Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I Need Some Advice Dealing With New DCM
crazydaycarelady 07:46 AM 02-03-2014
I have had the 3mo baby for one month now Dcm wanted to come and stay for a few hours and "hang-out" and "help me" the week before Christmas but I told her no.

So the first week she started coming and staying for a half hour at drop-off. I was thinking she was doing it to make up for me not letting her come and stay, maybe she wanted to get to know us or whatever. Well, here we are a month later and she still does it. She comes in, takes her coat off, and plays with her baby, sings him songs, annoys me, and finally leaves after half an hour. Sometimes the baby is hungry when he gets here so she tries to feed him but he is too distracted.

No other dcparent does this, in fact they seem rushed for time in the morning. This dcm is still getting to work on time, she comes a half hour earlier than she needs too. I charge her by the day, not hours so that is of no consequence.

Also - this dcm works at a daycare (they don't take infants.) But she seems clueless! She brings so much stuff for the baby it looks like he is moving in. I sent most of it home the first day but she continues to bring too much - like 3 blankets each day. I asked her to bring one and leave it.

I am having trouble with my backbone. How would you handle this?
Reply
TwinKristi 07:55 AM 02-03-2014
Maybe just tell her you can't accommodate a daily 30 min drop off routine and they need to cut it down. It's distracting to you as a provider, him as baby learning about your DC, and the other kids who don't understand why their parents can't stay too. Maybe bring her an exact list of what you need daily and no more due to lack of space. Maybe suggest she use that 30 min at home to nurse and play with him and bring him ready to play. Sometimes people just don't get it and have no idea. It every parent did this you'd be busy with parents all day and not kids.
Reply
Blackcat31 07:58 AM 02-03-2014
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady:
I have had the 3mo baby for one month now Dcm wanted to come and stay for a few hours and "hang-out" and "help me" the week before Christmas but I told her no.

So the first week she started coming and staying for a half hour at drop-off. I was thinking she was doing it to make up for me not letting her come and stay, maybe she wanted to get to know us or whatever. Well, here we are a month later and she still does it. She comes in, takes her coat off, and plays with her baby, sings him songs, annoys me, and finally leaves after half an hour. Sometimes the baby is hungry when he gets here so she tries to feed him but he is too distracted.

No other dcparent does this, in fact they seem rushed for time in the morning. This dcm is still getting to work on time, she comes a half hour earlier than she needs too. I charge her by the day, not hours so that is of no consequence.

Also - this dcm works at a daycare (they don't take infants.) But she seems clueless! She brings so much stuff for the baby it looks like he is moving in. I sent most of it home the first day but she continues to bring too much - like 3 blankets each day. I asked her to bring one and leave it.

I am having trouble with my backbone. How would you handle this?
Ugh, this is a hard one because as a mom, I get it. I really do.

But as a provider, this behavior is the worst to deal with.

Maybe try to explain to her that she just can't do it anymore because it is causing too much disruption during the morning for you. Reassure her that if baby NEEDS her, you will call her but as of right now, she really needs to do short drop offs as they are best for her child. Her staying is what is best for her. Try that angle too... often times parents think what is good for them is also good for their kids....kwim?

Otherwise, I would tell her that it just isn't working out for her to be staying more than 5-10 minutes at drop off. If you get into too many details as to why it isn't working, she may try and negotiate every reason so sometimes just saying it isn't working and isn't allowed is enough.

Would she be comfortable with Jimmy's mom hanging out at daycare all day having access to her child? THAT approach usually works well for me.
Reply
Blackcat31 08:01 AM 02-03-2014
Maybe this will give you some ideas on how to approach her or say it to her...

"While I understand that you would want to "see me in action" before leaving your child for the first time, I cannot allow it for several reasons.

First is the privacy of the other children and their family's. I do diaper changes, deal with medical issues/conditions, and discuss their home life with them on a daily basis. I have a strict privacy policy and having another adult around violates the trust between my clients and myself.

Second, you are a stranger to the children and their parents. Please consider how you would feel if your child were in care and I allowed a strange adult to the daycare to observe your child.

Third, I consider the trust my clients place in me the cornerstone of our relationship. In a childcare relationship I am asking that a client trust me completely with their child. I ask for honesty and open communication. Asking me to prove myself above and beyond my criminal background check, photo identification, insurance information, and references is not something I am willing to do.

I do understand if you need to find other arrangements. Just know that I value the children's safety and security above all else and allowing adults in to observe them is not part of the safe and secure environment I promise them each and every day."

Reply
crazydaycarelady 08:16 AM 02-03-2014
Thank you Blackcat for the ideas. I don't know why I have been so stumped with this. The other parents have looked over at her and wondered why she is lounging in the chair. Also she is here during drop-offs so it is a privacy issue with the other parents and kids. I think they feel uncomfortable talking to me with another parents here.
Reply
Blackcat31 08:18 AM 02-03-2014
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady:
Thank you Blackcat for the ideas. I don't know why I have been so stumped with this. The other parents have looked over at her and wondered why she is lounging in the chair. Also she is here during drop-offs so it is a privacy issue with the other parents and kids. I think they feel uncomfortable talking to me with another parents here.
There's your huckleberry right there.

Privacy issues.

Sorry mom, drop offs and pick ups need to be kept under 10 minutes.
Reply
Annalee 09:11 AM 02-03-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Ugh, this is a hard one because as a mom, I get it. I really do.

But as a provider, this behavior is the worst to deal with.

Maybe try to explain to her that she just can't do it anymore because it is causing too much disruption during the morning for you. Reassure her that if baby NEEDS her, you will call her but as of right now, she really needs to do short drop offs as they are best for her child. Her staying is what is best for her. Try that angle too... often times parents think what is good for them is also good for their kids....kwim?

Otherwise, I would tell her that it just isn't working out for her to be staying more than 5-10 minutes at drop off. If you get into too many details as to why it isn't working, she may try and negotiate every reason so sometimes just saying it isn't working and isn't allowed is enough.

Would she be comfortable with Jimmy's mom hanging out at daycare all day having access to her child? THAT approach usually works well for me.
I agree, the mom staying would be a big disruption to my day. I tell new parents that even if I allowed them to stay a week, the child would STILL have a transition/adjustment period. The child gradually will be expected to fall in line with MY schedule...even if it is an infant...so why prolong the issue.
Reply
Leigh 09:31 AM 02-03-2014
One thing to add to the other good responses: If you are licensed, I see your inspector having an issue with you focusing all of your attention on one parent and child for 30 minutes at a time. You need to supervise all of the children, and that's very difficult with a mom hanging out chatting with you.
Reply
My3cents 10:11 AM 02-03-2014
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady:
I have had the 3mo baby for one month now Dcm wanted to come and stay for a few hours and "hang-out" and "help me" the week before Christmas but I told her no.

So the first week she started coming and staying for a half hour at drop-off. I was thinking she was doing it to make up for me not letting her come and stay, maybe she wanted to get to know us or whatever. Well, here we are a month later and she still does it. She comes in, takes her coat off, and plays with her baby, sings him songs, annoys me, and finally leaves after half an hour. Sometimes the baby is hungry when he gets here so she tries to feed him but he is too distracted.

No other dcparent does this, in fact they seem rushed for time in the morning. This dcm is still getting to work on time, she comes a half hour earlier than she needs too. I charge her by the day, not hours so that is of no consequence.

Also - this dcm works at a daycare (they don't take infants.) But she seems clueless! She brings so much stuff for the baby it looks like he is moving in. I sent most of it home the first day but she continues to bring too much - like 3 blankets each day. I asked her to bring one and leave it.

I am having trouble with my backbone. How would you handle this?
honest just be honest with her. DCParent you have to drop off in the morning and not linger. I have my work to get to and you have your job to be at. Please say your goodbyes before coming in and make drop off no more then a few minutes for now on.
Reply
spinnymarie 04:50 AM 02-04-2014
I'm still developing my backbone, but I would tell her zoning only allows for 1-2 drop offs at a time so I can't have her car here any longer than 10 minutes
Reply
Tags:enforcing policies - consistency, lingering, lingering parents
Reply Up