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Play Care 02:34 PM 04-10-2013
Originally Posted by jamiem:
I need advice on how to handle a 20 month old bully. I have been running my in home daycare for about 6 months so I am still really new to this. I started with a 2 month old, my own 8 month old, and a 14 month old. Since they were all so young I never had to worry about discipline apart from telling them no if they were being unsafe or just redirecting them to a new activity. Now that the oldest is 20 months she is turning into a bully. She takes toys away from my one year old, hits, and pushes him down. I don't know what to do or how to handle this behavior. I have tried telling her no pushing very sternly and offering her other toys, i have tried nicely explaining to her that she needs to be nice and cannot push. So far that is not working. How do you discipline such a young child/teach her not to push and hit? If you do a time out-how does that work? I'm not sure where I would put her, I know she would not just sit on a chair, I don't want to put her in her booster chair or pack n play because I don't want negative associations with either of those. Her mom is aware of the behavior and has seen it first hand but I dont think she knows what to do either, she is a single mom and this is her only child so she is new to this too. She says she is learning the behavior from an older cousin. Help!
This is actually very common behavior for a child that age - yes you need to intervene, but I don't think you need to worry about the child being a bully years down the road. I also don't think this is something she's necessarily learned from an older sibling/relative - kids at that age see something they want and think they can take it by brute force if necessary!

Do you have enough toys for the children? Multiples of the popular items? I would not time out at that age - but make sure that when they are "free" playing I was right there with them, and ideally between the 20 month old and the other children. This way I can gently redirect or move her when she tries to take toys or hit, etc.

This is the time I make sure to talk a LOT to the child to give them words for their feelings - "I know you want the toy Susie has, but it's her turn. I know that it's so hard to wait! Let's go over here and read a book together to pass the time!" No, they don't get it, but they will.

I know some will disagree, but I believe that for young children (or aggressive ones) they need to be put in a safe spot if you can't be right there. So if you need to use a PNP for a moment while you use the bathroom, or put a child in a high chair *with you* while you prepare lunch, that's acceptable. Certainly no child should be parked all day in a device, but I cringe when I hear a provider who has a known aggressive child in their care say something like "What was I supposed to do?! I have to use the bathroom!" Um take them with you or put them in a safe spot.
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