Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>WOW. Not One Card. Nothing
sahm2three 03:10 PM 12-23-2010
I honestly can't believe it. I bought gifts for each and every child. I did lots of special holiday activities and crafts with them, I do a lot each and every day that they are here. I have most of these kids 50 hours a week. I take great care of them. Love on them when their parents can't be here. I DIDN'T EVEN GET ONE HOLIDAY CARD!!!!! I just can't believe it! Wow. I am really hurt.
Reply
mommyof3 05:02 PM 12-23-2010
I got each day care child a toy,book and a fee kids meal card to olive garden the parents got home made cookies,all my day care children are in my care for 10 hours/day .
Not one sayed Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas no card or anything else .
Its so sad
One parent even asked if she can have an discount(50%) for two weeks so she can get gifts for her kids .I tooled her NO.
Reply
daysofelijah 05:04 PM 12-23-2010
I didn't get one card either. I was disappointed. I used to have parents that would give me a nice card, with a nice note every year (plus cash or gifts, but the thought of the card and note was much appreciated). I don't know why no one does anymore. It's a bummer.
Reply
busymomof2 05:41 PM 12-23-2010
I was hopeful for a card form my parents too. I only got one card from the one family I didn't think I would get anything from because they are struggling financially. I gave my parent's a Parent's Night free of charge, a gift for their child, Christmas card from my family, a family gift, a gift that I helped their child make for them, photos with Santa and not to mention all the extra stuff I do for their children everyday. When my child was in daycare I gave a card and gift every year! How can you face the person you see every day and who takes care of your child for 10+ hours a day and not even give them a Christmas card??? Oh well, I keep telling myself it's better to give then receive even if all I wanted to receive was a card and a Merry Christmas.
Reply
newtodaycare22 06:59 PM 12-23-2010
Aren't some people ridiculous? I'm sorry your parents did that to you. Last year, I taught kindergarten and out of 20 students, I received 1 card and 1 bottle of lotion (from the same child).

This year, I have 7 parents and I got gifts and card from 4 of them...and the other 3 nothing. I'm with you- I really would just appreciate it even a card!
Reply
nannyde 03:11 AM 12-24-2010
I've been thinking a lot about this over the last few weeks and am really saddened to hear story after story where providers feel insulted when most or all of their parents don't think of them at Christmas and either bring them nothing, or just a card.

When you have a population of parents that do not consider you within the Christmas season maybe it's time to rethink doing a Christmas season with the kids. Parents are showing you that they don't consider Christmas as a time that has a single thing to do with their provider so why not believe them and honor that?

Maybe next year it would be best to stay away from anything Christmas related. If you do something have it be a special lunch for the kids that you don't normally have and call it your Christmas Dinner. You don't have to do crafts, parties, gifts for the kids, gifts from the kid to the parents etc. You can go with the belief system the parents have and not do a Christmas between your kids, clients, and yourself.

When it comes to yearly bonus or gifting why not consider building a paid vacation into the end of the year for YOU to look forward to? If you are already doing that then maybe another idea is to raise your rates two dollars a week per client and put that one hundred dollars a year per kid away and have THAT be your year end bonus. You would have to have the discipline to not touch it throughout the year but you could enjoy watching it grow thru the year and use it to buy YOU something great at the end of the year.

There's a fine line when you are DOING a lot for the kids and families during Christmas where you can actually switch over the mind set of the parent into thinking that appropriate ROLES in this is YOU being the one giving and them and their kids being the receivers. They can believe that it is actually your JOB and responsibility to make Christmas special for their kid and even to give something to them because they are your client. They can go all year and not look at you as a BUSINESS but rather their employee but when it comes time for year end bonusing they actually believe you are a BUSINESS for the first and only time of the year.

It's sad but it does happen.

My Day Care parents are very generous to me every year and I don't give presents to the children. I don't give any free time to the parents. I don't do a bunch of crafts for the kids to the parents. This year we did one craft that took a few weeks to do where the kids made a handprint construction paper ornament and then decorated it with pasted on little tiny scrunched pieces of tissue paper they tore and scrunched for a few weeks. It was something they enjoyed doing but it cost about a quarter a piece.

We did a Christmas Dinner of some of our favorite foods and listened to Christmas music. It was very laid back and sweet but not a ton of work. I just made something different for lunch than I normally don't have. This year we had phesant, cheddar biscuits, mashed potatoes with portabella gravy and brownies for desert.

So maybe consider focusing on something just for you and the kids like a great lunch or a great desert for snack time and leave it at that. All the effort and gift giving you do for their family isn't going to be something they translate into honoring you the same way because they don't believe they should or they believe YOU should be the one doing the celebration and giving. If that's what they believe then it may be time to believe them and follow in line to that.

Our culture is changing. The way that most parents look at child care is that it's terribly expensive and "too much" in the first place. I found this post on mother.com

http://www.mothering.com/community/f...ycare-provider

never thought of it
I mean, I had heard that if you have an au pair or nanny it was expected, but not for someone with a business. Shoot, when I was a nanny, I only received little gifts. I didn't expect a bonus. Is this the norm now? I mean, I love my CCProvider, but she gets a week paid vacation from parents per year, so I wouldn't expect to give an addition week's bonus. It's hard enough scraping the pay together for childcare as it is. Most providers are not looking to make big $$ with thier job anyway.


It's a very short paragraph but it's packed with the fundamental thinking that goes into parents talking thru this to themselves:

I don't get bonuses why should my provider?
The paid time off IS the bonus. This parent even believes that one week a year is bonus enough.
Childcare is way too expensive.
Most providers are not looking to make big money in the job anyway.

Pick any or all of the above. If you are dealing with clients that have this belief system it may be best to just stay out of the Christmas loop completely and carry on as you normally do throughout the year. If you do a bunch of Christmas stuff with the kids and for the parents you actually may be setting a thought process in their minds that your ROLE as a provider is to GIVE to them. It may actually backfire on you and leave you empty and sad.

I wish I could pinpoint my secret to why I have very genrous parents who bonus me AND my staff assistant but I don't really know exactly why. If I did I would definitely tell you guys. I do know that I have never gifted the kids and I don't spend a lot of resources having the kids gift the parents. I don't make a big hype about Christmas but keep our celebrations to something "I" love doing with my babies.
Reply
nannyde 04:06 AM 12-24-2010
Originally Posted by busymomof2:
I was hopeful for a card form my parents too. I only got one card from the one family I didn't think I would get anything from because they are struggling financially. I gave my parent's a Parent's Night free of charge, a gift for their child, Christmas card from my family, a family gift, a gift that I helped their child make for them, photos with Santa and not to mention all the extra stuff I do for their children everyday. When my child was in daycare I gave a card and gift every year! How can you face the person you see every day and who takes care of your child for 10+ hours a day and not even give them a Christmas card??? Oh well, I keep telling myself it's better to give then receive even if all I wanted to receive was a card and a Merry Christmas.
It's time to send out a newsletter saying:

"I have the most wonderful day care families a provider could ever ask for. I am humbled by your generosity this Christmas Season. My husband and I wanted to thank you in some way and have decided to offer all families who gave us such amazing Christmas bonuses a FREE weekend of child care. We will be happy to work with you on the date that works best for you. We will offer Friday night to Sunday night free care so that YOU can have a relaxing weekend that you deserve so much. Please let us know what weekend will work best for you and we will put in on our calandar.

We thank you SO much and we hope our little token of appreciation will give YOU a much deserved "Christmas Bonus" too."


Reply
melissa ann 04:46 AM 12-24-2010
I have 2dcf, one always gives me a tin/box of choc covered pretzels. Yes, I do love the pretzels. The other one, NOTHING. Throughout the year, we have little parties,for holidays. For valentines, I also give little goodies, the same for Halloween. I have b-day parties for the kids and make them cupcakes, and give them a present. At Christmas, I gave them a 24pc puzzle,and a book. I gave the dcparents jars of homemade fudge, and caramel corn.
I don't expect much. I'm not a materialist person, but at least a card.
Reply
SilverSabre25 04:59 AM 12-24-2010
-I didn't expect or hope for anything from my newest daycare family.
-I didn't expect, but did hope for, something from the family who's last day was Wednesday--leaving me because the dad's brother (deadbeat who can't hold a job) has been BEGGING them to babysit dcg so he can pay rent (I smell BS..no one could pay squat on what they paid me).
-I didn't expect, but was surprised by the family that paid me an extra half week's pay.
-I didn't expect or even hope for anything from the really young mom who has no clue how to be a parent, for the most part.
-I don't expect anything from the two families who tell me all the time how much they appreciate me and what I do...but I am kind of hoping. I doubt I'll get anything though.
Reply
melskids 06:45 AM 12-24-2010
i totally agree with nannyde on this one. i would scale back on how much time and money you put forth.

i always do what i feel comfortable with and have learned not to expect anything in return. i can lay my head down at night and know i'm doing right by the kiddos. in the end, thats what matters to me. thinking that i may somehow touch the life of a child in some way is a gift to myself. i dont need a card or box of chocolates to justify that.

it is a little disappointing sometimes though. most of my parents were very generous this year, but the one i bend over backward for said/did nothing. the father was here when two other parents came in with gifts, making a big deal and all, so maybe he took notice and will remember for next year. maybe

one day last week i was cleaning up the writing area and i found a doodled on paper from this child (whose parents gave me nothing) i know she wrote it, because i know her handwriting. it very simply said " i love miss melinda". that was enough to tell me that although the parents may not be greatful, the one who matters to me is.
Reply
AmandasFCC 06:51 AM 12-24-2010
I agree with you and completely sympathize. Last year everyone got me something. Sure it was small - a card (which I love) and a box of chocolates, and I got a basket of bath stuff. This year I got a box of chocolates, one card, and a $10 gift for my dd. I'm hurt to say the least.

More than anything, I think it's teaching the kids a really terrible lesson: The people who play a huge role in your life are not deserving of any recognition.

I have taken a grand total of 6 days off this year. That's it. I have accomodated lots of payment problems and scheduling problems. Admittedly the kids don't do a lot of take-home crafts here because none of them are into it at all, but I've done massive changes to the play space, gotten tons of new toys over the year to keep things "fresh" for the kids. And no one seems to think it necessary to even give me a bloody card. The one card and box of chocolates I received came after dcm saw that I'd given her kid a Christmas gift. I was an afterthought.
Reply
boysx5 10:18 AM 12-24-2010
I agree when they stop appreciating all me do its time to do the same. I am very lucky I have five great families who all gave me gifts and nice cards to go along and tell me how much they appreciate all I do for them. So it makes me want to go the extra mile for them when they need something.
Reply
Unregistered 11:23 AM 12-24-2010
I have 2 daycare families with each having one child in my care well Parent C we will call her she has been with me 9 months gave me a WONDERFUL card from her Son my daycare boy saying thank you for taking care of me and she gave me a gift card to a resturant for me and my hubby to go on a date and she is gonna watch my 3 kids for free I cried it was so thoughtful well my other parent we will call her Parent E who has been with me for a year and haf gave me nothing no card no gift nothing just like she didnt last year and thats ok too I still got each Mom a bag with bath stuff in it, and the daycare kids each a toy, pjs, 3 books, and a 2p of soft cars I dont do it to get something in return I do it because I love my daycare kids and parents very much they are great kids and parents they pay on time, dont complain about holidays, sick days, vacsation, etc. thats all I ask for.
Reply
Michael 02:34 PM 12-24-2010
It's the parent's loss if they cannot appreciate your contribution. More than likely they don't appreciate that much in their lives either and take most things for granted. Usually something has to happen before they realize how good they had it and by then it is usually too late. I think nannyde hit the nail on the head on a lot of what she wrote.

Set an example and tell the families you appreciate “them” this season. I think sometimes they need to be reminded of the things that matter. They are consumed with something else that is trivial. Afterall, they are relying on giving you their most precious possession for you to teach and care for. Somewhere they have lost sight of that importance. It’s really their loss.
Reply
kidkair 04:19 PM 12-24-2010
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I have 2 daycare families with each having one child in my care well Parent C we will call her she has been with me 9 months gave me a WONDERFUL card from her Son my daycare boy saying thank you for taking care of me and she gave me a gift card to a resturant for me and my hubby to go on a date and she is gonna watch my 3 kids for free I cried it was so thoughtful well my other parent we will call her Parent E who has been with me for a year and haf gave me nothing no card no gift nothing just like she didnt last year and thats ok too I still got each Mom a bag with bath stuff in it, and the daycare kids each a toy, pjs, 3 books, and a 2p of soft cars I dont do it to get something in return I do it because I love my daycare kids and parents very much they are great kids and parents they pay on time, dont complain about holidays, sick days, vacsation, etc. thats all I ask for.
Please use punctuation and captialization. It's very hard to read with out them.
Reply
Lucy 06:54 PM 12-24-2010
"When you have a population of parents that do not consider you within the Christmas season maybe it's time to rethink doing a Christmas season with the kids. Parents are showing you that they don't consider Christmas as a time that has a single thing to do with their provider so why not believe them and honor that?"


Because it's about giving. It's not about "payback" for a gift you assume you WILL get. That being said, I do get my feelings hurt that they don't see it the same way I see it. However, I would not just think along the lines of "they're not going to give me a gift, so I'm not giving them one."

For me, only one family did not give me anything.

In my opinion.
Reply
QualiTcare 01:35 AM 12-25-2010
i sort of agree with nan. i sort of go by the "hope for the best, expect the worst" philosophy with most things though.

i don't agree with not putting effort in for the kids/parents bc they probably won't do it for you.

it's not a good reflection of the type of person you are, and it's not fair to the children/parents who DO care. i'm personally one of those parents that does/always has given daycare providers/teachers a heartfelt gift that obviously took effort/thought along with a monetary gift in the form of a gift card and i'd personally feel the way many of you do when they don't even get a card if i didn't "even get "just" a handmade ornament." my tree is filled with handmade ornaments, and i have to say - when i was hanging them - i thought about this forum and people asking "what to give parents for christmas?" most of them are very simple - made with foam or have a picture. they are priceless. some of them are 5 years old - i'll have them when they're 18 years old. it really IS the thought that counts. this year, my son's teacher gave him a couple of books and some doo-dads, but nothing hand-made, no ornament. those books will got lost in the shuffle. i appreciate her thought, but i'd rather have a silly paper handprint.

if i based what i did on what others did for me, i'd be in a sore spot. i know it sucks to feel unappreciated when you feel like you do so much, but karma does work in mysterious ways. please don't fall into the "i'm not making a big deal of christmas for them bc they don't care about me" mentality. it only puts you on the level that you hate.
Reply
momma2girls 08:05 AM 12-25-2010
I received an ornament from one parent, and the other parent some homeade goodies, and a gift card. The other 2 parents nothing! Not even a thank you for their gifts I gave the children!!
I decided I was going to thank all the parents in my monthly newsletter that went out for Jan. I said something like- I want to send out a huge thank you for the gift cards, homeade goodies, etc. that I received for gifts this Holiday season! I appreciate it so much!!
I gave this newsletter to all the parents- maybe at least one of the two will read this and think- WOW maybe we should have gotten her at least a card and said thanks!!
Oh well enough said- on to a New Year!!!
Happy New Year Everyone!!!!
Reply
CKSher 05:28 PM 12-25-2010
I was very surprised with all of the gifts my families gave me this year! I even received two very thoughtful notes. Of my 7 families only 2 did not give me anything at all. One had a family emergency so I completely understand and did not expect anything. Sadly, the other who did not even give me a card has not only been one of my best friends for years, but was also my Maid of Honor!!! That one kinda hurt, but I will get over it! Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!!!
Reply
MamaBear 10:17 PM 12-25-2010
All of my daycare parents gave me a Christmas gift except one parent. She never does though. Its just how she rolls I guess. It does make me sad though because it would show that she appreciates me caring for her daughter 10 hours a day - 5 days a week. Oh well. Some parents are thoughtful and some just are not!

Something else thats weird... I gave all my daycare kiddos a gift for Christmas and not one of the daycare parents said thank you or even gave me a thank you card. I gave each of them a cute little Sock Monkey doll and a gift bag with candy canes, whistle straws & stickers in them. I wonder sometimes if these daycare parents were ever taught by their mom's to say "thank you" as kids or just have the common courtesy to write a quick thank you card. They didnt even tell their child to say thank you at pick up when leaving with their gifts. I teach the kids here to say please & thank you... just simple manners.

By the way --- this is my first time posting on here. I absolutely love reading all the posts on here. Its great to read other daycare provider's posts that I can relate too!
Reply
Raymond 02:02 AM 12-26-2010
Originally Posted by MamaBear:
Something else thats weird... I gave all my daycare kiddos a gift for Christmas and not one of the daycare parents said thank you or even gave me a thank you card. I gave each of them a cute little Sock Monkey doll and a gift bag with candy canes, whistle straws & stickers in them. I wonder sometimes if these daycare parents were ever taught by their mom's to say "thank you" as kids or just have the common courtesy to write a quick thank you card. They didnt even tell their child to say thank you at pick up when leaving with their gifts. I teach the kids here to say please & thank you... just simple manners.

By the way --- this is my first time posting on here. I absolutely love reading all the posts on here. Its great to read other daycare provider's posts that I can relate too!
Sounds like the type that receive and expect entitlements from the Gov.
Reply
Cheryl Lea 06:16 PM 12-26-2010
Don't feel too bad CKSher, My own son who's child I care for FULL TIME for FREE did not even give me a card or even a visit for Christmas. He was able however to visit mom in law and his own grandma. I guess I must live too far away for son and daughter in law to visit me! I am about a 1/2 hour away from his home but not too far from them to allow me to provide care for my grandson which I do not charge for! No card, no call, no visit!!!! How is that for a "Merry Christmas Mom"???????????????? Perhaps I should term my own grandson. LOL NOT! Maybe they think they are doing me a FAVOR by letting me care for my grandson?
Reply
Cheryl Lea 06:17 PM 12-26-2010
I did receive a gift from almost every one of my daycare parents though!
Reply
Blackcat31 07:02 AM 12-27-2010
A friend who is a provider had a parent say to her: "Ya know that gift we gave you last year? Well, it is going to be a two-year gift and count for this years gift too."

This was AFTER the provider and her entire family just helped this single mom move into her new house, provider's DH snowplowed her drive and the provider had made exceptions and kept dcg over night and after closing so mom could pack for move!!!

MAKES ME VERY GRATEFUL TO ALL MY FAMILIES BECAUSE NO ONE HAS EVER SAID ANYTHING SO RUDE BEFORE!!!
Reply
daycaremom1 07:34 AM 12-27-2010
I have to say I had a wonderful Christmas with the daycare families. Most of them. I received a couple of gift cards to Apple Bee's and Dunkin Donuts, coffee cups, candy, a massage gift cert, homemade fudge, picture frames and cards. I do have one single mom that I have her newborn from 5:45 AM until 2:30 PM each day, and she didn't even hardle say Merry Christmas. But everyone else was very generous. I have been fortunate over the years. ♥
Reply
Unregistered 09:43 AM 12-27-2010
Originally Posted by Cheryl Lea:
Maybe they think they are doing me a FAVOR by letting me care for my grandson?
This is actually true...and why I stopped keeping kids from my family, for FREE most of the time, altogether. When I got tired of being the "dump" for my family's lifestyles I "termed" my cousins, nieces and nephews. I have not seen or heard from any of the since. My own Mother refused to see my kids for Christmas. It has been two years now and I have not been in the same room with any of their kids, like they were a gift I sent back?
It goes both ways... Sending love, Hun. I am sorry that happened to you.

To OP: I have had the same thing for many years, now. Parents are just a bit more self- gratifying these days. They truly think you are the lucky one who gets to "play with precious all day"...That should be gift enough, right? Ha!! Chin up, at least at the end of the day, when you look in the mirror, you will know you made Christmas special for those kids. Karma (or whatever you want to call it) will be kind on those who are kind when nobody is looking.
Reply
Crystal 09:59 AM 12-27-2010
I'll never understand the menatality that some have the notion that there is no need to show their gratitude and appreciation to the person that cares for their child. I am sorry to all of you who have such inconsiderate families.

I am very fortunate to always have had parents who go above and beyond, not only during the holidays, but throughout the year. I try to show my appreciation for them throughout the year as well. Although I get many gifts and bonuses, I will say the most treasured gifts I recieve are the cards, pictures and genuine expressions of appreciation in the what they say to me in those cards....I'd be happy with only those. I am sorry you didn't get that {{{{HUGS}}}}
Reply
nannyde 10:55 AM 12-27-2010
Originally Posted by Crystal:
IAlthough I get many gifts and bonuses, I will say the most treasured gifts I recieve are the cards, pictures and genuine expressions of appreciation in the what they say to me in those cards....I'd be happy with only those. I am sorry you didn't get that {{{{HUGS}}}}


I like the money
but the money WITH candy is my fave.

My parents don't do too much in writing their appreciation.. but they DO know how to write the checks.
Reply
Crystal 11:52 AM 12-27-2010
yes, I like the money too but it's the cards and home made ornaments that last forever and remind me each year of all the families I have cared for over the years
Reply
katie 06:09 PM 12-27-2010
Nothing here either. One of my moms is my friend. But, not a very good one. I find that if they try to take advantage of you/or like was said earlier, they think you owe them, then why should I expect even a Merry Christmas? Selfish!
Reply
Unregistered 08:01 PM 12-27-2010
I got nothing. Not even a "Merry Christmas" from the parents of the child I kept on Thanksgiving and Christmas because the parents had to work and he would been in another daycare.
Reply
Lilbutterflie 12:04 PM 12-28-2010
I only have 1 family of 3 kids; I made handmade blankets & also gave them a book that was all the same theme. They were all sick their last day before Christmas, so my DH went out in the rain on Christmas Eve and dropped their presents on their porch for them. I did not get one phone call or text from DCM saying thank you or that she even got them. She dropped the kids off yesterday morning without even a mention of the gifts or asking how our Christmas was. I asked the kids if they got my gift and they looked puzzled
I then said "Did you get your Lightening McQueen blanket Little Johnny?" and he said "oh yeah... I didn't know it was from you!". None of the kids even knew that the blankets and books were from me. So I asked DCM last night if she had gotten the gifts and given them to the kids and she said in a monotone voice "Oh yeah. Thanks. We got you a gift but we keep leaving it at home." I felt like saying "Don't even bother!" It doesn't mean anything if you don't make an effort at all to get it to me!!
Reply
Lucy 01:10 PM 12-28-2010
Originally Posted by Lilbutterflie:
I only have 1 family of 3 kids; I made handmade blankets & also gave them a book that was all the same theme. They were all sick their last day before Christmas, so my DH went out in the rain on Christmas Eve and dropped their presents on their porch for them. I did not get one phone call or text from DCM saying thank you or that she even got them. She dropped the kids off yesterday morning without even a mention of the gifts or asking how our Christmas was. I asked the kids if they got my gift and they looked puzzled
I then said "Did you get your Lightening McQueen blanket Little Johnny?" and he said "oh yeah... I didn't know it was from you!". None of the kids even knew that the blankets and books were from me. So I asked DCM last night if she had gotten the gifts and given them to the kids and she said in a monotone voice "Oh yeah. Thanks. We got you a gift but we keep leaving it at home." I felt like saying "Don't even bother!" It doesn't mean anything if you don't make an effort at all to get it to me!!
I'd be halfway willing to bet she let the kids go ahead and believe the gift was from Santa or Mom & Dad. Another to add to the ones she gave them so it looks like more.
Reply
broncomom1973 03:08 PM 12-28-2010
Yeah, I gave each child a nice gift. When my kids went to daycare, I always got the provider a gift certificate to her favorite restaurant with a card. This year I got a light up snowman from one family and nothing from the other two. No card, nada. We gave dd kindergarten teacher a card and $25 gift certificate because I am so thankful for all she does with those kids. I cant imagine why families dont think even a verbal thank you is necessary. Oh well, next year, I'll spend half as much or less on these kids.
Reply
Unregistered 04:07 PM 12-28-2010
I agree with nannyd I would do nothing regarding Christmas. Have it obvious that you celebrate in your family however do nothing regarding gifts to children or to parents from children. I wish we didn't do anything in our center.
Reply
Tags:parents are ungrateful, saddened
Reply Up