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View Full Version : A Technique Straight From Nannyde!


cheerfuldom
07-14-2011, 03:07 PM
I talked to nannyde on Monday and she gave me a couple of great techniques. This one has been excellent for us and I can't imagine that other providers don't have the same issue. Okay so when my DH comes home, my two girls (and sometimes the DC kids!) will run to the door and overwhelm him right there with "hi's" and "look at this" and that sort of attention. Its just too much and has gotten to the point where my two girls do this to everyone that comes to the door, basically rushing to the door and acting rowdy for attention. They aren't doing anything "bad" necessarily but I did think they needed to know how to calm down when people come over and greet visitors appropriately. Imagine how puppies run to the door and jump on people when the doorbell rings, that sort of thing. Okay so per nannyde, my DH comes in and greets me first, then he gives an instruction to the girls and then he takes off his shoes and gets settled and THEN they come over for a hello hug and whatnot. The instruction we decided on is for the girls to go sit on the couch and wait for my DH to call them over to say hi. The first day my older was so confused and thought she was being punished. The second day, they did it but were still confused but not upset. The fourth day (today) my older sees my DH pull up in front of the house and she runs to the couch to wait for him, no instructions needed. YAY! problem solved and this is the new rule for anytime visitors come over as well. Thank you nannyde! Still working on the other techniques and will keep you updated!

For those of you who are wondering, nanny said its important for the authority figures in the house to greet each other first and for the new one entering (daddy in this case) to immediately give an instruction to be followed that reminds the kids that he is in charge. Daddy was super hesitant to do this technique because he thought it was mean and felt bad saying no when the girls just wanted a hug. However, he tried it and loves it.

Michael
07-14-2011, 03:11 PM
Nice job! :)

You can read Nannyde's Daycare.com blog here: www.Daycare.com/nannyde (http://www.Daycare.com/nannyde)

Crazy8
07-14-2011, 03:18 PM
interesting concept, not one I'd want to implement here though. In our house DH is happy when the kids are excited for him to be home. They outgrow that stage and become too old/too cool to be excited to see daddy soon enough - he's enjoying it while he still has it. But we don't have the issue with others coming in the house, that would probably annoy me but my kids always seemed to understand the difference.

Glad it is working for you though!!!

cheerfuldom
07-14-2011, 03:23 PM
I see what you are saying, we just needed to reign in the "excitement" over here. And we aren't saying that they cannot say hi and show him stuff, just that they need to do it under our terms versus a free for all.

nannyde
07-14-2011, 04:07 PM
Ahhh simple fixes... lord I love em ;)

Cat Herder
07-14-2011, 04:18 PM
This technique is tried and true...and in my house was lifesaving. With parents who work in the emergency/medical field this technique saves lives. Not every provider of medical services has the ability to shower/decon at work.

Adults are exposed to many things outside of the home and inadvertently bring it home to the kids, occasionally with deadly consequences. Without kids knowing they have to wait until the parent is ready for a visit it could be very dangerous for them.

Last year DH got home from work, laundered his uniform, showered, had dinner, played with the kids and was with me on the couch watching a movie when we got a call...he had been exposed to bacterial meningitis. :eek: The patient had just died, test result came back.

Had he not followed his usual routine, we could have all been exposed and required all the mandatory testing/follow-up. Dh had to do a rough course of anti-biotics.

Granted it is an extreme example...just think how many Dads work in landscaping, auto, pest control, chemical and machinery trades...the kids are being exposed to those toxins as well. :cool: It is just a really good routine to have...

JenNJ
07-14-2011, 05:11 PM
Not something I would want here either. The best part of my day is seeing their faces light up when he pulls in the driveway. Like PP said, they are only excited about mom and dad for a short period of time. I wouldn't want to squash that innocent excitement and unbridled joy for the sake of order for a few minutes each evening.

nannyde
07-14-2011, 05:30 PM
Not something I would want here either. The best part of my day is seeing their faces light up when he pulls in the driveway. Like PP said, they are only excited about mom and dad for a short period of time. I wouldn't want to squash that innocent excitement and unbridled joy for the sake of order for a few minutes each evening.

Yes if they can have the unbridled joy a few minutes for their one Daddy.

It's when it is with everyone who walks thru the door and it lasts for many minutes that it needs to be dealt with differently.

This is a very very common issue with home day care. It's a simple fix that takes just a minute and keeps everyone steady and the energy calm.

dEHmom
07-15-2011, 07:56 AM
I don't have a problem with the kids being excited to see someone and want to give hugs. But I have 3 kids of my own, and 2 dogs, that all want IMMEDIATE attention hugs kisses, jump up in peoples arms, etc. It's complete chaos when someone comes for a visit. Including one of my dcd's. My kids love him to pieces because he will always stop and play ball, watch them ride their bikes, throw frisby etc. He loves doing it with my kids, but kids don't understand that 3 people (4 including his son!) chatting at the same time, all dying for the attention is overwhelming.

It's difficult for me to let dcd know about dcb's day, etc, when I've got to wait for a moment when the kids calm down.

So once again, if you don't have a crowd of kids all demanding attention at the same time, it's not an issue. My kids will always run up to the gate at the kitchen/living doorway and wait for daddy to come in. But when the gate is down, or open, they charge the backdoor. The dogs get excited and then now there's kids and dogs demanding attention. It truly can be chaos.

I've explained to my kids many many times, to sit on the couch and be quiet. That they can say hi and answer any questions that people ask, but dcd/dcm doesn't need to know that dcb cried all day, or spilled a drink. I've even resorted to sending them outside, or to their rooms because they just can't seem to remember that it's my turn to talk, not theirs.

cheerfuldom
07-15-2011, 09:29 AM
Its not just the few minutes that we are needing, the technique sets up a structure for the rest of the evening. Previously they would get all hyped up when daddy came home and it could take a LONG time to reign that all in and get back in control, sometimes the transition of daddy coming home would send the kids into a rowdy excitement that lasted till bedtime. I realize this isn't for everyone but I posted to those that might find it helpful. Its not really a debate on should I or should I not do it....its more of I am doing it and it works and might work for someone else.

littlemissmuffet
07-15-2011, 09:30 AM
interesting concept, not one I'd want to implement here though. In our house DH is happy when the kids are excited for him to be home. They outgrow that stage and become too old/too cool to be excited to see daddy soon enough - he's enjoying it while he still has it. But we don't have the issue with others coming in the house, that would probably annoy me but my kids always seemed to understand the difference.

Glad it is working for you though!!!

Same here. The hubs loves having all the kids run up and line up for hugs and kisses and "how was your day"s :Sunny:

But in your case, I am happy you found some sound advice that is working :)

Meeko
07-15-2011, 10:13 AM
We make sure that the kids are in a different area when the doorbell goes. If not, we get a rush for the door and it's chaos. I know each child wants to see if it's THEIR mom, but my rule is that they do NOT interrupt at the door. I have 16 kids. NOT a number I want at the front door!

MarinaVanessa
07-15-2011, 02:56 PM
Hmm, I'm having this problem with my own DD (6yo). It's not just attention from my DH but with all of the DCP's that come in. I'm going to tell my DH and try this out also. Will this work with the DCP's too, I'm assuming that I'll have to talk to them about it so that they'll do the same and give her the instruction.

cheerfuldom
07-15-2011, 02:59 PM
I wouldn't let the DC parents give my own child an instruction, in this case I would instruct her right before the parents come in (which is what I have been doing). Am I right on that nanny?

MarinaVanessa
07-15-2011, 03:07 PM
I wouldn't let the DC parents give my own child an instruction, in this case I would instruct her right before the parents come in (which is what I have been doing). Am I right on that nanny?

I already do that but it seems that as soon as the parent walks in the door everything that I just told her flies out the window. She's either trying to talk to the DCM and jumps around excitedly or she's going back and forth between DCM and I while we are trying to talk. We can't even say hi to each other before DD is overexcited and trying to get DCP's attention. It's embarrassing to have to stop in the middle of saying hi to excuse myself and talk her down and tell her to wait her turn. I was wondering if having the parents actually be the ones to tell her would make it any easier. I go through this at least 8 times a day so in essence I am actually talking to her about it 16 times a day (before they come in and once the come in) and yes I tell her each and every time. Sometimes I have to physically remove her from the DCP's immediate vicinity, turn her to have her look at me, slowly and firmly tell her she needs to wait (while still holding her so that she doesn't just run back over to DCP's) and then physically walk her to the couch, or step, or chair and make her sit down.

nannyde
07-15-2011, 03:21 PM
I already do that but it seems that as soon as the parent walks in the door everything that I just told her flies out the window. She's either trying to talk to the DCM and jumps around excitedly or she's going back and forth between DCM and I while we are trying to talk. We can't even say hi to each other before DD is overexcited and trying to get DCP's attention. It's embarrassing to have to stop in the middle of saying hi to excuse myself and talk her down and tell her to wait her turn. I was wondering if having the parents actually be the ones to tell her would make it any easier. I go through this at least 8 times a day so in essence I am actually talking to her about it 16 times a day (before they come in and once the come in) and yes I tell her each and every time. Sometimes I have to physically remove her from the DCP's immediate vicinity, turn her to have her look at me, slowly and firmly tell her she needs to wait (while still holding her so that she doesn't just run back over to DCP's) and then physically walk her to the couch, or step, or chair and make her sit down.

It's embarrassing to have to stop in the middle of saying hi to excuse myself and talk her down and tell her to wait her turn.

So this is the money shot.

She's got you by the nads because she knows you don't want to be embarrased. That alone escalates her.

Then you have the added mistake of allowing her ANY turn.

So what you do is pick a point in your home that she goes to with EVERY arrival and departure. Have it be as physically far away from where you do them with as many doorways as you can do between you.

When a parent comes she goes to THAT spot EVERY time and doesn't get up till you come to release her.

Do not let her have ANY contact with the parents. She gets no turns.

She's telling you she can't handle the moments. It's her seeing you at a time when you are at your very very weakest. She knows this about you cuz she is YOURS and she knows every flick of your eye.. every movement of your hand... every lift in your voice.

She senses you are weak and she can't have her leader be weak. When you are weak she has to go in for the power spot.

So find something she IS to do where she won't see you during this time.

My son is eleven and he is NOT allowed to be in the same room with the daycare parents when I do arrival and departures. I have tried to allow SOME presence in the past as he ages but he's still not ready.

Do this for a month and see how she does. If she settles down then you can try to allow her in the same area while you are doing parent contact times. She will let you know within a day or two if she is ready.

Oh and about the daycare parents disciplining my kid. HAVE AT IT. Takes a village and I don't mind them joining me. The parents are so respectful of me that they wouldn't feel comfortable directing him in front of me but if they did I surely would allow it.

In my family and friends the adults discipline each others kids with NO problem. My son just took a trip with my two cousins who are my age and he acted like an angel around them. Neither of them play at all and he figured that out before we got out of Des Moines. :)

cheerfuldom
07-15-2011, 03:54 PM
I guess I wouldn't mind if the DCPs instructed my daughter but I know they won't. I have never heard any of the three current parents ever tell their kids no or give them any direction in my presence and also, they encourage what my daughter does because they have fun the one minute they are there but then they leave and I get the after math. So yes, I have been having her sit on the couch during pickups and it works well for me. My middle daughter is still working on it, she's 2 and very into testing every rule at the moment.

MarinaVanessa
07-15-2011, 04:58 PM
Yep, I'm embarrased and I have to admit, I get angry. It's a quiet, controlled anger but it's still anger. That doesn't stop me from disciplining her or talking to her but I just hate doing it over and over each and every day. I mean if I have to repeat myself a million times a day, it's not working.

Thanks Nan for the advice. I am deffinetely trying this out at home. I wish I had a bigger home. My condo is two-stories and the 1st floor is pretty much an open floor concept. No seperation walls, no doorways. The Living room, dining room and kitchen are all connected without any barriers. I can't have her go upstairs for two reasons a) it's against licensing regulations and b) I can't trust her alone up there. I'll just have her go far into the kitchen and stand where she can't see. I know she'll fight me over it, peek around the corner, whine, complain, probably cry dramatically etc. and I'll have to go in there to stop it but I hope she'll get the point. I'm wondering if I should let her do that until the DCP's leave and then handle the whining or take care of it immediately as it happens :confused:.

I'm not opposed to allowing other people disciplining my kids either. My family and DH's family are all like this as well. We all help each other out. Kids always act out in front of their parents and are angels when they are with me and away from their parents. The same goes with my DD. She actually behaves better when other people tell her to do or not do something rather than it just coming from me. If the DC parents also reinforce that she go into the kitchen I wonder if it will help. I'll try it myself today at pick-up and see how it goes. If I need to get the DCP's involved I will.

nannyde
07-15-2011, 05:36 PM
Yep, I'm embarrased and I have to admit, I get angry. It's a quiet, controlled anger but it's still anger. That doesn't stop me from disciplining her or talking to her but I just hate doing it over and over each and every day. I mean if I have to repeat myself a million times a day, it's not working.

Thanks Nan for the advice. I am deffinetely trying this out at home. I wish I had a bigger home. My condo is two-stories and the 1st floor is pretty much an open floor concept. No seperation walls, no doorways. The Living room, dining room and kitchen are all connected without any barriers. I can't have her go upstairs for two reasons a) it's against licensing regulations and b) I can't trust her alone up there. I'll just have her go far into the kitchen and stand where she can't see. I know she'll fight me over it, peek around the corner, whine, complain, probably cry dramatically etc. and I'll have to go in there to stop it but I hope she'll get the point. I'm wondering if I should let her do that until the DCP's leave and then handle the whining or take care of it immediately as it happens :confused:.

I'm not opposed to allowing other people disciplining my kids either. My family and DH's family are all like this as well. We all help each other out. Kids always act out in front of their parents and are angels when they are with me and away from their parents. The same goes with my DD. She actually behaves better when other people tell her to do or not do something rather than it just coming from me. If the DC parents also reinforce that she go into the kitchen I wonder if it will help. I'll try it myself today at pick-up and see how it goes. If I need to get the DCP's involved I will.

My son doesn't act up in front of my family or friends because they ALL will discipline him. Doesn't matter what degree of relative or friend.. we ALL discipline each others kids.

When I took my son on a twelve hour road trip to Rapid City last month we were trapped in a van with my two cousins for the trip out and all the sightseeing. He got froggy once about half way thru the trip and ended up with four adults (my dad, two cousins, and me) all giving him the stink eye simultaneously. Since we look all look like each other it must have been quite a site for the poor kid. :D

It only took ONCE and he was good to go for the rest of the trip.

If your parents will help you and not feel uncomfortable then I say give that a try too. She needs to understand that that time with the parents is IMPORTANT for the business. The parents deserve some undivided attention when they drop off and pick up. They shouldn't have to deal with my kid acting up.

I've had to charge him to his room a couple of times. Whenever I've slacked off and allowed him to "get the dog" or "go into the kitchen" he somehow weasles his way into my gig. If I let it go on next thing you know he's asking me for money to go get a slurpy right before dinner because he thinks the chances of me saying YES are higher if I"m occupied with a parent.

:mad::mad::mad::mad:

BTDT and feel for ya sister. Just stay on it and see what works. As they get older it gets harder because they get slicker so I promise it will get worse. ;)

cheerfuldom
07-15-2011, 08:03 PM
yeah my 3 year old is a pro at asking for things right when I am on the phone or at the door occupied. Little stinker.

MarinaVanessa
07-15-2011, 11:50 PM
yeah my 3 year old is a pro at asking for things right when I am on the phone or at the door occupied. Little stinker.

Ugh, don't all children?? Mine seems to think it's a great time to jump on the furniture :mad:. But I have good new!! I explained the plan to my DD before DCM came and (of course) DD was incredulous ... my DD ----> :eek:. She said I was mean and I replied with "Of course I am, I'm your mother." She apparently did not think it was funny and went on to pout and such but as soon as she heard the door she gave me one last look of utter dispair before she grabbed a little chair and hauled it off into the kitchen. She stayed there until I walked DCM out and I didn't hear a peep out of her. I checked on her and there she was, poor little DD sitting in a chair all mopey and deffinetely not happy. I told her she could come out and she dragged herself out of her chair and back into the living room. :lol::lol::lol:. She's so dramatic. I should send her to Hollywood ... but at least it worked. I havn't had a peacefull pick up like that since the last time that DD wasn't home during pick-ups.

nannyde
07-16-2011, 04:36 AM
I havn't had a peacefull pick up like that since the last time that DD wasn't home during pick-ups.

:D:D:D:D

Be careful with the chair thing. She can use that as a noise maker and a dramatic opportunity to stall on her way to her area. Best to have something she just goes to.

My son's fave is "I want the puppy". The puppy is mobile so he gets to chase the puppy and amazingly they all land at my front door. Then he gives me the "it happened TO me... I didn't DO it" look. :eek:

:mad:

Now puppy is kennled and you be gone.

dEHmom
07-18-2011, 07:39 AM
It's embarrassing to have to stop in the middle of saying hi to excuse myself and talk her down and tell her to wait her turn.

So this is the money shot.

She's got you by the nads because she knows you don't want to be embarrased. That alone escalates her.

Then you have the added mistake of allowing her ANY turn.

So what you do is pick a point in your home that she goes to with EVERY arrival and departure. Have it be as physically far away from where you do them with as many doorways as you can do between you.

When a parent comes she goes to THAT spot EVERY time and doesn't get up till you come to release her.

Do not let her have ANY contact with the parents. She gets no turns.

She's telling you she can't handle the moments. It's her seeing you at a time when you are at your very very weakest. She knows this about you cuz she is YOURS and she knows every flick of your eye.. every movement of your hand... every lift in your voice.

She senses you are weak and she can't have her leader be weak. When you are weak she has to go in for the power spot.

So find something she IS to do where she won't see you during this time.

My son is eleven and he is NOT allowed to be in the same room with the daycare parents when I do arrival and departures. I have tried to allow SOME presence in the past as he ages but he's still not ready.

Do this for a month and see how she does. If she settles down then you can try to allow her in the same area while you are doing parent contact times. She will let you know within a day or two if she is ready.

Oh and about the daycare parents disciplining my kid. HAVE AT IT. Takes a village and I don't mind them joining me. The parents are so respectful of me that they wouldn't feel comfortable directing him in front of me but if they did I surely would allow it.

In my family and friends the adults discipline each others kids with NO problem. My son just took a trip with my two cousins who are my age and he acted like an angel around them. Neither of them play at all and he figured that out before we got out of Des Moines. :)

Almost everyone we know knows that they are welcome to tell my kids to buzz off. I stopped in a small way telling my kids to buzz off when people were around because so many people contradict what I would say. ex...If my kids were saying "watch me watch me" or "come see this" or whatever it was they were doing, I would tell them to leave ________ alone, and ______ would say "oh no it's ok". Now the kids look at me and then back to the person and continue to do it. So rather than put myself in a position to be undermined, I just tell those people to tell them to get lost whenever they are done. With the 3 of my kids, it's nearly impossible to keep them all on track when people are here. So I'm definitely going to try use nanny's advice on this for when dcp's are here. I've told my kids a million times too to sit down and be good, or go play in their room. But that only lasts for 2 seconds. I have 3 kids wanting attention from dcps at any given moment, and when my back is turned, they are jumping on the couch, running on the couch, jumping from coffee table to couch, etc.