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Unregistered 08:54 PM 02-27-2011
Fair warning, i'm a first time parent an still trying to get the hang of what I do and do not need to get worked up over.
that being said, when I picked my four month old up from his in-home day care, my provider's spouse was in the main room (where the children were playing) having a beer.
I have been internally grappling with this the past few days and still feel both uncomfortable and over reactive and thought the opinions of other providers and moms out there could give me some perspective.
should I be letting this bother me as much as it is?
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Michael 09:19 PM 02-27-2011
In home to me means just that. It is a family that is operating a daycare within their home. Unless the husband seemed intoxicated or was doing something inappropriate. Maybe other providers here will chime in on this. Is a provider's spouse not supposed to be in the daycare area having a cold one after work?

Also, mybe you can give us a better description of what bothered you visually
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QualiTcare 11:32 PM 02-27-2011
i don't know that i would personally be upset by that.

that being said - my husband and i drink beer on a regular basis. obviously, when i was keeping children i didn't drink. i had one child still in my care when he would get in from work in the evening (a one year old) and he would drink beer, but i actually drove this child home and put him to bed so his mother would've never walked in to see that. i don't think it was a big deal that he drank beer since it is our home AND he had no responsiblity for the child, BUT if the mother was coming into our home to pick up the child - i would've had him put it away. not to mention - the mother of this child was my best friend since 6th grade and we actually drank our first beer TOGETHER, went to our first club together, and did a lot of other things we shouldn't have been doing together including stealing her parent's car at night and other things i won't even mention. EVEN though we did all of those things when we were young, i wouldn't want her to pick up her son and see my husband drinking. times have changed, we've grown up. while she knew i operated a true "home daycare" and treated her child like my own - i just don't think drinking beer in front of parents shows much common sense.

i also made sure to dispose of the beer cans properly so the parents wouldn't see them in the kitchen when they dropped off in the morning. heck, i'm drinking a beer RIGHT NOW, but still - that's my opinion. your husband can drink all he wants (and a provider can drink all they want when not caring for children) but it takes so little effort to pour a beer in a cup or put it away when a parent walks in - i don't see why anyone wouldn't do that just incase a parent might not like it as is apparent by this post. just my two cents.
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nannyde 02:33 AM 02-28-2011
I don't drink and I don't have a DH so I don't have any experience in this. I can't stand the smell of alcohol and beer is the worst. YUCK

I wouldn't be to happy if I saw that. I just don't think alcohol and day care should meet at any point.

I would just tell the provider that you understand her DH is on home time but you don't want drinking around your kids at day care. They may have just had a lot of laid back families who hang out with them and have a drink with them to the point where having one during the end of dc hours isn't something that's uncommon or a problem.
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melskids 03:11 AM 02-28-2011
i think it is unprofessional and innappropriate. i would never allow anyone to drink in front of my daycare kids. i dont think it sets a good example in front of them, kwim? of course, that is just my opinion. he could have waited until the last child picked up, or sat in another room. or he should have at least poured it in a glass. heck, i even pour my soda in a dark glass so the kids dont know i'm drinking it (just cause i know they would bug for some!!!)

JMO
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Cat Herder 03:22 AM 02-28-2011
I personally would not allow it in my home. Then again I am not a fan of alcohol, blech.... the taste, the smell..... I'd rather him suck on garlic and onions..

Was this well before closing time? Is it possible they were letting you know that you are encroaching on their personal time by picking up late?

I encourage an open dialogue. Just ask her if this is going to be a regular occurrence, that it is something you are uncomfortable with, and depending on her response you may have to find a provider who shares your views.

Home Day Care can be a wonderful thing, but family values vary significantly.....
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jen 05:33 AM 02-28-2011
Oh, I don't know...I know that I wouldn't allow my husband to have a beer during daycare hours unless he was nowhere near dck or parents. To be honest, it has never been an issue; he just wouldn't do it.

Now, in your case, to be honest, I'm not sure what I would DO about it.

How do you feel about the provider in general? Are you over the top happy or merely OK with the quality of care? In other words, what is the whole of your experience with this provider?
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DCMomOf3 06:06 AM 02-28-2011
I don't think alcohol should be around a daycare and the kids who go there. I know it's the provider's home, but when there are kids there it's a daycare. If he wants to have a cold one after work, fine, but do it in a room that is not being used for the daycare.

In your case I would just be honest with your provider and tell her it makes you uncomfortable having alcohol around your child while he is at daycare. The outcome of that conversation can be your guide how to go from here.
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Little People 06:19 AM 02-28-2011
Originally Posted by DCMomOf3:
I don't think alcohol should be around a daycare and the kids who go there. I know it's the provider's home, but when there are kids there it's a daycare. If he wants to have a cold one after work, fine, but do it in a room that is not being used for the daycare.

In your case I would just be honest with your provider and tell her it makes you uncomfortable having alcohol around your child while he is at daycare. The outcome of that conversation can be your guide how to go from here.
I agree with this!
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MyAngels 06:31 AM 02-28-2011
Originally Posted by DCMomOf3:
I don't think alcohol should be around a daycare and the kids who go there. I know it's the provider's home, but when there are kids there it's a daycare. If he wants to have a cold one after work, fine, but do it in a room that is not being used for the daycare.

In your case I would just be honest with your provider and tell her it makes you uncomfortable having alcohol around your child while he is at daycare. The outcome of that conversation can be your guide how to go from here.
Yes, it would make me very uncomfortable, and I would handle it just the way DCMom would.
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cillybean83 06:40 AM 02-28-2011
honestly, I would be livid...there is a time and a place and drinking in front of your children while they're in daycare is, in my opinion, disgusting. If you walked into a daycare center and saw someone having a drink, wouldn't you be outraged?! Same goes here, so what if the daycare is in a home, it's still a DAYCARE
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JenNJ 07:26 AM 02-28-2011
First off - my husband and I aren't big drinkers so that may skew my answer.

I would not, under any circumstances, allow anyone to drink in front of the daycare children. If I had a spouse who wanted to drink after work, I would allow him to go in a non-daycare area and have a drink out of view of the parents and children.
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kendallina 07:59 AM 02-28-2011
That's hugely inappropriate.

Yes, it is his house, but his wife is running a daycare and there are still children present. To me, it's one of those things that you just accept when you run a daycare out of your home.
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marniewon 08:25 AM 02-28-2011
I think he has a right to do anything he wants in his own home, as long as it's not illegal or unethical. However, he could have picked a better place to have his beer, not right out where the dc kids were playing.

I would do as a pp suggested and just talk to your provider and let her know that it made you uncomfortable, and go from there.
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tenderhearts 08:48 AM 02-28-2011
My husband and I do not drink either so this would never be an issue but if he (we) were drinkers I don't think it's appropriate to do that in front of the children, especially when they aren't your own. Yes he's in his own home but it's a "professional" business that people entrust us with their children and I don't think it's ok, he could take it into a different room, just because he's in his own home he wouldn't be walking around in his underwear (or at least I hope not). So I don't think it would be ok, I agree with the others that I would talk with the provider and let her know it made you uncomfortable and go from there.
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daycare 09:02 AM 02-28-2011
wow I think this is not ok. Th husband gave up his personal life between his wifes operating hours when he agreed to have a DC ran from his home.

My husband would never even think about carring any emtpy bottle through my house with children in it. We need to be the example here and that is not setting an example.

My husband also has a man cave in the garage with full bar, but during my business hours it is closed. No drinking allowed.

even if a parent is late, business is still being conducted, NO DRINKING..

Thats like saying you don't mind the principal kicking back with a cold one at his desk as soon as school hours are over??? NO........
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lil angels 09:03 AM 02-28-2011
Me and my husband do have some drinks on the weekends but I don't feel that it is ok in front of the kids at least dump it in a cup so that nobody will know the difference so long as it was only one and he wasn't getting drunk in front of the kids or parents.
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greenhouse 09:59 AM 02-28-2011
Originally Posted by kendallina:
That's hugely inappropriate.

Yes, it is his house, but his wife is running a daycare and there are still children present. To me, it's one of those things that you just accept when you run a daycare out of your home.
ditto this...
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Crystal 10:31 AM 02-28-2011
You need to check your state regs. I imagine that it is illegal to have open containers around the children. Period. When the home is opened as a business it is expected to be treated as a (childcare) business. It is not a bar.

I would be livid!!!!!
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cillybean83 10:35 AM 02-28-2011
Originally Posted by marniewon:
I think he has a right to do anything he wants in his own home, as long as it's not illegal or unethical. However, he could have picked a better place to have his beer, not right out where the dc kids were playing.

I would do as a pp suggested and just talk to your provider and let her know that it made you uncomfortable, and go from there.
isnt drinking in front of daycare children unethical?

It's legal to have a gun in your home...doesn't mean you should have it out cleaning it while parents and kids are around! kwim?
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MommyMuffin 10:44 AM 02-28-2011
My husband rarely drinks but if he came home from work and wanted a beer, I'd tell him to drink in garage or bedroom or office.

I do not think it is a big deal. But if he was sitting on the couch in the living room reading the kids a story and drinking a beer... that would not be ok in my book.

I know my DH would not get drunk and he would not let the kids have any but I am running a business and do not want to give an impression of being "trashy."

If I were you I would mention something to provider if it is bothering you that much.
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momofsix 10:44 AM 02-28-2011
No alcohol open in the home during daycare hours, ever. Not appropriate at all.
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Unregistered 10:47 AM 02-28-2011
Drinking in front of the daycare kids while it's open for business is unprofessional, period. At no point should a daycare condone the use of alcohol, drugs or cigarettes regardless of whether it's in home or center. If he wants to have a beer in a rec room downstairs or in their bedroom where children aren't allowed, then I could see an exception. And actually, I wonder if it's against licensing regs? I can't imagine alcohol consumption by anyone on premises during operating hours is allowed due to safety of children.
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squareone 11:13 AM 02-28-2011
I am with the camp that says that this is totally unprofessional and inappropriate. Under no circumstances should anyone be allowed to drink around the daycare kids. He should have been in a completely separate area of the home or waited until the last child was gone. Shame on the DCP and her husband.
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Cat Herder 11:33 AM 02-28-2011
For S&G's I checked my rules and regs.....alcohol is not even mentioned.

They do mention tobacco and physical disabilites.
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ammama 11:36 AM 02-28-2011
My DH would never have a beer in front of the children, and I would be really angry if he did. I think it is unproffessional, and infringes on the rights of the parents to choose what they want their children exposed to. If he wanted a beer, I would tell him to take it out to his man-cave (garage), or down to the TV room, where the children are never allowed to go. This has never actually come up though, so I don't know if he would even try.
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Unregistered 12:03 PM 02-28-2011
I think its unprofessional. But Im not a fan of beer either. You dont know how may beers hes had total! I would talk to her about it. Dont let it fester!
Debbie
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Unregistered 12:54 PM 02-28-2011
No way anyone should have an open alcoholic beverage while children are in care, even if it was a little after hours. It's one thing when it's your own kids--it's a completely different story when it's someone else's. I'd bring it up and see what the provider has to say, and be prepared to look for another daycare.
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Crystal 01:28 PM 02-28-2011
I recall a provider from this forum getting a citation when her licensor dropped in for an unnanounced visit and the husband had left an UNOPENED beer outside, where children were not even playing at the time.

I'm pretty sure that licensing would have a HUGE fit if they arrived and actually found a spouse drinking in front of the children. He COULD and probably DID set it down, in which case (not likely of ocurse) a child COULD pick it up and sneak a drink.
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Unregistered 06:28 AM 03-01-2011
I'm all for provider's being able to live their lives in their own homes. It's something parents have to realize when they choose home daycare. However, this goes too far. Regardless of how many he's had, whether he set it down or not etc. it is unprofessional. His wife is working in that room, with children. Take the beer elsewhere in the house where the children are not allowed.

This is one reason why certain areas of my house are completely off limits to dayhome children AND their parents. Not so people can drink, per se... but so we have somewhere we can live our lives without affecting the children I am paid to look after. Doors are kept closed, or a gate blocks the access to those areas.

OP, if you haven't done so already you need to speak to your provider.
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grandmom 02:01 PM 03-01-2011
You could check your state regulations. My state is very clear - absolutely NO alcohol consumption on the property during business hours. That means not in the garage, or detached out-building, nowhere.
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Childminder 05:17 PM 03-01-2011
The following is my opinion, what I believe, how I feel. Been watching children 4 decades now. I rarely drink alcoholic beverages - 4 times a year maybe?

I have an in home daycare and open non traditional hours. Sometimes parents come in and my husband is watching his television, having a drink in his living room, in his own home and it just happens to be a daycare. The children are oblivious as to what it is that he is drinking. Most parents are oblivious as to what it is he is drinking. He isn't caring for the children, I am. I'm not drinking alcohol but you can be sure that I have a glass of water or diet coke in my hand. Is anyone but me sure that I am not drinking alcohol?

I actually had a parent turn me in to licensing for this, well, actually it was for payment issues, she owed money and didn't want to pay me but she used the fact that my husband was drinking a beer at 9:30pm. Her 9mo was in bed sleeping and she told DHS that he was being exposed to hazardous materials.

DHS investigated and just told me to have my DH drink somewhere else!? NO! Was DHS encouraging his drinking and driving? Sounded like that to me. Hanging out in some bar? Not him.

This is his home. The child wasn't being harmed in any way by my husband drinking beer two rooms away from where this child was sleeping.

Does the OP drink? In her home? Does anybody drink around the kid? Ever? Is the child ever in a restaurant or someone elses house when alcohol is ever present? If the answer is no to all of the questions then she should tell the provider that the sight of the providers dh drinking upset her. Either the provider will be understanding and ask her husband to drink elsewhere or she'll tell the OP to not let the door hit her on the way out.

I have parents that come in and have a beer with my DH. I've had parents that sit down to eat dinner with us and have a glass of wine, or cocktail before dinner. I have parents bring a 6 pack of coolers on a summers evening and sit on the patio for a visit. IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH IT TALK TO THE PROVIDER! Or find other care. If not let it go.
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My Daycare 04:56 AM 03-02-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I recall a provider from this forum getting a citation when her licensor dropped in for an unnanounced visit and the husband had left an UNOPENED beer outside, where children were not even playing at the time.

I'm pretty sure that licensing would have a HUGE fit if they arrived and actually found a spouse drinking in front of the children. He COULD and probably DID set it down, in which case (not likely of ocurse) a child COULD pick it up and sneak a drink.
I remember that and I think the citation was for having hazardous material present.
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dEHmom 05:03 AM 03-02-2011
Originally Posted by Childminder:
The following is my opinion, what I believe, how I feel. Been watching children 4 decades now. I rarely drink alcoholic beverages - 4 times a year maybe?

I have an in home daycare and open non traditional hours. Sometimes parents come in and my husband is watching his television, having a drink in his living room, in his own home and it just happens to be a daycare. The children are oblivious as to what it is that he is drinking. Most parents are oblivious as to what it is he is drinking. He isn't caring for the children, I am. I'm not drinking alcohol but you can be sure that I have a glass of water or diet coke in my hand. Is anyone but me sure that I am not drinking alcohol?

I actually had a parent turn me in to licensing for this, well, actually it was for payment issues, she owed money and didn't want to pay me but she used the fact that my husband was drinking a beer at 9:30pm. Her 9mo was in bed sleeping and she told DHS that he was being exposed to hazardous materials.

DHS investigated and just told me to have my DH drink somewhere else!? NO! Was DHS encouraging his drinking and driving? Sounded like that to me. Hanging out in some bar? Not him.

This is his home. The child wasn't being harmed in any way by my husband drinking beer two rooms away from where this child was sleeping.

Does the OP drink? In her home? Does anybody drink around the kid? Ever? Is the child ever in a restaurant or someone elses house when alcohol is ever present? If the answer is no to all of the questions then she should tell the provider that the sight of the providers dh drinking upset her. Either the provider will be understanding and ask her husband to drink elsewhere or she'll tell the OP to not let the door hit her on the way out.

I have parents that come in and have a beer with my DH. I've had parents that sit down to eat dinner with us and have a glass of wine, or cocktail before dinner. I have parents bring a 6 pack of coolers on a summers evening and sit on the patio for a visit. IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH IT TALK TO THE PROVIDER! Or find other care. If not let it go.

Well said!

I believe that if proper care is taken to ensure the children are not exposed to the alcohol, then discuss your concerns with the provider and then choose where you want to go.

But many of us choose to allow our dck's to stay later than our usual closing hours. And if dh wants to come home and have a beer he is more than entitled to do so. But I make dh go outside in his garage, or sit in the bedroom with door closed. I know my dcps would not care, but I choose to keep that away from kids. If dh wants to have a beer, put it in travel mug so it looks like coffee. And don't walk away from it where a kid can grab it.

As for licensing of course they have to cite you for it! it's alcohol, in reach of a minor. My dh used to leave empties (with the hp in the bottom) in the boxes at the back door. When my ds started crawling he was constantly sitting there playing with the bottles and trying to drink the stuff on the bottom. So bottles no longer go there. As long as they are handled RESPONSIBLY there shouldn't be an issue.
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LindaMJ 08:00 PM 03-02-2011
That is totally inappropriate in my opinion. He should either wait til after hours or go into a separate room from the children. AND I drink beer myself and enjoy it. But I would never allow my spouse to do that when I am still conducting business. Seriously...
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Symphony 07:30 AM 03-03-2011
This would be breaking regulations in my state. We can have alcohol in the house, but it must be inaccessible to children. Alcohol may not be used (cooking) or consumed during daycare hours by anyone.
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momatheart 07:39 AM 03-03-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Drinking in front of the daycare kids while it's open for business is unprofessional, period. At no point should a daycare condone the use of alcohol, drugs or cigarettes regardless of whether it's in home or center. If he wants to have a beer in a rec room downstairs or in their bedroom where children aren't allowed, then I could see an exception. And actually, I wonder if it's against licensing regs? I can't imagine alcohol consumption by anyone on premises during operating hours is allowed due to safety of children.
good point. I agree.
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Meeko 12:24 PM 03-03-2011
Originally Posted by Michael:
In home to me means just that. It is a family that is operating a daycare within their home. Unless the husband seemed intoxicated or was doing something inappropriate. Maybe other providers here will chime in on this. Is a provider's spouse not supposed to be in the daycare area having a cold one after work?

Also, mybe you can give us a better description of what bothered you visually
In my state, it is against licensing regulations for ANYONE to be drinking alcohol during day care hours. That goes for husbands, guests etc....not just the provider.
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Unregistered 04:53 AM 03-15-2011
That is just wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to begin.
In Michigan, That IS against licensing rules.
For those of you who see nothing wrong with it, you're in teh wrong business!
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Childminder 05:55 AM 03-15-2011
Originally Posted by :
That is just wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to begin.
In Michigan, That IS against licensing rules.
For those of you who see nothing wrong with it, you're in teh wrong business!
I'm in MI and have found not one thing mentioned about alcohol in rules and regulations. Neither could licensing. Maybe you could clarify with the proper information?
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dEHmom 06:10 AM 03-15-2011
Here is a perfect example of why this website is so great!

OP seeking help about alcohol being used in the home.

Responses say

It's Fine

Never should it happen



At first I was thinking it's not a big deal, as long as the children are not consuming it, or seeing it used irresponsibly, or if it is "hidden" from the children, provider using it of course is a nono, no adults behaving inappropriately, etc.

Then other members put in their 2 cents and state things like an unregistered user stated At no point should a daycare condone the use of alcohol, drugs or cigarettes . Now I am on the other side of opinions on this. Originally I thought about my situation and thought that my husband is entitled to a beer after work if he chose to (he never ever does) but it is his right. Especially on a friday night, and a daycare child is here late because mom is running late, or had a meeting, or whatever. Normally we have kids gone by 5pm, if it's 730 or 8pm on a friday night, why not let hubbs have a beer? But then I also see, that during business hours, this is a business, and there is no reason why he can't wait.

HOWEVER, if he wants to go outside (if we are inside) and work on the truck or something and have a beer, I will NEVER say anything to him. While I agree in the home, or general daycare area is an absolute no, if he wants to have a beer, I would allow him to go outside, go to his garage, or lock himself in the bedroom if its freezing out, to do so.

So I am on the fence still with this one.

This site is amazingly helpful and the debates empower us providers and allow us to better ourselves.
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morgan24 06:28 AM 03-15-2011
Originally Posted by Childminder:
I'm in MI and have found not one thing mentioned about alcohol in rules and regulations. Neither could licensing. Maybe you could clarify with the proper information?
I looked to and couldn't find anything about alcohol either. My personal thoughts are if my hubby wants a beer do it in the garage, not around the kids.
There is one provider in my area who's husband does this and it has affected her business. I have had people call me wanting to change because of that.
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TBird 05:04 PM 03-15-2011
I'm sorry...I just think it's in poor taste. It is a daycare home but most families have TV's in their bedrooms, etc. so maybe it would have been in better taste for him to have "relaxed" in another room.

In consideration of the parents, I'm even careful how much time my own kids spend in the daycare area and I'm super careful about what they say/do around the daycare kids. I'm not judging....that's just how I am and how I would hope it would be if my kids were still in daycare.
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texascare 01:52 PM 03-16-2011
It certainly would not look professional on her part! Would she (he) do it if the state were there? Probly not....
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Meeko 12:25 PM 04-18-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
You need to check your state regs. I imagine that it is illegal to have open containers around the children. Period. When the home is opened as a business it is expected to be treated as a (childcare) business. It is not a bar.

I would be livid!!!!!
It is illegal in my state. Check your state's regs. Even if it IS legal there...it's completely inappropriate to drink in front of the children.
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Country Kids 01:29 PM 04-18-2011
I think many people forget that this is a business. How many people would walk into their spouses place of employment with a beer in hand. Would a beer be allowed at a childcare center if two spouses ran it-NO! I think people have such a hard time defining us as a business and taking us seriously because in most cases we want to have our cake and eat it to. In other words we want to be in business and be professional but also be able to say well this is my home and such.
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DM613 08:07 PM 05-01-2011
I am are new to the forum and wanted to introduce myself .. I decided to enroll after a while 'I was reading the forum and all the good advice ..approaching the summer and I decided to get back a bit 'in the form .. I do sports (tennis and running) and I always tend to control what I eat, with ups and downs! I then discuss some interesting 'tricks and tips for proper nutrition ..I guess we will be fine!Good afternoon everyone!
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Unregistered 05:26 PM 05-04-2011
In Indiana there can not be any alcohol present or being drank while there are children present. The daycare I worked at before was used on the weekends as a family hangout, it was a building attached to their house. Well we had a drop-in licensing appt one time and she went to get a drink out of the refrigerator and there was one single unopened beer in the fridge. She said it was an absolute no-no. She didn't shut us down because she knew it was a good daycare, just a forgetful moment to remove it but she said if it happened again it could be a license revocation.
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sharlan 03:27 PM 05-06-2011
Originally Posted by kendallina:
That's hugely inappropriate.

Yes, it is his house, but his wife is running a daycare and there are still children present. To me, it's one of those things that you just accept when you run a daycare out of your home.
What you choose to do in front of your own children is one thing. What is appropriate to do in front of other's children is another.

As a parent I would be furious. As a daycare provider I would never allow it.
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