Cio

[spud912]

So my daughter of 8 months old has recently taken to eating solids and therefore is not hungry enough to nurse herself to sleep (like in the past). As a result, I am trying to train her to go to sleep on her own. For the past 2 weeks, we have been doing CIO for naps and bedtime. I've noticed slight improvements, but nothing like I would expect.

For example, last night she cried for 2 hours straight (well fed, diapered, etc). There was nothing I could have done for her and I didn't want to stay up all hours of the night rocking her, so I just let her cry. I did not realize she cried for 2 hours until my husband told me (he stayed up late and brought her to me after 2 hours). It's highly frustrating to me because I figured that she would have at least improved after 2 weeks, but I feel like we are going nowhere.

Has anyone dealt with a baby like this and is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Obviously at some point in her childhood I would expect her to improve, but I was kind of hoping it would be at some point soon.

[daysofelijah]

Poor baby. Feed her less solids and nurse her to sleep. ;) I know,not what you wanted to hear, but I could never let my own CIO. I nursed to sleep until at least 1 year old, my youngest until 2 years old. Two hours is too long for baby to CIO, imo.

If she really doesn't want to nurse, I'd rock for a while, sing lullabies, read books, then after 20-30 minutes if she is still awake lay her in her bed and sit next to her rubbing her back and singing lullabies until she falls asleep. That's what I ended up doing for my oldest when I was already pg with my second and needed to get him sleeping in his own bed. (ETA: after doing this routine for a couple weeks, you could shorten it each night and it may eventually lead to a little CIO, but expectation of sleep would be there for her now and CIO may be more successful?)

[AnneCordelia]

What is her routine? Are you 100% consistent? What 'version' of CIO do you use? Does she have a bug/earache?

I have found CIO to be very effective with my own 4 kids...working within a few days...but only when I have them on a good routine and work with perfect consistency for the first while.

[PeanutsGalore]

I feel for you, spud912. I had issues doing cio with my own child as well. I actually believed it was a horribly abusive thing to do, until I realized that it has its (very necessary) place. The first time I had to do cio with a daycare kid, I called my own mother in tears. The first and last time I let my own son cio, he worked himself up to the point of vomiting within 30 minutes, and I knew the method wouldn't work with him without causing him (and mom and dad!) significant frustration. At that point in time, he wasn't going to sleep without nursing at all, so I decided I would ask dad to take a bigger role on and start putting him to sleep a few nights a week. Now, the baby can get to sleep with anyone he trusts, and he still nurses down for naps and some evenings as well, so my next step is to try to help him learn to go to sleep on his own every once in awhile. And it's been nice to see how proud his father is to be able to put him to sleep. It took some work, but he just walks him around in complete silence and darkness either in a baby carrier, or an umbrella stroller, then transfers him to bed.

The thing that isn't freely shared about cio is that it really doesn't work consistently with every baby, or I should say, not without causing great stress to the baby and parents. Some babies will cry for hours upon hours if you let them, and some will cry for anywhere from 3 - 30 minutes. If you have one of the babies who will cry for 2 or 3 hours straight if you let them with little to no improvement over a couple of weeks time, then you might want to consider alternative methods to help them learn to sleep, or a combination of cio/alternative methods, because their temperament just doesn't take quickly to cio.

Have you read the no cry sleep solution? Some of it made me laugh out loud when I thought of trying the methods with my own son, but some of the advice is really helpful. For nursing babies who are very, very attached to mommy, sometimes the best thing is to let someone else put them to sleep.

Sorry you have a baby who doesn't take quickly to the cio method! I feel your pain, my friend. Let us know what you do, ok?

[MarinaVanessa]

My son is also 8 mo and we're going through the same thing. Well almost. My daughter has a slight allergy to milk and some dairy (get's immediately congested) and my son has recently had a bad reaction to BM. We had to cut out the BF and give soy formula.

Anyway, we started bottle feeding and he wasn't taking it well for sleep. He wanted to be on the breast to sleep. I just changed his meals to right after he woke up and took out the last baby food feeding so that he'd be hungry for a bottle feeding at night AND I had to go back to swaddling him. He HATED the swaddling and struggled the first few times but he's ok with it now and it has helped a lot. He still wakes up for a feeding in the middle of the night but he does drink a 6oz bottle so I know he's eating and not just waking up for no reason. Making you can try taking out one of her feedings or try swaddling if you don't already.

I also like Peanuts idea, I tried that too with my DH the first couple of days starting in the aftrenoon. He couldn't cry to my DH for the boobie right? lol.

Our son still co-sleeps with us in our bed and as soon as we get back from vacation we're going to try to get him to sleep in his crib (yeah right, we'll see how that goes). I plan on doing it like this:
1) put baby down in crib and walk away. If he cries I'll let him cry for 3 minutes then come back but not pick him up. I would just talk to him and soothe him then leave again. I'd repeat this but I'd wait a little longer each time before I came back. First time 3 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 7, then 10, then 12, then 15 but never over 15 minutes until he falls asleep.
2) Day 2 I do the same except I'd start at 5 minutes this time instead of 3 and go to 7, 10, 12 and finally 15.
3) Day 3 would be the same except I'd start at 7 minutes, then 10, 12 and finally 15 etc etc.
That's my plan, we will see how it goes lol. It's called the ferber method and they say it should take 3-4 days (a week tops) to get a child to go to sleep on their own but it's a nightime rourine so I wonder if it will work faster if I try it during the day for his naps too :D

[DCP&Momof3]

Consistency is definitely key! Find a routine that works and stick to it. If you end up nursing him don't let him fall asleep nursing. When you think he's had enough try to put him on your shoulder to burp him gently & rub his back so he can fall sleep and get out any gas. The trick is to put him in his crib at the point where he is already falling asleep but not completely out. He'll probably wake up the first couple of times and you can rub his back, but stay quiet & keep him in the crib. Once you're able to lay him down without a fuss you can start trying to get him into bed when he's a bit more awake each time. It usually will only take a week or so.
I didn't learn this till my 3rd child and I wish someone had shared with me sooner! I love the bonding time of rocking my kids to sleep but I didn't want to end up with the same issues getting my kids to sleep on their own, like I had with my first 2. Now my baby girl has absolutely no issues going to bed when she feels tired! It's awesome!

[Mom_of_two]

My daughters both got in the habit of nursing to sleep. They both had food issues (MSPI so I did not eat any dairy or soy for a year with both) as well.

When my first was 11 months I could not take it anymore. I waited so long because I thought she would be sad, feel abandoned etc. But I was up literally 10 times a night sometimes more. Finally I got some books and after reading chose 'The SleepEasy Solution." It is CIO with timed checks (verbally not physically) also talks about routine etc. So I moved her from our room to her crib, put 8 paci's in with her and breathable bumpers to keep them (and her limbs) in, bath, jammies and stories, prayers, hugs and a few min rocking, and laid her down awake with one soft toy. Followed book instructions. CAN'T deviate at ALL. Committed to it finally, and with in a week she slept thru the night.

I realized this was not hurting her. She DID cry the first few nights as expected. But it is my job to teach her the necessary skills. I was doing her a disservice by not helping her learn to sleep. She has since been a great sleeper! She is 4 now. Still sleeps 7-630 and naps 1-330. She noticeably started eating better/more and was happier during the day.

Did the same thing when my second turned 8 mo. Same habit, nursing to sleep. Took longer with her, they share a room, teething etc had to start over a couple times and put my older daughter in a diff room for a week, but worked in a few weeks. Now, great sleeper, same nap and sched as my other.

I was having physical symptoms. Joint pain, hair loss, anxiety from not sleeping in big chunks. It was life changing each time to finally get sleep! My whole house was much happier. I hope you find a plan you feel comfy with and commit to it- it will be worth it in a few short weeks! :)

[spud912]

Well I did transition her to her room a few months ago because I was having a hard time sleeping and thankfully once she does go to sleep she is out for the entire night.

Nap times have actually improved over the last 2 weeks and she doesn't cry for long (unless she is truly not ready for a nap, she needs more milk or a diaper change). It's the night time that is a nightmare!

The problem has always been that she is a night owl and I have the hardest time getting her to go to sleep. In the past I would end up holding her sometimes from 8:00 pm to 11:00 pm and decided I have to have that time to myself! She is tired (as evidenced by rubbing her eyes, crankiness, closing her eyes, etc) but wants to be snuggled and held during that time. Her big sister goes to sleep at 7:30 to 8:00 pm. We have a set routine in the night (dinner, walk, bath, family play time, stories in big sister's room, kiss big sister good night, then nursing on the couch with the lights dimmed), so she knows the drill.

She is a total mommy's girl though. I've had my mom try to put her to sleep when we went out a couple of times and it really did not go too well (screaming bloody murder for 1 hour). As it is, she only wants me to hold her and cries when someone else does (including my dh).

I'm hoping the other night with the 2 hour cry session was a fluke! She did seem to cry less than usual last night (only about 10 minutes or so) and then slept the whole night (8:45 pm to 7:30 am). Thanks for all the suggestions!! I definitely agree that these techniques work for most children, although there are always those that challenge the techniques!

[SimpleMom]

Dr. Jay Gordon has some good advice on changing sleep patterns. I've tried, but decided it's working like we have it and I'm ok with it now. I'm not a huge fan of cio, but he does have a gentle method (it does include some crying).

Good luck and yes, let us know if there's anything we can do. I know how hard that can be.