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  #1  
Old 09-30-2014, 04:57 AM
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permanentvacation permanentvacation is offline
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Default Update On Child Who's Mother Wouldn't Let Him Get His Sleep/Child Punched Mother

These two situations are from the same 2 year old boy.

Well, for the past week or so, his mother and grandmother have allowed him to get the 11/12 hours of sleep he needs each night. I can tell a big difference in him. He is wide awake when he arrives now and does not scream/cry at me at all now.

However, the mother (I think because she can't see him after work since she's letting him sleep) is now carrying him from the car to my house every morning and then standing in the house holding him, swaying with him, telling him how much she will miss him, (she is also telling him to be a good boy for me), and just coddling him for 2-10 minutes each morning at drop off time! UGHHHH!!! So of course, because of that, he's crying at drop off time, when she finally puts him down, he's reaching up for her and crying, and I have to pull him away from her.

I told his mom this morning that it would help him if she let him walk into the daycare on his own and she quickly told him, 'Bye, I love you, have a good day.' then kissed him and left. I told here that the quicker drop off time is, the better it is for him, and that if he walks in rather than be carried in, it really helps as well. And of course she informed me that she could/would not be able to do that.

I am truly beating my head against a wall with this lady! I am almost twice her age, and have been doing licensed daycare for longer than she has been alive. I would think I know what works for children better than she does. Why is it that no matter what I suggest to her, she is determined to do the opposite of and gives me her excuses as to why she can't/won't do what will help her child?

I'll answer that. I think it's 'mom has to work guilt'. With this child, she can't see him at night unless she keeps him up too late. She finally agreed to let him get his sleep, so she can't see him at night. So at drop off time, she knows she won't see him until the next morning and is really upset about it. I have a suggestion for her on how to fix this problem too. Stop going on vacations every weekend! Then she wouldn't need to work so long every day to make extra money for a weekly weekend vacation. I've never known someone who goes to the Ocean every other weekend and goes on weekend trips to Washing DC and other places the opposite weekends. So, her child and I are going through Hell every day for 5 days so she can enjoy a vacation/weekend trip every weekend!

This morning, I didn't pull him away. I just demanded to him, "That's enough, now go play." Of course he kept crying. I commanded to him that he stop crying and go play. After a couple of minutes of me asking him if he's allowed to cry here and making him respond with a "No ma'am." and then me making him tell me, 'I will not cry', he finally went off to play without crying.
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Old 09-30-2014, 05:26 AM
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Well, I guess it's nice to have a parent that actually wants to see their child, and at least she is listening and letting him sleep~ that's progress, right?! But, I can see why you are annoyed, and I'm not sure how much longer I would want to watch her goodbye performance everyday! It does seem like she needs to get her priorities straight and spend less vacation time- but I'm sure she doesn't want to give up that luxury, so you are stuck dealing with this crying situation. I know one family can make our days start off on the wrong foot and feel frustrating!
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  #3  
Old 09-30-2014, 05:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by permanentvacation View Post
These two situations are from the same 2 year old boy.

Well, for the past week or so, his mother and grandmother have allowed him to get the 11/12 hours of sleep he needs each night. I can tell a big difference in him. He is wide awake when he arrives now and does not scream/cry at me at all now.

However, the mother (I think because she can't see him after work since she's letting him sleep) is now carrying him from the car to my house every morning and then standing in the house holding him, swaying with him, telling him how much she will miss him, (she is also telling him to be a good boy for me), and just coddling him for 2-10 minutes each morning at drop off time! UGHHHH!!! So of course, because of that, he's crying at drop off time, when she finally puts him down, he's reaching up for her and crying, and I have to pull him away from her.

I told his mom this morning that it would help him if she let him walk into the daycare on his own and she quickly told him, 'Bye, I love you, have a good day.' then kissed him and left. I told here that the quicker drop off time is, the better it is for him, and that if he walks in rather than be carried in, it really helps as well. And of course she informed me that she could/would not be able to do that.
I am truly beating my head against a wall with this lady! I am almost twice her age, and have been doing licensed daycare for longer than she has been alive. I would think I know what works for children better than she does. Why is it that no matter what I suggest to her, she is determined to do the opposite of and gives me her excuses as to why she can't/won't do what will help her child?

I'll answer that. I think it's 'mom has to work guilt'. With this child, she can't see him at night unless she keeps him up too late. She finally agreed to let him get his sleep, so she can't see him at night. So at drop off time, she knows she won't see him until the next morning and is really upset about it. I have a suggestion for her on how to fix this problem too. Stop going on vacations every weekend! Then she wouldn't need to work so long every day to make extra money for a weekly weekend vacation. I've never known someone who goes to the Ocean every other weekend and goes on weekend trips to Washing DC and other places the opposite weekends. So, her child and I are going through Hell every day for 5 days so she can enjoy a vacation/weekend trip every weekend!

This morning, I didn't pull him away. I just demanded to him, "That's enough, now go play." Of course he kept crying. I commanded to him that he stop crying and go play. After a couple of minutes of me asking him if he's allowed to cry here and making him respond with a "No ma'am." and then me making him tell me, 'I will not cry', he finally went off to play without crying.
Tell her she can do all of that for as long as she wants.

She just can't do it in YOUR house. She can do it at home, in the car and on the way over but NOT in YOUR house.

You do NOT have to be an audience for her. That's what she is looking for.
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Old 09-30-2014, 05:40 AM
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permanentvacation permanentvacation is offline
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I have actually had dreams over the weekend about him crying all day here. And have caught myself on Saturdays and Sundays dreading him coming here on Monday! His behavior is affecting me on the weekends!

The problem is that I only have him and one baby. I have decided that when I get another child, I am definitely going to stop watching him. I have also thought of sending him home for crying. But I am afraid that if I do, the mother will pull him out before I replace him.

Yes, it is nice that she likes and loves her child and wants to spend time with him. However, it is more important to her that she goes on vacations every weekend. So, that shows me that she cares about her vacations more than she cares about his daily well-being.
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Old 09-30-2014, 05:59 AM
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EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Tell her she can do all of that for as long as she wants.

She just can't do it in YOUR house. She can do it at home, in the car and on the way over but NOT in YOUR house.

You do NOT have to be an audience for her. That's what she is looking for.
This is your solution right here. "It's GREAT that you want to cuddle him, but I am going to need you to do that in the car/at home/on the porch before you come in. Thank you! "
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Old 09-30-2014, 06:04 AM
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Sounds like a good situation for Nannyde's "bye-bye outside".

Let them do that as long as they want outside then dcb can come in, walking
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  #7  
Old 09-30-2014, 06:26 AM
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permanentvacation permanentvacation is offline
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The thing is that no matter what I tell her, she has a comeback and excuse as to why her way is the only way she can do things. She doesn't want me telling her how to parent her child. And I understand that. But some of her parenting ways are negatively affecting him and me. She's going to do things her way. I can't really tell her she is not allowed to hold her child in my home/daycare. Since I need the money, until I replace him I have to keep him.

She just wants to raise her child differently in a manner that makes it so he cannot participate in my program here. I am tired of trying to teach her how to help him fit into a typical daycare schedule. I need to just let her raise her child how she wants to and admit that he is not a good fit for my daycare.
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Old 09-30-2014, 06:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by permanentvacation View Post
The thing is that no matter what I tell her, she has a comeback and excuse as to why her way is the only way she can do things. She doesn't want me telling her how to parent her child. And I understand that. But some of her parenting ways are negatively affecting him and me. She's going to do things her way. I can't really tell her she is not allowed to hold her child in my home/daycare. Since I need the money, until I replace him I have to keep him.

She just wants to raise her child differently in a manner that makes it so he cannot participate in my program here. I am tired of trying to teach her how to help him fit into a typical daycare schedule. I need to just let her raise her child how she wants to and admit that he is not a good fit for my daycare.
You just need to continue repeating,

"You can raise your child however you would like but you may NO longer say your goodbye inside my home. You are in charge of your child, I am in charge of MY home."


Rinse and repeat. NO MATTER what excuse/reason/logic she tries to use.
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  #9  
Old 09-30-2014, 06:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
You need to continue repeating,

"You can raise your child however you would like but you may NO longer say your goodbye inside my home. You are in charge of your child, I am in charge of MY home."


Rinse and repeat. NO MATTER what excuse/reason/logic she tries to use.
I love this....how i wish i could say it...

"You can raise your child however you would like, but you may no longer bring in full length movies for Show and Tell and chapter books for Book Day."

"You can raise your child however you would like, but you may no longer allow him to bring in toys which cause even further tantrums from your already out of control child."

"You can raise your child however you world like, but I'm tired of seeing her friggin underwear 6894 times a day. Shorts under dresses or no dresses."

Sigh
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  #10  
Old 10-01-2014, 02:31 PM
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Controlled Chaos Controlled Chaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Hunni Bee View Post
I love this....how i wish i could say it...

"You can raise your child however you would like, but you may no longer bring in full length movies for Show and Tell and chapter books for Book Day."

"You can raise your child however you would like, but you may no longer allow him to bring in toys which cause even further tantrums from your already out of control child."

"You can raise your child however you world like, but I'm tired of seeing her friggin underwear 6894 times a day. Shorts under dresses or no dresses."

Sigh
Say it! Just try it, you can do it!
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