I don't always mind lingering parents - especially if it is a parent I really like but there is this one dad that I do not love the lingering.
They started with me mid August. But I've known him a little while - but not very well.
He always picks up and I remember the first pick up day I was suprised when he walked in the backyard (where we were playing) and instead of picking up his kid and walking over to me - he sat down on one of my chairs and started chatting with me. I wasn't sitting, I rarely do when outside. He stayed for 30 minutes. Stayed for 3 other parent's pick ups.
He is a nice guy but he has NO facial expressions and if I didn't know better I'd swear that he absolutely hated me and was disgusted with my daycare.. But the words don't match his facial expressions and he chats it up. It is the most ackward and uncomfortable thing. And all the kids are slightly off - and I'm distracted while he is there.
I hate it.
He is supposed to pick up between 4:30 and 4:45. My last parent picks up at 4:30 (besides him). Sometimes he gets there at 4:20 and doesn't leave until 4:50 ACK!!!!

How do I very politely fix this issue?

today was awesome - all my parents came early and he was running on the later side of 'on time' and my son needed to be picked up from Cross Country - so I got ready and when I saw him coming down the driveway I met him at his car.

He said "kicking us out?" hahaha
I said "it's closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here" hahaha
and then said "Jake needs to be picked up from Cross Country - you showed up just in time."

and it was heaven!!!

I can't pull that off every day because often he arrives before my other parents and just hangs out til the last kid leaves.

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could you say that one of your neighbors said something to your husband about a guy hanging out? and tell him that while you and he know nothing would go on, your busy body neighbor is nosey?

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ALways have him ready to go, another while you can, meet him out front- then kindly say goodbye and have a great night!! THen walk into the house. If my parents are late, I meet outside with their child ready to go.

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the problem is that he usually arrives while we are out doors. and she is already ready to go because we're in our outdoor gear and I have her bag out there with me. all of my parents pick up during out door time whenever possible.

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I have one mom who lingers forever, A few times, I have just invited her to stay for dinner, since shes there, While I'm finishing. We have become friends somewhat, so I dont know what to do, Actually I just know there is nothing to do, Shes been here til almost 8pm before, I just always right on my Minute menu, that he was here til then, to count it towards my time space. Her husband is never home, So I think she just hates always being there by herself always, but man it can be annoying sometimes!

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I had one that used to come earlier in the am just to chat with me, but when I added the "early drop off fee" and "late pick up fee" to my policy, she stopped. Maybe a reminder in a newsletter that says how you promptly close at such n such a time, and pick up is hectic, and you have a family you need to get dinner ready for?? Or just ignore him...play with the kids, and then maybe he will get bored and want to go?

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I'd ignore him as much as possible. Do the usual "Hi, how are you? Your kid had a great day today." Tell the child that Daddy is here, and then busy yourself with another child. I have been known to invent grasshoppers to investigate with the other kids to give parents the hint . When all the kids are gone, go inside and go about your usual routine. Even if he doesn't get the hint, at least you won't have to make small talk with him. And if he's sitting down in a lawn chair, what about putting it out of sight during pick-up time?

I know a couple of my parents will put off getting into the car because their kids throw a huge tantrum when they're buckled into the carseat. They end up letting their child walk up and down our sidewalk out front for 10 or 15 minutes .

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I have a monthly newsletter that's just one page and I put things like that in there. Parents don't always notice what is a problem to us! Putting it in a routine newsletter and maybe writing something like: Starting on (date) my new policy for pick up is... and explaining that in order to keep your focus on the remaining children in care you need pick ups to happen in a short period of time. I have something to that effect in my handbook. Most of my parents are in a hurry to get home so I haven't had much problem with that, but I try to gently let parents know I can't always be that attentive at pick up time! I do have one parent that calls me and likes to vent (she doesn't have anyone that listens to her in her family) so that gets a bit awkward at times when I have other things that I need to do! It gets tricky with some parents!

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He isn't always there late - but when he is I like the idea of just saying "gotta go cook dinner now"
I'm actually considering a news letter that talks about now that school has started - so have all of my children's activities - prompt pick up is important and so is prompt leaving so I can get the heck outta here and play taxi to my children..lol

But my bigger complaint is when he arrives before his final pick up time and then just sits there chatting or trying to chat with me while I do daycare. It boggles the mind. I let him know she had a good day (and other facts I think he might be waiting around for and then I turn my attention back to the kids).
I like the idea of ignoring him. One other problem with this though is that while he is hanging around - his daughter is engaging in play with the other kids (or even my own daughter - if the others have gone) and while I'm ignoring him to play with the kids - I'm playing with HIS daughter. I'm basically STILL watching her.

OH MAN- I almost forgot the best one EVER!!!!! You guys are going to love this one.

One day he arrived at 4:15. I had changed all diapers at 4pm. at 4:40 I'm talking to another parent about a behavioral issue and he is part of the discussion - only because he is sitting there while I'm trying to have it. And he notices that she pooped. and he says "uh oh - Olivia pooped - do you happen to have supplies out here?" I said "yes" and handed them to him and said "you'll have to change her though so I can finish talking to _______" he actually said - "ya know - we're actually going right home - I'll just have mom change her when I get home."
And got in the car with her in a poopy diaper.
He actually wanted me to change her! Not only was HE there (and in my opinion - when a parent arrives at - I am no longer watching your child) but it was AFTER MY HOURS!!! so rather than do it himself - he let her sit in it!!!!

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This is how my MIL describes my FIL (as in not changing poopy diapers). I would have lost my cool right then and there.

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I have this problem also and I finally figured out a solution! I have a Dad who would linger for 30 to 40 minutes in the am. Then at pick up, he would come in and plop down because he just "loves watching his little girl interact with the other children". Needless to say, this was disrupting my morning and afternoon routines! He would also help himself to my fridge for refills on DCG's sippy cup of milk and then let her walk around my living room dripping it all over!

I just gave all of my parents a new contract on 9/1 and in one section it now covers lingering visitors. I stated that unless you have a TB test and background check on file in my home drop-offs and pick ups should be limited to 3-4 minutes for the safety of all children at the daycare. I included a spot after each topic for parents to initial and then had them sign at the end of the contract. This worked like a charm! Dad literally hands dcg to me at the door!

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Do you have parents sign their kids in and out? If you don't you should start and charge him any late fees you have. If you do than you should make it a big deal to have him sign and leave. If he signs and then lingers tell him he needs to change the out time because he's still there and again charge for late pick up. I watch my sister's kid so she'll linger sometimes but when I mention that she's going to have to change the out time soon if she doesn't leave she gets the hint and takes off because she's had her fair share of late fees.

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I've had that too (only on two occasions, but still), when all of the other kids are gone and my daughter is still playing with the lingering parent's child. When my daughter was young enough, I'd just tell her it was time to go in. The second time she was old enough to play in the fenced backyard by herself. I asked her if she wanted to come inside with me, or if she wanted to play outside. She said she wanted to stay outside. The parent left pretty quickly after I went in .

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This one is easy I would say, "Since you're still here and I've got to get moving on the rest of my day, can you watch these guys while I make dinner? If you keep lingering, I'll have to hire ya! Hahaha..ha..." then walk away.

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THERE YA GO! I bet he'll be sure to move quicker the next time!

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I just posted this on another thread here. One father would stay forever every day until state told us that he needed a background check and all that other crap.

Maybe you could bring something up like that

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Ugggg...you must have the twin of one of the dads here...I HATE that lingering on and on and on...my husband greets him in the morning and I rarely make an appearance unless one of the other kids come in and I have to...he yacks and yacks at my dh forever it seems and then finally leaves when he HAS to so someone else can get out the driveway!

Most days at pick up I have to put up with him but I basically ignore him as much as possible...he seems to have gotten the hint somewhat as long as I don't respond to much of what he says ...I try to only make any comment on the child's day and nothing else or he takes it as free rein to start yacking..bleccchhh...

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I honestly had that same problem! my ex-dc parents had never used childcare before. They had their girls in their work childcare only....then they came to me. All the rules I had were thrown right out the flippin window.

Drop off was supposed to be 6:30 a.m. they (both parents) would come at 6:10 and stay till 6:45.

the father would come in and sit in my recliner and play with the kids.
He would rough house with them...waking up my own children
He often harrassed my dog, saying how much he loved her...picking her up..She weighs like 95 lbs. He thought it was funny.

He NEVER took off his shoes until a week before they stopped coming. Even then he took them off in the center of my kitchen.

From day one they helped themselves to putting their childrens lunches in my fridge. Often commenting on the food that we had there. Once we had gone to a wedding the weekend before and there was one beer still in the fridge. He said "what do you guys drink all the time"
I was shocked!

He was ALWAYS hanging out at pick up. for at least 1/2 hour.

Then these two things TAKE THE CAKE.....

one morning my daughter was sitting at the table waiting for her breakfast. she got up to get her water for drink, and the father sat down in her chair, when she asked him polietly to move. he said" I am visiting with my daughter I am leaving in a minute and you can have it back then."


I had tried the whole "ignore them" trick only to have my daughter ask me for choc milk. in the am. I said "please wait a minute, I am going to get your sisters some socks for school."

HE PROCEEDED TO OPEN MY CABINET, get her cup. Get milk in fridge...syrup in another cabinet(the whole time opening them all and looking) spoon out of drawer, adn make it for her. When she said it was to yucky, he told her that she needed to drink it!

I was out of the room for one minute! I was soooooo pi**ed off.

But these are all things that he didn't think were wrong.

Im done with them now thank god! I will miss the girls but my three girls welcome the break

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Fall season cured this.
The minute they are all due to pick up I'm ready to run out the door to cart my kids around everywhere..LOL I have NO TIME to chat with anyone.
He has seemed a little "cold" since this started but he'll have to live.

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it seems like every time someone complains about a lingering parent, it is a male parent. i find that odd.

first of all, i think dads don't feel like they are involved like the moms are (because they usually aren't) and they want the daycare provider to know that they are interested - which to them means hanging around and talking/asking questions.

secondly, i've seen people give the advice more than once of, "my husband isn't comfortable with a male being here," or "someone was asking who the man was." i find that insane! if my husband told me that our children's daycare provider said that - i'd be having a serious talk with that provider. not only is that insulting to him, but to me. you might as well tell me, "i think your husband is interested in me." that's a good way to get smacked.

i really don't see why it's such a big deal when a father wants to hang around - no more than a mother. of course, i'm blunt, so if i wanted him to leave - i'd probably just make it known by saying, "well, i've got to get these kids ready to leave. i'm sure you guys need to get going anyway," or something along those lines. actually, i'd probably just let him hang out and talk though - it wouldn't bother me cus i wouldn't stop what i was doing to talk.

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Some people are just bold, and I am finding thru my life experiences that there are a lot of bold people everywhere. It really is quite rude to come into the providers home and sit down in the recliner and hang out. Or to just hang out in general. I am sure when the parent is at work "outsiders" can not just come in and hang out at the place of business. My daycare home is a place of business. It is hard to deal with, because we don't want to come across rude, yet it is obvious they don't get it, that we are a business. I am dealing with this now. I have a dad who comes in as early as 15 min before the school bus gets here to pick up, and somedays he is here for 15 to 30 minutes, by the time he annoyingly coddles and coos and finally gets the baby in the car seat, it is 15 to 30 min. Gees, go home and do that. It is a very busy time of day for me, and I don't feel like being a social butterfly while he hangs out, I have a job to do. I prefer my drop offs and picks ups to be quick. Curious to know what works for you.

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after all the rain this week looking forward to the weekend. I only have three kids today going to enjoy my nice easy day and then its the weekend. Hope everyone has a good day and a nice two days off

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I have a few "lingerers". The main problematic one is a MAN. He is in the middle of a divorce and has no friends in our town. He is looking for a woman and stays here way too long. On the days he has custody, he asks to come at least 15 minutes before my scheduled opening time because he "has to get to work". He shows up 5 or 10 minutes after the time he asks me to open early then proceeds to stay here up to 15 minutes. He just has to tell me one more thing or check the kids' locker to see if they need anything. At pick-up I can plan on him staying here up to 30 minutes. Just because I close at 5:30 doesn't mean you can get here at 5 and stay until the last minute. The late fees don't seem to bother him. I am at wits' end. Don't know what to do because they are my highest money....They are the first to get dropped off in the a.m. and the very last to leave. Sometimes all of the other families will come and go while he is here. I try to ignore but he just doesn't get it. I know he is lonely but I'm married and NOT interested. I want to send a revised contract home this weekend that covers my new illness policy and this obnoxious lingering but just don't know how to word the lingering part. Our state doesn't require me to keep a sign in log. I was thinking of doing that but I know they would sign in at arrival then continue to sit here and sign-in upon arrival at afternoon departure but then proceed to stay an extra half-hour. WAH!!!!! Suggestions?

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Read the above posts, they are full of ideas on this.

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Are you on the food program? They insist on having attendance records that are correct (so they can verify children are there when meals are served). You could use that as the excuse. Another idea is just implement a sign in/out sheet and tell parents licensing suggested doing this for safety reasons. Then make sure you correct the parents who sign in/out at different times then when care started.

As far as sending something home about lingering - I would say that drop-offs and pick-ups are to be kept to 5 minutes tops, so as to not interrupt your schedule. Remind parents how children do better with a schedule and lingering disrupts that schedule. Make sure to put something in there about fees for staying too long (although I would probably word it something like, "The fee for anything over 5 minutes will be $x per second/minute/hour, etc"). You might have to up your fees though, if this dad doesn't mind paying your current fees.

Have you tried just telling this dad that you cannot talk/visit right now and you'll see him after work/in the morning?

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What about putting a gate or some other barrier at your door so that when he arrives, you let his child through, say goodbye, and then leave them at the door to get ready to leave? Then you can busy yourself with dinner or the other kids, and (hopefully!) he'll have no reason to come in and try to strike up a conversation.

I think some parents start to think that our home is an extension of theirs, and it just doesn't work like that in real life. As much as I enjoy having others here, my kids and husband need their house back eventually!

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I have found that when we are outside at pick ups the parents tend to sit around and talk longer - we were outside last night and 2 moms picked up , we all talked for 20 minutes after pick up and I finally said I had to go in and they stood there for 20 MORE minutes and talked to each other.

Anyways, I know better to be outside at pick up. So now, we go inside around pick up times, I have their shoes on, coats on and when I see parents pull into the driveway, I basically open the door and let their kids out, wave and say have a nice night and shut the door !

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Gosh I think I've tried just about everything! I loved the gate until the parents started climbing over it and coming in to my living area. Some days it is all just so frustrating. I am sending home the addendum asking them not to linger (again). I have tried waiting inside during the pick-up time and that one family, no matter what I do, still finds some reason to stay here. This week, the dad of one was deliberately getting his boy to not listen to him and kept trying to give him a time-out in my driveway so I could not leave! No matter what I did, he persisted in trying to do anything to stay here. So creepy! Don't these people have a life? Sorry, this must be my day to vent.

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As far as the attendance goes, if I have to change the time they put, do I have them change it and initial it right on the spot? What about the ones who get dropped off and then go on the bus and return on the bus or the preschoolers who go part days and get dropped off or picked up by non-parents? Sorry so many questions, I just want to nip it all now Thank you all so much for your kind assistance! This is such a nice group to bounce things off of and really saves me lots of money that I could be spending on therapy! LOL

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It is just down right rude for a parent to cross over a gate into your private family space. I have a big area rug 5 x 7 in front of my door, and still have a parent or two get off of it onto the carpet, and recently had a dad fly in, step over the gate and caught his shoe.....they are all getting a note soon. There is no reason to step over the gate, or get off the rug, simply wait for me to get your child and go. I don't understand why parents have such a hard time with this. I think we just have to be bold and firm, and almost rude to get our point across. Because being nice gets us nowhere.

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Okay, this might sound like a no-brainer, but for those of you who have said parents step off the rug, go over the gate, etc, is it in your handbook/contract to stay on the rug/stay in the room instead of going over gate and wait for their children? I know that there are certain ways I want things done, but not sure I've covered everything with them before-hand. And some of it is, like pp said, common sense/politeness, so maybe we wouldn't think we should have to put something like that in there. If you do have it in your contract, maybe a copy of it highlighted sent home would help. If not, put it in and send it home with parents to sign and bring back. A lot of it is common sense. I have an entryway where dcp/k's come in, there are hooks for coats/diaper bags, etc. the sign in/out sheet is right by the door. No reason for anyone to go any further than that room. But....I never addressed it, and in the winter I constantly have parents coming all the way in to our living room (through the dining room) dragging in snow, mud, salt, etc all through my house. It's not in my handbook, mostly because I thought it was common sense NOT to track all through someone else's house - especially when YOUR child will be crawling all through that! I think I got a little off-track....sorry!

As for the sign in/out sheet - whoever drops off or picks up signs the sheet. As far as changing times, if you are bold enough, you can say "dad, you put down 7am, but it's really 7:10 - could you please change that for me? Thanks". I'm not that bold - I will usually put a line through it and write in the correct time after they leave. My sheets are for a week at a time, so they will see that I corrected it next time they sign it.

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I totally agree!! I had a Mom walk over to my fridge and put something in it once!! She did it 2 days in a row, and I said something everyday to her, I will do that once you leave- the 3rd time, I said very loudly- I will take that and place it in my own refrigerator!! I was so mad!!!

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I had to place this in my contract!! I still have one family memeber that still continues to do it. I have a newsletter every month , it is going in there soon, per contract- please do not walk across my foyer onto the carpet with your shoes on!!! How disrespectful!!

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