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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Really?? Sickness Vent....
Mom&Provider 05:27 AM 01-19-2012
Today just takes the cake for me!

A little background first:

Yesterday I noticed DCB getting a little congested, his nose started running and so did his eyes, he was moving a bit slower then usual and clearly wasn't himself, not too bad to the point of a phone call, but I made sure to mention it all to DCM at pick-up that he wasn't well and I thought coming down with a cold.

FWD to this morning...DCB was just dropped off to me in his pj's, having had no breakfast and the kicker...still in his overnight diaper!? Seriously?? What just happened!? As a Mom I could never...NEVER...just grab my kid out of bed, knowing he/she has had a rough night, DCM said he had been up coughing and tossing and turning, and head out the door leaving them in pj's and a dirty diaper!!

OMGOSH! I have to say I am in shock...I could NEVER do that...I feel badly for DCB, but I am also sooo mad that DCM would have the nerve to assume that I am the right person to look after her ill child...after a looong night AND put all the other kids here at risk of getting sick too!!

Before walking out the door DCM tells me to call her if he isn't well...ummm....really...you ALREADY KNOW he isn't well!!?? He is sitting here beside me now, one cheek completely red, eyes watering like crazy and his nose is just pouring...he looks tired and unhappy...DCM WILL be getting a call shortly...today I am growing balls...I never have before...but this is it, no more!! Funny thing is when she was telling me all this this morning, I kept repeating to myself...tell her to take him home...tell her to take him home...but I was just so shocked I couldn't get it out!!

How can people do this? I have to say this isn't the 1st time this family has decided it was better for DCB to be here vs at home and I've let him stay before...but never having been yanked from his bed, in his pj's and clearly after having a terrible night!!
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littlemissmuffet 05:30 AM 01-19-2012
I would not have let her leave without her child...
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bunnyslippers 05:47 AM 01-19-2012
I ham having the SAME situation here. My neighbor, who is a "friend", stayed home for two days last week sick. Dropped her child off here both of those days. Friday, they dropped her off again, telling me she was "grumpy" and that dad was home sick. Friday night, I get the call that she has a 104 fever. Turns out she has roseola. BUT, don't worry, she isn't contagious anymore and is cleared to come back to daycare. Ummmm, how about that she may not be contagious but is MISERABLE and cries all day. BUT, don't worry, being irritable is part of the virus. Now, every other child here is getting sick...BUT, don't worry, she is on the upswing and seems to be feeling better. Selfish doesn't even begin to describe these people. They will take time off for their own illness, but their poor baby has to suffer through it. Just let her stay home in her pajamas!!!!!!!!!
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Ariana 06:07 AM 01-19-2012
Just playing Devil's Advocate here but maybe rather than wake him up to put clothes on and feed him they let him sleep because he needed it?? I know it's not likely but possible? Of course the mom could have explained this to you if it was the case...
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cheerfuldom 06:29 AM 01-19-2012
there is no reason to not take a moment to change a soppy wet overnight diaper.....that is just plain laziness.
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momma2girls 06:48 AM 01-19-2012
I would definately be calling these parents, and say the child must be changed and dressed before coming to daycare. If it happens again, you will not be allowing them thru the door. In the 9 yrs. I have never had this happen!! Let us know what happens today!!
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godiva83 06:49 AM 01-19-2012
Poor little man.
I hate when parents bring obviously sick children, I understand it is hard to take a day from work but it's not fair to their child and all the others in care.
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jojosmommy 06:51 AM 01-19-2012
Yea I would have been upset enough to say they needed to go home. In fact I just sent dcb home who threw up here yesterday 5 min before pick up. "He needs to be home 24 hours without vomiting before returning to daycare." Gma says "oh why?" SERIOUSLY....
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wahmof3 07:29 AM 01-19-2012
I really agree w/ PP & IMO this is the worst part about this profession.

I seriously think that these DCP think the only reason they should keep their kids home is if they are running a fever- nevermind the other symptoms. And even then they dose them up on motrin & still bring them.

and what about the stomach bug that's been going around that a fever isn't a symptom??? I had a DCP drop off & say "oh dcb had 3 episodes of diarrhea last night" And I responded that he shouldn't be here per my policy & what happened next...... I'M the B*TCH!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is my issue: How do you all turn a child away at the door? Why do these parents ALWAYS make us feel like the "BAD GUY" when its THEIR responsibility to care for their kids. It's frustrating & like the OP stated "she needs to grow some balls" well so do I.....

Shhewww..... glad thats off my chest lol
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Blackcat31 07:40 AM 01-19-2012
Originally Posted by wahmof3:
I really agree w/ PP & IMO this is the worst part about this profession.


Here is my issue: How do you all turn a child away at the door? Why do these parents ALWAYS make us feel like the "BAD GUY" when its THEIR responsibility to care for their kids. It's frustrating & like the OP stated "she needs to grow some balls" well so do I.....

Shhewww..... glad thats off my chest lol
You turn a child/parent away at the door by saying;

"Sally, I am sorry but my responsibilities as a child care provider is to do what is best for ALL the children I have in care as a group. Allowing Johnny to stay when he is clearly sick would put my other children at risk. I am sure you understand as I would do the ame to protect Johnny's health as well. He can return to care when he is symptom free for a FULL 24 hours without any OTC meds. If you have any questions about making that decision, please do not hestitate to call me."

Child care providers AREN'T the bad guys, we are the responsible ones.

Parents make you feel like the bad guy when YOU allow them to....I always turn it around and sympathize with them that being a parent IS tough and if they think that is hard, they should try being a provider instead and then I laugh... and smile sweetly.

I will NEVER allow a parent's attitude to effect MY job which is to protect and care for the children in my care AS A GROUP. This point is HEAVILY stressed during interviews. Lessens the "shock factor" when I actually implement it.
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wdmmom 10:00 AM 01-19-2012
My contract specifically states that each child must come in READY for the day. **Meaning** Clean diaper, dressed appropriately w/ seasonally appropriate shoes and hair combed.

I would have greeted DCM at the door and been like:

"WHOA...what is this? DCB can't be dropped off yet. He's not READY for the day. Once you get him together, you can drop him off."

OR

The cost to change an overnight diaper $5.00, The cost to change his clothes $10.00, Seeing DCM's face when you tell her you are charging...PRICELESS!
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littlemissmuffet 10:15 AM 01-19-2012
Originally Posted by Ariana:
Just playing Devil's Advocate here but maybe rather than wake him up to put clothes on and feed him they let him sleep because he needed it?? I know it's not likely but possible? Of course the mom could have explained this to you if it was the case...
Oh give me a break. If he "needed extra sleep" then fine, let him sleep in a bit, wake him up and change his diaper and put him in CLEAN comfy clothes before bringing him to daycare BEFORE going to work (so what of you're a little late?). BE A MOTHER.
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Daycaremomof2 10:36 AM 01-19-2012
I am in the same boat! Tuesday, DCM dropped off her son and said he had "a little cough." Of course, throughout the day, he was coughing and sneezing, he wasnt eating much, sleeping a ton, and his nose was very runny. He was warm 1 hr before pickup but my daughter did something with my thermometer so I didn't get his temp taken. That night, I told DCM that he was sick, advised of the symptoms, and that was it.

The next day, DCM comes in and says she took his temp and he didnt have a fever, and his nose was clear, he just has "a little cold." He was happy at pick up, no runny nose, and seemed to be ok. Now I wonder if they medicated him- how do you prove something like that? Throughout the day, the same symptoms appeared. At pickup, literally as they came through the door, his nose gushed a yellow mucusy color, and I was so glad the parents got to see it. Surely, they would keep their sick child home the next day.

Nope- enter today. DCM and DCD drop him off, and he clearly is trying to breathe through his mouth bc his nose is stuffed, but this time they did not mention anything and handed him over and left. This poor child is clearly struggling to breathe. I put him to bed as soon as he was done with breakfast (his parents said he goes to bed at 10pm so he will sleep through the night- he is up at 5am). He slept for 3 hours before I went in and had to get him up for a bottle. I sectioned off the play room and let him play by himself while we played on the other side of the room (sad- but I have other kids to worry about, including my own). All day today he is crying and whining and I feel bad for him but what can I do? I tried to console him but nothing works except to put him to bed. The parents dont see the slime coming out of his nose, and we are at rough ends right now anyway for other matters (they were not respecting their contracted time and I had to confront them and they were upset). Technically, I will accept kids with minor colds, but clearly this kid is sick- his symptoms are on the fine line of the guidelines, and the parents I know will be upset and term if I call them to get him. I am in the process of looking for another child right now and when I get one I dont care what they do but I need the money now.

Ugh- these are the same parents who brought rotovirus into my house the first week they started, never acknowledged it, and just kept wondering why their child who usually has such solid BM's kept leaking out of the diaper. I a new and didnt know how to recognize the symptoms, etc- the things we learn as we go. The rotovirus infected everyone in the house, all of the other kids, and my husband and I, and gave my 1 year old diaper rash so bad that she bled, and to this day, 2 months later, if she has a poop at naptime she instantly gets a rash because her skin has not healed yet. Previously she NEVER had 1 incident of rash ever before this kid.

Also, these people were referred to me by my best friend, which makes it a sticky situation bc I will have to see them at future events, etc. Ugh Ugh Ugh!

What do I do? What would you do? On a side note, it is very hard to bond with a child who is sick and infecting your family- you just dont want to be near someone who is coughing, sneezing, and sliming mucous out of their nose.

How do I thicken my skin without compromising my $$?
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bice99 10:42 AM 01-19-2012
Clear snot is ok, anything else is not.
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Blackcat31 11:13 AM 01-19-2012
Originally Posted by bice99:
Clear snot is ok, anything else is not.
I am not sure if you are stating your own policies state that green/yellow snot is not ok, but I wanted to clear up the myth that green or yellow discharge means infection or a need for antibiotics because it doesn't.

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/chi...nus-infections
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Daycaremomof2 11:14 AM 01-19-2012
I agree- but the parents are refusing to recognize the yellow snot as being problematic.
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bice99 11:56 AM 01-19-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I am not sure if you are stating your own policies state that green/yellow snot is not ok, but I wanted to clear up the myth that green or yellow discharge means infection or a need for antibiotics because it doesn't.

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/chi...nus-infections
I totally understand that green snot does not mean antibiotics, but it does mean that the body is fighting something and it's nasty to have spread all over the daycare so other kids get sick. I have a sentence about the age of the child being taken into account. A kid who is old enough to cover well and ask for a tissue is different than a crawling baby with a horribly runny nose as far as spreading illness.
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Blackcat31 12:01 PM 01-19-2012
Originally Posted by bice99:
I totally understand that green snot does not mean antibiotics, but it does mean that the body is fighting something and it's nasty to have spread all over the daycare so other kids get sick. I have a sentence about the age of the child being taken into account. A kid who is old enough to cover well and ask for a tissue is different than a crawling baby with a horribly runny nose as far as spreading illness.
Oh, I completely agree....just wasn't sure what you meant. I also have a spot in my illness policy that states the exclusion rule takes into consideration the ability of the child to self-care when experiencing a common cold and all it's loveliness.
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bice99 12:04 PM 01-19-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Oh, I completely agree....just wasn't sure what you meant. I also have a spot in my illness policy that states the exclusion rule takes into consideration the ability of the child to self-care when experiencing a common cold and all it's loveliness.
Perfect! And I love how we all try to help each other learn new things and get rid of common misconceptions.
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Daycaremomof2 12:33 PM 01-19-2012
I am going to have to amend my policies (again) to add that. The sick kid I have now is a crawler and everything goes into the mouth, therefore EVERYONE comes into contact with the illness. My oldest and other DCB are both 3.5, and they were both taught to cough and sneeze into the inside of their elbows, and wash hands frequently.

I think my problem is the parent's blatent disregard for their own child or anyone else's children for that matter. When I was out in the professional world, I would do anything to make sure that my children were held and comforted then they were sick. Both of these parents work for a company where they would definitely be allowed to take a day off. Geeze- and they can't wait to have another child (so they can drop that kid off 11 hours a day at my house too). Sorry- venting.
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wdmmom 12:43 PM 01-19-2012
That child is too sick to be in daycare.

My policy clearly states that persistent runny nose and anything other than clear is grounds for exclusion. I also have it that if they can't participate in regular daily routine, they shouldn't come.

This child needs to be sent home with these policies highlighted.
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bice99 01:05 PM 01-19-2012
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
That child is too sick to be in daycare.

My policy clearly states that persistent runny nose and anything other than clear is grounds for exclusion. I also have it that if they can't participate in regular daily routine, they shouldn't come.

This child needs to be sent home with these policies highlighted.
Highlighting that is a good idea
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bice99 01:06 PM 01-19-2012
If your child is too tired/ill/grumpy to participate in our normal routine (including outdoor play/walks), needs medicine to function, needs constant attention or cries for an extended time, he/she needs to be home with you. This is best for your child and the other children in care. A child needs Mommy or Daddy when he/she doesn’t feel well.

I will determine if a child may attend Shamrock Childcare. There may be times when a doctor has written a note and the child still will not be admitted to ensure the well being of the rest of the children. Younger children cannot cover their cough/sneeze and often “mouth” everything. They need to be home rather than sharing their germs with everyone. Please do not bring a sick child. You will be asked to take your child home upon arrival
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Sunchimes 01:14 PM 01-19-2012
When I was doing my handbook, I called my GP and asked him his stance on green/yellow snot. He said that green/yellow isn't necessarily an indication of an infection--it just means it's "been in there awhile".
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Unregistered 02:18 PM 01-19-2012
Originally Posted by bice99:
I will determine if a child may attend Shamrock Childcare. There may be times when a doctor has written a note and the child still will not be admitted to ensure the well being of the rest of the children. Younger children cannot cover their cough/sneeze and often “mouth” everything. They need to be home rather than sharing their germs with everyone. Please do not bring a sick child. You will be asked to take your child home upon arrival
I like this - especially the part about being asked to take your child home upon arrival.

I currently have in my contract that any excessive mucus is grounds to be sent home and it's my decision to determine how much is too much. I actually re-worded my sick policy specifically for this DCB, since he NEVER has a green/yellow runny nose, it is always clear and always ALOT! His eyes also water and he tends to put his fingers in his mouth a fair amount even though he's two! Because he has sooo much coming out almost every time he's ill, and never covers his mouth, it flies everywhere when he sneezes and I can't keep his nose wiped enough to stop it from happening!

Anyway, for those who wanted the update: I called DCM and asked that DGB be picked up since he was clearly too ill to participate. She hesitated and told me she was very busy at work, but would call DCB's Grandma and call me back. Few minutes pass, she calls back saying that DCB's Grandma will pick-up, but it'll be in an hour...is that ok? What can I say? I've asked he be picked up, she's only 20 minutes away, but it's not like she said no one was coming!? I don't know...the whole thing bothers me. I just don't understand how a Mother can wake her ill child and drop him off the way she did - but it's done, DCB was picked up and I'm hoping at the very least DCM realizes that I will not keep him here if he is ill (I had done this last winter 1x).

Thanks for the tips and allowing me to vent! I know we all go through this kind of thing, so it helps to read what others have done...just wish I could have the same guts to do what some of your said you would have done...send him home on arrival! I'm hoping by putting that in my contract I can enforce it!
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bice99 04:06 PM 01-19-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I like this - especially the part about being asked to take your child home upon arrival.

I currently have in my contract that any excessive mucus is grounds to be sent home and it's my decision to determine how much is too much. I actually re-worded my sick policy specifically for this DCB, since he NEVER has a green/yellow runny nose, it is always clear and always ALOT! His eyes also water and he tends to put his fingers in his mouth a fair amount even though he's two! Because he has sooo much coming out almost every time he's ill, and never covers his mouth, it flies everywhere when he sneezes and I can't keep his nose wiped enough to stop it from happening!

Anyway, for those who wanted the update: I called DCM and asked that DGB be picked up since he was clearly too ill to participate. She hesitated and told me she was very busy at work, but would call DCB's Grandma and call me back. Few minutes pass, she calls back saying that DCB's Grandma will pick-up, but it'll be in an hour...is that ok? What can I say? I've asked he be picked up, she's only 20 minutes away, but it's not like she said no one was coming!? I don't know...the whole thing bothers me. I just don't understand how a Mother can wake her ill child and drop him off the way she did - but it's done, DCB was picked up and I'm hoping at the very least DCM realizes that I will not keep him here if he is ill (I had done this last winter 1x).

Thanks for the tips and allowing me to vent! I know we all go through this kind of thing, so it helps to read what others have done...just wish I could have the same guts to do what some of your said you would have done...send him home on arrival! I'm hoping by putting that in my contract I can enforce it!
My families all work nearby, so my handbook states that you have 30 minutes to pick up your child or $1 per minute late fees will apply. I actually had a DCM have to pay an extra $60 in November!
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saved4always 04:58 PM 01-19-2012
Originally Posted by Daycaremomof2:
I am in the same boat! Tuesday, DCM dropped off her son and said he had "a little cough." Of course, throughout the day, he was coughing and sneezing, he wasnt eating much, sleeping a ton, and his nose was very runny. He was warm 1 hr before pickup but my daughter did something with my thermometer so I didn't get his temp taken. That night, I told DCM that he was sick, advised of the symptoms, and that was it.

The next day, DCM comes in and says she took his temp and he didnt have a fever, and his nose was clear, he just has "a little cold." He was happy at pick up, no runny nose, and seemed to be ok. Now I wonder if they medicated him- how do you prove something like that? Throughout the day, the same symptoms appeared. At pickup, literally as they came through the door, his nose gushed a yellow mucusy color, and I was so glad the parents got to see it. Surely, they would keep their sick child home the next day.

Nope- enter today. DCM and DCD drop him off, and he clearly is trying to breathe through his mouth bc his nose is stuffed, but this time they did not mention anything and handed him over and left. This poor child is clearly struggling to breathe. I put him to bed as soon as he was done with breakfast (his parents said he goes to bed at 10pm so he will sleep through the night- he is up at 5am). He slept for 3 hours before I went in and had to get him up for a bottle. I sectioned off the play room and let him play by himself while we played on the other side of the room (sad- but I have other kids to worry about, including my own). All day today he is crying and whining and I feel bad for him but what can I do? I tried to console him but nothing works except to put him to bed. The parents dont see the slime coming out of his nose, and we are at rough ends right now anyway for other matters (they were not respecting their contracted time and I had to confront them and they were upset). Technically, I will accept kids with minor colds, but clearly this kid is sick- his symptoms are on the fine line of the guidelines, and the parents I know will be upset and term if I call them to get him. I am in the process of looking for another child right now and when I get one I dont care what they do but I need the money now.

Ugh- these are the same parents who brought rotovirus into my house the first week they started, never acknowledged it, and just kept wondering why their child who usually has such solid BM's kept leaking out of the diaper. I a new and didnt know how to recognize the symptoms, etc- the things we learn as we go. The rotovirus infected everyone in the house, all of the other kids, and my husband and I, and gave my 1 year old diaper rash so bad that she bled, and to this day, 2 months later, if she has a poop at naptime she instantly gets a rash because her skin has not healed yet. Previously she NEVER had 1 incident of rash ever before this kid.

Also, these people were referred to me by my best friend, which makes it a sticky situation bc I will have to see them at future events, etc. Ugh Ugh Ugh!

What do I do? What would you do? On a side note, it is very hard to bond with a child who is sick and infecting your family- you just dont want to be near someone who is coughing, sneezing, and sliming mucous out of their nose.

How do I thicken my skin without compromising my $$?

I would have quit them at the rotovirus.
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Mom&Provider 07:40 AM 01-20-2012
Sorry, I forgot to log in prior to posting the last time...thank you all for your advice and tips! I will surely be using a few of them!
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ebonyannette 08:11 AM 01-20-2012
I think people are definately putting their jobs BEFORE their children now a days. I cant say I would NEVER leave my child when they were coming down with something. I have dropped my daughter off before when she had a runny nose. I have 3 small children if I called out every time there was a runny nose I would never work (well I don't anymore anyways). I think as parents sometimes we think maybe its just a little sniffle and its not a real reason to call in to work. Some people have jobs that fire them for calling out or being late and its a tough economy. I'm in a super small town now where there is a hiring freeze at Wal-Mart and there aren't too many more places hiring.

Im not justifying dirty diapers!! I'm just saying sometimes parents don't think its as bad as it is and keeping their job is important.

My husband is in the Army and his particular unit couldnt give a flying *** if his kids are sick. He got an article 15 (major punishment) for missing a recall formation because he was home with our 3 sick kids while I was 2 hours away in another town!( i went out because it was a holiday weekend that he was SUPPOSED to have off but since someone got in trouble they wanted them ALL back in to lecture them all)

Our sitter has kids, and she is the ONLY person we know who can watch our kids we dont have any family here. Now in our particular situation my husband wasnt gonna pack up our kids and take them over there to her, but Im sure there are plenty of people that would.

Some people are really stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know its not YOUR problem Im just saying, from another perspective that could be why.
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Blackcat31 08:21 AM 01-20-2012
Originally Posted by ebonyannette:
I think people are definately putting their jobs BEFORE their children now a days. I cant say I would NEVER leave my child when they were coming down with something. I have dropped my daughter off before when she had a runny nose. I have 3 small children if I called out every time there was a runny nose I would never work (well I don't anymore anyways). I think as parents sometimes we think maybe its just a little sniffle and its not a real reason to call in to work. Some people have jobs that fire them for calling out or being late and its a tough economy. I'm in a super small town now where there is a hiring freeze at Wal-Mart and there aren't too many more places hiring.

Im not justifying dirty diapers!! I'm just saying sometimes parents don't think its as bad as it is and keeping their job is important.
My husband is in the Army and his particular unit couldnt give a flying *** if his kids are sick. He got an article 15 (major punishment) for missing a recall formation because he was home with our 3 sick kids while I was 2 hours away in another town!( i went out because it was a holiday weekend that he was SUPPOSED to have off but since someone got in trouble they wanted them ALL back in to lecture them all)

Our sitter has kids, and she is the ONLY person we know who can watch our kids we dont have any family here. Now in our particular situation my husband wasnt gonna pack up our kids and take them over there to her, but Im sure there are plenty of people that would.

Some people are really stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know its not YOUR problem Im just saying, from another perspective that could be why.
You are right. Often a mild illness, slight discomfort or even a little cold is not a huge deal. However, it does become a big deal when you take someone who is just a bit under the weather and add them to a high-stressed, high activity, loud and busy atmosphere.

What were small symptoms before are now magnified and bothersome to a child who is suscpetible to over stimulation in the first place.

Parents enrolling their child in group care need to start thinking as a member of the group and not as a parent to one.
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Mom&Provider 01:59 PM 01-20-2012
I understand work is important, no doubt it is! BUT there are certain things that cannot be ignored when our children are involved, like a simple bum change! It was the combination of things that happened that made me feel this child wasn't being put first, or me being respected.

This DCM has family close by, someone else could have been called the night before to be put on stand-by just in case DCB got worse overnight and she truly could not miss a single day of work. I had already mentioned to DCM that DCB was coming down with something since the day prior he had slight runny nose and sneezing - no biggie and I won't send a simple sniffle away! DCB had a full blown cold when he showed up the next day, lots of mucus from nose, watery eyes and appeared very tired...he could NOT even breathe through his mouth! IMO, the place for him was not here, regardless how busy work gets...her child has to come first when he clearly needs her attention over mine.

I guess my vent was about how parents simply don't seem to get it. They don't honestly put themselves into their childs position and think about how they must feel. If I had been woken up from a terrible night of coughing, offered nothing to eat or drink and left to sit in a stinky diaper...I know I'd feel pretty bad! I'm also not asking my parents to keep their child home for every sneeze or cough or runny nose, but this poor DCB was definately sick...and I was definately being disrespected...or at least my contract was!
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mommacat 07:38 PM 01-22-2012
That is a huge pet peeve of mine. When your child is at daycare 12 hours a day,6 days a week,add in approximately 8 hours of sleep a night,just exactly how much parenting time is left? Who in fact is raising that child?
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Tags:enforcing policies - consistency, illness policy
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