Daycare.com ForumDaycare Insurance American Web Loan LIST YOUR DAYCARE!

FIND A DAYCARE!

Facebook


Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-25-2012, 10:42 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default He's Almost 5 Now...

first of all, I'm a regular, but I am logged out for privacy this time. You other regulars will probably recognize me anyway.


Ok, so my first post was last June about a 4 year old boy I have who was having 5+ temper tantrums a day. The word "NO" to him means "I should scream, cry, and through myself around".

It's almost a year later, and he turns five in May. Nothing has changed.

Here's an example of today:

Hey, DCB, would you like to earn a lollipop?

(no, I don't normally use food as incentive, but I needed something done, and have 2 lollipops left from Easter...so I thought it would be fun).

YEAH! eyes light up...

Ok...clean up the playroom for me (toddlers left a mess), and you will be paid in lollipops!

"Do you want help?" (I have 2 lollipops and he has a 3 year old sister). "No"

2 minutes later...."I want help"

"Ok...dcg...if you help your brother, you can earn a lollipop too!" yeah....

"NO I DONT WANT HELP!!!!!!!"

Now, it's been 15 minutes and DCG cleaned up everything while he screamed. So...dcg earned a lollipop, and he gets NUTHIN. He is still screaming I WANT A LOLLIPOP!


REALLY?

he is almost 5!

I need to make this summer as pleasant as possible for all of us (and terminated is NOT an option...there are 4 kids and they come 4 days a week over the summer for the 5 day price).

My kids, his sibs, my husband, and I are SICK TO DEATH of this behavior. I know someone must be caving at home, because there is just no payoff here. I suspect he has a tantrum, then when he is done, comes all contrite, and they give him what he wants.

He can stop these tantrums on a dime, folks. He is not out of control. He is totally in control. If I said "hey...there's a dinosaur" (or your dad, or a chocolate cake) he would stop. I've seen him do it countless times.


So....how do we make the summer tolerable? It's off to school in the fall.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-25-2012, 10:51 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
first of all, I'm a regular, but I am logged out for privacy this time. You other regulars will probably recognize me anyway.


Ok, so my first post was last June about a 4 year old boy I have who was having 5+ temper tantrums a day. The word "NO" to him means "I should scream, cry, and through myself around".

It's almost a year later, and he turns five in May. Nothing has changed.

Here's an example of today:

Hey, DCB, would you like to earn a lollipop?

(no, I don't normally use food as incentive, but I needed something done, and have 2 lollipops left from Easter...so I thought it would be fun).

YEAH! eyes light up...

Ok...clean up the playroom for me (toddlers left a mess), and you will be paid in lollipops!

"Do you want help?" (I have 2 lollipops and he has a 3 year old sister). "No"

2 minutes later...."I want help"

"Ok...dcg...if you help your brother, you can earn a lollipop too!" yeah....

"NO I DONT WANT HELP!!!!!!!"

Now, it's been 15 minutes and DCG cleaned up everything while he screamed. So...dcg earned a lollipop, and he gets NUTHIN. He is still screaming I WANT A LOLLIPOP!


REALLY?

he is almost 5!

I need to make this summer as pleasant as possible for all of us (and terminated is NOT an option...there are 4 kids and they come 4 days a week over the summer for the 5 day price).

My kids, his sibs, my husband, and I are SICK TO DEATH of this behavior. I know someone must be caving at home, because there is just no payoff here. I suspect he has a tantrum, then when he is done, comes all contrite, and they give him what he wants.

He can stop these tantrums on a dime, folks. He is not out of control. He is totally in control. If I said "hey...there's a dinosaur" (or your dad, or a chocolate cake) he would stop. I've seen him do it countless times.


So....how do we make the summer tolerable? It's off to school in the fall.
it's still me...lol

I forgot to add, that the kid does not play, other than occasionally outside. Mostly, he meanders from one thing to the next, but never actually plays with anything. No rolling cars around or building block towers, coloring, or anything. He does OK with teacher led activities, but not usually for long. He follows my youngest son around (a few years older than him), which my son gets a little tired of. If he can't do that, he whines...it's like he cannot entertain himself at all....
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-25-2012, 10:52 AM
SilverSabre25's Avatar
SilverSabre25 SilverSabre25 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Where I am legally unlicensed ;), USA
Posts: 7,439
Default

He's old enough, and it sounds like he's verbal enough, that I think you could sit down with him and talk to him and tell him that his behavior is completely out of line and unacceptable. Tell him that you realize that he's probably in the habit of acting like this, and you know that habits are hard to break, so you will help him.

Then, seriously, bribe him. Tell him that he can fill up a jar with marbles, or a chart with stickers, or earn popsicle sticks, or whatever, for having a whole morning and a whole afternoon without tantrums. At first, make it short spurts of time. Morning = arrival to nap, afternoon = nap to pick up, and if there are no tantrums for the morning he gets a marble and none for the afternoon he gets a marble. Make his first reward pretty easy to get...like, ten of whatever you're using and he gets a lollipop (that would be a week with no tantrums). If he starts into a tantrum, at first give him a warning..."You're going to lose a stick if you don't stop before I count to three..." and partner this with TALKING to him about his feelings (frustration, disappointment, anger, etc) and some appropriate strategies for dealing with them.

Then after that first reward, re-evaluate...did he earn it pretty fast? Did he needs lots of warnings? Did it take him several weeks to earn it?

Empty the jar and repeat...after a couple times and he's getting the hang of it, change the game. Tell him "Hey! You're doing such a great job! Now to earn a marble you have to be pleasant all day! BUT...if you fill up the chart, you'll get [a slightly cooler lollipop, a popsicle, etc].

Eventually you take away the warnings, and at some point you start making him remember the stickers and the rewards...and somewhere along the line...he should get good behavior.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-25-2012, 11:18 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
He's old enough, and it sounds like he's verbal enough, that I think you could sit down with him and talk to him and tell him that his behavior is completely out of line and unacceptable. Tell him that you realize that he's probably in the habit of acting like this, and you know that habits are hard to break, so you will help him.

Then, seriously, bribe him. Tell him that he can fill up a jar with marbles, or a chart with stickers, or earn popsicle sticks, or whatever, for having a whole morning and a whole afternoon without tantrums. At first, make it short spurts of time. Morning = arrival to nap, afternoon = nap to pick up, and if there are no tantrums for the morning he gets a marble and none for the afternoon he gets a marble. Make his first reward pretty easy to get...like, ten of whatever you're using and he gets a lollipop (that would be a week with no tantrums). If he starts into a tantrum, at first give him a warning..."You're going to lose a stick if you don't stop before I count to three..." and partner this with TALKING to him about his feelings (frustration, disappointment, anger, etc) and some appropriate strategies for dealing with them.

Then after that first reward, re-evaluate...did he earn it pretty fast? Did he needs lots of warnings? Did it take him several weeks to earn it?

Empty the jar and repeat...after a couple times and he's getting the hang of it, change the game. Tell him "Hey! You're doing such a great job! Now to earn a marble you have to be pleasant all day! BUT...if you fill up the chart, you'll get [a slightly cooler lollipop, a popsicle, etc].

Eventually you take away the warnings, and at some point you start making him remember the stickers and the rewards...and somewhere along the line...he should get good behavior.
darn....now I have to log out again everytime I want to answer! I should have skipped the incognito thing....lol


Actually, I've already tried all that. We had some real heart-to-hearts, read some books about tantrums, talked about alternatives, and had a reward system where if he went 5 days straight without one he got a really cool toy. He ackomplished that (back in February). It still seems like his go-to behavior though.

Mom always excuses it..."he's tired"...."he must be getting sick" etc. I know that' part of the problem. Mom makes excuses, Dad treats him like an equal and takes him out to "work" on weekends. So, no one at home treats him like he's 5. Grandma rolls her eyes at him ALOT to indicate that she basically doesn't like him very much because he's just not very likeable most of the time.

He CAN be sweet, has a strangely quick sense of humor sometimes (and occasionally I can use that to steer him out of the negative, but not always, and sometimes I really don't feel like it).

I guess I'm wondering how the heck to teach someone...sometimes you just have to "suck it up, butter cup!"...lol It's a life skill!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-25-2012, 11:29 AM
cheerfuldom's Avatar
cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,286
Default

I don't know.....seriously if he was that annoying and there has been no progress with his behavior, then clearly that is just his personality for now. Some kids get no payoffs from crying or tantrums but that remains their go-to action when they are frustrated. If you can afford to term, I would just do it and have a stress free summer. Maybe your program is not the right fit anyway and he would do better somewhere else anyway.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-25-2012, 12:04 PM
SilverSabre25's Avatar
SilverSabre25 SilverSabre25 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Where I am legally unlicensed ;), USA
Posts: 7,439
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
darn....now I have to log out again everytime I want to answer! I should have skipped the incognito thing....lol


Actually, I've already tried all that. We had some real heart-to-hearts, read some books about tantrums, talked about alternatives, and had a reward system where if he went 5 days straight without one he got a really cool toy. He ackomplished that (back in February). It still seems like his go-to behavior though.

Mom always excuses it..."he's tired"...."he must be getting sick" etc. I know that' part of the problem. Mom makes excuses, Dad treats him like an equal and takes him out to "work" on weekends. So, no one at home treats him like he's 5. Grandma rolls her eyes at him ALOT to indicate that she basically doesn't like him very much because he's just not very likeable most of the time.

He CAN be sweet, has a strangely quick sense of humor sometimes (and occasionally I can use that to steer him out of the negative, but not always, and sometimes I really don't feel like it).

I guess I'm wondering how the heck to teach someone...sometimes you just have to "suck it up, butter cup!"...lol It's a life skill!
Ugh, sounds like a sucky situation for the poor guy. Maybe you can have a good talk with the parents about this? Or recommend that they seek an evaluation for the outbursts...they might get parenting advice that way. You could even wait for a moment when mom makes an excuse for him and say to her, "No, he's behaving like this because people in his life make excuses for it and don't make him face the music. He needs to learn and stop having excuses made for him." I would probably say it with a raised eyebrow and a pointed look.

I would also say that you should go ahead and SAY "Suck it up, buttercup!" to him. Don't let his sister do all the cleaning. Make her STICK to his decisions and EARN the consequences or rewards. Tell him that in school there will be big trouble for acting the way he does and he needs to learn better behavior now so he can learn in school. You're right, it IS a life skill and needs taught just like everything else!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-25-2012, 12:38 PM
Heidi's Avatar
Heidi Heidi is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 5,896
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
Ugh, sounds like a sucky situation for the poor guy. Maybe you can have a good talk with the parents about this? Or recommend that they seek an evaluation for the outbursts...they might get parenting advice that way. You could even wait for a moment when mom makes an excuse for him and say to her, "No, he's behaving like this because people in his life make excuses for it and don't make him face the music. He needs to learn and stop having excuses made for him." I would probably say it with a raised eyebrow and a pointed look.

I would also say that you should go ahead and SAY "Suck it up, buttercup!" to him. Don't let his sister do all the cleaning. Make her STICK to his decisions and EARN the consequences or rewards. Tell him that in school there will be big trouble for acting the way he does and he needs to learn better behavior now so he can learn in school. You're right, it IS a life skill and needs taught just like everything else!
Do you think the old "crying spot" would work? Assuming he would stay there.....

darn, now I blew my cover! lol
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 04-25-2012, 01:27 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 12,174
Default

My motto....kids who don't listen don't get to have any fun...I will do everything in my power to help you get there, BUT I will NOT do it for you.

I teach this from day one. Sounds harsh, but it is what works great for me. Especially at the age of your DCB.

I would be very cut and dry. OK clean time...DCB does not clean up. Ok sorry you didn't listen, so you don't get to have any fun. The next activity, this kid would get to sit and watch everyone have fun. It could be for 3 min or 15min, depending on how long the Good Listeners stay interested in the activity.

When it is over, I will tell DCK, how did that feel not getting to have fun with us? Did it make you feel: angry, sad, frustrated, hurt, and etc. Then I will say, well I want you to have fun, so please listen. then rinse and repeat.

I don't do tantrums. You CAN if you want, but I won't give them one look.

Maybe you can try something like this, but it has to be very cut and dry. Also, maybe instead of just saying NO, tell the child why. I know that NO means NO, but some kids take it better at this age if you explain to them why you are telling them NO.

Also, try setting the consequence from the start. DCB you will not get to have any fun playing watercolors if you do not clean up that mess.

I hope that things get better for you

Last edited by daycare; 04-25-2012 at 01:29 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 04-25-2012, 01:33 PM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: WDM, IA
Posts: 2,668
Default

I would try some type of rewards system. Make a reward chart. If he gets 4 stickers 4 days in a row, you do something special.

He sounds like a child that needs instant gratification so start with sending stickers home if he was good all day or Popsicles for snack, juice for lunch rather than milk, chocolate milk, etc.

And if he goes a whole week, do a "toy chest" with random dollar store stuff in it. A week with no problems he gets to pick a prize. Matchbox car, dinosaur, color book, etc.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-25-2012, 01:41 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 12,174
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wdmmom View Post
I would try some type of rewards system. Make a reward chart. If he gets 4 stickers 4 days in a row, you do something special.

He sounds like a child that needs instant gratification so start with sending stickers home if he was good all day or Popsicles for snack, juice for lunch rather than milk, chocolate milk, etc.

And if he goes a whole week, do a "toy chest" with random dollar store stuff in it. A week with no problems he gets to pick a prize. Matchbox car, dinosaur, color book, etc.
I am going to disagree with you here....I don't think that you should reward a child for behaving the way that they are supposed to behave...
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 04-25-2012, 01:43 PM
AmyLeigh's Avatar
AmyLeigh AmyLeigh is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Central California
Posts: 669
Default

I have a dcb much like yours. Except he is 7! I have never seen the likes of this child when it comes to tantrums.
I tried the talking it out business for a while. Didn't work, he loved the extra attention. So he gets the "Too bad you don't want to join us now. When you are done crying, you can." Then we hightail it out of the room. The worst time was a 20 minute tantrum because I wouldn't tell him the answwer to a homework problem. Now that I ignore it, he has gotten better for the most part. There are still bad days once in a while, especially when he is overly tired or overstimulated from school. But we have gone from once a day to 2x a month. I also make sure to give him extra attention when he is being his sweet self and thank him for being a good example to the little ones.
(And yes, I have talked to mom about an eval, which I think he desperately needs, but it hasn't happened as of yet )
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-25-2012, 01:46 PM
SilverSabre25's Avatar
SilverSabre25 SilverSabre25 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Where I am legally unlicensed ;), USA
Posts: 7,439
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
Do you think the old "crying spot" would work? Assuming he would stay there.....

darn, now I blew my cover! lol
Well, my opinion is biased because I don't really agree with the crying spot type philosophy, but no, I don't think it would help.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 04-25-2012, 01:57 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 12,174
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
Well, my opinion is biased because I don't really agree with the crying spot type philosophy, but no, I don't think it would help.
ditto this.....I don't have a crying spot, but I do have a thinking mat.....YOu can sit and think about anything you want, both good or bad.....
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 04-25-2012, 02:08 PM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: WDM, IA
Posts: 2,668
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
I am going to disagree with you here....I don't think that you should reward a child for behaving the way that they are supposed to behave...
If she's just wanting to get through the summer with no issues, I say do it. If it will make your job easier...and quieter...do it!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 04-25-2012, 02:10 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 12,174
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wdmmom View Post
If she's just wanting to get through the summer with no issues, I say do it. If it will make your job easier...and quieter...do it!
very true if it is not long term..... AND you do have to pick and choose your battles
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 04-25-2012, 03:33 PM
Bookworm's Avatar
Bookworm Bookworm is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 726
Default

Daycare, I believe you are my twin separated at birth. I do the exact same thing you do. I refuse to give in to tantrums as well. My kids know that the minute they start, I just point to the Tantrum Chair and head straight for it. When they're done, they can come back. If we were playing a game and the class got a prize, they know that they will not get one. And like you , I don't care if it's 5 min or 15 min they will not have any fun until their behavior improves.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 04-25-2012, 03:45 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 12,174
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bookworm View Post
Daycare, I believe you are my twin separated at birth. I do the exact same thing you do. I refuse to give in to tantrums as well. My kids know that the minute they start, I just point to the Tantrum Chair and head straight for it. When they're done, they can come back. If we were playing a game and the class got a prize, they know that they will not get one. And like you , I don't care if it's 5 min or 15 min they will not have any fun until their behavior improves.
all of my DCP know this... sometimes they are upset by it, but I tell them you knew this going into it. I don't do bad behavior, the kids know this. I have very very few behavior problems from my DCKs....well at least now, I cant say taht a year ago.

I think that it is very simple...You don't and you won't!!! lol

I even use this with my older teens and my older kids that I coach on the field. I hav parents ask me all the time how do you do that again??? lol I just laugh and tell them ahhh just beat them with a chicken........all joking of course.....
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 04-25-2012, 04:14 PM
youretooloud's Avatar
youretooloud youretooloud is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: The desert.
Posts: 1,958
Default

I won't tolerate that behavior either. If the parents aren't concerned about an actual problem that would require intervention of some sort....then he's a typical child that needs to learn to live in the world.

I had a girl who will turn five in August. She's been kicked off an airplane (had to stay the night in the city that the airline booted them) Was kicked out of her hockey team, and has til May to shape up in her preschool before she has to find a new school.

It took three major tantrums that inconvenienced the parents before they decided it was time to crack down on her behavior.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 04-25-2012, 04:23 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 12,174
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by youretooloud View Post
I won't tolerate that behavior either. If the parents aren't concerned about an actual problem that would require intervention of some sort....then he's a typical child that needs to learn to live in the world.

I had a girl who will turn five in August. She's been kicked off an airplane (had to stay the night in the city that the airline booted them) Was kicked out of her hockey team, and has til May to shape up in her preschool before she has to find a new school.

It took three major tantrums that inconvenienced the parents before they decided it was time to crack down on her behavior.
yes there is a magical word....its called NO....lol I don't know why parents have such a hard time telling this to their kids
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 04-25-2012, 04:53 PM
Bookworm's Avatar
Bookworm Bookworm is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 726
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
all of my DCP know this... sometimes they are upset by it, but I tell them you knew this going into it. I don't do bad behavior, the kids know this. I have very very few behavior problems from my DCKs....well at least now, I cant say taht a year ago.

I think that it is very simple...You don't and you won't!!! lol

I even use this with my older teens and my older kids that I coach on the field. I hav parents ask me all the time how do you do that again??? lol I just laugh and tell them ahhh just beat them with a chicken........all joking of course.....
I explain all this to every parent in my room and all but one agree 100%. Ironically, it's the parent whose kid has the most tantrums. She called my
Director to complain that I had the audacity to discipline her child in front of her while he was throwing a fit over a toy he wasn't supposed have anyway. My Director asked me to explain to her again about my policy on tantrums to which she responded that she didn't think it was fair that he didn't get to participate because he was upset. My response to her was, he didn't participate because he had a tantrum and I don't entertain them. She is not happy with me now but she won't pull him out because I'm the only one who can control him. Thank God school starts in 3 1/2 mos.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 04-25-2012, 05:04 PM
Live and Learn's Avatar
Live and Learn Live and Learn is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Paradise :-)
Posts: 959
Default

Lots of good suggestions already. I'll just add that I like to randomly reward good behavior.

When he is having a fit go around the room and give each non tantruming child a treat. Sticker, m&m, little plastic dinosaur, something. Say something like "Miss ***** is looking for children who are behaving kindly and playing quietly. I see Susie is. (Give her a treat.) I see Billy is. (Give him a treat.) I see Ella is...." and so on. When you lastly get to the tantrummer he will probably ask or his treat too. Then you say. "Maybe next time I give treats you will be playing quietly and behaving kindly." .......and walk away and give attention to the children playing nicely.

This has worked so many times for me. Good luck. He is old enough to know better and probably gets extra attention at home for behaving this way.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 04-25-2012, 05:40 PM
Heidi's Avatar
Heidi Heidi is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 5,896
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bookworm View Post
Daycare, I believe you are my twin separated at birth. I do the exact same thing you do. I refuse to give in to tantrums as well. My kids know that the minute they start, I just point to the Tantrum Chair and head straight for it. When they're done, they can come back. If we were playing a game and the class got a prize, they know that they will not get one. And like you , I don't care if it's 5 min or 15 min they will not have any fun until their behavior improves.
crying spot, tantrum chair, thinking spot...all essentially the same thing.

I have a smallish house with vaulted ceilings. Normally a lovely thing, but not when a 65 lb child is screaming at the top of his lungs.....
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 04-25-2012, 05:57 PM
Heidi's Avatar
Heidi Heidi is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 5,896
Default

ok...so this is what I have done so far in the last 9 months....

-Explaining the reason, if possible, for my decisions.

-Moving him to another room to have his fit, saying "come on back when you are done.

-Reading books on feelings, giving him alternatives to screaming and throwing things (go to the other room and chill or punch a pillow or use your words...which he does...he talks all the way through a tantrum).

-smacking him upside the head....JUST KIDDING!

-Giving him a chance to earn a really cool reward (an RV vehicle) for going 5 days in a row without a tantrum. He did it....which proves he's capable of it.

-talking to him about WHY he has the tantrums in a quiet moment and explaining that although it's tough, sometimes we don't get what we want, and we NEVER get what we want when we act like that.

-Using humor and pretending to have my own tantrums...which all the kids think is hysterical. My daughter (14) made me sit on the step. He KNOWS he's being ridiculous...he laughed when I did it.

-Several weeks of a dollar reward system where he could earn "dollars" for positive behaviors (like helping someone or being especially kind), and loose them for poor behavior. At the end of the week, he could "buy" things at home from mom. This was tedious and a waste of time, but I went along with it because mom wanted to try it.

-Just plain walking away when he tantrums, which can be difficult in a house of our size. The 4 other kids, plus my 11 & 14 yo own kids and I all end up very ACTIVELY ignoring it, while we all keep making eye contact with each other to the affect of "Oh God, please let it be over soon!". If we can't walk away, like if he starts at the snack table because he didn't get the cracker he wanted (no kidding), then I remove him. I don't talk at all, just take his hand gently and lead him to a spot a bit away, then walk away.

He has been in school mornings, so I thought it was getting better, but after pondering, I think he is just here less, so it SEEMS better...lol

I guess I am just out of ideas! I want to help him, I really do, but at this point, I am going for survival.

I would LOVE to throw up my arms and say "goodbye" some days, but I have his 3 younger sibs too, and only have 5 in my group. Phone calls for care are rare around here....

So, knowing all that, what do think?
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 04-25-2012, 10:20 PM
christinaskids's Avatar
christinaskids christinaskids is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 170
Default

My dc kids RARELY tantrum here and the parents love it. I just put them in the other room and shut the door or in the crying spot til they are done. I tell them to rejoin us when they are done. This way it gives them almost no attention to it good or bad. I think a reward sysrem is awesome but its giving them attention to it. Once they are done, ill say are you done now? And they will say yes and we will go on as if nothing happened. If they arent dome ill say well looks like you arent done, just let me know when you are. Tantrums are attention seeking behavior, even if the attention is negative attention.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 04-25-2012, 10:30 PM
SilverSabre25's Avatar
SilverSabre25 SilverSabre25 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Where I am legally unlicensed ;), USA
Posts: 7,439
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by christinaskids View Post
My dc kids RARELY tantrum here and the parents love it. I just put them in the other room and shut the door or in the crying spot til they are done. I tell them to rejoin us when they are done. This way it gives them almost no attention to it good or bad. I think a reward sysrem is awesome but its giving them attention to it. Once they are done, ill say are you done now? And they will say yes and we will go on as if nothing happened. If they arent dome ill say well looks like you arent done, just let me know when you are. Tantrums are attention seeking behavior, even if the attention is negative attention.
Man...knowing what you told me now, I think I have to agree with this...

and talking to mom. And possibly that evaluation...
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 04-26-2012, 03:36 AM
Meyou's Avatar
Meyou Meyou is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,657
Default

The only thing I can offer is that whatever you try give it a good two weeks before you try something else.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:07 PM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming