OM Gosh! The Parents Who Think Their Child Is The Only Child In Care

[sahm2three]

My screamer is in OT and speech. He has issues. Love him to pieces. He will be 2 soon. He has been in OT for a couple weeks and has been in speech for a month or so. We did the first few visits here at daycare. Now mom is doing them at home. Mom came today with a list of demands. We are to bring him in to the play area, and go from station to station reshowing things each and every time we enter the area (because he doesn't want to be put down, and so when we enter the play area, he knows that means we will be putting him down). Then when we see him getting overstimulated, we are supposed to massage him from head to toe. Then she gave suggestions of special "toys" for him to use while he is here (turn an old butter tub over with the lid on, cut a slit in the bottom, and go buy a bunch of bright colored artificial fingernails and let him slip them into the slit.) Ok. Then we are supposed to only feed him crunchy or chewy things. I just told her, "I can't provide one to one care for him, unfortunately. I don't mind doing a little extra, but it wouldn't be fair to take a lot of extra time away from the other 11 kids in care. And he will have to eat the healthy food that I prepare for the kids. I don't have enough time or money put aside to cook two different meals." She just looked at me. I think she thought I would just do it all. Wish I could make enough to just give one on one care to a child. But that isn't reality.

[cheerfuldom]

oh goodness....I dont even have the patience to comment on this parent....besides saying, what idiot suggested letting a 2 year old play with artificial nails??!!??

[Zoe]

Originally Posted by sahm2three

My screamer is in OT and speech. He has issues. Love him to pieces. He will be 2 soon. He has been in OT for a couple weeks and has been in speech for a month or so. We did the first few visits here at daycare. Now mom is doing them at home. Mom came today with a list of demands. We are to bring him in to the play area, and go from station to station reshowing things each and every time we enter the area (because he doesn't want to be put down, and so when we enter the play area, he knows that means we will be putting him down). Then when we see him getting overstimulated, we are supposed to massage him from head to toe. Then she gave suggestions of special "toys" for him to use while he is here (turn an old butter tub over with the lid on, cut a slit in the bottom, and go buy a bunch of bright colored artificial fingernails and let him slip them into the slit.) Ok. Then we are supposed to only feed him crunchy or chewy things. I just told her, "I can't provide one to one care for him, unfortunately. I don't mind doing a little extra, but it wouldn't be fair to take a lot of extra time away from the other 11 kids in care. And he will have to eat the healthy food that I prepare for the kids. I don't have enough time or money put aside to cook two different meals." She just looked at me. I think she thought I would just do it all. Wish I could make enough to just give one on one care to a child. But that isn't reality.

There are special things you can do for him that wouldn't require THAT much extra care. Some of that sounds like a bit much. If that's what it takes, then maybe he needs a nanny.

[CheekyChick]

She needs a nanny. Oh, and artificial nails for a two year old?

[laundrymom]

He isn't two yet? Right? Oh wow. Someone asked what special was,..... This is special. And it has NOTHING to do with boys ability!

[countrymom]

what is really wrong with him I have never heard of this craziness before. I'm sorry but if you start messaging this kid can you imagine another parent walking in and seeing this, omg that would send red flags everywhere.

[Zoe]

Originally Posted by countrymom

what is really wrong with him I have never heard of this craziness before. I'm sorry but if you start messaging this kid can you imagine another parent walking in and seeing this, omg that would send red flags everywhere.

Massages have been known to help children on the Autism scale. Especially pressure points, like pressing down on their shoulders. It gives them something to focus on and calm down when they get overstimulated. I've done that as an Autism teacher. But I do agree that a head to toe massage is asking a bit much.

[MarinaVanessa]

Wow. I can understand communicating with you that there may be times that he may need some special time but the everyday thing about showing him each station and the massaging seems like it will take a lot of time.

As for the fingernails, it's not safe especially around the other kids. It's a choking hazard . I have seen the same idea used but instead of fingernails they used those fake plastic credit cards that come in the mail when you get offers to sign up. I have one but I used the paint sample cards that you get from a home improvement store. We used it for my nephew that has autism and he loved it. Same idea just different items to slip through the slot. It makes them focus on one thing. You can even laminate them so that they last longer.

As for the food, I would just let DCM provide whatever she wanted. It'll make it hard because the other kids may want what he wants but I would allow this in my DC if she were to bring me whatever she wanted me to feed him and if she brought a physicians's note explaining that it was healthier for him or whatever the reason (I'm assuming it's because of texture?). I'm on the food program and so I would need a note in his file.

I do have to say that I think that it's great that you allowed his first few sessions in your daycare. That's awesome. I think that you did well in explaining your standpoint. Maybe she would prefer to have his sessions in your DC again so that at least during that time he has one on one care and his therapists can work on these things with him, that's assuming that they were the ones that are giving these suggestions.

[Cat Herder]

Sounds like he will need a special needs arrangement with resources and training.

That is not cheap and difficult to find without federal/state funding.

I just can't imagine being able to GET a diagnosis like that under the age of two. I struggle getting some of my DCK's help even after they are 3.

Is Mom saying these are things she wants personally or are they part of an official documented "Least Restrictive Environment" Plan (LRE) under IDEA?

Does he have a caseworker?

[Meeko]

Parents usually have blinkers on when it comes to their child because they truly do think their child is more special than anyone else's.

I know for a fact that my own kids are the best kids on the planet...

So when I get an over-zealous parent ask for a ton of 'special"...I smile sweetly and tell them all the same thing.

"Before you ask me for any special favors..please remember I have to treat all the children (and parents) the same. Ask yourself if your request is reasonable multiplied 16 times."

A lot of the time they THEN wake up and see it's just not going to work in a group setting.

[sahm2three]

Originally Posted by Catherder

Sounds like he will need a special needs arrangement with resources and training.

That is not cheap and difficult to find without federal/state funding.

I just can't imagine being able to GET a diagnosis like that under the age of two. I struggle getting some of my DCK's help even after they are 3.

Is Mom saying these are things she wants personally or are they part of an official documented "Least Restrictive Environment" Plan (LRE) under IDEA?

Does he have a caseworker?

He has a speech therapist and OT counselor. No caseworker that i know of. The massage is for sensory issues, which I get, and do comply with doing it (not head to toe, just joints mostly) when we are transitioning from one thing to another because he has a terrible time with transitions. I also do it right after diaper change after nap time. He doesnt' communicate, other than to scream. So I have been asking for help for a long time. I was his 4th daycare, and I got him at 4 1/2 months. So I didn't want to be another person who passed him on. Ugh. So I have had him for over a year and a half. Struggle. I am sure that the OT suggested things to the mom, and because I have him over 50 hours a week, I guess she thinks it's my job to do it. I have bent over backwards, because I love the boy, but if he truly needs this kind of care, unfortunately it can't happen here. I can't take that kind of time away from the other kids.

OH, also, she told me to get coffee straws and give him something thick to suck thru the straw to tire his jaw out (because he has been biting them, but WE haven't have that problem here). So I guess I am supposed to buy coffee straws AND make him, what, milk shakes?!

[Christian Mother]

I sounds like he is going to need a place that specializes in his development. My daughter goes to preschool and also to speech therapy as she is very behind in her speech. She is 4 1/2 and although I can understand her...it takes a lot for another "patient" adult to understand what she is saying.

I think your going to have to come to a decision on whether you can accommodate all this parents requests. It sounds like... although the child has been with you a while, bc the child needs quiet a bit of help cognitively as well as speech it isn't something you specialize in..am I right? I am not specialized in that area either and I would have to explain to any parent requesting for those type of services that I wasn't qualified. Even if someone came in and taught me.. I'd have to hire an extra pair of hands to do what I do. That in it's self is a full time job. You'd be focusing only on that one child all day and what happens if that parent doesn't see progress?

[frgsonmysox]

I have three of my children in various forms of therapy. My oldest has Aspergers, my daughter takes speech, and my current youngest does OT and PT and speech. There are things that need to be taken into account with children with special needs, but they need to realistic. For my oldest it means anyone who cares for him knows he gets over stimulated and can't watch TV. If he seems to get over stimulated he needs down time with a book by himself. The other things we deal with at home. My daughter doesn't need any special accommodations, and my youngest just needs a caregiver who is sensitive and gentle with him as his joints can dislocate. Nothing way out there.

It seems this mother wants you to provide ALL the special care for the child. There has to be some give on her part. The world isn't going to adjust to her kids all the time, she needs to make adjustments that work for her children but are doable in the real world.

[erinalexmom]

I would also suggest if they can find home health care. I do home daycare but on the weekends I work for a home health agency. I am an LPN. (Licensed practical nurse) Our agency goes to homes and cares for special needs children one on one and most of the time we do this for the parents to work I LOVE that job! This is done by a trained professional and its one on one "special"care. Its also covered 100% by the state. Not sure if that would be something available to mom/child but it would be a big help to them.

[Hunni Bee]

Originally Posted by sahm2three

He has a speech therapist and OT counselor. No caseworker that i know of. The massage is for sensory issues, which I get, and do comply with doing it (not head to toe, just joints mostly) when we are transitioning from one thing to another because he has a terrible time with transitions. I also do it right after diaper change after nap time. He doesnt' communicate, other than to scream. So I have been asking for help for a long time. I was his 4th daycare, and I got him at 4 1/2 months. So I didn't want to be another person who passed him on. Ugh. So I have had him for over a year and a half. Struggle. I am sure that the OT suggested things to the mom, and because I have him over 50 hours a week, I guess she thinks it's my job to do it. I have bent over backwards, because I love the boy, but if he truly needs this kind of care, unfortunately it can't happen here. I can't take that kind of time away from the other kids.

OH, also, she told me to get coffee straws and give him something thick to suck thru the straw to tire his jaw out (because he has been biting them, but WE haven't have that problem here). So I guess I am supposed to buy coffee straws AND make him, what, milk shakes?!

What I don't understand is why she told YOU to go and find/buy/prepare these things. With your own money. On your time. Without even asking if it was okay. Maybe because you've been so helpful with getting him help, she thinks that you're on board with anything they come up with.

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable giving a coffee straw to a one year old who chews things...nor serving a thick drink through a straw to a toddler with sensory issues. He definitely needs a one-on-one nanny or nurse, or a therapeutic preschool, because some of these suggestions aren't things that would normally be considered safe or ideal for a toddler...and especially one in group care. JMO.

[sahm2three]

Originally Posted by Hunni Bee

What I don't understand is why she told YOU to go and find/buy/prepare these things. With your own money. On your time. Without even asking if it was okay. Maybe because you've been so helpful with getting him help, she thinks that you're on board with anything they come up with.

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable giving a coffee straw to a one year old who chews things...nor serving a thick drink through a straw to a toddler with sensory issues. He definitely needs a one-on-one nanny or nurse, or a therapeutic preschool, because some of these suggestions aren't things that would normally be considered safe or ideal for a toddler...and especially one in group care. JMO.

YES! This has been my thoughts EXACTLY!! Ugh. I am not equipped to do all that she asks, and especially not with other little kids in the house.

[wdmmom]

She wants him to have "toys" that really aren't toys or items meant to be played with.

She wants him to be on a snack/treat based diet.

She wants you do do SPECIAL.

SPECIAL costs more.

I'd go about it like this...

"Ya know Mary, I thought about what the new requests lil Johnny needs. This is a higher level of care. In order for me to do this, I'm going to need you to supply these sensory items and they need to be approved items to play with and your rate will go up $75 a week to provide this level of service."

OR

"Ya know, Mary. I thought about what you said and unfortunately I can't meet the needs little Johnny now needs. I think you're going to need to find a nanny or a small group so your requests can be fulfilled."

[cheerfuldom]

so....whats happening OP? did you talk to mom yet?

[sahm2three]

Originally Posted by cheerfuldom

so....whats happening OP? did you talk to mom yet?

We kind of talked about it. I put the ball in her court. I told her I would do all I could do without taking away from the other kids, if she felt like she needed more, she would have to take him somewhere else or hire a nanny. But as far as the special activities (butter bowl thing and coffee straw and milkshake thing) I told her I would leave that to her. I have other things on the same line as the fingernail and butter bowl thing. I will do the massage quickly as I get him up from nap or another time if I think he needs it, but not for each fit, each time he pushes another kid down, etc. I don't get paid but $2 an hour for him. Sorry, that doesn't cover "special".

[busymommy0420]

My daughter is special needs as well and was in a center daycare part time until she was 14 months old and I became a stay at home Mom. I asked the daycare to help her with her gross motor skills and felt they were not able too because they had other children to care for. I was lucky enough to be able to quit and be a stay at home Mom, not everyone can do that. I watch 5 children during the day and 3 after school and am able to attend to my daughters needs. She has to have a nebulizer treatment during daycare hours, massages, re-direction, individual introduction to toys and redirection if friends get to close to her personal space. All the parents are aware of her needs and special attention she requires and are so supportive of me and of her. They all know it is not her fault. Her birth mother did drugs, smoked and drank throughout her pregnancy and my baby has suffered the consequences everyday since I brought her home on the second day of her life. I have to give her "special" attention but am still able to provide great care for the other children including my son and daughter. I am sure another provider may be able to help this child's needs if it is too much for you with the other friends you care for. I agree about the food and the parent should provide items if you allow that in your program. I have one little friend who brings her own breakfast which I am ok with. Good Luck!