Wow. I can understand communicating with you that there may be times that he may need some special time but the everyday thing about showing him each station and the massaging seems like it will take a lot of time.
As for the fingernails, it's not safe especially around the other kids. It's a choking hazard
. I have seen the same idea used but instead of fingernails they used those fake plastic credit cards that come in the mail when you get offers to sign up. I have one but I used the paint sample cards that you get from a home improvement store. We used it for my nephew that has autism and he loved it. Same idea just different items to slip through the slot. It makes them focus on one thing. You can even laminate them so that they last longer.
As for the food, I would just let DCM provide whatever she wanted. It'll make it hard because the other kids may want what he wants but I would allow this in my DC if she were to bring me whatever she wanted me to feed him and if she brought a physicians's note explaining that it was healthier for him or whatever the reason (I'm assuming it's because of texture?). I'm on the food program and so I would need a note in his file.
I do have to say that I think that it's great that you allowed his first few sessions in your daycare. That's awesome. I think that you did well in explaining your standpoint. Maybe she would prefer to have his sessions in your DC again so that at least during that time he has one on one care and his therapists can work on these things with him, that's assuming that they were the ones that are giving these suggestions.