View Full Version : 22 month old hysterical about going to daycare
11-03-2008, 09:56 AM
I have a new situation with my 22 month old. I am hopeful that I am just a completely overreactive mother, but I am really stressed about this. My daughter has been attending the same daycare for over 1 year, it is in-home with 7 other children (give or take, depending on the day). Last week, while watching me pack her lunch for daycare, she began saying "No want to go to blank's house who is her daycare provider. I brushed it off and told her she would have a fun day with her friends, etc. but she became completely hysterical and would not finish breakfast. She continued like this all morning, refusing to put on her clothes, continually repeating "No want to go to blank's house" and my husband had to pry her out of my arms to take her into town for daycare while I left for work as well. She seems visibly anxious about having to go to daycare, yet when I pick her up she seems okay. I would say that her personality has changed though and she seems to obsess about having to go to daycare, once we assure her she is not going to daycare she settles down (on Friday-Monday when she is with family) but still repeats this over and over. Once she gets to daycare, she cries for awhile but according to the daycare provider she eventually settles down.
I figured this was a stage she would go through, but now we are over a week later and she wakes up first thing in the morning repeating "No want to go to blank's house" at least 15 times per day! She also began yelling "Don't hit me" around a week prior to this and my husband and I do not hit her ever, as you can imagine it is mortifying!! Everyone tells me it is normal for her to go through separation anxiety and saying things like this, since she may be hitting at daycare and the other kids are telling her not to hit which she is then repeating.
I am beginning to wonder if this really is normal as she also goes to my parent's house 1 day per week and she still loves her time with them and doesn't seem to have anxiety about staying with them or my husband. Should I be more proactive in moving her from this daycare, or are these totally normal things that 2 year olds go through? It is devastating for me and if my being able to stay home were an option, I would have quit working by now!
11-17-2008, 11:29 PM
Wow, what do you need to have happen before you move your child from this certain daycare? A child who acts like that, who so hysterically refuses to go should not have to . Maybe for a few days take her to a alternate caregiver, and see how she reacts. If is fine with the alternate care giver, i would be very suspicious of the real caregiver.Then you might want to try to take her back to the original daycare giver, and if she reacts in the same way, upset, refusing to stay , then i would not hesitate in turning right around and getting her the heck out of there! Something does not sound right. Red flags are meant for something!
11-18-2008, 06:42 PM
First - if you think you are being overractive - good - you should be -- just don't be irrational.
We have many children that arrive and cry cry cry - and we have had them since they were 6 weeks old. Now usually - we call it (The 3 year old Cry) because at 3 years they really understand the difference and miss thier parents and home, etc.... and just start to exhibit anxiety - but this only last about 3 weeks.....
Here is what I would do. I would arrive UNANNOUNCED and tell the provide that you want to 'spy' on her - so that you can be rest assured that she has calmed down after you leave. But also - if she is attending part tiime - this also makes a lil harder for her to process. Look, I have 32 kids in my center - and somedays I want to cry - and say 'no daycare' ha.........
And, going to your parent's house - that's probably like a disney vacation day - nobody can compare with grandma ---let the spoiling begin....
Just show up unannounced about an hour after drop off time - let the provider sneak you in - and you can observe for yourself - then you can make a much better decision...........I was an awful paranoid mom ---so I know where you are coming from !
12-05-2008, 09:40 AM
Trust what your gut says, if you are now calling more, or asking more questions, then your parent instincts are telling you something is wrong. It is always better safe than sorry.
12-16-2008, 01:55 AM
Hi, I am a mother, a provider and I was molested. Although kids can cry for a long time (it can vary), this brought several thoughts to mind (I hate to say):
1. She was fine for 1 year and now suddenly not......... ALARM
2. GET OUT, NOW
3. Better safe than sorry.
Don't ask specific questions, or allow others, don't say names (did _____ touch you _____). Say do you have any ouchies? Where? Who gave you an oouchy Did anything happen?
Don't freak out, but do not return, just in case.
I am not saying she might have been molested.
I am saying it is so easy for a child to be molested (very easy). If there are several people on here who were molested, I should get several responses to my next statement.
In MOST cases, a child won't say that something happened. Molested children don't usually tell someone until after the fact, even years later (I have talked to many who were molested).
Please don't ask her specific questions or let others, I have seen sooooooo many children get fed words that were not their own (they can ebd up believing and testifying to an idea that theyaccepted from well meaning people trying to help and protect them).
Be very careful who talks to her, they are very easily influenced and swayed.
Really, don't freak out, just miss work until you get new daycare.
I am a provider, and I have seen babies and kids act strange in some different ways.
Good luck, say a prayer and you and her daddy stick close to eachother.
12-16-2008, 01:58 AM
Try another daycare and she could still be upset (due to trust issues, try it for awhile and explain it to the new provider). Don't go back and don't panic
12-16-2008, 11:22 AM
Since I see you said she said "No hit me" it appears that you need to find out who is hitting her. We run a very observed daycare. We use a digital camera to record the kids playing and show parents all the pictures and video clips. We have a 4 year old (and have had others in past years) that is very sneaky and we just went through an incident last week. During nap time (and certain play times) when we leave the room (with monitor on), we might be out of the open area family room for 2-3 minutes (constant checking on them and cleaning up at the same time). The only thing he ever does is sneak out of bed and get a toy, then run back to bed. No matter how quiet we are he gets in bed very fast, but we see he got a toy/book. We decided to take a video again. We were shocked to see he kept going over to our daycare girl (same age) and would hit her, then run to bed. He wouldn't hit her hard, that is why she didn't tell us/call us. On the video, she kept whispering "So, that didn't hurt" so it wasn't hard (she would have called out, we teach kids to speak out loudly and demand that whoever is touching them is to stop). We can literally hear the kids talking from the family room and didn't hear the quiet whispering.
We are getting a video monitor and he sleeps next to the entrance of the family room away from the kids, so we can see him at all times and it will stay that way, he sits more than an arms lenghth away from the others (I have also spred them out more so it won't make his distance stand out). I am very cautious and his access is monitored every second now. People don't realize, kids can be sneaky and you won't even be aware of it. A perfect example is on the show "Jon & Kate, Plus Eight" They said when they would view the shows, they would see the kids hit eachother and they didn't see it at the time it happened. They weren't sneaky, it happens with 6 1, 2, 3, 4year olds, but, there are sneaky kids that know how to get away with it.
Maybe a kid (older than your 22 month old) is hitting her and getting away with it (we also work with bukkies. it can be difficukt to catch). The thing that bothers me is, who is hitting her (someone is), is it the provider? or a child?
Do you or the provider have a digital camera, you would be surprised at what you see. Have your provider set one up, discuss it so the kids don't hear you or see the camera.
Now, I could terminate my 4 year old, but then that is throwing him out in the world with a potenial aggressive problem (we care for many problem kids and have a good rate of success). He was kicked out of several daycares (he is very developmentally behind, due to his parents not teaching/correcting things) He was on probation for the last week (due to the hitting, karate hitting/kicking at the kids).
You should set it up so she thinks you leave (you just shut the door and watch behind a chair or something, have her drape a blanket over something). It is extremely important she doesn't see you, so you can watch and if she does, she will always be looking for you, thinking you are there.
My worry id it sounds like she is being hit, kids don't freak out about others being hit and say "don't hit ME". "So, who is hitting her?"
05-13-2009, 10:04 AM
Please change day cares immediately. The day care provider may be perfectly innocent, but your first responsibility is to your child -- not to the day care provider. Better safe than sorry. I'd also say it's time for a "well-child" doctor visit, and you can share your concerns with the doctor just to be safe.
The fact that she used to be ok and now isn't, could be a phase, but screaming "don't hit me," that is just too much for me. And the fact that she is worried about it at home and you say her personality has changed! Poor little thing. These are classic signs that something is happening -- and even if it's not, she is obviously unhappy there.
I think you will get two different perspectives here -- from day care providers and from parents. You are a parent, and so am I. If the day care provider is innocent, that's all well and good -- she will be fine without you.
06-01-2009, 10:54 PM
MY middle boy started freaking out on the way to daycare. he would throw full tantrums scrwamnig and crying on the way there,every day fro about 1week. Then he stopped. I realized it was during the time were were trying to transition him into his won bed .He was spoiled and slept in our bed for a lnog time. He was 3 . He would stay up so late (evewn though we tried our best to get him to sleep at a decent time) ,that in the morning ,waking up at 6am was just too difficult for him because he was so tired. I think he was overly cranky (sleep deprived ) ,but also because i was workngo long ohurs and by the time we did get home at night we barely had time to eat dinner,then it was bath and bed. It was very hard. Whcih is why i could'nt work FT much longer. It was hurting the kids.
With that said, his tantrums and begging to stay home with me didn't last long. Ironicly,now that I am staying home with them,I started workngi at the same daycare myself pt and get to see the owner/provider "in action" so to speak and I do feel she genuenly cares for the kids and would never hurt/abuse them. It was a hard time fro my family and we were gongi through a problem with my osn not wantnig to sleep in his own bed,then waking up early.
Im not saying to dismiss abuse or that your child is not getting hurt by another child,but also keep in mind any problems or transitions she may be going through, that might have played a factor. Do'nt feel affended ,just a suggestion to think of these things,because if she is actually gonig through a transition,(new bed,new sibling,less time with parents,etc..) it might just make you feel better about the whoel situation and there might not be anything to worry about. But if your gut tells you something might be wrong ,I'd take my child out. I like the idea of pretending to leave and then spying on your child. Communicate this idea with your provider and if she is willing to go alnog with it, maybe you and the provider wil ldiscover something you both wer'nt aware of.
06-02-2009, 09:19 PM
hi can anyone help my 2and half year old boy is going through terrible 2 stage when we buckle him in car he gets out by wiggling we used a 4point harness he gets out we put a booster seat in he undoes the buckle and gets out we fastened him in and put a extra belt round him but he gets out hes like huddine and surrgestions on how to keep in locked in seat belt please
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