REALLY Need To Vent, Terminated FINALLY, Now Mom Is Blaming Me!!

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

I am so furious I could just burst. I have this 2 year 3 month old daycare boy (or I should say HAD) that has hit/thowed objects, hurt my kids and daycare kids just about on a daily basis. When school is off my day is a nightmare because he hits the kids and they just don't enjoy being hit EVERY single time they are home by this boy.

This boy has hit me in the face when I go to talk to him, has thrown things at me, and just won't listen. He smacks his mom in the face over and over at pick up.

So finally I had enough and today I wrote her an email saying it's just not working out and I said I just can't meet his needs when all the kids are home from school, he would be better off in a smaller setting or 1 on 1.

She wrote back accusing me of calling him special needs and that I was pushing him out the door by bringing in 2 more kids knowing he gets frustrated with more kids around him. Wow, I never called him special needs, I only stated that I cannot meet his needs. And since when do I have to get approval by a parent to take in more clients?

I have bent over backwards for this mom trying to make things work and I am nothing but nice to the boy despite his constant hitting/throwing....and now she's trying to make me look like the bad guy. It's just VERY upsetting knowing all I put into him and she's walking away from this like I am a bad provider.

When you terminate, how do your parents react? I didn't expect it would be good, but it just hurts me that I am respectful despite the constant struggles this boy has given me and I get crapped on.

[Michelle]

It really depends on the parent, this mom sounds very immature . She knows her son is difficult and she knows she is going to be going through this again.
I had the same situation exactly, a few years ago. I was a real wimp and told the parents I had to term because I was pregnant (I really was)and couldn't take the chance of him hurting me or the baby. I told them how bad I felt for them and they just laughed and said "don't worry, you are not the first babysitter we've blown through."
This kid was kicked out of so many daycares and centers , the parents knew it was coming.
Don't feel bad and don't worry about that mom, you did the best thing terming for the safety of your kids.

[ninosqueridos]

UGH! You are better off without unappreciative parents.

My last termed parent must have been going off about me in her home enough for her DS to hear.........that her 8yo DS (older brother of child who was in my care) sees my 8yo DS on the school bus, calls ME names and goes on and on about why his little brother is not coming back to my house, etc. My DS (sensitive, and didn't yet know about the term) comes off the bus in tears.

[Preschool/daycare teacher]

Originally Posted by My4SunshineGirlsNY

I am so furious I could just burst. I have this 2 year 3 month old daycare boy (or I should say HAD) that has hit/thowed objects, hurt my kids and daycare kids just about on a daily basis. When school is off my day is a nightmare because he hits the kids and they just don't enjoy being hit EVERY single time they are home by this boy.

This boy has hit me in the face when I go to talk to him, has thrown things at me, and just won't listen. He smacks his mom in the face over and over at pick up.

So finally I had enough and today I wrote her an email saying it's just not working out and I said I just can't meet his needs when all the kids are home from school, he would be better off in a smaller setting or 1 on 1.

She wrote back accusing me of calling him special needs and that I was pushing him out the door by bringing in 2 more kids knowing he gets frustrated with more kids around him. Wow, I never called him special needs, I only stated that I cannot meet his needs. And since when do I have to get approval by a parent to take in more clients?

I have bent over backwards for this mom trying to make things work and I am nothing but nice to the boy despite his constant hitting/throwing....and now she's trying to make me look like the bad guy. It's just VERY upsetting knowing all I put into him and she's walking away from this like I am a bad provider.

When you terminate, how do your parents react? I didn't expect it would be good, but it just hurts me that I am respectful despite the constant struggles this boy has given me and I get crapped on.

I really feel for you. That seems to be the usual reaction of parents when their child is terminated. It's always the provider's fault according to any parents we've ever termed or even so much as mentioned any behavior issues of their child. Try not to take it personal, although she meant it that way. I think she's just having a hard time admitting that her child is less than a perfect angel.

[jen]

My guess is that she is well aware of his issues and she is frightened that there is something wrong. It is easier to attack you than to come to grips with the idea that something may be wrong with her child or, more likely, with her parenting.

If she wants someone who is willing to only care for HER child, because HE does better one on one...she should hire a nanny!

Don't give her another thought, this says EVERYTHING about her and not a thing (negative) about you!

[jen]

I wouldn't respond, but if you do...

Dear Daycare Mom,

I am so sorry that you are upset. Please know that I never indicated that I felt your child is a special needs child; however, if you are concerned please contact the school district or your pediatrician for assessment.

Clearly, I am well aware that your child prefers one on one care and I think it's great that you recognize his preference. My home daycare is considered group care, however a nanny is a wonderful alternative that will surely go along way towards meeting your expectation of one on one care.

Best of luck,

Sincerely....

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Thank you ladies! You all nailed it I believe..she doesn't want to admit there is more of an issue going on and what easier thing to do than blame me for being a bad person for terminating.

She insists on the grandma to come pick up his belongings, I told her she needed to come pick them up herself as I need the state time sheet signed for the month of Feb...then she states that the grandma can get the time sheet and that she will send it to me in the mail. I refused and said if she can't come pick up the belongings and sign the time sheet, I will have to call the state to see what I can do.

[daysofelijah]

She just is looking for someone to blame rather than owning up to the fact that her child needs some behavioral assistance.

I had a parent go and report me to licensing and make false accusations when I termed her for excessive late pick-ups. It stunk because even thought the accusations were found to be untrue, I still end up with a permanent mark on my file that I was investigated. This was a young, single, mom on assistance that I had bent over backwards to help too!

[Blackcat31]

In this business you need a backbone for sure; but before you develop said backbone you better make sure you have a thick skin.

[missnikki]

Tell your licensing agent about it, to prevent the whole unneccesary investigation thing we all live in fear of.

[daycare]

Originally Posted by missnikki

Tell your licensing agent about it, to prevent the whole unneccesary investigation thing we all live in fear of.

i second this... I had to do this when I had to term a parent that was blaming me as the reason her 4.5 year old child was not potty trained.

I would not take it personal.... parents make a big deal out of nothing becuase the truth hurts.. I feel that you went above and beyond your call of duty as a care taker....that kid would have been gone the day he raised a hand to me or any of my other children.
Just like missnikki said, call and talk to licensing, so that you can have your side of the story noted first...............

[momofboys]

You did the right thing! Take a deep breath & realize that soon your atmosphere will be more peaceful!

[boysx5]

they never want to think its the child its always something you did or another child did to make them do the things they do just think how nice your days will be without him. I'm getting rid of school ager I have just because I can't take what a brat she is and #2 I am having more full timers starting I'm sure the mother won't be happy but I have to do whats best for me and my family and business

[Stacy214]

I agree about calling licensing first (just in case )...

I had something similar happen a few years ago, I had three 1 year olds and a 5 mos old baby then a 4 going on 5 little boy. Well this little boy was SOOOOOOO unbelievably BORED with us, and honestly, I just couldn't fulfill his needs. (All his friends had gone off to kindergarten and he had missed the cut off)..So I just mentioned JUST mentioned...to the Mother that maybe he would be happier in a pre school setting even for a couple of days a week. Well OMG she flew OFF the hook and was horrible , left me in tears telling me that I was so mean and nasty to be kicking him out and that I didn't want him blah blah blah....I mean it was so bad and confrontational (I could have called the police) ... so needless to say she didn't bring him back, but what a horrible experience I will never forget. And will never forget him (I had had him since he was NB )
Your better off with out that child though, sorry you had to go through that.