Soo...The School Age Problems Have Begun

[Preschool/daycare teacher]

I want to pull my hair out some days! All they do is fight. Constantly. I don't think even 5 minutes can go by without one of them yelling at the other over something. They constantly tattle on the other (I try to stay out of it as much as possible because they need to learn how to solve problems and disagreements on their own, plus there's usually at least one who ends up screaming at me, which doesn't go over very well for me if I do try to help them settle an argument). But they are constantly tattleing and arguing. And if it's not with each other, they try to start an argument with me when I don't let them have their way ("Feet on the ground, please. We don't climb the fence". They start arguing over WHY it's not allowed. I know school agers need more explanation on things than the younger ones, but when they just argue with me over it, I repeat the direction, "Feet on the ground", and ignore their questions of why it's not allowed, or who made the rule, etc). I'm so tired of them yelling at us when they don't get their way. "Oh my g..., x! Just let us go in now!" I can't stand disrespect!
What do you do when a schoolager yells at you, or starts arguing with one of the other children, or worse, with you? Time outs are useless with them, and besides, I try to reserve time-outs for when they need to calm down (if they've just hit someone, for example). So PLEASE, I'm desperate for some advice on school agers fighting with each other and being disrespectful to us.
I've told them if they can't get along they'll be sperated and paired up with the younger ones (age 2 1/2 and up), but the younger ones don't want to be paired with them, so that won't work... And I can't really seperate them from each other because it's a small space and they end up trying to play with each other after just a couple minutes anyway. And I don't have the time to "guard" them and make sure they aren't playing with someone else. But just as soon as they start playing with each other again, the fights start immediately. And a lot of times, when I seperate them and make one go to one side of the room and the other to the other side, they just start yelling at each other across the room, continuing the fight, only louder now. What can I do?

[nannyde]

School aged kids require the most adult supervision and involvement of any age group including newborns. IMHO The only way to manage them in a small enviornment is to play with them and entertain them with one new and exciting activity after another constantly.

[cheerfuldom]

my DC provider friend does timeouts at a desk or table and they sit in the chair and put their head down on the table. that works really well for her and she does preschoolers and on up.

[Michelle]

Originally Posted by cheerfuldom

my DC provider friend does timeouts at a desk or table and they sit in the chair and put their head down on the table. that works really well for her and she does preschoolers and on up.

Good Idea, they are used to it because that's what they do at school!

[meganlavonnesmommy]

I have 4 school-age, and 3-2 year olds. I keep hearing everyone complain about how unruly their schoolage groups are, but mine are awesome! Now I'm thinking I just have a good group and got lucky. :-)

I did have a temp child last week (7) who was horrible tho, just as you described. Completely out of control, no respect, wouldnt listen, wouldnt share, said bad words. I finally called his mom and told her to come and get him, I will NOT put up with it. I dont keep kids in my home that cant behave. That being said, I know that isnt an option for everyone. Here's some ideas that I've done in the past.

Make them write sentences over and over "I will be respectful" "I wont climb the fence" "I will be nice to my friends", etc.

Use a reward system similar to what school uses. Give them "tickets" for positive behaviour, and take them away for negative behaviour. The person with the most tickets at the end of the day gets to choose a small prize. Kids respond better to rewards than punishment.

Here's a good article that I found for dealing with older children. http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/dis...drens-behavior

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by meganlavonnesmommy

Use a reward system similar to what school uses. Give them "tickets" for positive behaviour, and take them away for negative behaviour. The person with the most tickets at the end of the day gets to choose a small prize. Kids respond better to rewards than punishment.

Here's a good article that I found for dealing with older children. http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/dis...drens-behavior

I completely agree that children will respond better to positive reinforcement but there is no way I would ever reward a child for doing what is expected of them. I would never hand out tickets/rewards for doing something they are completely capable of doing already. I can see rewarding them for being extra helpful or doing something above and beyond but to reward for normal behavior doesn't seem like a good idea IMHO. I would be handing out rewards every day for every preschooler I have because for some reason they seem to understand what is expected of them and fully comply without the aid of tickets or rewards.

I would suggest that you sit down and have a group meeting with the school agers. Have them help make a list of rules and discuss with them why the rule is made. School agers respond well to things they have some ownership in. In regards to rewarding them if you wanted to, I would only go so far as doing something special as a group such as going to the park or having a pizza party or something that everyone can participate in at the end of a week or two week period of general good behavior.

I have a good group of (2 Kindy girls and 2 Kindy boys) right now that have been with me since birth so I am not having the ususal school age blues. But when I did, I found it helpful to supply them with games, and activities that required them to play together. Board games, yard games, craft activities.

I offered them a separate space to play in where the littles didnt bother them and said if they tattled they would not be allowed to play in that area with the others. (I allowed tattling for physical or safety things. NOTHING else.)

Once a school ager choose to tattle and couldn't rejoin the group, they learned early on how to deal by themselves without coming to me for help.