I tried to stay away from blanket statements like "We don't hit." or "Use your words to solve your problems." and instead focused on teaching my daughter to know her limitations. She was in several incidents at school where she was punched or kicked where she knew that she was ok (since they didn't really hurt her) and she solved her problem by either talking it out with the other kid or talking to a teacher. She's tiny for her age and gets picked on a lot. She's also had several incidents where she knew she was in over her head and yelled for a teacher or yelled for a friend to go get a teacher. And she had one incident where she was in over her head and there was no adult in sight where she did what she had to do (hit the boy in the stomach, stepped on his foot and then ran away because he had her in a head lock and was slapping her) and then left it at that. I've always taught her that in a case like that, it's her "job" to protect herself and not her "job" to hurt the other person. She may be tiny, but she's tough and knows she could really hurt someone if she wanted to, but she doesn't because she knows that would be unacceptable. I know a lot of parents, when I've told them my philosophy with my daughter, were shocked but I think that if the kid is in over their head, has no access to a trusted adult, and knows how to stop when they are no longer in danger, politeness or political correctness no longer matters when they are in danger. We talk about it a lot and ask what she would do in certain situations, not because we want to scare her, but so she can feel empowered and as in control as possible. I know I'm not explaining it well on here. I explain it so much better when I talk to my dcp. I don't necessarily teach this philosophy to my dck but have told the dcp that this is what I believe and they didn't have a problem with it. I have one mother who is going to talk it over with her husband and if her husband agrees, would like me to teach her three daughters the same way.

Reply