Whiny Spoiled 3Yr Old

i'm so sick of this childs behavior. she whines and cries when something does not go her way! Mom and dad feed into it . She did not want to come to dc today because I do not let her have her paci. Shes 3 !! she does NOT need it . she actually does just fine all day. except at d/o and p/u's . Parents have one ready for both kids to pop in their mouths. I tell mom this morning she will be fine, does fine and to please stop feeding into her. it makes for a tough monring for us all. so mom says to me, can she just have it. NO! why do you even bring her IN my house WITH it??? I take it immediately and hand it to mom to take. She has been here since 630am today and has done nothing but whine and cry. cries she has to potty...so GO! geesh....cries over what was for breakfast, um sorry but you eat what we all eat or go hungry...cries over toys, we share here! now crying beside me sitting in time out for constantly whining LOL...Told her if she cant stop it then time out is where she goes.
and its all over a stupid paci . i have written the parents a letter already saying that i'm giving them 2 weeks to fix this problem. meaning, NO MORE PACI comes to my house. say goodbye to it in the van or home. stop feeding her whining when here. she does fine with the rules. they treat her like a baby and its really bugging me badly. get this, last night an hour after they left, mom texts me to see if she can come by and get dcg's artwork they forgot because dcg is crying she wants it. i read it to my DH and he laughed!! i waited about 10mins and wrote her back saying i'm sorry but i am closed and having family time. it will be here in the morning for her.....WOW is all i could say

any suggestions on how you guys would handle?? i'm at my wits end

btw, its bentleys bands...for some reason it wont let me log in

[MyAngels]

I'm not a big fan of pacifiers after the infant stage, either. I have a little one now who was very dependent on hers (at least according to the parents), but I just handled it in a low key way. When she came in the morning I just quietly pocketed the thing, and if she ever asked about it during the day I just diverted her attention somewhere else. She rarely asked for it anyway, so it was not a big deal. At pick up time it came out of the pocket just in time to go home. Once her parents realized she was not using it here, they realized she didn't need it at home, either, and it was gone.

As far as the whining goes, I have a big pillow in a corner that the kids can go to if they are upset and want to cry. It usually doesn't take long for them to realize it's not much fun sitting off by yourself.

[jen]

For the paci, I have done as the previous poster. I don't say anything while Mom or Dad is still here, I just take it after they leave.

As for the whining, I would try this.

Little Girl: Whine, whine, whine
Me: "Oh, poor Little Girl, you must be tired! Let's go take a nap."

Then put her down, repeat as necessary. Whining = nap

Or

Little Girl: Whine, whine, whine
Me: "Oh, I think you need a cry pillow. When you are all done crying, please come join us."

Then put her on a big pillow in a quiet area of the room. If she gets up while still crying, put her back. The SECOND she stops, let her up. The SECOND she starts again, put her back.

[GretasLittleFriends]

I have a little guy who turned 2 a couple months ago. As soon as he gets here HE tucks his pacifier in his bag. We don't even use it at nap time. Mom seemed impressed, but of course each night she gets here he does this excited whine and the boy or mom gets it out and plugs him in... She has even commented she needs to wean him from it. LOL

Originally Posted by Unregistered

i'm so sick of this childs behavior. she whines and cries when something does not go her way! Mom and dad feed into it . She did not want to come to dc today because I do not let her have her paci. Shes 3 !! she does NOT need it . she actually does just fine all day. except at d/o and p/u's . Parents have one ready for both kids to pop in their mouths. I tell mom this morning she will be fine, does fine and to please stop feeding into her. it makes for a tough monring for us all. so mom says to me, can she just have it. NO! why do you even bring her IN my house WITH it??? I take it immediately and hand it to mom to take. She has been here since 630am today and has done nothing but whine and cry. cries she has to potty...so GO! geesh....cries over what was for breakfast, um sorry but you eat what we all eat or go hungry...cries over toys, we share here! now crying beside me sitting in time out for constantly whining LOL...Told her if she cant stop it then time out is where she goes.
and its all over a stupid paci . i have written the parents a letter already saying that i'm giving them 2 weeks to fix this problem. meaning, NO MORE PACI comes to my house. say goodbye to it in the van or home. stop feeding her whining when here. she does fine with the rules. they treat her like a baby and its really bugging me badly. get this, last night an hour after they left, mom texts me to see if she can come by and get dcg's artwork they forgot because dcg is crying she wants it. i read it to my DH and he laughed!! i waited about 10mins and wrote her back saying i'm sorry but i am closed and having family time. it will be here in the morning for her.....WOW is all i could say

any suggestions on how you guys would handle?? i'm at my wits end

btw, its bentleys bands...for some reason it wont let me log in

I agree with you 3 YEARS OLD DO NOT NEED PACI'S. I dont understand why some parents hold there children back because THEY wanna be lazy. I was weaning a 18 month old off his paci because it was getting in the way of him speaking I would just hand it to Dad everyday for 2 weeks and say he doesnt need it and never asked for it so we dont use it here after 2 weeks he of me handing it back and saying the samething over and over he got the point and the little boy started talking more right away. As far as the whining girls are far more whiney then boys BUT I would put her on the mat everytime she cries for a nap and say well you must be tired because you are whining and when you are done you can get up and join us or put her in time out for it and stick to it she will stop it at your house aleast.

[laundrymom]

I have a family that I love absolutely LOVE!!but they asked me about 3 months ago to start weening their 16 mo old from the paci,.. I told them,.. she hasnt had a paci here since she was 6 weeks old, I broke her the first week....... wow,.. shock,.. Mom still doesnt believe me I dont think but still pops one in the second she gets in the car. I still say a paci kid is a fussier kid.

[countrymom]

in my house, paci is for nap only. I weened the 20 month old about 2 months ago, but at home they say she is so whiney so they give it too her, she's perfectly fine without it here.
whine= corner
more whine = more corner

eventually they will get tired of going to the corner (and you need to stand in the corner)

[Blackcat31]

I had a two year old who started behaving as two year olds do, you know whiney, temper tantrums and unwilling to listen, control issues etc and know how mom handled it?!?!? She gave him a paci! He never had one until then! WTH? Anyways, he can have it here, but he has to sit on a certain chair in the corner away from everyone. HE can have it for as long as he wants just so long as he stays on the chair. He used to sit on the chair a lot for long periods of time. Now he hasn't sat there in months. DCM says he still has paci at home and she doesn't know what to do.....(Besides be a parent and man up and take it!) But anyways, I think giving them a space to use it allows them to be in control and when they give it up it has a bigger impact if they are the ones to choose to give it up. Most kids are waaay younger and it is easier to get rid of it. I'm sure this is a rare instance but that is how I handled it. BTW, this little guy is pushin 4 yrs old now and he still has paci at home...just hasn't had one here for awhile...thank goodness!!

[MarinaVanessa]

This is the exact reason why I do not give any of my own children paci's. It's one thing less to have to wrestle away from them. I agree with the whining=nap or whining=some-type-of-a-time-out thing. Here at my daycare we have one spot that's calle dthe "crying corner" which is actually a step. Any time that any of the DC littles cries or whines for something they go sit in the crying corner. They can cry all that they want there bit only there. The second that they stop they can rejoin us. If they sit there and wail, scream, yell or holler (you know, when they're "crying" but it's more excessive and for attention but not actual crying) then they go down for a nap.

[marniewon]

Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa

This is the exact reason why I do not give any of my own children paci's. It's one thing less to have to wrestle away from them. I agree with the whining=nap or whining=some-type-of-a-time-out thing. Here at my daycare we have one spot that's calle dthe "crying corner" which is actually a step. Any time that any of the DC littles cries or whines for something they go sit in the crying corner. They can cry all that they want there bit only there. The second that they stop they can rejoin us. If they sit there and wail, scream, yell or holler (you know, when they're "crying" but it's more excessive and for attention but not actual crying) then they go down for a nap.

I totally agree with this! At what age would you incorporate this? I have a 14mo who cries/screams over every little thing, and I really believe it is an attention thing. Right now I put him in exersaucer if he gets into things repeatedly (after being told no each time) and/or pnp for same or crying/screaming. I always feel like I'm a mean provider, but I can't stand the crying/screaming over nothing. (I have infinite compassion for a child who cries/screams because they are hurt/ill and it doesn't bother me, but it really does when there's no apparent reason for it).

[MarinaVanessa]

Originally Posted by marniewon

I totally agree with this! At what age would you incorporate this? I have a 14mo who cries/screams over every little thing, and I really believe it is an attention thing. Right now I put him in exersaucer if he gets into things repeatedly (after being told no each time) and/or pnp for same or crying/screaming. I always feel like I'm a mean provider, but I can't stand the crying/screaming over nothing. (I have infinite compassion for a child who cries/screams because they are hurt/ill and it doesn't bother me, but it really does when there's no apparent reason for it).

I'm the same, the occasional crying doesn't bother me and usually the child just needs a hug or to have his/her feelings validated (yes, even toddlers) but sometimes they can cry over the most minute things just to cry over it. For the ones that use crying as a way to get attention or to get (or because they didn't get) their way, I use the crying corner.

It's just a spot that is designated as a spot to cry. Sometimes kids just need to cry so I provide a spot for them to do it at. If they are whining or crying for something (being fussy) I just say something like "Uh-oh, *DC Child* is crying. Do you need to sit in the crying corner?" This gives the child an opportunity to say no and stop fussing. If they don't stop fussing and crying then I just hold their hand and lead them to the step. I wear my compassion face but say "Yes, I think we need to sit in the crying corner. It's ok to cry, but you can only cry here in the crying corner" etc. They are allowed to take a comfort item as long as it isn't a "toy" to play with. I also keep our "tattling turtle" there so some kids get him and hold him while they sit. After that they are pretty much left alone and ignored until the second that they stop. When they stop I put on my super happy face and very enthusiastically say something like "OH, look guys! *DC Child* isn't crying! Yay! Do you want/can you play with us?" and then the child usually just comes over and joins us. I will give a hug and ask if he/she feels better etc. if it's necessary.

New kids and very young kids need a little more prompting and may even need to have me sit with them until they get the idea of how it works, but I never talk to them. I'll just sit with them. Some get up a lot and try to leave or say no and they just need consistency. You just have to keep guiding them back.

It's so routine now that the 15mo that I watch may take a toy or something and so I'll intercept it and return it to the child that was playing with it and he'll start to cry and all I have to do is say "Uh-oh. Do you need to sit in th ecrying corner?" and he'll walk himself over and sit down and sniffle a few more times and then look up expectantly until I invite him back lol. Even the kids will send themselves or each other. "*Suzie* is crying, she needs to sit in the crying corner" and then *suzie* walks herself and sits for a moment or two. It's the funniest thing.

When they cry for something I never give in. I pretend that I can't understand what they are saying and ask them to use their words. If you give in once they'll expect you to give in again. Kids are smart . I hope I made it clear enough lol.

[laundrymom]

TATTLING TURTLE?????? details!!! I NEED one!!!

Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa

I'm the same, the occasional crying doesn't bother me and usually the child just needs a hug or to have his/her feelings validated (yes, even toddlers) but sometimes they can cry over the most minute things just to cry over it. For the ones that use crying as a way to get attention or to get (or because they didn't get) their way, I use the crying corner.

It's just a spot that is designated as a spot to cry. Sometimes kids just need to cry so I provide a spot for them to do it at. If they are whining or crying for something (being fussy) I just say something like "Uh-oh, *DC Child* is crying. Do you need to sit in the crying corner?" This gives the child an opportunity to say no and stop fussing. If they don't stop fussing and crying then I just hold their hand and lead them to the step. I wear my compassion face but say "Yes, I think we need to sit in the crying corner. It's ok to cry, but you can only cry here in the crying corner" etc. They are allowed to take a comfort item as long as it isn't a "toy" to play with. I also keep our "tattling turtle" there so some kids get him and hold him while they sit. After that they are pretty much left alone and ignored until the second that they stop. When they stop I put on my super happy face and very enthusiastically say something like "OH, look guys! *DC Child* isn't crying! Yay! Do you want/can you play with us?" and then the child usually just comes over and joins us. I will give a hug and ask if he/she feels better etc. if it's necessary.

New kids and very young kids need a little more prompting and may even need to have me sit with them until they get the idea of how it works, but I never talk to them. I'll just sit with them. Some get up a lot and try to leave or say no and they just need consistency. You just have to keep guiding them back.

It's so routine now that the 15mo that I watch may take a toy or something and so I'll intercept it and return it to the child that was playing with it and he'll start to cry and all I have to do is say "Uh-oh. Do you need to sit in th ecrying corner?" and he'll walk himself over and sit down and sniffle a few more times and then look up expectantly until I invite him back lol. Even the kids will send themselves or each other. "*Suzie* is crying, she needs to sit in the crying corner" and then *suzie* walks herself and sits for a moment or two. It's the funniest thing.

When they cry for something I never give in. I pretend that I can't understand what they are saying and ask them to use their words. If you give in once they'll expect you to give in again. Kids are smart . I hope I made it clear enough lol.

[MarinaVanessa]

Originally Posted by laundrymom

TATTLING TURTLE?????? details!!! I NEED one!!!

Our infamous Tattling Turtle!! lol. It can be anything really, just sounds better when it starts with a T so we have a turtle. I got so frustrated and tired of hearing the kids tattle on each other that I went out and got a turtle (Franklin lol) and he became our tattling turtle. Tattling Turtle lives near our crying corner and if a child feels the need to tattle on someone I refer them to the turtle. He's grown to be a very important part of our routine. Sometimes the kids have a rough day and they can always go to the tattling turtle to vent and he'll never give your secrets away. "He's a great listener, and he never interupts you. He's always there when you need him and he'll never think that what you tell him is dumb" <--- How my DD describes the tattling turtle lol. They know that unless someone is in danger or it's extremely important they have to tattle to the turtle.

The kids here are so used to him also that it's routine. They've even put him in a basket and have given him a little blanket. In October a DCG thought that we should change it to "Tatlling Pumpkin" and they used a plastic pumpkin instead, apparently to get festive. I just chuckled and agreed and the kids said that Franklin was on vacation.