A friend (more of an acquaintance) posted something like "Really enjoying the days with -DD- at daycare, no tears, no tantrums, and love getting caught up on my fave tv shows". She's not working and I believe her 2 yo dd is at daycare full-time (across the road from them!). One of the comments was something to the effect that "all mommies need time to themselves so that they can be better mommies". Which I totally agree with, but I'm thinking that all mommies need a couple of hours a week, not 40-50 hours a week to themselves.

I'm chomping at the bit to comment on this status and the resulting comments, but I don't want to be insulting, condescending or judgmental. This is an awesome, loving mom who spent a long time waiting for this little one to come. I do feel like I want to say something to let her know that maybe it's not the best idea to have her dd there all the time.

Should I say something or just keep my mouth shut? If you were to comment, what would you say?

ETA: title should read "... having TIME to herself ..." Sorry!

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Ask yourself...if you comment, what is the point of your comment? Is it to make your friend feel badly about her parenting choice? Is it to be supportive or her choices? Or is it to simply voice that fact that it isn't a choice YOU would have made?

I think WHY you want to comment needs to be addressed before deciding what to say...kwim?

If you truly want to give your friend some advice/support as far as her parenting choices, I would do it in private and not on Facebook for all to see.

Would I comment? No. To each his own. I raised my children how I (and DH) saw fit and wouldn't really appreciate anyone else voicing or sharing their unsolicited comments with me.

If this gal is simply an aquaintance and not really a close friend, I would think it would be best to leave it alone. Remember, your words (and comments on FB) define your character so it is probably best to not say anything if you are concerned about coming across as judgmental or condescending.

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The above is simply MY opinion. NOT saying I am right or wrong. Just sayin'

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I dont think that i would comment on it either unless it was someone I knew really really well and would know my sense of humor.

Maybe take a crack at a small joke......

I personally would just comment something like...

I love being able to make mommy's like you happy! I couldn't think of anything better than doing what I do and watching all these children grow! Catch me up on the soaps................I need Tivo.....lol

it's not a direct punch...........lmao

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I totally agree with this. I'd leave it alone, too.

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I agree, let it go. There is a very few number of moms, if any at all, that I would straight out say "hey you should spend more time with your kid instead of watching TV all day". you know what they say about unsolicited advice being rarely heeded. you are just going to start a confrontation that will not be well received so whats the point? I agree with you, but I wouldnt post anything most likely.

and also, unless you know her super, super well, you cant know for sure why she sends her daughter to daycare. There is a huge variety of reasons why a parent does. Just because she is saying she enjoys her alone time, doesnt mean that that is why she sends her kid to daycare.

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I have a friend that used to send her DS to DC even if she was at home. She worked part time during the week to get out of the house and meet people (military family stationed across the country from home). Her child was in the base DC and they paid regardless of attendence as most places require. She figured that if she didnt send him she was wasting money so she used that time to get things done around the house. Wasnt something I would do everyday but I understood why she did. She also figured he could use he interaction with other kids and the routine instead of just at home with mommy.

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I certainly don't agree with her choice., but its not your place to say. Honestly, if it were me, i would just defriend.

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I hear what you all are saying, and I guess it makes sense. No point in alienating someone or making them feel judged, especially through FB .

Are there any circumstances when you WOULD tell someone that they should take every chance to spend time with their kids while they're young? And that spending time in daycare is less beneficial than they think? In this case, it's certainly not a situation where she doesn't love being a mommy, kwim?

Idk, it just makes me sad when parents think they HAVE to send their little ones to daycare for "socialization" ...

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Oh yes I have a mom who works weekends but brings her 2 kids to my daycare at least 3-4 times a week for 11 hour days??? I can see one day a week but who needs that much time? Oh and she's always late picking up too!!

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You know what, some people actually do. I have one that needs to be here (granted, it's not 5 days a week). The child's parent was told that it was essential by the child's OT due to social anxiety. You know what? It really is.

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Honestly, No. I would never tell a parent that they have to parent in a certain way. I have a friend who worked a full time job AND went to college full time while her kids were young. I always alsked her if she felt badly that she was missing out on her kids' early years and she would say "No, why do you think that?" as if I was asking her if her kids had 3 heads...kwim?

Anyways after talking with her more about it I learned that she felt it was in her kids' best interest to to have her around more in the later years of childhood "when it really counted/mattered" (her words) rather than the early ones when they wouldn't really remember her being gone so much.

At the time I thought But then I realized that we ALL value different things in different ways and who am I to think that she should value the same things I do when it comes to raising children. She thought being able ot spend tons of time with her kids larter at sports practices, school functions and home when they were before and after school was so very much more important than being there when they were really young.

I don't agree with her but absolutely respect her choices. I think that it is really no different than a parent who feels a small amount of educational TV time is ok for their child whereas I think ANY amount of TV time is not ok. Simply a difference of opinion and certainly enough facts to support both of our theories but still not say which one of us is absolutely right.

My friend is an excellent mother and loves her kids but she has different values than I do but looking at both of our children you wouldn't know who raised them which way as both of us are very close ot our own children and have established a relationship with them based on our own personal values and ethics.

I guess my point is that just because YOU think she is not making the same parenting choices you would make doesn't mean she isn't a good parent or doesn't make up for the loss of time her child is in daycare while she is watching TV at home later on in other ways. Perhaps she spends all evening cuddling and engaging in some really quality interaction with her child. Talking, reading, snuggling, cooking, learning.....etc.

I see nothing wrong with sending your child to daycare ever day for socialization, provided you are making up for that time in other ways. But again, that is how I feel. It isn't written in the parenting rule book. Just how I personally feel. Not right or wrong. I know several parents who don't work and are home with their child but what difference does it make if the parent isn't spending time with the kid. My neighbor watches TV all day long while her kids are home. They aren't geting one bit of her attention.... so they might be better off in daycare socializing with someone since no one is socializing with them at home.

Anyways, some people value time, money, young children, older children, no children....whatever. But it is everyone's choice to do as they see fit when it comes to being parent as long as there is no neglect or abuse involved, I guess I can't see where she is worng, per say.

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I honestly think a child is better off with someone who is engaged than someone who is sticking them in front of the tv all day or yelling at them out of frustration.

I am certainly not a perfect parent. I often have my kids babysat by the grandparents so dh and I can have some time together. I have a sitter so I can grocery shop alone. I think it makes me a better mom. But when I am with them, I am WITH them.

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I'd leave it alone, BUT I totally get where you're coming from! When you say that she waited a long time for this little one, makes me kinda sad to think of how important this baby was and now she's sending her off every day while she is at home!?

To each their own...I'd let her make her own choices...

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I have seen both sides.....moms who send to daycare so they can get their nails done and don't seem to mind "missing out", and moms who are young, overwhelmed and it really,.really is more stable for the child to be at daycare. Neither side is right or wrong, not my place to judge.

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Yeah, here's the thing though -- this is an involved mom who puts her dd first, goes to Mommy & Me groups, takes her with her everywhere. Not the stereotypical "me first" mom who doesn't care so much about her kid. I believe she really does want what's best for her daughter, but may be sending her to daycare because everyone is telling her she needs to.

I don't know, I just wish there was some way I could let her know that SHE's the best caregiver for her dd, and that fewer hours at daycare could be to her benefit -- without coming across in a nasty way.

I totally agree with letting parents make their own choices, like Blackcat said, and I would never want to tell someone how to parent. And yes, some kids are better off in the care of someone who engages them and where they can learn and play. But I don't think that's the case in this situation.

However, I'll keep my mouth shut on FB. As my husband would say though, maybe I need to blog on this one (using non-specific examples, of course!).

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I don't give any parentng advice unless asked and even then I don't like to give it. What my friends and family do with their kids and family time is their business and I'm not an expert.

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I know what you mean. I work in daycare and I have to admit that the parents like this, really don't want to know.

I limited a parent of mine who was always posting about the joys of being a stay at home mom. And being able to volunteer. It just confused me to reconcile this with my idea of a great parent.

It's a mom who doesn't want to parent. Or work "No that would be to stressfull with two children to raise." Whaaa? your kids aren in daycare full time? And likes to be "involved" as in volunteering. So she's now volunteering for our board of directors. I had to limit her because being her childs teacher and having her on the board of directors and playdates.. was just too many crossovers. The she goes on to tell me that I should get a house cleaner because it makes things soooo much easier! 9 hours a day child free, while staying at home makes cleaning a bathroom easy I'd think. Whatever.

I put all my energy in to having it all. I want a career. I want my kids. And I want a clean house. So I want the best of it all and it means working with my children. So seeing parents that want the exact opposite and do everything they can to make sure they DON'T have to parent, or work just dabble baffles me. It's not that I don't respect it, I just don't understand it. I can't wrap my brain around it so I walk away.

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In the words of my MIL, my SIL is not mentally stable to keep her all day every day of the week.

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