Help - Daycare Took dd Swimming After I said NO

I can barely type I'm shaking so bad. I told my daycare lady that my dd could
not go swimming. She is 4 and last year experienced a trauma in the pool.
(my nephew drowned, was put on life support and miraculously survived and is doing well but my dd has not gotten over it yet and is terrified of the water).

When I went to pick my dd up she would not even speak to me. I notice her hair is wet and ask why. That is when daycare lady tells me she must overcome her fears so she dragged my dd in the pool. I am so upset I want to hurt this lady. My entire family wants to hurt her and it's taking everything in me to not drive back over there and beat her black and blue for doing this. It's about 2 hours since I've picked up my dd and she still isn't talking. Just sitting in the corner staring at her feet. I called her pediatrician and they are going to see her first thing in the morning but I told this rotten woman that my dd is still fearful of pool and she disobeyed my request. My dd sees a child psychologist b/c of nightmares after my nephew's drowning and even he said now is not the time to introduce her back to swimming.

Can I sue or file police report? Parents please advise me as to what you'd do in my situation.

[Former Teacher]

Unregistered: I just hope to God this post is legit. I guess I am bored so I am responding to you.

Even though this is a very tragic post, if you do not have anything in writing, its a case of he said she said. You must document EVERYTHING. Do you have it in writing on your dd's enrollment papers about water activities? If you do then MAYBE you have something to stand on.

As far as the next course of action: I would pull your daughter out of this woman's care IMMEDIATELY.

Sad thing is, it's not really a CRIME per say. The caregiver just disobeyed your orders and traumatized the child.

Is it wrong? Absolutely! Can you sue? For what? Pain and suffering? That is hardly awarded nowadays anyway.

Best of luck to you. Become registered and I bet you will get more "friends" on here sympathetic and helpful.

[melskids]

absolutely pull her immediately!!!!

i have to have permission slips and paperwork and special approval filled out in order to take the children swimming. (its not worth the hassle so i don't)

[mac60]

Another one of those post that just isn't quite believeable. All the heat these days must make people bored.

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I can barely type I'm shaking so bad. I told my daycare lady that my dd could
not go swimming. She is 4 and last year experienced a trauma in the pool.
(my nephew drowned, was put on life support and miraculously survived and is doing well but my dd has not gotten over it yet and is terrified of the water).

When I went to pick my dd up she would not even speak to me. I notice her hair is wet and ask why. That is when daycare lady tells me she must overcome her fears so she dragged my dd in the pool. I am so upset I want to hurt this lady. My entire family wants to hurt her and it's taking everything in me to not drive back over there and beat her black and blue for doing this. It's about 2 hours since I've picked up my dd and she still isn't talking. Just sitting in the corner staring at her feet. I called her pediatrician and they are going to see her first thing in the morning but I told this rotten woman that my dd is still fearful of pool and she disobeyed my request. My dd sees a child psychologist b/c of nightmares after my nephew's drowning and even he said now is not the time to introduce her back to swimming.

Can I sue or file police report? Parents please advise me as to what you'd do in my situation.

Can I sue?

[tymaboy]

Did you sign a consent form at anytime to her being in care (at beginner of contract)? If not then you need to report the provider, even if you did & you told her no you still need to report her.

I'm sorry about what happened to your nephew BUT the provider can NOT take the other children swimming because your child is afraid its not fair to them and yes your little girl does need to get over her fear eventually but should be done so by YOU not her provider you also should of NOT taken YOUR child to daycare if you knew they where going to the pool on a field trip. Why do you wanna sue whats that gonna do you looking for money? money does nothing to help your daughters fear. Also it is not against the law to take a child to the pool unless she is licnesed and the state she is liscensed in states they can not take the children to the pool then you can report her to the licenses office but if you file a police report the police are just gonna laugh at you.

I didn't sign a consent for but typed up a detailed letter with psychiatrist signature last year. Shouldn't that suffice?

[MN Mom]

---If this is sincere, which I doubt---

I understand your daughter is traumatized. I'm very sorry for that. Please don't take this too harshly.

First, if you knew they were going to swim, why didn't you find alternate care for her that day? You obviously knew she was planning it, as you said no to your daughter swimming ahead of time?

Just because your daughter has issues with water does not make it right for all the other kids to be penalized for it.

I do not agree with the dcp "forcing" your daughter into the water (if this indeed did happen)...but suing? For what? Really...is this the end all, be all answer for everything these days? How will suing her help your daughters fear of water? It won't. Only time, and a little encouragement from you and slow re-introduction to the water will help.

I think the best you can do is just move on from the provider. IF THIS IS TRUE.

----MY honest gut-feeling opinion on this?---

You are the one with the fear. You are projecting this fear onto your child. You are the one not allowing her get better by constant reinforcement that water is scary and she could drown. Kids that young often pick up on fears of their parents and mimic them. They take their cues from YOU the parent. They are far too young to really understand the situation, or analyze their fears via a child therapist. You use it as an excuse for attention. Attention from your S.O., your family, friends, and your co-workers. I'd also be willing to bet that everyone around you is so damned tired of hearing about it, they avoid you when they can, try to change the subject, pretend they didn't see you, screen your calls. You have now realized that your ability to garner attention is diminishing, so you come to these forums with some pitiful sob-story to try and gain some semblance of sympathy.

**You'd probably gain a lot more trust if you would register, rather than troll as an unregistered guest. Heck when I made my first post here, I may have been unregistered but I at least used a posting name....

Originally Posted by MN Mom

---If this is sincere, which I doubt---

I understand your daughter is traumatized. I'm very sorry for that. Please don't take this too harshly.

First, if you knew they were going to swim, why didn't you find alternate care for her that day? You obviously knew she was planning it, as you said no to your daughter swimming ahead of time?

Just because your daughter has issues with water does not make it right for all the other kids to be penalized for it.

I do not agree with the dcp "forcing" your daughter into the water (if this indeed did happen)...but suing? For what? Really...is this the end all, be all answer for everything these days? How will suing her help your daughters fear of water? It won't. Only time, and a little encouragement from you and slow re-introduction to the water will help.

I think the best you can do is just move on from the provider. IF THIS IS TRUE.

----MY honest gut-feeling opinion on this?---

You are the one with the fear. You are projecting this fear onto your child. You are the one not allowing her get better by constant reinforcement that water is scary and she could drown. Kids that young often pick up on fears of their parents and mimic them. They take their cues from YOU the parent. They are far too young to really understand the situation, or analyze their fears via a child therapist. You use it as an excuse for attention. Attention from your S.O., your family, friends, and your co-workers. I'd also be willing to bet that everyone around you is so damned tired of hearing about it, they avoid you when they can, try to change the subject, pretend they didn't see you, screen your calls. You have now realized that your ability to garner attention is diminishing, so you come to these forums with some pitiful sob-story to try and gain some semblance of sympathy.

**You'd probably gain a lot more trust if you would register, rather than troll as an unregistered guest. Heck when I made my first post here, I may have been unregistered but I at least used a posting name....

I absolutely agree with this post! I'm hoping that this person is a troll, because if she's not, then her child is well on her way to becoming an emotional train wreck!

(Getting my flame resistant suit ready...got my trusty fire extinguisher by my side...). I'm just going to say it even though it will no doubt sound mean. Quit projecting your own fears and feelings on your child! Do you think that your DD could learn that fear without you reinforcing it in her? It doesn't work that way. We learn our fears from the influences (parents for example) around us. When we are born, we are born with only two fears...falling and loud, abrupt noises. Every other fear is learned. Yes, seeing her cousin almost drown would leave an impact, but it's up to you as a parent to help her through it, not to keep engraining the fear. As parents, we are the people who are mirrored most for our children. OP, if your DD is as afraid of water as you are claiming that she is, then you have to take responsibility for her response. You can take her to a psychologist until the cows come home, but until you stop projecting your fears on her, then you're just throwing away your money. You have a responsibility to your child not just as a child, but also as an influence for how to model her adulthood.

I would agree that the provider shouldn't have taken your DD swimming without your permission. Personally, I wouldn't do that. What I would do is tell you that I will be taking the daycare kids swimming (with at least 2 days advanced notice) and that if you don't want your child to go, then you would need to work out alternate care. I can't justify keeping the other kids and myself from doing things like swimming, field trips, etc. just because you don't want your child to go.

If you're serious, and not a troll, I would just hope that if you take anything positive from the responses that you have recieved, take this. Please get your DD in a swimming class so that she can learn to integrate her fears before her fears rule her. A swimming class for children who fear water is actually a good place to start.

I read this forum and had to laugh. I came across it as my wife and I are considering this dcp for our 4 mo. old son. I am EXTREMELY protective of my son and want nothing but the best for him. However, reading this made me feel bad for the 4 year old girl who's mother obviously has more issues than an overexaggerated complaint against her dcp. And asking if she should sue? Good idea...afterall, it's the American way right?
First off, I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but if your daughter is so deathly afraid of water, then WHY IN GOD'S NAME would you send her to day care on a day when you know they are going SWIMMING. I believe there are other options out there. Second, if you're so unhappy with this dcp, find another one...it's a simple solution and may save you from "going postal."
I need to say that I don't know what it's like having a child who has experienced a traumatic incident and I pray I never have to deal with that. My point tho, is that while I'm sure it's difficult, projecting your frustrations and insecurities onto others may not be the solution. I highly doubt that the dcp drug her kid into the pool and forced her to do something she didn't want to do. I'm also sure she could have hung out by the pool or somewhere nearby where she wasn't in any sort of immiment danger. Poor thing will probably never step foot in a pool, lake, ocean, etc. for the rest of her life. She may be seeing a psychiatrist, but she may need more than that. There are classes out there to help her deal with her fear of the water...te help show her that it's not a scary thing.
There was just alot of uneccessary anger in that post. Hopefully after she cooled down she realized there was no need to post such a negative rant. Now, did I need to waste my time writing this? Absolutely not...seeing that it makes about as much sense and will accomplish as much as the original post.

[Chickenhauler]

What exactly did the pediatrician (an MD) do to cure your childs mental anguish from water? Why would you take a child to a medical doctor when clearly the problem is not a physical injury, but a mental stumbling block?


As for the statement "I am so upset I want to hurt this lady. My entire family wants to hurt her and it's taking everything in me to not drive back over there and beat her black and blue for doing this.".....you would be at her home, invading her personal space, attempting or doing physical injury to her. If you're lucky, you only get arrested. Not so lucky, you get your own beat-down. Really unlucky, you get shot.


Don't waste the police's time, this is NOT a criminal matter, it's a civil one. The cops will laugh in your face and explain that their duty is not to referee a disagreement in a business transaction.

[gbcc]

I don't know where you live but I am in NYS and here if I take a child swimming without a parents consent then I could be shut down. I must have special state permission and a signed permission slip from parents. If a parent refuses to sign then they need to find alternate care for those days.