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View Full Version : Very Very Fussy Clingy 9 Mo Old


Unregistered
07-08-2011, 07:08 AM
Hi I have been talking care of kids for over 20 years and this year I have a challenge of a baby. I have had him since he was 8 weeks old and his older brother the last 2 years. He is always fussy, I can't be out of his sight, doesn't just fuss..he screams.. I am so frazzled at the end of the day and the stress of this one is wearing me out and it disrupts my other kids too. My husband works with me and I just recently had my friend come work 2x a week with me to give me a bit of a break. I have never had this happen to where it is 8-9 hours a day of an unhappy kid. He also only naps 2x a day and if I am lucky 30 min at a time. I don't want to term him and his 4 year old brother(who is a bit sassy now and then but nothing too bad). I know the mom totally caters to both of them and the older is a terror to her the minute she walks in the door(telling her to put his shoes on when he can do it, go find his cup, stuff like that) but overall I really do love them and want to not quit..oh and she is pg with her 3rd. I am just a bit at wits end a little frustrated..ok a lot. I have talked to her about it but she tells me he is not that way at home which I do find hard to believe. Do I hope he outgrows this soon or just accept the fact he is extremely demanding.

Cat Herder
07-08-2011, 08:35 AM
The only tried and true way to fix this is:

1. A healthy diet.

2. Uninterupted deep sleep.

3. Lot's of floor time/exercise with quality toys in a safe, protected space.

4. Limited time in infant restraints or being held.

5. A consistent daily routine.

I wish I had a quick fix for you, this is just one of those constant/ongoing type of issues. ;)

youretooloud
07-08-2011, 08:52 AM
The poor four year old! I feel bad for you and him.

The baby is probably a little sleep deprived. Have you asked the mom how many hours a day he is sleeping at home?

Can he sleep alone in a room? (no idea what your rules are there) if so, can you put him to bed awake, and let him fall asleep. Maybe he'll learn to get himself to sleep and then back to sleep again.

I think that something has changed over the last 20 years and infants aren't getting enough sleep. They just can't feel happy and secure if they are sleep deprived.

cheerfuldom
07-08-2011, 09:44 AM
You sound very experienced with children, if you haven't been able to get through to this kid than I seriously doubt you ever will. If it was me, I would just terminate and get my sanity back. Hes been with you for months with no progress, what do you feel would change if you waited even longer?

Cat Herder
07-08-2011, 09:50 AM
Can you give an outline of your typical day? Maybe we can isolate the issue.

You said you have had him since 8 weeks...is this full time hours?

Unregistered
07-08-2011, 10:41 AM
With summer here I have a total of 9 kids..most all my dck have siblings.. the ages of my kids are 6 weeks, 9 mos, 19 mos, 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9.

Mornings the earliest comes around 7:15(the 9mos old and his brother)the last to arrive is usually around 9:30..

We do breakfast around 8ish..play outside, then snack around 10:30ish, lunch around 12:30ish then nap..after naps back outside or color, crafts etc.

I should also mention I have 16 year old twins who take the big kids to the park most of the days(they do picnic lunches there)so they are not real loud and too distracting to my younger ones.

The 9mos old schedule is his first bottle at 530 at home, eats some breakfast w us then another bottle around 9, playtime..he sometimes will be ok if in the family room with the other kids as long as he doesn't see or hear me. 1130 lunch and a bottle then down for a nap.. I have tried earlier naps..he won't do it. Then he is up around the time my other kids are going down and keeping him happy and not screaming to wake my others up is tough. He does have his own room with pnp. He then will take another bottle later in the day and small nap around 3ish. On top of dealing with him I should also mention we have a 4 year old daughter with pdd/Aspergers who on her own is a handful most days. I hate to say this but I feel a bit like a failure because I am letting this little one stress me out. I can handle fussiness and all but this just seems to be an unhappy baby and I don't know why. I don't think I held him too much when he was little or gave him too much attention(is that even possible) but I am just not sure what the problem is.

cheerfuldom
07-08-2011, 12:18 PM
my guess is that he just really, really wants what he wants and wants what he probably gets at home (lots of attention and catering). I would stop catering to him, put him on a schedule that works with what you want, make him CIO and if he doesn't improve at all in two works, term.

Unregistered
07-08-2011, 12:30 PM
I have a 9-month-old and she'd be a bear without her morning nap so I can see why this boy is cranky. I like to make sure my daughter gets one decent nap in the morning and one in the afternoon. Generally she goes 2-3 hours between sleeping. Sometimes when she's at daycare she does go longer, unfortunately. If he is getting up at home at 5:30 I'd try putting him down for a nap at 8:30 or 9. I know you say you've tried, I just see sleep/lack thereof as the core issue here.

MyAngels
07-08-2011, 12:55 PM
The only tried and true way to fix this is:

1. A healthy diet.

2. Uninterupted deep sleep.

3. Lot's of floor time/exercise with quality toys in a safe, protected space.

4. Limited time in infant restraints or being held.

5. A consistent daily routine.

I wish I had a quick fix for you, this is just one of those constant/ongoing type of issues. ;)

I agree with this, particularly the consistent daily routine. Personally, I would not terminate. He's already 9 months old and it's been my experience that he will most likely outgrow this behavior once he's a bit older and more independent.

Good luck, I know it's not easy on the nerves!

Cat Herder
07-08-2011, 01:28 PM
With summer here I have a total of 9 kids..most all my dck have siblings.. the ages of my kids are 6 weeks, 9 mos, 19 mos, 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9.

Mornings the earliest comes around 7:15(the 9mos old and his brother)the last to arrive is usually around 9:30..

We do breakfast around 8ish..play outside, then snack around 10:30ish, lunch around 12:30ish then nap..after naps back outside or color, crafts etc.

I should also mention I have 16 year old twins who take the big kids to the park most of the days(they do picnic lunches there)so they are not real loud and too distracting to my younger ones.

The 9mos old schedule is his first bottle at 530 at home, eats some breakfast w us then another bottle around 9, playtime..he sometimes will be ok if in the family room with the other kids as long as he doesn't see or hear me. 1130 lunch and a bottle then down for a nap.. I have tried earlier naps..he won't do it. Then he is up around the time my other kids are going down and keeping him happy and not screaming to wake my others up is tough. He does have his own room with pnp. He then will take another bottle later in the day and small nap around 3ish. On top of dealing with him I should also mention we have a 4 year old daughter with pdd/Aspergers who on her own is a handful most days. I hate to say this but I feel a bit like a failure because I am letting this little one stress me out. I can handle fussiness and all but this just seems to be an unhappy baby and I don't know why. I don't think I held him too much when he was little or gave him too much attention(is that even possible) but I am just not sure what the problem is.

Wow. :eek:

Yeah, you have your hands full. So 9 DCK's plus your 3? And special needs? I don't know how you do it...:ouch:

Honestly I don't know how to answer... I can only have 6 under 12 years of age, including my own, so have never had to juggle that many. :o I also do not do that big of age differences.

I know there are folks here who have large, mixed age groups.... Maybe they can pipe in with something more relevant to your particular situation.

PeanutsGalore
07-08-2011, 02:25 PM
Hi I have been talking care of kids for over 20 years and this year I have a challenge of a baby. I have had him since he was 8 weeks old and his older brother the last 2 years. He is always fussy, I can't be out of his sight, doesn't just fuss..he screams.. I am so frazzled at the end of the day and the stress of this one is wearing me out and it disrupts my other kids too. My husband works with me and I just recently had my friend come work 2x a week with me to give me a bit of a break. I have never had this happen to where it is 8-9 hours a day of an unhappy kid. He also only naps 2x a day and if I am lucky 30 min at a time. I don't want to term him and his 4 year old brother(who is a bit sassy now and then but nothing too bad). I know the mom totally caters to both of them and the older is a terror to her the minute she walks in the door(telling her to put his shoes on when he can do it, go find his cup, stuff like that) but overall I really do love them and want to not quit..oh and she is pg with her 3rd. I am just a bit at wits end a little frustrated..ok a lot. I have talked to her about it but she tells me he is not that way at home which I do find hard to believe. Do I hope he outgrows this soon or just accept the fact he is extremely demanding.

He's probably "not that way at home" because he's catered to at home. Or mom is just used to it and doesn't see it as a problem, or even realize that he's too clingy.

I'd take Catherder's suggestions and put a time limit on it. If it doesnt' work out well in a week, or 2 weeks, or a month or two (or however long you're willing to deal with it) you might have to term. Term, or just get used to being stressed! Do you really want to watch a baby who screams when you walk out of sight for a few seconds? It really sounds like the issue is stemming from home (in combination with him just going through different developmental phases), in which case, he'll be a tough nut to crack.

Meyou
07-08-2011, 02:43 PM
Have you tried a really early nap? If he up at 5:30 he could be exhausted by 8am at 9 months. My 12 month old dcg is up at 6:30, gets here at 7:30 and is DONE by 9am at the latest. She's normally back to bed for an hour snooze by 8:30am. Then she naps at 1 with the rest of the kids again.