you and let him talk like that. During daycare hours your home is your office.

momofsix
01-04-2011, 10:03 AM
You know him best, but could he just be trying to lay a guilt trip on you? I'd offer him the opportunity to stay in his room and play with his own special toys by himself if he doesn't want to play with anyone else. If he chooses to be in the daycare area, then he needs to be kind to the other children.
When mine were younger they always had their own special toys that they could choose not to share with the daycare kids, kept in their own room. So if they got something new, or for whatever reason...if it was theirs and they didn't want to share it they didn't have to. (They did not do this in the middle of the day-like take toys out of daycare, it was something decided right away)

Bizzymom1111
01-04-2011, 10:05 AM
Are his toys seperate from daycare toys? Is his room used only by him or do the dck have access to it?

Is there a way you can have some time alone with him before the kids arrive? And is there just you and him time after everyone leaves?

Maybe he would do a well with a special job to help you out.

Yes, his toys are all separate and none of the dcks are allowed upstairs-where his room is. He gets LOTS of time with me both before and after dc, so that's why this is puzzling me.

I agree with jen that this may be a power thing. He's got me around his finger and he knows it. Time to pull out the backbone!

Bizzymom1111
01-04-2011, 10:12 AM
Here I would say" christopher Eric lastname. You will not disrespect me go to your room. When you change your attitude you can return. "Right in front of God and anyone else.

Then when became back he would be given 2 choices. Play repsectfully or clean something. I don't ask if my kids like the dc kids. It's a non issue. I don't CARE if they like them. They arent there for a playdate. It's a paycheck. And my son would either suck it up or I would have the cleanest baseboards and floors around. That's our punishments here though. If they backtalk or misbehave they wash something. You wouldn't take him to the office with you and let him talk like that. During daycare hours your home is your office.

This!! Yep, you're so right. Ive told him, that he doesn't have to like the kids, he just can't be rude to them,bc this is how mom makes money to buy HIM stuff. I like the cleanly idea. Time outs are used by my children as more of a way to get out of doing something rather than punishment. Maybe using your idea would get the message across better.

laundrymom
01-04-2011, 10:22 AM
Also,... I would lay off the extra attention for a coule days evenings and mornings. I'd just tell him , your behavior during daycare made me angry, go play in your room. Make him earn back that time.

Blackcat31
01-04-2011, 10:37 AM
I was always told that spending an equal amount of time with each of your kids to prevent sibling rivalry (or your ds's issue) etc is pointless because from a child's perspective ANY amount of time you spend with anyone else or anything else is just time you could spend with them. Even if you just devoted an entire day to that child. Kids don't see things as equal they just see them as not equal... LOL!! Your son may just be learning that he is feeling a bit jealous of the others. I think he is proabbaly at that age where he is starting to see things in the big picture.....he proabably never really realized how he felt about it before. My own son used to say "Mom, make them (DCK's) stop looking at me..." He claimed he hated the dck's but I made sure he was polite/respectful regardless of how he felt.

jen
01-04-2011, 10:39 AM
Time to pull out the backbone!

Good for you! Bear in mind, he is bound to get worse in reaction to the new rules, before he gets better.

momatheart
01-04-2011, 10:41 AM
Well since he gets enough attention and that isn't the issue. Definietly time to put your foot down and as laundrymom said in front of God and anyone else.

kidkair
01-04-2011, 12:08 PM
Anytime he took a toy away saying that it's not for daycare, I would make him go get one of the toys from his room and donate it to the daycare. Anytime he acted angry toward one of the kids and didn't want to play, I would send him to a corner and he could sit there until he was willing to play nicely. I would get very hard on him and make sure got it straight in his head that I am in charge not him.

SandeeAR
01-05-2011, 07:34 AM
Hmmm...

I think I would lay down the law and let him know that it is NOT ok.

If he takes a toy and says it's not for daycare, I would let him know that any toy that is out during daycare is a daycare toy in a very firm way. If he spoke unkindly, I would let him know that it is unacceptable behavior and that if he can't be nice to the other children, he can go sit in his room by himself. I told my dd, "if you can't play nice with your friends, then don't play with them at all." Then she'd have to play in her room by herself. It didn't take long at all for her to decide that it was more fun to join the group.

Please don't take offense, but he sounds like he's on a little power trip. I would stop that today. He is old enough to know better and his behavior will reflect on you.

Ditto! Ditto!

SandeeAR
01-05-2011, 07:35 AM
Here I would say" christopher Eric lastname. You will not disrespect me go to your room. When you change your attitude you can return. "Right in front of God and anyone else.

Then when became back he would be given 2 choices. Play repsectfully or clean something. I don't ask if my kids like the dc kids. It's a non issue. I don't CARE if they like them. They arent there for a playdate. It's a paycheck. And my son would either suck it up or I would have the cleanest baseboards and floors around. That's our punishments here though. If they backtalk or misbehave they wash something. You wouldn't take him to the office with you and let him talk like that. During daycare hours your home is your office.

Ditto! Ditto!

AnythingsPossible
01-05-2011, 08:02 AM
My youngest, who is 9 and has grown up with daycare, has done this numerous times over the years. Not so much with not sharing, as her toys are seperate from daycare stuff, but saying she doesn't like the kids, not wanting to sit by them or be around them. When she does this, I simply tell her it is her choice rather to participate or not. If she isn't enjoying being around the DCK's she is welcome to go to her room and play on her own or to our downstairs room. I remind her that she isn't forced to be around them and it's her choice to make. I think they get tired of sharing their home and mom rather then sharing the toys. My daughter informed me the other day that she wished she could be a latchkey kid like her other friends...the grass is always greener I guess.

My4SunshineGirlsNY
01-06-2011, 04:10 AM
This is the very hard part of doing daycare. I have 4 girls and I have only 1 of my girls that don't complain about daycare kids. The other 3 have something to say from time to time about not liking them here...the one 2 year old throws things and hits and who could blame them for complaining? The boy gets in trouble each and every time and then the crying bothers them. The older girl will not leave my older 2 alone when they want their space and that aggrivates them.

It's so hard at times, I personally do daycare so I can be home with my kids, help with homework, ect., and close at 5pm so they can still participate in sports, yet some days it's so hard on my kids and I wonder if it's best to find a job outside the home as having daycare it can get chaotic and it's emotionally hard on the kids. I daydream at times what it would be like to work outside the home and just come home to my kids only.

Yet I have to stop and think of the advantages of doing daycare, I do have flexibility with daycare as if I have an appt. or have to run something to the school, my mother lives next door to me and is retired and helps me out when I need it. I can get my dishes done, laundry done during naptime. So there is many advantages, yet some days I feel it's not worth it because if daycare kids are having off days, my kids suffer with the commotion and all they want is peace and quiet.

I don't allow them to think it's ok to disrespect the daycare kids, but secretly I think to myself how I understand the frustration they are feeling, this is their space and after a long day at school they want nothing more than peace and have come home to crazy daycare kids. It's not as bad this year though because I decided to run smaller but some days the younger 2 daycare boys want to act up.

Lilbutterflie
01-06-2011, 06:45 AM
My DD is almost 6, and she was in daycare from 6wks to the age of 4. I have been doing daycare for almost two years. So she still can remember the times when she would have to go to daycare and I would have to go to work. She does NOT complain about the daycare kids. I think she may of been negative about it once, and I told her that I could always go back to work and she could go back to daycare... she immediately said "NO! I like you staying home with me." The only thing I've had to make sure of with her is that she gets her mommy time, she gets her own space (her room), and she is allowed to keep her things separate from the daycare kids.
My DS who is almost 3, is much like your son. Lately he has been so rotten to them. I have started a reward system with him. If he is nice to them for the entire day, meaning sharing, saying nice words, no physicality, then he gets a "treasure" from the treasure box at the end of the day. They are little things from the Dollar Tree. I think that would still work with your 5 yr old, it works with my 5 yo DD!

MV
01-06-2011, 07:59 AM
My DD is 6 and just started this a short while ago. She was fine up until the new baby came, now all of a sudden she is jelous and doesn't like any of the DCK's. She's bossy, plays mean (pretends she's a princess and tells the others that they are slaves and that they can't eat etc). The trouble with my daughter is that I can't send her to her room to play by herself because it's on the 2nd story so an adult has to be up there with her during DC hours (as per licensing) so she has to stay here. She can't play with her own toys down here because then the other kids want to play with them and she FLIPS out, so now she isn't allowed to bring anything down unless she shares (some toys have small parts also so those are absolute no-no's).

So she gets stuck down here with the other kids and wants to be on her own but then the other DCK's follow her around and annoy her. She just wants to sit and read, color or do a puzzle by herself and the DCK's (especial DCG 3) follow her EVERYWHERE. I do my best to let her have personal space and even made up a rule about personal space where there's only 1 child allowed on a couch cusion so at least she can sit somewhat on her own. Even with this rule DCG 3 creeps up right at the edge of her couch cushion or stands right in front of her feet while she sits on the couch and just ANNOYS the H-E-double-hockey-stick out of her. Sometimes I will have to physically pry DCG 3 away from where my DD is lol.

I'm trying different things with DD now so if something else works I'll let you know because lord knows that I've given her individual attention, given her personal space, she has her own toys seperate from DC, her room is her space and DC kids can't play there unless she invites them and we can all go up and play, etc. I've done all of this and she still says that she hates DC kids and that they "make my head hurt". lol :lol:

SandeeAR
01-06-2011, 11:01 AM
The trouble with my daughter is that I can't send her to her room to play by herself because it's on the 2nd story so an adult has to be up there with her during DC hours (as per licensing) so she has to stay here.

Wait, you mean YOUR kids have to follow daycare rules??? They can't just live in their own home???? How crazy!

My4SunshineGirlsNY
01-07-2011, 04:18 AM
Wait, you mean YOUR kids have to follow daycare rules??? They can't just live in their own home???? How crazy!

In my state my kids don't have to follow daycare rules. I would be devistated if I couldn't allow my own child to play in their room...that's their only true space in daycare hours. I'm all on one level.

Bizzymom1111
01-07-2011, 07:06 AM
This is the very hard part of doing daycare. I have 4 girls and I have only 1 of my girls that don't complain about daycare kids. The other 3 have something to say from time to time about not liking them here...the one 2 year old throws things and hits and who could blame them for complaining? The boy gets in trouble each and every time and then the crying bothers them. The older girl will not leave my older 2 alone when they want their space and that aggrivates them.

It's so hard at times, I personally do daycare so I can be home with my kids, help with homework, ect., and close at 5pm so they can still participate in sports, yet some days it's so hard on my kids and I wonder if it's best to find a job outside the home as having daycare it can get chaotic and it's emotionally hard on the kids. I daydream at times what it would be like to work outside the home and just come home to my kids only.

Yet I have to stop and think of the advantages of doing daycare, I do have
flexibility with daycare as if I have an appt. or have to run something to the school, my
mother lives next door to me and is retired and helps me out when I need it. I can get
my dishes done, laundry done during naptime. So there is many advantages, yet
some days I feel it's not worth it because if daycare kids are having off days, my kids
suffer with the commotion and all they want is peace and quiet.


I don't allow them to think it's ok to
disrespect the daycare kids, but secretly I think to myself how I understand the
frustration they are feeling, this is their space and after a long day at school they want
nothing more than peace and have come home to crazy daycare kids. It's not as bad
this year though because I decided to run smaller but some days the younger 2
daycare boys want to act up.


This is how I feel. Thanks for sympathizing! Ideally, if we didn't need the money, I'd rather just stay home with the kids, so this is my way of getting to, but also bringing in some money. I do feel bad for my kids having to share their home and mommy time. I wouldn't have wanted to either growing up. My mom stayed home with me and my siblings and I do remember it and how much I loved it.