PDA

View Full Version : Why..........


sharlan
07-11-2011, 06:23 PM
.............do we need to be spied on?

http://moneywatch.bnet.com/saving-money/blog/family-finance/five-ways-to-spy-on-your-day-care-provider/2115/?tag=content;col1

Just ask me what's going on and I will tell you.

PitterPatter
07-11-2011, 06:28 PM
.............do we need to be spied on?

http://moneywatch.bnet.com/saving-money/blog/family-finance/five-ways-to-spy-on-your-day-care-provider/2115/?tag=content;col1

Just ask me what's going on and I will tell you.

OK asking... who, what, why..?

GotKids
07-11-2011, 06:31 PM
Childcare is scary. I tell my prospective parents to do this with any provider they choose. It helps them understand I have nothing to hide any other provider the chose shouldn't either.

PolarCare
07-11-2011, 06:33 PM
Of course you should talk to other parents whose children are also with your provider.

Of course you should know the state laws, etc. More importantly you should know what YOUR standard is for YOUR child, and if that can't be had at a center, you need to hire a nanny.

As far as stopping by unannounced, go for it! But you aren't going to be admitted into an area where your unannounced presence will be disruptive, and depending on what time you decide to do your little drop in, we may not even be here! Many of our activities are unannounced and contingent on the weather on any given day.

I completely understand a parent wanting to know what's going on at any given time. However if they don't trust me, they should NEVER leave their child with me in the first place. It doesn't "keep me on my toes" because I think a parent might drop by unexpectedly. I am on my toes at all times because that's MY standard for MY children. If for whatever reason, I am not able to be up to par one day, I AM CLOSED! Randomly dropping in despite being provided with a clear outline of dropoff and pickup times just demonstrates a clear disregard for my schedule and no appreciation for the fact that this is time that I should be engaging the child, not the parent.

familyschoolcare
07-11-2011, 06:34 PM
Just ask me what's going on and I will tell you.

I agree I have nothing to hide....

However, not every day care has nothing to hide.

I once worked as an asstant for a family day care and she dif. acted diferent at drop off/pick up time and when any one visited. :mad::mad:

When I opened my day care I promised myself I would not act different just because someone was in the house. :)

PolarCare
07-11-2011, 06:41 PM
However, as a parent, I would be uncomfortable if another parent, possibly one I didn't know, was "observing" the class that my child was enrolled in while I wasn't there, without my consent. If it's during a time when the provider has time to watch what that person is doing, that's one thing, but my experience is that people like to drop in when someone is busy or distracted, like on their lunch break.

I'd be pretty peeved if my DCP turned their back on my kid with an unknown adult. And not every provider runs checks on their parents the way they should. Just because someone has children doesn't mean that person is someone I want anywhere in the vicinity of my kids in my care or someone else's.

PitterPatter
07-11-2011, 06:46 PM
I agree I have nothing to hide....

However, not every day care has nothing to hide.

I once worked as an asstant for a family day care and she dif. acted diferent at drop off/pick up time and when any one visited. :mad::mad:

When I opened my day care I promised myself I would not act different just because someone was in the house. :)

ITA with this! My sister was in a daycare when she was young and the woman was cruel. In ways off the top of my head the kids were not allow to have any drink until the whole meal was gone. Sis said she had a hard time swallowing certain foods but still wasnt allowed a drink. The kids were to sit on the couch from the time they came until pick up. The kids in diapers all got checked and changed at the same time, every few hours. If they pooed they waited. They were only allowed outisde or to get down and play if someone vistited (to make it look good). AND this provider was a state licensed provider paid for by the state for most of her clients. She is shut down now but only after 10 more years of that abuse towards kids. I guess the kids grew up and started talking! When I became state certified I promised no child woul be treated with such disrespect and cruelty in MY daycare! I admitt I even let too much go but it's better than the opposite.

Zoe
07-11-2011, 06:48 PM
I once had a childcare provider who was just the nicest lady in the world. I loved her so much so I thought it odd when my DD who was 18 months at the time said one day, "_______ hit me". Honestly, I brushed it off.

Then one day much later I picked up my 2 kids earlier than expected and I walked into the house to find her hitting my 12 month old DS. :mad:

Ever since then I've kept that in mind when I watch other people's children. I want the parents to see that who I am with the kids is the same person they see at drop off and pick up. There's no acting here. This lady clearly was stressed out and was hiding it. I wish she had talked to me. I let parents know if there is an issue, I don't keep it all inside. I am in full support of thoroughly researching and making informed decisions of your childcare provider.

Unregistered
07-11-2011, 07:22 PM
Honestly, when you can't see, you can't be there when a provider is alone with the kids, and especially when they can't tell you yet?

sharlan
07-11-2011, 08:38 PM
My issue was with the word "spying".

I've never had an issue with parents coming and going at various times. I've loved having parents join us on our outings - beach, water park, zoo, Disneyland, Knott's Berry Farm, parks for picnics. I had 2 different families that had keys to my house. One of my former families still has a key to my house, plus the door code.

Parents need to talk to their children every single day about what happened at daycare. If something sounds out of whack, they need to discuss it with the provider. Parents of infants really need to watch the body language of the providers and the baby.

There are a lot of providers out there who have no business watching other people's kids. They need to be weeded out.

I just don't believe that parents need to sneak around and spy.

GretasLittleFriends
07-11-2011, 09:33 PM
]My issue was with the word "spying".
[/B]
I've never had an issue with parents coming and going at various times. I've loved having parents join us on our outings - beach, water park, zoo, Disneyland, Knott's Berry Farm, parks for picnics. I had 2 different families that had keys to my house. One of my former families still has a key to my house, plus the door code.

Parents need to talk to their children every single day about what happened at daycare. If something sounds out of whack, they need to discuss it with the provider. Parents of infants really need to watch the body language of the providers and the baby.

There are a lot of providers out there who have no business watching other people's kids. They need to be weeded out.

I just don't believe that parents need to sneak around and spy.

Reading the article I would say, overall, I have to agree with it. Any parent's #1 priority should be to ensure the person caring for their child is capable of doing so. However, it sounds like it is directed much more towards centers as opposed to in-homes.

I can to a degree understand the sneaking to spy. Would you rather have a parent tell you "I came at 2p today instead of my regular 5p pickup time to check up on you and see how you interact/react because I'm nervous leaving the apple of my eye with you" ? While I think we would (deep down) all perhaps appreciate the honesty we would initially feel hurt because the parent doesn't trust us. This could cause a lot of unneeded conflict while parent is getting over their personal problems (fear, guilt, etc) of leaving little Johnny at daycare.

Most people have that radar/red-flag judgment, though some people don't or don't realize what it is and don't listen to it. For those people I think these steps are particularly important.

I have a dcm right now that I don't think trusts me 100%, but it's her first child, and really she doesn't seem to trust anyone, including her own mom. I'm ok with that because I know that she only wants whats best for her child and is making sure her child is well taken care of when she can't be there to do it herself. Sometimes (but only sometimes) I wish parents were more like her. Other times I'm thankful they're not. :lol:

mom2many
07-11-2011, 09:51 PM
"Spying" has such a negative connotation to it. As a provider, I want the parents to trust me and be reassured that I am providing quality care to their child.
I am aware that like any profession, there are people providing childcare for the wrong reasons and it's difficult knowing that there are individuals, who have experienced some horrible circumstances in a daycare setting... that is extremely unfortunate and gives me all the more reason to keep doing what I love and continue to do the very best I can!

sharlan
07-11-2011, 10:00 PM
I've had parents come to me and say, "I'm not comfortable with you taking Johnny to the beach." "Ok, I do understand. Why don't you join us on our next outing and see how we do things? If you're still not comfortable, then we'll make other arrangements for him."

I've never had a problem with parents in my home. You want to spend time watching your child play with the other kids, not a problem. You have a few extra minutes and want to help get breakfast on the table, not a problem. I don't have a problem with my parents chatting with each other.

I am very open to discussions with my parents. My own daughters suffered over 2 years of abuse at the hands of providers because of me not asking questions, not asking my girls to elaborate when they said something, not seeing things that I should have. I have to live with that.

I tell my parents from the beginning that my girls were abused and neglected and I do not want that happening in my home. Talk to your child, ask about their day. If you don't feel something is right, please tell me right away. I am also upfront that if your child is not happy in my home, then please, for your child's sake, find another provider for them. The dynamics of my home may not be right for them.

I have never been offended by a parent questioning their child's day. I'm not offended when my own daughters tell me that they didn't like how I handled something.

I do have a problem with being spied on.

wdmmom
07-12-2011, 07:40 AM
I don't have anything to hide but I also don't allow unannounced visits. If you are coming early, I require at least 15 minutes. This allows me just enough time to get your child cleaned up, changed, shoes on, etc. I stopped doing departures during nap time too. If you are dropping in unannounced, be prepared to take your child with you. I only do 1 admission and 1 departure per child per day unless there is an appointment made and I have approved the return ahead of time.

If your child is going to be late/early, I require a 1 hour notice or it's a $10 convenience fee which is applied on top of your daily rate.

I don't do different drop off and pick ups unless your job is in retail and your schedule varies. I also require the schedule at minimum on Friday for the upcoming week. It's way too much of a restraint to the other children and the activities we do.

I do however allow parents to meet with me 3-4 times if necessary before starting and I do provide them with a tour of where their child will spend the majority of their day, where they will sleep, I allow them to see the backyard, etc. I provide them with a schedule of how our day is normally run, the activities we do and I do supply references if they ask. I also tell them that the daycare has a Facebook page that is updated every so often, that pictures are uploaded so they can see what we do, I provide them with a month's lunch menu, they are given my cell and my home number as well as my email. They know that they can reach me anytime throughout the day to see how their child is doing.

:)

JenNJ
07-12-2011, 07:50 AM
Parents can peer in my windows, stop by unannounced, or stand outside the back gate and listen all day if they choose. BUT, if you come here during dc hours, you can't stay and you must take your child/ren home with you. I don't allow unauthorized adults hanging around my dc kids EVER and I don't want the chaos of adding another adult to the mix.

I want parents to ask questions and I want them to be 100% comfortable. If they aren't, they need to figure out a new situation for their child. No hard feelings, not every situation is the best for every child.

Meeko
07-12-2011, 09:17 AM
Sad article. While parents should be involved and vigilant...articles like this are just written to raise paranoia and make waves.

If a parent is THAT uncomfortable with their day care situation...to the point that they have to spy....they need to hire a nanny and put a nanny-cam in every room and watch it 24/7. A group setting is not for their child. It is hard for parents to understand that their child is NOT more important than any of the other kids in care.

The part about showing up at all different hours to "keep the provider on her toes" is just plain rude. We have schedules and plans to make. Meals to prepare...and we need to know how many we need to prepare FOR!! I bet the same paranoid parent would be upset if they showed up to find the provider had gone to the park etc.

And do these parents realize how hard it is on their kids to drop them off at day care, then show up again...only in essence to tell the child "just kidding! I'm not here to take you home with me!" and walk off again, leaving an upset child for the provider to contend with (and often at nap time when they wake everyone else up...ggrrr!) It's honestly sadistic in my mind. So I agree with the providers who say come any time...but take your child with you when you leave.

And then, once again, we come back to the issue of adults being around children who are not theirs. Most of you know how I feel on this subject and what I was faced with a while back. If you don't, then look up my past threads and see why I will NEVER allow parents to hang out at the day care.

Can you imagine the chaos if every parent decided to hang out at day care at any time of the day as much as they pleased? I am not running a social club. I have a job to do and I can't do it if I am babysitting parents.

I carry liability insurance. But I shudder to think what would have happened if "sex offender dad" (see my other posts) had managed to touch one of my other day care girls and her parents had sued me. I WELCOMED the guy into my home! I thought I was following guidelines!

Never, ever again. There will always be articles out there like this. There will always be parents who spend their entire time at work in panic mode because a shock-jock author tells them their kid is in mortal danger if they don't spy on their provider.

I just try and weed out those kind of people and enjoy a partnership with parents who trust me and know that I share in their concern for their little one.

I just don't have the time or the inclination to deal with Mr. and Mrs Paranoid.

nannyde
07-12-2011, 09:54 AM
You can bet that caregivers are on their best behavior during parent tours.

Yes this is an issue that goes both ways. Parents are on their best behavior and so are providers. Providers can't tell from the interview whether the parent is going to come on time, pick up on time, dope their kid with fever reducing medicine before day care and bring them with a known illness, bounce a check, bring fleas or headlice into the building, abuse the kid before day care and bring us a kid that has been harmed.... etc. etc.

We can't tell if today is the day that we are going to allow in a parent that will end up putting us at risk, taking away everything we have worked our whole lives for, or ruining our career in one single day.

That risk goes both ways.


If you really want to know what’s going on during typical working hours, you’ll have to show up at random times of the day. Since you don’t want to day care director to think that you don’t trust her or her staff, you’ll need to come up with a good excuse for your visits. My favorite is saying that you forgot to pack your son’s lunch.

And when you lie to your provider about your intent she will know you are lying to her. She's heard that excuse a hundred times before with the same facial expression, same diversion of the eyes, same body language. So when you say that... thinking you are the first one to ever be so clever... remember that provider will see thru your ruse because you are the hundredth person to come up with those words and you look identical to the ones who lied before you.


Even if you’re feeling stretched thin, make it a point to become friendly with the other families at the day care center. First, this allows you to be in on the gossip and you could discover that other parents have a legitimate gripe.

And be cautious about how you would possibly KNOW if a gripe was legitimate or not since you are very new to the parenting game and even newer to the group care game. What one parent considers a legitimate gripe may actually be the result of the poor behavior of the other parent.

If you think there is power in numbers... that teaming up with other parents will advance your will.. think twice. If you make someone else's business your business we won't do business with you any more.


My daughter’s first school went so far as to shift kids between rooms during the day so no one knew how many kids were ever present.

You perceived it as a way to make sure no one knew how many kids were ever present but it may have actually been a way to maintain ratios and keep staffing (the biggest expense in a center) down to keep your fees down.

Unregistered
07-12-2011, 12:03 PM
Reading the article I would say, overall, I have to agree with it. Any parent's #1 priority should be to ensure the person caring for their child is capable of doing so. However, it sounds like it is directed much more towards centers as opposed to in-homes.

I can to a degree understand the sneaking to spy. Would you rather have a parent tell you "I came at 2p today instead of my regular 5p pickup time to check up on you and see how you interact/react because I'm nervous leaving the apple of my eye with you" ? While I think we would (deep down) all perhaps appreciate the honesty we would initially feel hurt because the parent doesn't trust us. This could cause a lot of unneeded conflict while parent is getting over their personal problems (fear, guilt, etc) of leaving little Johnny at daycare.

Most people have that radar/red-flag judgment, though some people don't or don't realize what it is and don't listen to it. For those people I think these steps are particularly important.

I have a dcm right now that I don't think trusts me 100%, but it's her first child, and really she doesn't seem to trust anyone, including her own mom. I'm ok with that because I know that she only wants whats best for her child and is making sure her child is well taken care of when she can't be there to do it herself. Sometimes (but only sometimes) I wish parents were more like her. Other times I'm thankful they're not. :lol:

I regularly changed my drop off and pick up times on purpose and witnessed improper things that I promptly brought to the director's attention.

I've showed up unannounced and the director already called the classroom teacher on the phone to warn her before I'd gotten there. I still wonder what she was covering up that time. One daycare center didn't allow unannounced visits during the day which violated state regulations. I found out why they didn't allow it. They were lying to parents about the curiculum they were offering - they were only doing a small fraction of what was being printed off and given to parents as weekly curriculums. I made it a point of showing up several times unannounced anyway and found this out - every time they didn't do the curriculum that was posted that day.

Daycares might chaulk it up as gossip, but I've been able to verify everything that came my way via gossip. You'd be surprised how good older kids memories are. I just love that innocent honesty. And it helped me avoid many conflicts over the years and avoid certain daycares.

Published licensing rules are a great thing. I caught several things at a newly opened center we attended. The center chose to term us, not because of my child, but because I asked too many questions. Have that one in writing! I should frame it! Love it! Verbally, the director claimed that they were just fine and I had no right to question them ever because other parents didn't. Well, everything I brought up got caught by licensing, so I guess they weren't doing things the legal way after all.