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Christian Mother
07-06-2011, 02:52 PM
I've got into a little debate about children behaving them selves in public. Well I stand that children should be disciplined from the start...meaning early age. I am with Nan on not allowing a child to be a parent...it's not good for them nor anyone for that matter. But others say that it's not a child's fault nor the parents that its the gov'ts or another parent that doesn't believe its right to spank or another to discipline...got me going bonkers. Nannyde you have funny but great advise about parents taking charge of situations when a child is out of control out in public...let it rip girlie!! Ohhh... and of course everyone else please!!:lol::lol:

momma4many
07-06-2011, 03:03 PM
Oh, I love this topic! I am a very new provider, so I am anxiously awaiting posts to this one ;)

Kaddidle Care
07-06-2011, 03:18 PM
I child NEEDS a Parent. They'll make plenty of FRIENDS in life.

I don't get today's parents - I'm old school too. If my child misbehaved in public, I removed him from public. I did not subject other people to my child's noise and I don't appreciate other people allowing their children to wreck my shopping trip!

AfterSchoolMom
07-06-2011, 03:21 PM
http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/07/05/granderson.bratty.kids/index.html?iref=allsearch

I saw this yesterday and I was going to post it in a new thread, but definitely think it relates here. One of the best articles I've seen in awhile!

Christian Mother
07-06-2011, 03:22 PM
I am sooo right with you on that!! I have no problem picking up my child in full tantrum out of where ever we are at. Most likely time for nap but I've been really good at tuning out the noise in the car and head straight home. :) I am a people watcher so I love to see how parents react to there children out of control and how they deal with it. It would be cool if others pass by and give a thumbs up when parents deal with it correctly and don't let it slide. I think we need that encouragement to straighten our back bones. lol!! Ashually Afterschoolmom that is exactly what i was ref. as that is what we are discussing on FB. I just forgot to cut and paste. There was one person on the blog that thought the guy was condescending and inappropriate in his philosophy. I ashually thought he was right on!! The article guy no fb guy:)

littlemissmuffet
07-06-2011, 03:23 PM
I child NEEDS a Parent. They'll make plenty of FRIENDS in life.

I don't get today's parents - I'm old school too. If my child misbehaved in public, I removed him from public. I did not subject other people to my child's noise and I don't appreciate other people allowing their children to wreck my shopping trip!

Total agreement. Old school here too.

jessrlee
07-06-2011, 03:30 PM
I'm with you all. I HATE it when kids act up in public and parents don't say a word!

AfterSchoolMom
07-06-2011, 03:36 PM
I have a friend with a 3yo that allows her child to do ANYTHING in public - he screams, throws things, runs around, hits, etc...and when she tells him to stop he looks at her with a raised eyebrow and does it again anyway.

It makes me simultaneously embarrassed and irate. People are always staring at us in public and there's not a darn thing I can do because he isn't mine to parent. Were he mine, that behavior would NOT continue. In fact, when I watch him, he doesn't behave that way because he knows I won't tolerate it. It's all for her benefit. They try to be friends with him, she constantly gives him his way, and she even apologizes to him for punishing him. :eek:

My own children know that it's my way or the highway. They were never given an option. If they even started to throw a tantrum, we left whatever we were doing. I've left restaurants, movies, playground...but usually never more than once, because they learned that that sort of behavior = missing out on fun stuff. They probably think I'm "mean". You know what? I don't care, because I'm teaching them to be responsible for their own actions.

I see so much disrespect in kids these days, and it's definitely because of this new "parenting style".

Kaddidle Care
07-06-2011, 04:20 PM
http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/07/05/granderson.bratty.kids/index.html?iref=allsearch

I saw this yesterday and I was going to post it in a new thread, but definitely think it relates here. One of the best articles I've seen in awhile!

Oh wow! I'm so glad to see that I'm not alone with this type of thinking. His example in a movie theater is exactly what I'm talking about.

youretooloud
07-06-2011, 04:26 PM
I won't spank any child. Not mine or anybody else's. I don't think spanking is necessary.

But, I won't tolerate crap from any child either. I won't sit in public while my child has a tantrum. He or she can have that same tantrum in the car while I sit on the bumper and look at my cell phone or text random people. I will not pander to a tantrum.

I am understanding and sympathetic to the tantrum. I try to let the child know that I am OK that they are mad, and I wish I could help... I'd be happy to help. But, once it's in meltdown stage... we are going to the car. Knock on the window when you are done... I'll be out here.

I don't punish. Ever. But, I do make it darn uncomfortable if I don't like the behavior. "Aww.. you are too tired to help pick up the toys? Then, you must need a nap... see you in two hours...rest up, cuz that mess will still be here when you wake up".

I don't get into power struggles. If it's not important to me, I let the child make the choice. If it is important to me, I say what's going to happen, and they don't argue because kids know I mean what I say, and say what I mean. If I say "Well, then I won't buy you this toy if you don't stop acting like that" then I've already lost. I will never understand parents who make useless threats. "Do you need a spanking when we go home?... I think you need a spanking.... that's it, when we go home, you are getting a spanking".... seriously? Either spank the kid, or be quiet! We all know he's not getting a spanking, in fact, you will probably buy him candy before you leave...so, stop threatening, because it makes you look like an idiot.

familyschoolcare
07-06-2011, 04:39 PM
when my children where young i encouraged the tantrum. told my daughter on more than one occasion that I was not impressed because she was only turning one shade of purple. She only had that phase in her life for about 6 months. My children no longer have attitude in public because they know that if they do that i will mirror it back and load it is embarrassing to them and I do get looks from other parents. When another parent looks at me like what are you doing I would turn to them and say did I get that right they usually laughed.

Kaddidle Care
07-06-2011, 04:43 PM
I have a friend with a 3yo that allows her child to do ANYTHING in public - he screams, throws things, runs around, hits, etc...and when she tells him to stop he looks at her with a raised eyebrow and does it again anyway.

It makes me simultaneously embarrassed and irate. People are always staring at us in public and there's not a darn thing I can do because he isn't mine to parent. Were he mine, that behavior would NOT continue. In fact, when I watch him, he doesn't behave that way because he knows I won't tolerate it. It's all for her benefit. They try to be friends with him, she constantly gives him his way, and she even apologizes to him for punishing him. :eek:



Walk away and tell your friend that you will return when she's taken back control of her child. Maybe she will wake up. Being that you watch children on a day to day basis, she will respect your opinion.

nannyde
07-06-2011, 04:46 PM
http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/07/05/granderson.bratty.kids/index.html?iref=allsearch

I saw this yesterday and I was going to post it in a new thread, but definitely think it relates here. One of the best articles I've seen in awhile!

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

That was a GREAT article.

He is SPOT on. The only thing I have a disagreement with is that it has anything to do with divorce. I don't get his connection there.

I loved the part where he spoke about kids hitting their parents.

"I have seen a small child slap her mother in the face with an open hand, only to be met with "Honey, don't hit Mommy." I have seen kids tell their parents "Shut up" and "Leave me alone" at the top of their lungs -- and they are not put in check. I shake my head knowing it's only going to get worse from here."


and

"Parents who expect complete strangers to just deal with it are not doing anyone, including their children, any favors."


STANDING ... CLAPPING... CHEERING :Sunny::Sunny::Sunny::Sunny:

It's time to shout from the roof tops: It's not about you or your kid. I don't want to be around it. I don't want to see a child slap his mother. I don't want to listen to them tell you to shut up.

It's time to SHUN this kind of parental behavior.... cuz that's what it is. It's the PARENTS acting up in public when they allow their kid to act up in public.

AfterSchoolMom
07-06-2011, 05:30 PM
I have so many problems with SA's now because by the time they get to be school aged, this kind of behavior has escalated to the point where they have no respect for authority whatsoever. When I bring up their bad behavior to the parents, I get responses like "well, I sure wish I knew what to do to make it stop". :rolleyes: You should have thought about that 3-4 years ago, then you wouldn't have these issues!

sharlan
07-06-2011, 05:45 PM
I so agree. I love kids but I hate to be surrounded by monsters in public.

If you can't control them at 2, how do you expect to control them at 16?

Christian Mother
07-06-2011, 09:29 PM
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY


He is SPOT on. The only thing I have a disagreement with is that it has anything to do with divorce. I don't get his connection there.



I think what he was trying to get a crossed is that with divorce families there's a tendency for guilt and that can hinder a parent from disciplining there child.

That is kind of what I got from it. I know that my sister was a single mother with no father figure in her life. She felt all kinds of emotions not to mention guilt that her child wasn't raised with a father being there for her daughter. She fought with her self on what was best for her self and child and it was healthier not to have him in her life and her childs but she still felt awful that there wasn't a father figure there. So she spoiled her child to try and compensate for not having 2 parents there. Which was worse bc that child had no boundaries or structure. Now she is engaged and has a new baby and the family is doing very well. My niece is doing wonderful and is well behaved!!

countrymom
07-07-2011, 04:51 AM
ok, I've got 2 things first,
many parents are blaming ADHD or saying there child has some special needs thats why they behave like this in public, I kid you not, I've heard it so many times its ridiculous.

second,
this past weekend, we went to dh's friends house (they have been friends since kindy) they have 3 dd's all the same age as mine (except I have 4 kids) so you are looking at 13yrs old, a 11 yr old and 8 yr old. OMG, I had to pick my mouth up off the floor when I saw and heard what these girls did and said to their parents (my kids were so shocked they still talk about it) first,
the mom was talking to me and the mdd didn't get the attention so she slapped mom with a wet towel across the face, the mom just sat there
the mdd and ydd were all in our buisiness, and I mean the nosiest buggers ever, asking way too many questions that was adult conversation
the mdd when she doesn't get her way will call her parents by there real name (we never ever allow this, this is disrespectful)
the screaming and fighting and tattling these girls do is so crazy, like i said, my own kids just couldn't believe it.

oh my own dd asked the mom what happened to the girls door to their bedroom and the mom said that the mdd kept slamming the door on the ydds fingers so they took the door off (the 3 girls share a room just like my 3) I am disbelief that I still can't believe it, heck my girls don't understand what would possess a person to do this.

I just don't understand why parents don't want to parent, why is it so hard to say "no" to a child. I'm mean and my kids will tell you we just have other problems like them helping me clean up but they don't behave nothing like kids we have seen. I have removed them from many many things and all it takes is one time and thats it.

mrsp'slilpeeps
07-07-2011, 08:35 AM
Oh wow! I'm so glad to see that I'm not alone with this type of thinking. His example in a movie theater is exactly what I'm talking about.

Couldn't have written it better myself!:D

Meyou
07-07-2011, 11:39 AM
Here's a perfect example from today...

We go to the beach everyday and each day some random kid takes off with some of our beach stuff. Buckets, shovels, toys or a pool noodle...something walks away with an unsurpervised child. I just keep track of it and when the kid drops it I send one of mine to bring it back. Not a big deal although the lack of supervision drives me bananas. :)

Today it was a pool noodle that a little girl picked up off the beach and she went swimming with it. When we were packing up to go she was still in the water with it so I sent my 12 year old to ask her to return it since we had to go. The little girl snapped that she found it so her dad said it was hers. My dd told her that it was ours and she was welcome to take a turn with our things another day but we were going home now. The little girl's father comes storming into the water asking why my dd was trying to take his kid's toy. My dd said again that it was ours. He said she found it on the beach and it was hers now.

So my dd put her hands and her hips and told him that just because his kid picks something up from a beach it doesn't mean it's hers now. Especially when it was in front of me and we were nice enough to let her have a turn. Then she said are you going to give me my noodle please or should I get my mom to come over here? He mumbled again that she found it so DD offered him $2 to go buy her one at the dollar store if they couldn't afford it. He gave it over at that point.

I KNOW my dd was lippy to this man but I teach my kids to respect those that are respectful to you. My girls and dck's are always polite and well behaved in public. This man was rude and essentially a thief so I didn't get cranky at her for her sharp comments. She has a tongue that can slay the best with sarcasm and wit. <3 Served that jerk right to tell off a 12 year old and come out the loser in the verbal battle. lol

Unregistered
07-07-2011, 12:01 PM
ok, I've got 2 things first,
many parents are blaming ADHD or saying there child has some special needs thats why they behave like this in public, I kid you not, I've heard it so many times its ridiculous.

second,
this past weekend, we went to dh's friends house (they have been friends since kindy) they have 3 dd's all the same age as mine (except I have 4 kids) so you are looking at 13yrs old, a 11 yr old and 8 yr old. OMG, I had to pick my mouth up off the floor when I saw and heard what these girls did and said to their parents (my kids were so shocked they still talk about it) first,
the mom was talking to me and the mdd didn't get the attention so she slapped mom with a wet towel across the face, the mom just sat there
the mdd and ydd were all in our buisiness, and I mean the nosiest buggers ever, asking way too many questions that was adult conversation
the mdd when she doesn't get her way will call her parents by there real name (we never ever allow this, this is disrespectful)
the screaming and fighting and tattling these girls do is so crazy, like i said, my own kids just couldn't believe it.

oh my own dd asked the mom what happened to the girls door to their bedroom and the mom said that the mdd kept slamming the door on the ydds fingers so they took the door off (the 3 girls share a room just like my 3) I am disbelief that I still can't believe it, heck my girls don't understand what would possess a person to do this.

I just don't understand why parents don't want to parent, why is it so hard to say "no" to a child. I'm mean and my kids will tell you we just have other problems like them helping me clean up but they don't behave nothing like kids we have seen. I have removed them from many many things and all it takes is one time and thats it.



Unless you have a child with ADHD or a special needs you have NO clue how there special need can affect there behavior, life, etc its not just an excuse maybe you should get your facts straight.

joyb~provider
07-07-2011, 12:21 PM
http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/07/05/granderson.bratty.kids/index.html?iref=allsearch

I saw this yesterday and I was going to post it in a new thread, but definitely think it relates here. One of the best articles I've seen in awhile!


Love this article, it is spot on. It was posted on another board I'm on that's full of "attachment parents" and BOY are they all up in arms about this piece. Saying the author just cannot POSSIBLY understand what it's like to be parenting little Snowflake, that their kid's bad behavior is always due to whatever the special need of the week is (and no one else's needs matter, by the way), etc. Some of them are accusing the author of not really having kids. Good times.

SimpleMom
07-07-2011, 12:30 PM
ok, I've got 2 things first,
many parents are blaming ADHD or saying there child has some special needs thats why they behave like this in public, I kid you not, I've heard it so many times its ridiculous.

second,
this past weekend, we went to dh's friends house (they have been friends since kindy) they have 3 dd's all the same age as mine (except I have 4 kids) so you are looking at 13yrs old, a 11 yr old and 8 yr old. OMG, I had to pick my mouth up off the floor when I saw and heard what these girls did and said to their parents (my kids were so shocked they still talk about it) first,
the mom was talking to me and the mdd didn't get the attention so she slapped mom with a wet towel across the face, the mom just sat there
the mdd and ydd were all in our buisiness, and I mean the nosiest buggers ever, asking way too many questions that was adult conversation
the mdd when she doesn't get her way will call her parents by there real name (we never ever allow this, this is disrespectful)
the screaming and fighting and tattling these girls do is so crazy, like i said, my own kids just couldn't believe it.

oh my own dd asked the mom what happened to the girls door to their bedroom and the mom said that the mdd kept slamming the door on the ydds fingers so they took the door off (the 3 girls share a room just like my 3) I am disbelief that I still can't believe it, heck my girls don't understand what would possess a person to do this.

I just don't understand why parents don't want to parent, why is it so hard to say "no" to a child. I'm mean and my kids will tell you we just have other problems like them helping me clean up but they don't behave nothing like kids we have seen. I have removed them from many many things and all it takes is one time and thats it.

Just a comment : Hit close to home here :) Many parent's of a child suffering from ADHD would probably say it's REALLY tough to control every issue that arises, and it is. They shouldn't be allowed to act up, in public or not, just BECAUSE of ADHD. This took me awhile to understand. Just because my child suffers from an EBD doesn't mean that I need to allow or excuse the behavior. At the same time, it can drain a person trying to work with ADHD as well. Sometimes, it's just too much--especially as a single parent (which I was at one time). There were times it was easier to let things slide, cuz I was just plain out of energy. It does the child a dis-service in the long run to not teach them how to find self-control. There are ways, it's sometimes tricky to find them.

All-in-all I get what you're saying. Just wanted to say that not all parents who let their children slide are bad parents--and not all children with "bad" parent's turn out to be bad adults.

I was never spanked (okay, one time--but I was doing something really naughty as a toddler). I don't believe in spankings with my kids. I think really no matter what form of discipline used, it needs to be consitent and it will work. Lay out the rules and consequences and be true to stay to them EVERY time. It'll work. Spankings won't work more than any other form if it's not done in respect and consistency.
I don't know if that makes sense, but it's the jist of where I am at on this hot topic :)

SimpleMom
07-07-2011, 12:33 PM
Whoa, Countymom, I just read the rest of your post!! Holy Cow! Yep, totally agree. No reason to let a child act to thier parent like that--yikes!

Kaddidle Care
07-07-2011, 12:55 PM
Unless you have a child with ADHD or a special needs you have NO clue how there special need can affect there behavior, life, etc its not just an excuse maybe you should get your facts straight.

You still shouldn't allow your child to SCREAM bloody murder in public because they didn't get their way. Remove them, deal with them, once they are calm they can go back, or not. I would never let my ADHD child pitch a fit somewhere and allow it to continue. Yes, I have one too.

I do make exceptions for Autistic children or ones with mental handicaps although I've seen many behave much better in public than "normal" children. (And I use that term "normal" loosely.)

I've yet to see a perfect child. They all have their days and it's up to the Parent to let them know what is acceptable and what isn't.

Unregistered
07-07-2011, 01:18 PM
Unless you have a child with ADHD or a special needs you have NO clue how there special need can affect there behavior, life, etc its not just an excuse maybe you should get your facts straight.

I have a child of my own with diagnosed ADHD and I have never let her use that as an excuse to behave like she's above the rules. I can't speak for what it's like for the parents of children who have other special needs, but I understand what it's like to be the parent of a child with ADHD. I didn't want to argue for my child's limitations so I didn't let her do it either.

Cat Herder
07-07-2011, 01:18 PM
Great article :ouch:. My favorite is still: :lol::lol:

http://newbeingvault.blogspot.com/2009/01/another-article-are-you-raising.html

youretooloud
07-07-2011, 01:29 PM
Unless you have a child with ADHD or a special needs you have NO clue how there special need can affect there behavior, life, etc its not just an excuse maybe you should get your facts straight.

We all "get" that... but, walk out. Go wait outside the movie theater, the church service the restaurant. Nobody else feels bad for the parents... we feel bad that we just spent money to see a movie that we didn't get to watch because of the ADHD child. Get a sitter, stay home, rent a movie, go to the park instead, go through a drive through. Anything... but, don't let your child get up from his table and come visit MY table and try to go under my seat just because the parents feel the child has a special need. All of us older parents of grown kids, stayed HOME instead. We never felt like we deserved a night out while our kids were little. We ordered pizza, had friends over and played cards instead.

There ARE places that others have no choice but to deal with it, and post about it on facebook. The DMV, the doctor's office, an airplane. Those are the places where the rest of us are unfortunate vicitims of this. But, those are often the places that the parent has no options. So, we kinda bear it. But, we don't like it.

nannyde
07-07-2011, 01:36 PM
Unless you have a child with ADHD or a special needs you have NO clue how there special need can affect there behavior, life, etc its not just an excuse maybe you should get your facts straight.

The probem is is that we can't tell the difference. There's SO many kids today that behave very badly alongside their very badly behaved parents that we can't tell the difference between the ones who have psychiatric disroders and the ones who are perfectly healthy but choose to exact their will and happiness onto us.

Christian Mother
07-07-2011, 01:44 PM
My son is ADHD as well. For a couple of yrs I couldn't understand why he would all of a sudden loss it and have a full out tantrum. He was 5yrs old at the time. I let it go on for 2 yrs thinking he must just need some extra attention that I wasn't giving him but then I started noticing other things in his behavior like he couldn't remember or understand why he was upset...just that he was and to him it was both frightening and frustrating. As a parent you want nothing more then to help them. Let just say those tantrums seemed to be at home so I never experienced anything outside the house. Mostly bc of my profession (DCP). I started getting calls from his teachers and school that he just wouldn't pay attention. He'd get out of his chair and pass around the classroom. This starting in K. I am one who likes to nip things in the bud right away. What ever we can do to better the situation and I am quite strict with my kids as well as daycare kids. I don't let behavior slid at all. I think more so with my kids. Things got better in K but all through 1st grade we where having quite a bit of problems once again and not only that but stealing and lying. I learned that this is typical behavior of a 6 yr old and you have to deal with it right away so it doesn't become a problem later on in life. So we nipped that in the bud to and its a passing fad. But in the classroom I was still having some problems with talking...my little guy likes to be the center of attention and talks and talks. The teacher thought he might have ADHD. I wanted to have the Child Psychologist come in and observe in in the classroom. With her findings she said there are 3 types of ADHD and she strongly felt that he was the inattentive type. She said that every distraction in the classroom sets him off and he is not able to focus and that is what sets him off task. He isn't a disruptive child or bad or even hyper. His brain just can't create the serotonin to that he is lacking. She said you can look at it as a handicap..and though I frown on that bc I don't think of my son as handicap and don't want him to be hindered by that word. With help from his Pediatrician he is taking Intuniv. Which in its self is a blood pressure medicine. Funny huh?!! But it works wonderful and i don't have any major side effects from him using it. He gets tired but he gets it at night before he goes to bed so that he is well rested the following day and those tantrums and arguments are few in between. I hardly ever have problems with him in public. :) I believe with my son that I still need to teach him to be good in public and if he can't behave then there consciousness regardless of him having ADHD. I tell him all the time that I don't care if he has ADHD. He's still going to get in trouble regardless. LOL!!

DBug
07-07-2011, 04:14 PM
I believe with my son that I still need to teach him to be good in public and if he can't behave then there consciousness regardless of him having ADHD. I tell him all the time that I don't care if he has ADHD. He's still going to get in trouble regardless. LOL!!

I think that's awesome! There are many parents who use ADHD (or giftedness or ODD or whatever ...) as an excuse for their child to get away with bad behaviour. But here's the thing: the child needs to learn how to cope with whatever he/she has been diagnosed with. To NOT teach the child how to cope is doing a huge disservice to the child (as well as everyone else who will interact with her or him throughout life).

I just recently had to speak with a mom about her 7 yo child's behaviour in a Sunday School situation. She had lots of suggestions of ways for me to cope with him, but no ideas on how to keep him accountable for his own behaviour. And this is a situation where I have had to restrain the child a few times to keep others from getting hurt.

So kudos to you for doing an amazing job of raising your son, and teaching him about consequences :Sunny:

youretooloud
07-07-2011, 05:36 PM
To NOT teach the child how to cope is doing a huge disservice to the child (as well as everyone else who will interact with her or him throughout life).


Did you know there is NO 504 plan for adults in the real world? I tried to get one based on my inability to remember to pay my bills, or get the oil changed in my car, but NOTHING!

Apparently, the water company just expects me to pay the bill on time.

I'm super happy my car has a little bell to remind me to put gas in my car. I wish the rest of my life had a little bell.

Kaddidle Care
07-07-2011, 08:20 PM
:lol::p:D So true!

Christian Mother
07-07-2011, 08:23 PM
I think that's awesome! There are many parents who use ADHD (or giftedness or ODD or whatever ...) as an excuse for their child to get away with bad behaviour. But here's the thing: the child needs to learn how to cope with whatever he/she has been diagnosed with. To NOT teach the child how to cope is doing a huge disservice to the child (as well as everyone else who will interact with her or him throughout life).

I just recently had to speak with a mom about her 7 yo child's behaviour in a Sunday School situation. She had lots of suggestions of ways for me to cope with him, but no ideas on how to keep him accountable for his own behaviour. And this is a situation where I have had to restrain the child a few times to keep others from getting hurt.

So kudos to you for doing an amazing job of raising your son, and teaching him about consequences :Sunny:

Thank you!! I try hard and mess up along the way....but I see him growing up before my eyes and is he tries hard. That is what counts in my book. That he tries to correct the behavior. It tells me that he understands what I say and that he cares about the consequences. I tell him that he's going to mess up, make mistakes..it's ok...that's how we learn so that next time we are faced with the same choice we make a better one. :)