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kendallina 10:33 AM 10-05-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
If the kids are roughly the same age, I do not get involved in squabbles over toys. When they fight, the toy is removed. If they move on to another toy and fight over that one, the toy is removed. Pretty soon they figure out how to get along so they don't lose any more toys.

It is all part of learning conflict management and pro-social behaviors. They have to figure it out. You can guide them, but they need to figure out how it works between them. Sometimes what we think is fair is not what they think is fair...kwim?
Although I don't remove toys when children argue over them, I do agree with Blackcat's philosophy. Children have to learn to work it out at that age. I'm not going to solve their problems for them by putting time limits or toy limits or deciding when children get turns or deciding what's fair. They need to feel that they have some say in situations like this.

I do tell them to use their words and ask for a turn if they want something. Most times, when the request comes from a child, the children are much more likely to just give the turn. If the child doesn't want to give up the toy, then they can say something like, "you can have it when I'm done." Frequently, they are done very quickly with the toy and give it up.

After children are here for a few weeks, they are all generally pretty good about asking for toys they want, and either sharing toys or saying they can have it when they're done. I have mostly 3-year olds.
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