Let Karma Handle It?

[icaredaycare]

Hey all,

Ok I have no problems with friendly competition in my area. In the city, there is usually a family daycare on every other block anyway, so it's expected that you will have some competitors. Anyway, my daycare is more for low income new immigrants, and that is the clientele i usually advertise to, and I do well that way.

So, a friend of a friend decided to open daycare four blocks away from mine. She figured I was doing well, so she thought why not...if he can, so can i. Ok...that's fine.

She has since been trying to go after the same clientele, and advertising the same exact things I do. Ok...fine.

However, just found out that she is bad mouthing me, saying that a man running a daycare isn't "safe," to some "potential" clients. ok...not cool.

She's a friend of a friend, so i'm not trying to harm anyone, however, I do know she is over capacity, at her daycare, with about 9 children...when she should only have 6. I have the opportunity to report her on this. However, I do not wish ill on anyone. Also I don't want her to wage a war on me, and start reporting me for no reasons. As a man in this field, i get paranoid, and I know the littles accusations could land an investigation.

Should I just leave this to karma? or take matters into my hands?

Also, my friend doesn't want to get involved, since she is mutual. I also would not want her in the middle of it, so when we have get togethers, i never bring up my business with her.

thoughts?

[Meyou]

Being over capacity is reason enough to report by itself. It shouldn't be tied to her other behavior IMO.

[JenNJ]

I would report her for breaking regulations. It has nothing to do with her. It's about how I would feel if I knew she was breaking regs and something happened to a child in care.

[MrsB]

I normally end up landing on the side of letting Karma take over in most of these type situations, except when it has to do with the safety of the children. So in this case I would report, because being over capacity does have to do with the safety of the children. But agree you need to leave it at that.

Trying to put all my "biases" aside I ask myself. How responsible would I feel if their was a house fire and something happened to one of the kids because she was over capacity and couldnt get them all out in time.

[daycare]

wow what a tuff spot to be in. Good job staying calm and no over reacting right away. But then again, you are a man... That tends to be a women thing..Ok, A me thing.

I am much like you in the sense that you don't want to create a war. In CA we have to be LIC to run a daycare. I see ads all the time for in-home child care and they are not Licensed. I normally shoot them a friendly email and tell them that they should really try to get licensed and I would be more than happy to help them, but non one ever takes me up on it.

Perhaps you can use it to your advantage and go out of your way to friend this person. Work with her instead of against her.

Maybe you can contact her face to face and just introduce yourself and let her know that if you can be of any help??

I don't know, just my thoughts

[wdmmom]

I'd report it. I wouldn't say my name, I would simply state that you feel her daycare warrants an investigation. If they ask why, say you were a passenger in a car and seen her outside with several young children and you know there are regulations in place that say you can only have so many children.

If you're going to do this, just make sure you are spic n span when it comes to regs in the event she wants to retaliate.

[AllDeezBabies]

You would be acting as a concerned daycare professional by alerting the correct authorities of the dangers of her being over her capacity. You're doing this for the safety of the children, nothing personal.

Like another concerned daycare professional stated earlier, it would eat me alive if I knew something happened to those children if I knew she wasn't legally up to the correct standards.

Do it for the children

[TBird]

This is just my paranoid, humble opinion....

I (myself) would let Karma handle it. It is so, so, sad that she feels she needs to bash you. But as the minority in your field, you really & truly have to be careful. I'm not saying to look the other way...maybe you can report her anonymously but chances are she'd find out (or guess that it's you) & you already have a lot of chips stacked against you. If you already have a nice group of parents & children....word of mouth & the way you conduct yourself will tell the story.

Is there a way you can extend the 'olive branch' to her or maybe the two of you can partner? Field trips, community events & such? Maybe if you stop by there (and she also sees that you see she's over numbers), her tune will change. I don't know...it's just so sad. I wouldn't mess with anyone's livelihood (meaning yours) no matter how tight the market is.

[icaredaycare]

Thank you all so much for your input. I was concerned for the children, that's why I have been beating myself over this situation over and over again. The other thing I considered was that her family isn't in a good place either. Her husband just lost his job, and she has 2 children, a 4 yr old and a 1 yr old. So i have put her family into consideration as well. If something were to happen to her daycare, and her family grew hungry because of me...I would not feel good either.


As for hooking up with her and becoming community partners, I'm not sure if she sees the same light. I am already her enemy for some reason, and refuses to talk to me. I tried adding her as a friend on fb, but was denied. So i have tried to reach out first. I'm not going to beg for a friendship.

I'm leaning more towards letting this go. thanks again guys. its mid week, we should all be happy! i'm not going to sour the mood anymore.

[cheerfuldom]

I would and have reported providers over capacity. There is a way for her to provide for her family while being within state regulations. Turning a blind eye when you know that her ratio is too high is doing a disservice to these children.

[familyschoolcare]

I would report it and not give my name just being over numbers could be any parent, neighbor, or relative that reports that. If a Day Care Provider is willing to break the law by going over the limit them what other laws are they willing to break and what kind of danger does that put the children in.

[CheekyChick]

I would report her because it's not safe for the children. God forbid if there was a fire and only one adult was there to evacuate the children. Do this anonymously and do not tell your mutual friend. Hopefully she won't retaliate.

IF she keeps bad mouthing you, I would send her a certified letter stating that you have heard she is slandering you - which is ILLEGAL - and that if she continues to do so you will contact your attorney.

That should help.

[icaredaycare]

Would an anonymous letter work? It would state that she have 2 weeks to bring her capacity down, other wise the state would come for an inspection.

Signed,

Concerned Parent
_________________


This way, I don't ruin her business, but at the same time the children will have time to be safe.

[familyschoolcare]

Originally Posted by icaredaycare

Would an anonymous letter work? It would state that she have 2 weeks to bring her capacity down, other wise the state would come for an inspection.

Signed,

Concerned Parent
_________________


This way, I don't ruin her business, but at the same time the children will have time to be safe.

If you do this I would still call the authorities at exactly two weeks of sending the letter. If wshe is in capacity by then they will see that at the insection and will not closer her down or anything. It will on the other had send a message to her about how serious being over capicity or breaking any of the laws in reguards to child care is.

[icaredaycare]

correct, so I will give proper notice, and call the state for inspection. in 2 weeks, if she straightened up, all will be well.

Now... typed letter or hand written?

[youretooloud]

I would confront her on the badmouthing. Tell her you hear she's been talking about you to potential clients, and you'd like to discuss it with her. (it's better if there are other people around.. even your mutual friend) and ask her for the specifics of why she's so convinced you are unsafe.

Remind her that in every. Single. Case in the news recently, the bad things always involve a female daycare provider who either made a forgetful mistake, or completely snapped and killed a child. (obviously statistically there are more female providers, so it's not totally fair...but, say that anyway)

Point out that you have a very good record, and nothing has ever happened, so you are highly offended that she would badmouth you like that KNOWING full well, that nothing bad has ever, or probably will ever happen.

Then remind her that Karma is a cruel B**** and she might be better off trying to say only nice things, because these things always seem to come back to bite the person in the bottom later.

[familyschoolcare]

Originally Posted by icaredaycare

Would an anonymous letter work? It would state that she have 2 weeks to bring her capacity down, other wise the state would come for an inspection.

Signed,

Concerned Parent
_________________


This way, I don't ruin her business, but at the same time the children will have time to be safe.

If you are not going to sign your name then I would type it up.

[daycare]

Originally Posted by icaredaycare

correct, so I will give proper notice, and call the state for inspection. in 2 weeks, if she straightened up, all will be well.

Now... typed letter or hand written?

I would not do the letter, just let the authorities handle it...that is what they are there for. If you are already enemies with her and feel there is no way to reconcile, then I would just call and report it.

BUT are you for sure that she is over? How do you know this? Did you see it yourself or did you hear about it? Reason I ask, is that you don't want to report it and end up being wrong. LIC may look at you and say why did you make a false claim??

[countrymom]

I would call her up and confront her. The whole over limit thing is heresay. Did you see her over the limit, are some of them her own children (because I have 9 kids here in the summer and 4 of them are mine, and I have a 10 yr old that doesn't count in my numbers so thats 11 kids kwim) did you see abuse, are the kids coming and going (I have kids like this) unless you see it first hand, I wouldn't cause problems, I know that you have a mutual friend, but why is this friend telling you these things but doesn't want to get involved, too late the minute she told you she got involved.

I would let it be, don't worry karma will get her.

[Blackcat31]

As a mandated reporter, it is your duty and obligation to report anything that impedes the safety of children. If you know for a fact she is over capacity, it needs to be reported.

[MarinaVanessa]

My PO about the over capacity thing is that if i havn't actually seen anything then it's heresay. If your friend has seen a certain amount of kids there then it would be up to that friend to make that call. If it still seriously bothers you because you "suspect" that the other provider could be over capacity then go ahead and make that call. I wouldn't give your name however and I would tell them exactly what happened; your friend told you.

As for the part about how she's bad-mouthing you. That's illegal. This is where I would type up a letter, not for the part about being over capacity. What she is doing is defamation of character and slander. This could ruin your business. It's hard enough as it is for a man in this business and you'd better believe that I'd be all over her like jam on toast with a cease and disist letter. She's looking at a potential lawsuit if what she says causes you to lose potential or current clients. And I agree with the above post, your friend got involved as soon as your friend let you know about these things.

In all honesty I would talk to a lawyer. Maybe get a free consultation to see whether or not you can do something to stop it. And I would make sure that her advertisements weren't direct copies of my advertisements. I've had THAT happen to me.

Good luck.

[icaredaycare]

Thanks again for the replies. I would like to clarify that my friend who is our mutual friend did not discuss anything with me. the information I have been receiving are from clients, who has friends at the other daycare.


originally when i made this post, I was upset about the slandering...as we keep furthing this discussion, I have put away those thoughts, and am now thinking about the children. thank you everyone for clearing that up.


I haven't made a decision yet. As of right now, the majority of the group is saying to report it anonymously. I will sleep on it, and wake up with a clear head.