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countrymom
07-13-2011, 09:32 AM
I just can't believe how many parents don't care about the way their kids speak. I mean, I have a 4 yr old who seriously needs speech really bad and he's going to school in september (its called junior kindy or preschool) I have another one who talks I kid you not, like a robot. It drives me nuts. I hate the fact that they pass the buck onto the teachers, like they have nothing else to do either.

Zoe
07-13-2011, 09:36 AM
When in reality the child would be so much better off and struggle less with early intervention! My DS3 just got evaluated for his speech because he has some troubles with his front sounds (b, p, f) and subs them for back sounds (g, k). Thankfully the speech therapist found that it's not a large developmental issue to warrant future eval, but she will be checking in every three months.

I don't get it either! Don't the parents realize that they might have to do MORE work if they let it go on!?

daycare
07-13-2011, 09:41 AM
I am with you guys on this... Not only speech, but other things.. I have one child who is obviously ADHD. but the mom won't do anything about getting him help because she does not want her child to be labeled!!

I know know one wants their child to be labeled, but by not getting them the help that they need is only hurting them not helping them... All so they don't have to face hearing the words that their child is different or needs help.

I just don't get it either.....It's not like you are going to love your child any differently....

nannyde
07-13-2011, 11:12 AM
http://daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16116&highlight=pond

Absolutely! I would never start offering my opinions about any suspected medical diagnosis. It's hard enough telling her the older one had a time out for slamming someone with a toy! I only talk to her about what her children are doing, and sometimes she seems offended by that. Peoples kids are always a touchy subject.
You have a couple of competing issues when trying to talk to parents about problems with their kids.

The most common one is that most parents view their children as advanced and smart. I've had kids who were significantly delayed and had multiple pervasive develpmental delays and had their parents insist that they were very smart or gifted. I've had kids who were borderline retarded and had to sit across the couch and listen to their parents telling me they were VERY smart.

When you start talking about development and "smarts" the parents first reeaction is to defend their currrent thinking. They often don't give that up until they are in the "big pond" of school where their kid is surrounded by age mates and the adults don't loose a penny of their income if they insist on the truth being told. Once the teachers start telling the parents the truth then bit by bit they change their thinking to that their child is "average" or "normal". Then when they get signficantly behind and the normal course of teaching and learning do not net MEASURABLE things like reading, math, etc. THEN and only THEN do the parents start coming to Jesus about the true skill set and issues with the kid.

The second thing you are fighting against is the NO that comes with telling them their kid is acting badly. The parent wants to pick the kid up and not have to deal with anything. They don't want to change what they are doing at home unless that change means that they are going to have an easier deal. If the change means something that is hard and a bunch of work then you telling them it needs to happen is the same as saying NO to them. They want a YES.

If you tell them that their kid is having significant problems you will most likely be met with "he doesn't do that at home so it has to be you and your house". That's the big YES they need to get out of facing reality and dealing with it. Believe me you... they will go to the YES most of the time.

Now sometimes you get realistic parents who really want the truth and want their kid to be good at your house. They are usually the parents who are parenting their kids and make them mind. If they mind at home they will most likely mind at day care so those parents aren't ones you have to talk to in the first place.

So it's not so much that parents are "touchy" about their kids.. it's more that they don't want to deal with whatever you are selling and they have a preconceived notion that not only is their kid perfectly normal but truth be told they are smarter than most if not the smartest. They don't want you to disassemble that idea.

If you insist they most often will just leave and go somewhere where they don't have to be challenged. They will keep doing that until they have NO choice which is in early childhood care situations when the child is violent and in elementary schools when the child is easily compared to age mates and the adults caring for their child don't loose any money when they tell the truth and expect action.

countrymom
07-13-2011, 11:33 AM
my own dd had speech issues and I tell parents its nothing to be embarressed about, its amazing how many kids have speech problems and are getting help. I just don't get why they wouldn't do it now when their kids are little than wait till they are older and the kids make fun of them. I had a dad who said that because his boy walked on his toys that he hoped the kids would make fun of him so he would stop, who does that.

DCMom
07-13-2011, 11:54 AM
Kid #1: Dcb who turns 5 in late August; our school cut off is Sept 1. I won't go into detail, but this child is in NO WAY ready to start kindergarten.

Kid #2: Dcg 3.5 who has been here since September. She came from a center and I literally cannot understand her when she speaks. Mom and dad talk baby talk to her and they are just about the only ones who can understand her.

In each case I have brought up the child's issues in a broad context and let the parent ask my opinion if they are so inclined. I don't say 'Johnny is not ready for Kindergarten' or 'Susie needs a speech pathologist' . My husband calls it putting a bug in their ear, lol.

Kindy boy is still going to Kindergarten, despite them asking my opinion. They believe he is so smart he should skip to first grade and their is no changing their minds. We will see. I just hate to see a child struggle from the very beginning when waiting a year would make all the difference.

Speech girl's mom doesn't think there is any problem either. I'm hoping preschool screening will catch it.

All we can do is gently suggest our concerns, if they don't believe that there is a problem there is not much we can do about it except know that we tried.

cheerfuldom
07-13-2011, 12:00 PM
Suggestions only, you'll know if they are not open to it or not. I had one like this and I knew without a doubt that the little girl was "off" in some way (I had her since she was a newborn). Mom finally took her to be evaluated when the ped. insisted on it (she ignored me) because she was not even standing independently at 18 months old and no words at all. Now she is almost 2 and doing SOOOO well in therapy. Totally different kid and I am so excited for the change.

nannyde
07-13-2011, 02:39 PM
They believe he is so smart he should skip to first grade and their is no changing their minds.

That's it right there.

:(

You can't even talk about normal because normal isn't good enough. What a shock it's going to be when they have that first conference at school and they are sitting across the table from the teacher, the special ed staff, and the resource teachers telling them that the child is profoundly delayed.

It's July now... come the end of October they are going to have to go from he's gifted to he's got serious defecits. That's just three months away.

When the school staff hits them with the compliment sandwhich they are going to be so confused. They will give them reasons for his delay and his young age at entry to kindy will be at the top of the list.

The parents will step it down to "he's normal" for a young kindy kid.

By the end of kindy they will START to have a hint.

It will be the middle of first grade before they will be truly wishing they had a NORMAL child. The idea that he was gifted will be dismantled completely by then.

You... your opinion... your projection... your suggestions...

All of that will be completely gone from their brain by the time it REALLY hits and there is no way out of the truth.

This is why providers don't tell the truth. It doesn't do any good and it puts their money at risk.

daycare
07-13-2011, 02:54 PM
That's it right there.

:(

You can't even talk about normal because normal isn't good enough. What a shock it's going to be when they have that first conference at school and they are sitting across the table from the teacher, the special ed staff, and the resource teachers telling them that the child is profoundly delayed.

It's July now... come the end of October they are going to have to go from he's gifted to he's got serious defecits. That's just three months away.

When the school staff hits them with the compliment sandwhich they are going to be so confused. They will give them reasons for his delay and his young age at entry to kindy will be at the top of the list.

The parents will step it down to "he's normal" for a young kindy kid.

By the end of kindy they will START to have a hint.

It will be the middle of first grade before they will be truly wishing they had a NORMAL child. The idea that he was gifted will be dismantled completely by then.

You... your opinion... your projection... your suggestions...

All of that will be completely gone from their brain by the time it REALLY hits and there is no way out of the truth.

This is why providers don't tell the truth. It doesn't do any good and it puts their money at risk.
as always you make really good valid points.. It so hard for us providers to do NOTHING when we see something wrong. It's our nature as a provider. But in reality NOTHING is what we should do. Parents don't want to hear anything negative from us in any way. Well most of them don't. Sometimes we have no choice but to tell parnets things, but when it comes to us telling a parent that their child is behind, they just look at us and think you are just a DCP how would you know.. Regardless of our education or years of experience, I think parents still look at us this way.

I know it's hard, but I have been learning that the only thing I do any more is teach the child what I feel is best and just love them. I don't try to cure them, help them out of a situation, or try to tell parents that their little johnny needs an eval. My job is to weed out the trouble makers, keep safe, happy healthy children in my care and just get keep everyone happy until they leave for kindergarten. I am tired of trying to do more than my job calls for only to be slapped in the face.

So as nanny said we can't tell the truth anymore, just love and accept the kids the way they are and let the parents make all the decisions for their little ones right or wrong. I wish it wasn't this way, but it is............ does make me sad

DCMom
07-13-2011, 03:08 PM
Nan, I completely understand what you are saying.

But...there is that 'mom' part of me that at least needs to try, you know? I would want someone to tell me if they thought something was a concern when it comes to my child. Especially if it was someone who spent 10+ hours a day with them ~ wouldn't you trust them enough to put some value on their opinion or thoughts?

In a perfect world I guess :(

nannyde
07-13-2011, 03:46 PM
Nan, I completely understand what you are saying.

But...there is that 'mom' part of me that at least needs to try, you know? I would want someone to tell me if they thought something was a concern when it comes to my child. Especially if it was someone who spent 10+ hours a day with them ~ wouldn't you trust them enough to put some value on their opinion or thoughts?

In a perfect world I guess :(

Well it depends.

If you get blessed with a gifted advanced kid it's free. Nothing you HAVE to do.... cept maybe find the perfect school or the provider who will recognize and feed the exceptional.

Having a child with severe physical, emotional, educational delays or behavior issues then you get locked into some serious work, time, and often money. Once you have a team of people who ARE qualified to diagnose and set a TREATMENT PLAN... then there's no "words" or "feelings" about what has to be done. There's an accountability that takes a heck of a lot of work.

It's WAY easier to just wave the gifted wand and set the day to day dealing of the kid onto those so fortunate to have come his way.

It's a blessing to be able to potty train that gifted kid a year before the others.

It's a good "go to" to excuse the extreme behavior that is just because he's so darn smart.

Being bored and unchallenged is a pretty good reason to do MORE school.

There's a lot of value in having the brilliant one up during nap so he can have that one to one time he needs because he's peerless in the group of mere normal kids. He needs some more adult.

There's a price to managing his "gift". There's expectations on the PROVIDER if she only understood. It comes up in nearly every care related task and hour to hour of their care in your home.

So when the parent is coming from THAT point of view... how receptive are they going to be to hearing the OPPOSITE and being on the receiving end of "tag your're it".

There's a reason why we have SO many exceptional and gifted kids from infants to five year olds. You have to ask yourself WHY this is SO common. There has to be a payday in it... not just bragging rights or a confirmation of an excellent genetic pool the parent has brought into this world.

There's a REAL reason WHY parents don't want to hear our opinion and our truth. They loose the lottery and gain the work and accountability. Many... most don't want that. They want the easy button of just SAYING and thinking they win... they won... It's SO much easier than dealing with therapist, doctors, care plans, medication, MONEY, and true WORK to make it better and or fix it.

I think it's a pretty serious problem. When you start seeing this parental thinking with really young infants on and in the majority of the parents... you got a problem.