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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Annoying Mom (Little Long)
melissa ann 05:38 AM 03-14-2011
Okay. I posted before about a 3 yr dcg who has her mom wrapped around her finger. Bringing toys, and other items from home that I do not allow. Now, 2 weeks in a row, mom had to come back to pay me. First was on the 4th. She apologized and said she didnt' have to the money to pay me. And if I was going to be home later that night or Sat and if there was a fee. I told her if she comes back later that same night, then no, I wouldn't charge a fee. She texted me at 8 to see if she could still come by with the money. I said yes. Well, this past friday, she came back about 1/2 hour later to pay.

On the 4th, dcg lost a bunch of keychains she was carrying around. She had them, like 30 seconds before mom showed up. Anyway, we couldn't find them. Mom seemed annoyed. Oh well. I did find them after they left and I "forgot" to give them to her when she came back at 8pm to pay me. It drives the mom nuts when her daughter loses things, so I kept it until Tue when she came back.

On Friday,mom asked me if she has been eating okay. I told her not as much as she used to, but she was just sick 2 weeks ago and figured she wasn't back to normal yet. Mom wants to bring her a sandwich now for her lunch. IT's bad enough she brings her 4 sippy cups of milk and 1 of water, when I supply everything. Sometimes in her cooler bag she has gummy snacks, pudding,etc and the other kids get upset because they want it too. Thur, I just had this girl, my own kids were with their g-ma and the other 2 dck were off. I asked her what she wanted to eat. She said chicken nuggets, mac n cheese and peas. Okay, I made it. She barely touched her food. I was annoyed to say the least. She does this all the time. It's not my fault she chooses not to eat. I really want to tell mom that both she and her daughter will be in for a real shock when she goes to school and they won't cater to their every wish and that they will have to go by the same rules as everybody else.
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Lilbutterflie 06:07 AM 03-14-2011
If it was me, I would send home a letter saying NO more bringing toys, NO more bringing their own sippy's, NO more cooler with snacks. She needs to eat and drink what everyone else has; or find a daycare where they all bring their own food/drinks. It's all up to you, just hand those things right back to dcm at the door & tell her it's no longer allowed.

In regards to paying late, did you charge the dcm for paying a half hour late? Just start giving hard deadlines (8pm on Friday night for example) and if she's even 5 minutes late, charge her a late fee. Hopefully the late fee is enough to make her realize you are serious about being paid on time; and hopefully it's high enough that she won't want to be late again!
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R&R 06:15 AM 03-14-2011
Your attitude regarding this parent is unfortunate and the fact that you would have a possession of this family's and not return it to 'punish' them is a little shocking. Can you imagine if they kept something of yours? That's not a behavior we want little ones to model.

Also, 4 year old children can be picky eaters. That's very typical. It seems you are projecting your own desire for revenge on a small child.
If the child was ill perhaps she doesn't have an appetite?

I would reccomend some books on family/provider relations such as "Circle of Love" Orr goal is to work as a team with families, but you may need a refresher opn what is appropriate for four year olds in terms of development before you can assist this mother in her parenting (should she desire your help).
Reply
morgan24 06:21 AM 03-14-2011
She is 3, I would take the decision making out of her hands. I have one who brings snacks in her bag every day and that is where they stay, she eats what I offer.Have you told the Mom she doesn't need to bring anything, that you supply it all?

When she brings toys, after Mom leaves I would put them up and if Mom questions you tell her you didn't want them to get lost. Toys brought for home are a pita and so are the kids who bring them. They don't want to share and they always get lost. So I would put an end to it.

If you want the coming back to pay you later to end, you are going to have to start adding the late fees. I don't like anyone coming back after I close. For me payday is not a surprise, its the same day every week, if they don't have it on that day, I tell them to bring it on the next day of care and be sure to add in the late fees, because I'm not available after closing.
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littlemissmuffet 06:22 AM 03-14-2011
Originally Posted by Lilbutterflie:
If it was me, I would send home a letter saying NO more bringing toys, NO more bringing their own sippy's, NO more cooler with snacks. She needs to eat and drink what everyone else has; or find a daycare where they all bring their own food/drinks. It's all up to you, just hand those things right back to dcm at the door & tell her it's no longer allowed.

In regards to paying late, did you charge the dcm for paying a half hour late? Just start giving hard deadlines (8pm on Friday night for example) and if she's even 5 minutes late, charge her a late fee. Hopefully the late fee is enough to make her realize you are serious about being paid on time; and hopefully it's high enough that she won't want to be late again!
Absolutely - new rule, nothing from home - begins immediately.

Also agree on the late payment situation - hard deadlines and late fees.

Parents who think the rules do not apply to them will walk all over you in every way possible until you just cannot take it any more. Take back control of your business.
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melissa ann 07:35 AM 03-14-2011
When she signed on in Sept. I told her that I supply everything, as it's easier that way. It's in my handbook stating no personal belongings from home. The only thing is, if they want to use their own sleeping bag/blanket for nap. I have written in numerous newsletters stating no toys, personal items from home.
I didn't really forget to give the keychain to her. I do childcare in a 1st floor apt of the house we live in. The keychain was over there and I was in the other half of the house where I lived when she dropped off her payment. When I remembered, she was already in her car and I didnt'want to go running after her. I have told her numerous times that I am not responsible for lost/broken items that are brought here.
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dEHmom 07:53 AM 03-14-2011
I would suggest getting a bin then. If mom is not cooperating, then when child arrives, even before mom leaves, have the child place all personal belongings (toys, keychains etc) in the bin, close it up (either you or the dck) and then put it in a closet or corner or whatever space you have for it. The child will know that when he/she gets there, she will be putting it "away" and it'll be waiting for her when she leaves. She may decide to just leave it home then.
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cillybean83 07:55 AM 03-14-2011
i have littles (birth-2) so if mom wants to drop a toddler off with a baggie of cheerios or something, whatever I don't care they just have to sit in the high chair til they're done...but if I had older kids who actually understood that jimmy was eating something that timmy and suzie didn't get...then I would say absolutely not.

as far as outside toys, I have 1 rule...you bring it to daycare it belongs to daycare...so if little suzie wants to bring a doll to daycare, then that will be a daycare doll from that day forward. Some parents don't like the rule, some don't care, but it's my rule, everyone knows about it so there is to be no complaining when toys don't go home at night.

if i were you, i would stop mom at the door and be like listen, no more food and drinks, no more toys. period." and have her put them back in the car
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Michael 02:04 PM 03-14-2011
Originally Posted by melissa ann:
Okay. I posted before about a 3 yr dcg who has her mom wrapped around her finger. Bringing toys, and other items from home that I do not allow. Now, 2 weeks in a row, mom had to come back to pay me. First was on the 4th. She apologized and said she didnt' have to the money to pay me. And if I was going to be home later that night or Sat and if there was a fee. I told her if she comes back later that same night, then no, I wouldn't charge a fee. She texted me at 8 to see if she could still come by with the money. I said yes. Well, this past friday, she came back about 1/2 hour later to pay.

On the 4th, dcg lost a bunch of keychains she was carrying around. She had them, like 30 seconds before mom showed up. Anyway, we couldn't find them. Mom seemed annoyed. Oh well. I did find them after they left and I "forgot" to give them to her when she came back at 8pm to pay me. It drives the mom nuts when her daughter loses things, so I kept it until Tue when she came back.

On Friday,mom asked me if she has been eating okay. I told her not as much as she used to, but she was just sick 2 weeks ago and figured she wasn't back to normal yet. Mom wants to bring her a sandwich now for her lunch. IT's bad enough she brings her 4 sippy cups of milk and 1 of water, when I supply everything. Sometimes in her cooler bag she has gummy snacks, pudding,etc and the other kids get upset because they want it too. Thur, I just had this girl, my own kids were with their g-ma and the other 2 dck were off. I asked her what she wanted to eat. She said chicken nuggets, mac n cheese and peas. Okay, I made it. She barely touched her food. I was annoyed to say the least. She does this all the time. It's not my fault she chooses not to eat. I really want to tell mom that both she and her daughter will be in for a real shock when she goes to school and they won't cater to their every wish and that they will have to go by the same rules as everybody else.
Welcome back melissa ann. You've been a member here since 2009.
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DCMomOf3 02:23 PM 03-14-2011
I would be as nice as you can and just tell her, that you understand her desire to provide her child with the food she wants to feed her daughter, but it's disrupting the group. Tell her that for the intrests of all the kids in your care that you can no longer allow personal food/drink/toys in your house.

If you are nice about it, and express that her child's needs ARE important to you, as is the needs of ALL of the children in your care, i would hope she would respond better than being short and offensive. You get more flies with honey....

Best of luck, I really do hope things get better for you.
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daycare 02:31 PM 03-14-2011
I often find myself sending out weekly friendly reminders of the PHB rules when there are things going wrong at DC. Not the entire book, but will just say something like. As a friendly reminder, please make sure that your child leaves all toys at home. I will throw this into a little weekly email that I send out.

Maybe the mom forgot the rules in the PHB or never even read it in the first place.

I have one mom who is one of my favorite DCP that openly admits I dont read any of the stuff you ever send home, but I do read your emails sometimes.

I started sending all of my information via email, as I found that most letters never made it out of the car....lol
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melissa ann 02:57 PM 03-14-2011
I have made a newsletter to be given to all parents. How does it sound?


March 2011 Newsletter

To all parents,

Food/beverages:
I understand your desire to provide your child(ren) with food/drinks that your child(ren) wants. However, it's becoming disruptive for the group. For the interests of all the children in my care, I can no longer allow personal food/drink in my daycare.

Regarding toys/personal items from home:
I have sent out numerous reminders about this policy. (it's in the handbook) I have a no toy/personal belongings from home policy. I am not responsible for lost/broken items that are brought to the daycare. Again, it's disrupting the group. With the age group of the children in my daycare, they are not very receptive to sharing/taking turns. So, in the best interest of all children, do not bring any toys/personal belongings from home. I do allow a child to bring their own blanket/sleeping bag for naptime only.

Late payments:
All payments are due in full, by Fridays 5pm. A late fee of $10 per day will be applied to your childcare payment begining at 5:01pm Friday. Payments must be handed to me and not just slipped through the door. If I am unavailable when parent(s) want to drop it off, the fee will still apply. I'm available any time Mon-Fri. 7am-5pm. Evenings and weekends are family time, and planned with activities.

All of the listed above will take effect immediately.
Reply
daycare 02:59 PM 03-14-2011
Originally Posted by melissa ann:
I have made a newsletter to be given to all parents. How does it sound?


March 2011 Newsletter

To all parents,

Food/beverages:
I understand your desire to provide your child(ren) with food/drinks that your child(ren) wants. However, it's becoming disruptive for the group. For the interests of all the children in my care, I can no longer allow personal food/drink in my daycare.

Regarding toys/personal items from home:
I have sent out numerous reminders about this policy. (it's in the handbook) I have a no toy/personal belongings from home policy. I am not responsible for lost/broken items that are brought to the daycare. Again, it's disrupting the group. With the age group of the children in my daycare, they are not very receptive to sharing/taking turns. So, in the best interest of all children, do not bring any toys/personal belongings from home. I do allow a child to bring their own blanket/sleeping bag for naptime only.

Late payments:
All payments are due in full, by Fridays 5pm. A late fee of $10 per day will be applied to your childcare payment begining at 5:01pm Friday. Payments must be handed to me and not just slipped through the door. If I am unavailable when parent(s) want to drop it off, the fee will still apply. I'm available any time Mon-Fri. 7am-5pm. Evenings and weekends are family time, and planned with activities.

All of the listed above will take effect immediately.
that sounds great to me... I tend to try to kill them with kindness and I always send to all. I would maybe add that you thank them for their support, cooperation and understanding with these matters...

good job.
Reply
SilverSabre25 03:02 PM 03-14-2011
Originally Posted by melissa ann:
I have made a newsletter to be given to all parents. How does it sound?


March 2011 Newsletter

To all parents,

Food/beverages:
I understand your desire to provide your child(ren) with food/drinks that your child(ren) wants. However, it's becoming disruptive for the group. For the interests of all the children in my care, I can no longer allow personal food/drink in my daycare.

Regarding toys/personal items from home:
I have sent out numerous reminders about this policy. (it's in the handbook) I have a no toy/personal belongings from home policy. I am not responsible for lost/broken items that are brought to the daycare. Again, it's disrupting the group. With the age group of the children in my daycare, they are not very receptive to sharing/taking turns. So, in the best interest of all children, do not bring any toys/personal belongings from home. I do allow a child to bring their own blanket/sleeping bag for naptime only.

Late payments:
All payments are due in full, by Fridays 5pm. A late fee of $10 per day will be applied to your childcare payment begining at 5:01pm Friday. Payments must be handed to me and not just slipped through the door. If I am unavailable when parent(s) want to drop it off, the fee will still apply. I'm available any time Mon-Fri. 7am-5pm. Evenings and weekends are family time, and planned with activities.

All of the listed above will take effect immediately.
Be prepared to stand by the policies and enforce them with an iron fist if needed. That's always the part that's hardest for me. I'm too nice. This annoying mom in particular will probably try really hard not to respect your policies.
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melissa ann 03:12 PM 03-14-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
that sounds great to me... I tend to try to kill them with kindness and I always send to all. I would maybe add that you thank them for their support, cooperation and understanding with these matters...

good job.
I will add thanking them. And thank you for your help.
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daycare 03:18 PM 03-14-2011
Originally Posted by melissa ann:
I will add thanking them. And thank you for your help.
glad I could help!! and like silver said...just be sure to stand your ground.

If toys/food show up after this letter goes out you need to verbally confront the mom at the door and send the toy/food back out the door with mom, remind her of the rule.
I wish you luck..
Reply
nannyde 03:26 PM 03-14-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
I often find myself sending out weekly friendly reminders of the PHB rules when there are things going wrong at DC. Not the entire book, but will just say something like. As a friendly reminder, please make sure that your child leaves all toys at home. I will throw this into a little weekly email that I send out.

Maybe the mom forgot the rules in the PHB or never even read it in the first place.

I have one mom who is one of my favorite DCP that openly admits I dont read any of the stuff you ever send home, but I do read your emails sometimes.

I started sending all of my information via email, as I found that most letters never made it out of the car....lol


Yikes

I don't do notes home. If I have a mass info thing to get to them I either send a text or put a note on my front door. I have my policies online so they are there anytime they have questions.

I wouldn't be happy if a parent didn't read what I wrote to them. That would cause a lot of conflict at my house. You can try different ways to contact them but if they refuse them all it will give them a reason to not abide by the policies.
Reply
daycare 03:28 PM 03-14-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:


Yikes

I don't do notes home. If I have a mass info thing to get to them I either send a text or put a note on my front door. I have my policies online so they are there anytime they have questions.

I wouldn't be happy if a parent didn't read what I wrote to them. That would cause a lot of conflict at my house. You can try different ways to contact them but if they refuse them all it will give them a reason to not abide by the policies.
totally way off subejct nanny dee, but cute pic..........lol
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Meeko 03:50 PM 03-14-2011
Originally Posted by R&R:
Your attitude regarding this parent is unfortunate and the fact that you would have a possession of this family's and not return it to 'punish' them is a little shocking. Can you imagine if they kept something of yours? That's not a behavior we want little ones to model.

Also, 4 year old children can be picky eaters. That's very typical. It seems you are projecting your own desire for revenge on a small child.
If the child was ill perhaps she doesn't have an appetite?

I would reccomend some books on family/provider relations such as "Circle of Love" Orr goal is to work as a team with families, but you may need a refresher opn what is appropriate for four year olds in terms of development before you can assist this mother in her parenting (should she desire your help).
I'm sure she appreciates the put down.......geesh!

Honey......don't listen to Miss Priss. Listen to the others who actually DO this for a living. Good luck with your problem! I agree with every person here except the above quote. None of us are perfect. Good for you for coming on here to find a solution and get some support.
Reply
nannyde 03:55 PM 03-14-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
totally way off subejct nanny dee, but cute pic..........lol
I think Michael touched it up. My only concern was that it not be blowupable.
Reply
nannyde 04:33 PM 03-14-2011
Originally Posted by melissa ann:
Okay. I posted before about a 3 yr dcg who has her mom wrapped around her finger. Bringing toys, and other items from home that I do not allow. Now, 2 weeks in a row, mom had to come back to pay me. First was on the 4th. She apologized and said she didnt' have to the money to pay me. And if I was going to be home later that night or Sat and if there was a fee. I told her if she comes back later that same night, then no, I wouldn't charge a fee. She texted me at 8 to see if she could still come by with the money. I said yes. Well, this past friday, she came back about 1/2 hour later to pay.

On the 4th, dcg lost a bunch of keychains she was carrying around. She had them, like 30 seconds before mom showed up. Anyway, we couldn't find them. Mom seemed annoyed. Oh well. I did find them after they left and I "forgot" to give them to her when she came back at 8pm to pay me. It drives the mom nuts when her daughter loses things, so I kept it until Tue when she came back.

On Friday,mom asked me if she has been eating okay. I told her not as much as she used to, but she was just sick 2 weeks ago and figured she wasn't back to normal yet. Mom wants to bring her a sandwich now for her lunch. IT's bad enough she brings her 4 sippy cups of milk and 1 of water, when I supply everything. Sometimes in her cooler bag she has gummy snacks, pudding,etc and the other kids get upset because they want it too. Thur, I just had this girl, my own kids were with their g-ma and the other 2 dck were off. I asked her what she wanted to eat. She said chicken nuggets, mac n cheese and peas. Okay, I made it. She barely touched her food. I was annoyed to say the least. She does this all the time. It's not my fault she chooses not to eat. I really want to tell mom that both she and her daughter will be in for a real shock when she goes to school and they won't cater to their every wish and that they will have to go by the same rules as everybody else.
I don't allow food, drinks, or toys from home. I provide everything they need every day. I even provide hats, coats, mittens, shoes, and spare clothes if needed. For me, it's best not to have things going back and forth. That way there isn't any chance that it will get lost or ruined.

I would be tempted to accept four glasses of milk a day. That would save the ole fat Nan some monies. I would, however, put them in a big container right at drop off and hand the cups back to the parent or better yet provide a gallon of milk a week. I used to have parents bring jumbo cups of drinks but that was before the price of gas and milk skyrocketed.

Don't hesitate to just set in place the rules that make it best for you to do GROUP care.
Reply
nannyde 04:37 PM 03-14-2011
Originally Posted by melissa ann:
I have made a newsletter to be given to all parents. How does it sound?


March 2011 Newsletter

To all parents,

Food/beverages:
I understand your desire to provide your child(ren) with food/drinks that your child(ren) wants. However, it's becoming disruptive for the group. For the interests of all the children in my care, I can no longer allow personal food/drink in my daycare.

Regarding toys/personal items from home:
I have sent out numerous reminders about this policy. (it's in the handbook) I have a no toy/personal belongings from home policy. I am not responsible for lost/broken items that are brought to the daycare. Again, it's disrupting the group. With the age group of the children in my daycare, they are not very receptive to sharing/taking turns. So, in the best interest of all children, do not bring any toys/personal belongings from home. I do allow a child to bring their own blanket/sleeping bag for naptime only.

Late payments:
All payments are due in full, by Fridays 5pm. A late fee of $10 per day will be applied to your childcare payment begining at 5:01pm Friday. Payments must be handed to me and not just slipped through the door. If I am unavailable when parent(s) want to drop it off, the fee will still apply. I'm available any time Mon-Fri. 7am-5pm. Evenings and weekends are family time, and planned with activities.

All of the listed above will take effect immediately.
You can go the route of specific explanation on the stuff from home or you can just tell them that you no longer allow blah blah blah.

The more explanation you give the more wiggle room there is to protest it. I think a simple "I don't allow toys from home" "I don't allow food or drinks from home" may be the simpler way.
Reply
DBug 03:33 AM 03-15-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
You can go the route of specific explanation on the stuff from home or you can just tell them that you no longer allow blah blah blah.

The more explanation you give the more wiggle room there is to protest it. I think a simple "I don't allow toys from home" "I don't allow food or drinks from home" may be the simpler way.
She's right, and not just because of the wiggle room for discussion. The more words to read/hear, the less likely parents are to pick out the important information. If you go the letter route, I'd do it in paragraphs with the important points (ie. "No food/drink from home") bolded and placed like a headline before the explanation, like a newspaper article. And then hand it to them while telling them what it says. And then email it to them.

Everyone is busy nowadays, and people often just don't have the time, energy or motivation to read stuff. Honestly, as a culture, we are inundated with messages and information and it can be hard to weed out the important things. We need to make it as easy as possible for them. And that usually has the fringe benefit of making it appear that much more set in stone with no room for discussion.
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dEHmom 06:46 AM 03-15-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
You can go the route of specific explanation on the stuff from home or you can just tell them that you no longer allow blah blah blah.

The more explanation you give the more wiggle room there is to protest it. I think a simple "I don't allow toys from home" "I don't allow food or drinks from home" may be the simpler way.

You could go this route for the fact you want them to read it, but I would add underneath

"Please refer to your handbook"
Reply
missnikki 07:00 AM 03-15-2011
Prepare for this mom to go defensive-mode.

Best thing at this point, like others said...have a talk with her. Make eye contact, don't apologize but don't be condescending. Explain briefly that you are no longer accepting ___ and ___ at the daycare, it is causing too many issues. Hand it to her and say, "No, that is not going to work out. Go ahead and take them home for later. Thank you for understanding."
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youretooloud 07:32 AM 03-15-2011
I don't allow food or drinks from home either..... but, it's happened. Once it gets started, it's really hard to break the habit. As for the toys, when a child brings toys in, they ask first. I always say "yes" But, I wish they'd stop. ALL the kids and the parents know that they can bring it... but, there's a good chance it will be broken or lost. I have kids who bring those silly bands, and sometimes they bring an entire armfull of them, but go home with two or three... the parents and child are welcome to go look for them, but I won't waste tons of time at closing trying to find them.

I was a single mom to one girl, and while I didn't inf*****e her with sippy cups, I wanted her to always have anything she wanted. She was spoiled beyond belief.. SO, I understand the mom wanting her daughter to have everything, never be hungry, and never eat something she doesn't like... I was like that too. Looking back, it was a mistake. But, I still understand this mom.

This is off the subject really... But, why on earth is a three year old still bringing sippy cups? Sippy cups are my most hated object. And, FOUR sippy cups???? Sippy cups are for infants, and for older kids in the car... not to walk around with during the day.

Honestly.... I'd start putting the sucky cups in the fridge, and sending them all home at the end of the day, and start having her drink from a normal cup.

*Why did the forum automatically block out a word??? It was not even a bad word? Infant+ Ize = Inf****e?
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Little People 07:36 AM 03-15-2011
When a child brings, Toys, Sippy Cups, food....I quickly say to the child...Oh you need to give that cup or toy to mom ...thats a rule we can't break. Works like a charm.
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Tags:3 year old, child in charge, spoiled
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