Daycare Provider/Facebook Posts

I'd like some opinions on this...

My daycare provider has friended me on facebook. She posts often about how (in roundabout ways) she doesn't like her job. The job I pay her to do! The job that allows her to stay home with her daughter...something I'd trade anything to be able to do! I know it's not easy...no job is. But I wouldn't be complaining to my boss about my job! I like my paycheck, thank you!

I'm so irritated and frustrated and I don't know what to do. It's hurtful and very unprofessional in my eyes. Do I say something? If I do, I worry that she will just fester and be angry with us. But by ignoring it, my husband and I are growing increasingly annoyed with her. And now I worry my child (and the others) isn't well cared for if shes busy posting on facebook all the time.

So what do I do? Has anyone else had a similar situation? How did you handle it?

[cheerfuldom]

It sounds very unprofessional. I think you have to weigh what exactly she is saying. She should not be online all day and should not be making specific comments about kids or parents. However, if she is venting to friends in a general way (like "had a long day, now I am ready for a nap") than I would unfriend her and give her the space to do that. I understand why you would have mixed feelings on this but from the provider's standpoint, she does need some outlets and it may be best for the two of you not to use FB as a means of communicating.

[GG~DAYCARE]

I am friends on fb with some of my parents. I never post about my daycare day!!! Oh how I would love to say something like " Boy, am I glad this week is over. The kids have been bonkers all week!" I don't because of the same thing. I don't want my parents to feel it is their child that made me so tired or that maybe I am getting too old for my job! I agree, unfb friend her. If this is the only thing you see wrong going on than unfriend her today. Good luck!!

[Crystal]

Facebook is dangerous.

I would ask her about it. I'd ask her if there is anything that she needs to make her job more enjoyable. I'd ask her if she feels that her unhappiness with her work affects her care of the children. I'd be ready to remove my children from her care. I'd be freindly, but direct.

Now, sure, we all have bad days....but when we begin to complain on a regular basis, then it is time for some self-reflection and an honest assessment of where we stand in our career. If we aren't happy, then it is time to try something new....and that goes for ANY job......not just the some times unthankful job of child care.

I beleive that if a provider is at the point that they are complaining to the parent about their work with children, then they are on serious burnout and need to take a break. I'd either offer to help her, or move my children.

Thanks for your replies!

I totally understand that everyone needs to vent...I do, you do, we all do! But there is a time and a place and certain people to do it with. She should have made a seperate account for work and one for freinds where she can complain away and none of us would know...

She never names names, but she's always complaining about it being Monday, how she needs more long weekends, vacations, "Hopeless" dreams of a day off, and this is a beauty: "Wish there was one day where I didn't have to listen to a child cry and scream for what seems like hours!! Ahhhh- I need a day off!!"

I mean, come on!

[grandmom]

I agree with you. I'd be upset too.

Unfriend her.

[Live and Learn]

I would speak to your daycare provider.
Communication is everything.

BTW. She isn't all that smart.....IMO she is biting the hand that feeds her. That usually doesn't end well.

[Ariana]

I'm friends with my DCM's as well and make sure I don't do this!! It's pretty unprofessional IMO. Is it possible that she's just a big complainer and isn't really serious about it? I have FB friends that complain constantly, it's annoying!!

Ohhh, she's serious! It's pretty much the only thing she complains about.

Now see, I could unfriend her....but then I have no idea what smack she's talking. I kind of want to know now! It will only hide the problem from me instead of making it go away.

Would the providers out there be angry with the parents if they brought something like this up? My child is there all day with her...I don't want him to suffer any backlash or ill will that she would possibly have with us!

She's totally biting the hand that feeds her...it just amazes me.

[greenhouse]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Thanks for your replies!

I totally understand that everyone needs to vent...I do, you do, we all do! But there is a time and a place and certain people to do it with. She should have made a seperate account for work and one for freinds where she can complain away and none of us would know...

She never names names, but she's always complaining about it being Monday, how she needs more long weekends, vacations, "Hopeless" dreams of a day off, and this is a beauty: "Wish there was one day where I didn't have to listen to a child cry and scream for what seems like hours!! Ahhhh- I need a day off!!"

I mean, come on!

#1 she shouldn't have friended you. #2 being a day care provider, or even just a mom of young kids can be overwhelming. I don't see anything too heinous about wishing for more vacation. If she was saying "I hate these little brats!!" then that is different. Is the care excellent? Does she seem overtaxed in person? Don't read too much into FB vents about being tired from watching small children for 10 hours a day. If the tone of the posts gets hateful or something like that then I would worry. Still can't believe she would friend a client. That's totally asking for trouble. GL.

She just came back from a few days off (Monday & Tuesday) and today she posted that she's already in need of another vacation. C'mon, she's been back a few hours and she's already whining. It just makes me think she does not like her job!!!

The care is okay, but she doesn't come close to the level of care he got with his old provider (she had to close to care for her elderly MIL).

I saw today she has a seperate fb account for her daycare. She just doesnt use it.

[Blackcat31]

Personally, I would find alternate care and then explain exactly why you are leaving so she understands that although the job may be stressful and difficult at times, posting (ie whining, complaining and/or bitching) on facebook is completely unprofessional. You leaving and pointing out why may help future families she enrolls. Good luck!

[jen]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

She just came back from a few days off (Monday & Tuesday) and today she posted that she's already in need of another vacation. C'mon, she's been back a few hours and she's already whining. It just makes me think she does not like her job!!!

The care is okay, but she doesn't come close to the level of care he got with his old provider (she had to close to care for her elderly MIL).

I saw today she has a seperate fb account for her daycare. She just doesnt use it.

We can (and did) offer you lots of advice and support.

At this point, you are doing EXACTLY what she is doing...just complaining without doing anything. If she is unhappy doing daycare, she should either address the problems that are making her unhappy or quit. If you are unhappy with your provider, you should address the problems or move on.

I have a list of approx 50 providers I am sifting through, which I started gathering last week, so yes I am doing something about it. I just came on to give out an update since I had so many responses to my original post.

I'd like to thank everyone for their insight!

I know it's a very hard job to do, I give all daycare providers huge kudos for what they do. Kids are fun, but they're incredibly difficult at times too. I know the days are long, you're at home all day, and you can't really have an in depth conversation about current events with a 3 year old. I have 2 kids, I work full time outside of the home...I'm busy too. My job is stressful as well. I work customer service for a large corporation, I deal with my fair share of jerks everyday. I don't whine about it to where my boss can hear me though. That would be very unprofessional on my part, and would probably get me fired. But you grin and bear it and remember why you went into that profession in the first place. For her, it was so she could be home with her baby. Now she seems to have no interest in anyone but her baby. Her post tonight was that she has a long weekend coming up and can't wait for "three days of freedom".

The other parents and I post when she complains....ask her if so and so is having a bad day, how can we help, can I come lend a hand etc, but it gets brushed off or excused away. It's depressing to think that the woman I have entrusted the care of my child with could really have no interest in her job.

So, I don't know. I'm kind of at a loss for words now. I'm sad, angry, hurt, dumbfounded....I need to talk to her....maybe she somehow can't see how what she says would affect the parents. I don't want to start trouble if she can't see what she's doing is wrong.

[Michael]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I'd like to thank everyone for their insight!

I know it's a very hard job to do, I give all daycare providers huge kudos for what they do. Kids are fun, but they're incredibly difficult at times too. I know the days are long, you're at home all day, and you can't really have an in depth conversation about current events with a 3 year old. I have 2 kids, I work full time outside of the home...I'm busy too. My job is stressful as well. I work customer service for a large corporation, I deal with my fair share of jerks everyday. I don't whine about it to where my boss can hear me though. That would be very unprofessional on my part, and would probably get me fired. But you grin and bear it and remember why you went into that profession in the first place. For her, it was so she could be home with her baby. Now she seems to have no interest in anyone but her baby. Her post tonight was that she has a long weekend coming up and can't wait for "three days of freedom".

The other parents and I post when she complains....ask her if so and so is having a bad day, how can we help, can I come lend a hand etc, but it gets brushed off or excused away. It's depressing to think that the woman I have entrusted the care of my child with could really have no interest in her job.

So, I don't know. I'm kind of at a loss for words now. I'm sad, angry, hurt, dumbfounded....I need to talk to her....maybe she somehow can't see how what she says would affect the parents. I don't want to start trouble if she can't see what she's doing is wrong.

She might just be a chronic complainer; her way of letting off stress. She should keep it to herself but she obviously needs an audience for it to work.

[sahm2three]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I'd like to thank everyone for their insight!

I know it's a very hard job to do, I give all daycare providers huge kudos for what they do. Kids are fun, but they're incredibly difficult at times too. I know the days are long, you're at home all day, and you can't really have an in depth conversation about current events with a 3 year old. I have 2 kids, I work full time outside of the home...I'm busy too. My job is stressful as well. I work customer service for a large corporation, I deal with my fair share of jerks everyday. I don't whine about it to where my boss can hear me though. That would be very unprofessional on my part, and would probably get me fired. But you grin and bear it and remember why you went into that profession in the first place. For her, it was so she could be home with her baby. Now she seems to have no interest in anyone but her baby. Her post tonight was that she has a long weekend coming up and can't wait for "three days of freedom".

The other parents and I post when she complains....ask her if so and so is having a bad day, how can we help, can I come lend a hand etc, but it gets brushed off or excused away. It's depressing to think that the woman I have entrusted the care of my child with could really have no interest in her job.

So, I don't know. I'm kind of at a loss for words now. I'm sad, angry, hurt, dumbfounded....I need to talk to her....maybe she somehow can't see how what she says would affect the parents. I don't want to start trouble if she can't see what she's doing is wrong.

If it is her personal account, I say it is her business. Now if she were complaining on her business account, that would be another thing. We are all entitled to complain about our days/jobs/whatever. No one has a great day every day, do they? I know I sure don't. This job is HARD. We don't have coworkers to vent to. All we have is little people running around barking orders at us all the live long day, lol. I say cut her some slack. Maybe it is therapeutic for her. As long as she isn't naming names, who cares?! Just my 2 cents.

[MyAngels]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I'd like to thank everyone for their insight!

I know it's a very hard job to do, I give all daycare providers huge kudos for what they do. Kids are fun, but they're incredibly difficult at times too. I know the days are long, you're at home all day, and you can't really have an in depth conversation about current events with a 3 year old. I have 2 kids, I work full time outside of the home...I'm busy too. My job is stressful as well. I work customer service for a large corporation, I deal with my fair share of jerks everyday. I don't whine about it to where my boss can hear me though. That would be very unprofessional on my part, and would probably get me fired. But you grin and bear it and remember why you went into that profession in the first place. For her, it was so she could be home with her baby. Now she seems to have no interest in anyone but her baby. Her post tonight was that she has a long weekend coming up and can't wait for "three days of freedom".

The other parents and I post when she complains....ask her if so and so is having a bad day, how can we help, can I come lend a hand etc, but it gets brushed off or excused away. It's depressing to think that the woman I have entrusted the care of my child with could really have no interest in her job.

So, I don't know. I'm kind of at a loss for words now. I'm sad, angry, hurt, dumbfounded....I need to talk to her....maybe she somehow can't see how what she says would affect the parents. I don't want to start trouble if she can't see what she's doing is wrong.

I may have a somewhat different perspective on this. I have had my home daycare for 19 years now, and thinking back to the days when I first started out, I can remember feeling isolated, unhappy and stressed. However, I never let that affect how I related to the kids that I cared for at the time. I always took my responsibility to those children and families very seriously. It took a bit of time for me to realize what an excellent career choice I had made.

Your provider may be exactly the same way, but the only way you will know for sure will be to talk with her about it. If she doesn't take that in the spirit that it is intended, then you may have the answer as to whether she is the right provider for your child. If you aren't able to bring yourself to talk with her about it and are having doubts about the quality of care, then you should at least pop in at some unexpected times so that you may have a better idea of what's going on when you are not around.

I knew there was a reason I never signed up for Facebook .

[jen]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I'd like to thank everyone for their insight!

I know it's a very hard job to do, I give all daycare providers huge kudos for what they do. Kids are fun, but they're incredibly difficult at times too. I know the days are long, you're at home all day, and you can't really have an in depth conversation about current events with a 3 year old. I have 2 kids, I work full time outside of the home...I'm busy too. My job is stressful as well. I work customer service for a large corporation, I deal with my fair share of jerks everyday. I don't whine about it to where my boss can hear me though. That would be very unprofessional on my part, and would probably get me fired. But you grin and bear it and remember why you went into that profession in the first place. For her, it was so she could be home with her baby. Now she seems to have no interest in anyone but her baby. Her post tonight was that she has a long weekend coming up and can't wait for "three days of freedom".

The other parents and I post when she complains....ask her if so and so is having a bad day, how can we help, can I come lend a hand etc, but it gets brushed off or excused away. It's depressing to think that the woman I have entrusted the care of my child with could really have no interest in her job.

So, I don't know. I'm kind of at a loss for words now. I'm sad, angry, hurt, dumbfounded....I need to talk to her....maybe she somehow can't see how what she says would affect the parents. I don't want to start trouble if she can't see what she's doing is wrong.

Personally, I wouldn't post anything that my parents could read, but to be honest, I don't really think the "three days of freedom" thing is a big deal. I don't think you completely understand how difficult it can be for a provider even to run to the bathroom. That said...

Children are our most precious gift so it makes sense that you are taking this personally. However, this is a business and you need to treat it as such. If you went to the store and you didn't like the service or the attitude of the people who work there you would probably move on. I suggest you sit down with the provider, putting all personal feelings of hurt, dismay, etc. aside and try to determine where the provider is coming from. If you don't like the answer give your notice and find a service provider with whom you feel more comfortable.

Daycare is hard and it isn't for everyone. People who are doing it to stay home or bring in a paycheck despite the fact that they don't enjoy it aren't going to be good providers in the long run. Which isn't to say that we don't do it to be home or earn a paycheck, you just have to not hate it.

[Cat Herder]

Just a few months ago I posted "Provider down!!! Bring Chocolate!!" and 3 of my clients actually did at pick-up (I had 3 1yo's weaning from the bottle at once)....

I would send her a personal FB message and just ask " Would you prefer I find another provider? Your posts make me feel bad and I don't want my kids to be the source of your unhappiness."

It may be the jolt she needs or the sign you are waiting for.

Good luck, hun. The whole situation stinks, IMHO.

I have been in this situation and I did exactly what a previous poster mentioned - I replied to her status update so everyone could see and said something like "Oh no! What did (my children) do?" She got very defensive, saying "Oh, not your kids...yada yada yada" and then never posted those kind of statuses again! It worked! Ha!

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I have been in this situation and I did exactly what a previous poster mentioned - I replied to her status update so everyone could see and said something like "Oh no! What did (my children) do?" She got very defensive, saying "Oh, not your kids...yada yada yada" and then never posted those kind of statuses again! It worked! Ha!

This sounds like it may be a good idea! To the OP: I don't think this person is hating on her job. Daycare is not a job like any other, and if she's kind of new to this profession (ie: started it in order to stay home with her first child), it's a huge adjustment. Whereas in almost any other job, you have SOMEONE to vent on in order to avoid having to do it in front of your boss in a professional way, with in-home daycare, you have NOBODY to talk to. All day long. Couple that with not being able to take a bathroom break, or a lunch break, or a snack break in any sort of reliable way, and yes--sometimes having children screaming all day long, it's stress on a totally different level than what you can understand unless you've done it. And you love the children, of course, but they're not yours. And yes, it does make a difference. Nobody loves a child like a mama or papa.

Not excusing her unprofessional behavior, but I don't think venting about looking forward to time off when you don't have to listen to children screaming all day is an indication that she doesn't like her job. She's just looking forward to her time off, like everyone does when a 3-day weekend is coming up.

If it makes you uncomfortable because of the unprofessionalism, I would address that with her, either in a roundaabout way by posting on her fb comments, or if that doesn't work, by talking to her directly. IMO, the fact that she doesn't seem to understand that she shouldn't be posting what she's posting to whom she's posting it is more of a concern than what she's actually saying. But not a huge deal (IMO) since a lot of people don't really get that in this day and age.

You aren't her boss, but you are her customer and have every right to air your concerns, especially since this is your child we're talking about. And as a customer, your money can always walk elsewhere if she doesn't address your concerns. Good luck!

[jen]

Originally Posted by Catherder

Just a few months ago I posted "Provider down!!! Bring Chocolate!!" and 3 of my clients actually did at pick-up (I had 3 1yo's weaning from the bottle at once)....

LOL!! That was really cute and funny! You have great clients!

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I'd like to thank everyone for their insight!

I know it's a very hard job to do, I give all daycare providers huge kudos for what they do. Kids are fun, but they're incredibly difficult at times too. I know the days are long, you're at home all day, and you can't really have an in depth conversation about current events with a 3 year old. I have 2 kids, I work full time outside of the home...I'm busy too. My job is stressful as well. I work customer service for a large corporation, I deal with my fair share of jerks everyday. I don't whine about it to where my boss can hear me though. That would be very unprofessional on my part, and would probably get me fired. But you grin and bear it and remember why you went into that profession in the first place. For her, it was so she could be home with her baby. Now she seems to have no interest in anyone but her baby. Her post tonight was that she has a long weekend coming up and can't wait for "three days of freedom".

The other parents and I post when she complains....ask her if so and so is having a bad day, how can we help, can I come lend a hand etc, but it gets brushed off or excused away. It's depressing to think that the woman I have entrusted the care of my child with could really have no interest in her job.

So, I don't know. I'm kind of at a loss for words now. I'm sad, angry, hurt, dumbfounded....I need to talk to her....maybe she somehow can't see how what she says would affect the parents. I don't want to start trouble if she can't see what she's doing is wrong.

Why do you stay? Surely you'd rather have your child somewhere else where the provider actually likes what she's doing for a living. I've been following your posts and updates all along. Personally, if my child was at a daycare and I found out the daycare provider was complaining regularly about her job on FB or to me as the customer, I wouldn't want my child there. If you owned a business, would you hire employees that hate their job? Would you keep an employee that complains publicly constantly about their job? Your child is one of the most important people in your life. I certainly wouldn't have trust anymore, because there's a big difference between complaining to your friends privately and complaining regularly publicly on FB, even after parents are writing back to her. If you think that her attitude isn't reflecting on your children during the day, you're wrong. No one who hates their job puts on a brave, happy face and performs at 100%. Daycare providers are people you don't want hating their jobs. What is talking to her going to get you? She'll just unfriend you or hide it. Her attitude isn't going to change overnight just because you sympathize with her or ask her if you can help. You're not her therapist, you're the customer. She needs to get it together or find some other type of work.

Thanks everyone.

The whole situation just stinks, and those of you who hate fb - I do too! It always seems to cause problems. Too bad it's so addictive ;P

So trying to be super nice and to see if she could post something positive about her day, we brought her a coffee this morning. So far no updates, but I'm waiting for it, whether it be good or bad. We also only bring my child 4 days a week, and she gets paid for a full week. That's a nice bonus right there, right?

I know kids aren't easy to work with all day - I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old (granted it's not a houseful, but I do know where you are coming from). I know it's hard...when I'm not at work, I'm on the job as mom. I know there are times you can't take a break or eat a meal sitting down. Or go pee by yourself.

My confidence in her is completey shaken now. If the complaining wasn't that often, I could brush this off easily. But it's so frequent....and it's not a recent slump, she's been posting like this since October (just recently "friended" me), and complaining more and more regularly.

Why do I stay? She's one of the very few in my area that I can actually afford. But I think it may be time to think about moving on. I just want my lil guy to be loved during the day.

Garh!

[jen]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Thanks everyone.

The whole situation just stinks, and those of you who hate fb - I do too! It always seems to cause problems. Too bad it's so addictive ;P

So trying to be super nice and to see if she could post something positive about her day, we brought her a coffee this morning. So far no updates, but I'm waiting for it, whether it be good or bad. We also only bring my child 4 days a week, and she gets paid for a full week. That's a nice bonus right there, right?

I know kids aren't easy to work with all day - I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old (granted it's not a houseful, but I do know where you are coming from). I know it's hard...when I'm not at work, I'm on the job as mom. I know there are times you can't take a break or eat a meal sitting down. Or go pee by yourself.

My confidence in her is completey shaken now. If the complaining wasn't that often, I could brush this off easily. But it's so frequent....and it's not a recent slump, she's been posting like this since October (just recently "friended" me), and complaining more and more regularly.

Why do I stay? She's one of the very few in my area that I can actually afford. But I think it may be time to think about moving on. I just want my lil guy to be loved during the day.

Garh!

OK...here is your issue. Daycare providers who charge less then the going rate always end up stressed. This is a hard (yet rewarding) field and if you aren't being paid appropriately, it just ends up with one burnt out provider.

What she should do is raise her rates so that they are comparable; that way she will feel adquately rewarded for her efforts and won't be so quick to complain.

[JenNJ]

I am going against the grain here and give it to you straight - find a new provider. If she is knowingly friends with you on FB and still cannot control her grumbling, she is really unhappy and in need of a new job. There are too many great providers out there to stay with anyone who makes you uncomfortable or unhappy.

I know I take it to the extreme in that I NEVER post about anything work related, BC I find it unprofessional no matter what job you have. But in this job, it is not only unprofessional but hurtful to the families of the little ones. She should find a new outlet for her venting that does not include her clients.

If I was her client, I would find a new provider and give notice.

[CheekyChick]

Call me paranoid, but her being so blatant about her being unhappy in her job is a HUGE red flag. Unfriending her doesn't solve the problem - it just hides it from your eyes. I would address this issue with her immediately. If she doesn't have a good excuse for her behavior - find another provider.