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  #1  
Old 01-21-2012, 09:21 AM
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Default She's Not Learning?!? Vent

So I hear from my Mil that my sil wants to take her d out of my care claiming she's not learning anything... At her other care center they were doing numbers and letters colors by now..... Um she's one! She turns two in two weeks but the kids not brilliant really! She's the reason I started my daycare in the first place so the amount of ingratitude makes me sick! I am doing the best I can but apparently not enough
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Old 01-21-2012, 09:26 AM
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Not to mention I've only been doing this for three weeks!
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Old 01-21-2012, 10:55 AM
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hoping for little encourgament
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Old 01-21-2012, 11:54 AM
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poke her in the eye! lol
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Old 01-21-2012, 11:56 AM
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I'm sorry, but you're not going to get the encouragement you are looking for from me.

Your in-laws are not your #1 fans. No matter what you try to do, it just doesn't seem good enough for them. You've been married long enough to know that isn't going to change. Entering into a business arrangement with them is not a good idea.

I realize that your family needs the income, but is it really worth it? You have two choices - #1 suck it up and deal with the constant put downs or #2 tell your sil that this isn't going to work out and suffer the consequences.

Your wife is miserable and you're going to be miserable caring for this child. Two miserable parents do not make a happy family.
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Old 01-21-2012, 12:01 PM
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I do not htink God intended for two years old to learn much "academically. "

Two years old are very full of energy and curiosity.

You should not fell bad because your niece acts the way children her age are supposed to.

As for the "At her other care center they were doing numbers and letters colors by now." I worked at a center like that and the learning of numbers and letters in the two years old class was all for show. The children learned very little.

example: for circle time they had a shapes chart and the teacher had a nice little song the children memorized about each shape. They would sing the song the teacher would point to the shape as they sung the song. In a few weeks when parents picked up the children where able to point to the shapes and name them. The children could only do this in the order the shapes "appeared" in the song. When you randomly pointed to a shape and asked them what it's naem was they did not know.

I (someone with a degree in elementary education) does not condiser this learning. Some professionals say this is early leaning and makes it easeir for the children to learn the sahpes names when they are ready. I think that this kind of "playfull" learning, can not hurt. Provided that it is in balance with actualy playing time.

With all that said maybe you could try to find out what kind of learning your family wants for the little one.
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Old 01-21-2012, 12:04 PM
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I think you should take this opportunity to talk with your SIL (as a parent of your DC child not as your SIL) and discuss with her what her expectations are in regard to her daughter. Gather some developmental information for the child's age group and talk openly with her mother about what she should and shouldn't be doing at this age.

Work together to set some goals and work toward accomplishing those goals. Give the mother some ideas and activities that she can do at home with her daughter. Don't allow a parent to make you the primary person responsible for educating their child. It is the parents responsibility to educate their child at this age and stage of her life.

At this age, she shold be learning social skills, self-help skills and just about herself in general. Academic come later and really shouldn't be part of her daily learning curriculum while in family child care and at 1 or 2 years of age.

Hang in there....we've all been there!
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Old 01-21-2012, 12:19 PM
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Well I love my niece which the whole point so I'll put up with all I have too. As far as teaching her I do make the most of the day and she gets a lot more attention when she's around me not to mention the positive male role influence. Perhaps this is just Gods way of saying I need to push more.....
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:10 PM
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Default But she is learning...

....learning that early childhood is fun and not all about academics!

Ever hear of Raymond Moore? He wrote the book Better Late Than Early. It shows evidence that academics should be held off until a child is about 8 or 9, when they are emotionally as well as intellectually ready for it.
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:13 PM
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She is learning, plenty of social skills if nothing else. Course what my sil doesnt realize is right now the only thing holding me in Oklahoma is taking care of my little niece and my 12 year old niece too. Love my family Just have to discuss with my 17 year old sister in law whats normal for her almost two year old daugther to have understanding of now and what we will be working on.
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dave4him View Post
She is learning, plenty of social skills if nothing else. Course what my sil doesnt realize is right now the only thing holding me in Oklahoma is taking care of my little niece and my 12 year old niece too. Love my family Just have to discuss with my 17 year old sister in law whats normal for her almost two year old daugther to have understanding of now and what we will be working on.
Your SIL is 17? LOL, well that explains it. I know that's age discrimination, but quite honestly, I don't care... because seriously, what does she know???
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Old 01-21-2012, 03:31 PM
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Sorry - I don't have much advice but do you maybe have an informational sheet you can give them each day to let them know what you do work on? That way you can let them know what things you worked on each day.
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Old 01-21-2012, 04:39 PM
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Dave,

Many parents feel unless their child is coming home with work sheets each day and reciting this, that and the other....that they are not learning.

I give every parent who enrolls with me a copy of this brochure. It helps them understand how children REALLY learn.


http://www.naeyc.org/store/node/29
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Old 01-21-2012, 07:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meeko60 View Post
Dave,

Many parents feel unless their child is coming home with work sheets each day and reciting this, that and the other....that they are not learning.

I give every parent who enrolls with me a copy of this brochure. It helps them understand how children REALLY learn.


http://www.naeyc.org/store/node/29
I deal with this on a daily basis, not from the parents (who I honestly think, don't care what I "teach" all day, as long as their kid comes home with all body parts attached and leaves happily in the morning), but from my director!!

I send home a weekly report of what we did, the art projects and the Weekly Reader for that week...but basically, WE PLAY
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Old 01-21-2012, 09:34 PM
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I think there is a common misconception that parents seem to think it is OUR responsibility as providers to educate their children. While I firmly believe that children should be raised and taught by their parents. I don't offer a preschool program for the simple reason that I tried it and it was a joke. While I have no problem singing the ABC's and doing flashcards and doing shapes & colors, I don't have any expectation that they will walk away learning or remembering it.

Parents need to realize that we as providers are NOT teachers and if you do not offer a preschool program, they are paying for childcare services, not schooling.
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Old 01-22-2012, 04:20 PM
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Children learn through play plain and simple!! There is a LOT of research to back this up and I've read books on it by very educated people. The more a kid plays when they are children the more intelligent they are down the road. Studies even suggest that children are not ready for sit down rote learning until age 7 which is what some educational philosophies follow (Netherlands and Waldorf).

Unfortunately the vast majority of parents are not educated in the ways of child development and it's unfortunate that you don't have to be in order to have children. The only thing you can do is educate yourself and pass this knowledge on...but don't expect them to believe you or respect you, some people are just plain stubborn!!
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Old 01-22-2012, 06:22 PM
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so what does your sil want you to teach her, the birds and the bees lol!
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  #18  
Old 01-22-2012, 07:39 PM
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Don't listen to your parents, they didn't listen to theirs.....
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Old 01-23-2012, 07:50 AM
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This is why I don't work for relatives or friends. Its so much easier to say no to a regular daycare family.

That said, I would never change my structure based on what a 17 year old teen mom says. Yes that sounds bad but it is exactly how I feel. I wouldnt change my program based on what a 30 year old mom said either.
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Old 02-02-2012, 11:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dave4him View Post
hoping for little encourgament
Dave,

Do you have a clear contract and policy book? IF you don't put one in place and plan to change it a lot your first few years of doing care. Make it clear to her that you are a business and you want her to respect that. The rules are the same for you as everyone else.

Being a father you know she does not have the experience that you have, all you can do is show her kindness and brush off her rudeness and what not...because she does not have the experiences that comes with time and maturity. Teach her by setting an example as you have but don't take it all on, family or not. Having a child she made a decision to be a parent........now let her, she will learn quick. Remember she has to fail and figure things out on her own........it just sounds like that is going to be her nature and what makes her or breaks her.

Stop trying to fix everyone- its your nature I can tell. If you keep up at this rate you will be out of daycare before you really get a chance to start. Would like to see you make it. Take the advice from others here too, its all good. Be professional, not wishy washy- and if your going to take on family make it fair and known that its the same rules for everyone. Arguing with her will only push her away- just stick to the plain facts and your rules for you daycare. Don't buckle down to anyone for the career you have chosen, they don't have to like it, you don't have to explain to anyone other then your wife, and don't engage in conversation that brings you down.

Best of luck- Hope this helps you. I always enjoy your humor- even if I don't get it sometimes.
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Old 02-02-2012, 12:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dave4him View Post
So I hear from my Mil that my sil wants to take her d out of my care claiming she's not learning anything... At her other care center they were doing numbers and letters colors by now..... Um she's one! She turns two in two weeks but the kids not brilliant really! She's the reason I started my daycare in the first place so the amount of ingratitude makes me sick! I am doing the best I can but apparently not enough
one more thing, Tell your mother in law when she starts babbling at the mouth, to tell your SIL to talk to you instead of running her mouth all over the family. That will probably shut both of them up nicely. Family Gossip is not fun, wait till you hear from the horses mouth before you freak out about any of this.

Keep in mind if she has it in her mind to take her child out of your care, it's her choice, and move on. Don't let her hold it over your head to get what she wants- again have a policy, hand, rule book. Your own family should come first!!! Worrying that she will not let you see the child is worry you can not prevent......hard to hear, and I know this from personal experience in a completely different situation. Don't give anyone opportunity to have a grip hold on you like that. She could ultimately do it anyway for any reason

Show her respect but keep in mind she is probably a child in a forced to be adult situation- still no right to dump all unto you, or for you take all her dump on.

Again, hope this is food for thought and helps you-
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