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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Opinions On Diapers/3.5 Yr Old
Blackcat31 08:41 AM 01-04-2011
Okay, I'm looking for some opinions.....actually I'm wondering what other providers would do in this situation. I have a 3.5 yr old dck who I potty trained when the child was 2.5 or so. No accidents and no problem...went on their own when told and sometimes went without being told to go. No accidents for over 2 months. Summer came and child stayed home because mom was in college. Mom got lazy and reverted to diapers...said child would NOT use potty for her. Child came for drop in days here and there through out summer to keep in touch and in routine a bit. While here the child came in a diaper and I put underwear on child and had no problems. Mom stuck to the whole refuses to use toilet at home and how she hates her couch being peed on etc..... so anyways, fall comes and mom gets a full time job and child comes back to childcare in diapers. I have child use potty but still arrives everyday in a diaper. I try to have child go to potty when others do, but if I don't tell child to go, child will remain in wet diaper without caring.....If I tell child to go potty, they go, but then I have to redo the whole diaper thing and it is just becoming a pain in my rump....mom will not send pull ups because they are too expensive and will not send underwear because she insists child is not trained. Basically she is telling me that if I allow underwear then the child will want to wear them at home too and since she is convinced the child is not trained, she would rather not clean up pee from all over.

Bottom line is I am exausting myself by having this child continue to use the potty but mom is super lazy and will NOT get on board. I decided that I would have the child use toilet as a trained child but when they keep coming in a diaper I am finding the child no longer cares if they use the toilet or not and the little window of opportunity is closing fast....so am I a bad provider if I just let the kid wear diapers and not worry about it so much any more. Seems like I am the only one worrying about this. I keep thinking that it is mom's problem if she wants to have a kindergartener in diapers! She gives the kid a paci at home too (NEVER had one here) There is no daytime pooping here so that isn't a problem. But I am seriously thinking I should just stop talking and doing anything and let the kid wear diapers...why should I keep caring if no one else does......GRRR!!!

What would you guys do? Remember mom really doesn't care....I doubt having a disscussion with her would matter....I think diapers are just plain easier for her.....
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QualiTcare 09:01 AM 01-04-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Okay, I'm looking for some opinions.....actually I'm wondering what other providers would do in this situation. I have a 3.5 yr old dck who I potty trained when the child was 2.5 or so. No accidents and no problem...went on their own when told and sometimes went without being told to go. No accidents for over 2 months. Summer came and child stayed home because mom was in college. Mom got lazy and reverted to diapers...said child would NOT use potty for her. Child came for drop in days here and there through out summer to keep in touch and in routine a bit. While here the child came in a diaper and I put underwear on child and had no problems. Mom stuck to the whole refuses to use toilet at home and how she hates her couch being peed on etc..... so anyways, fall comes and mom gets a full time job and child comes back to childcare in diapers. I have child use potty but still arrives everyday in a diaper. I try to have child go to potty when others do, but if I don't tell child to go, child will remain in wet diaper without caring.....If I tell child to go potty, they go, but then I have to redo the whole diaper thing and it is just becoming a pain in my rump....mom will not send pull ups because they are too expensive and will not send underwear because she insists child is not trained. Basically she is telling me that if I allow underwear then the child will want to wear them at home too and since she is convinced the child is not trained, she would rather not clean up pee from all over.

Bottom line is I am exausting myself by having this child continue to use the potty but mom is super lazy and will NOT get on board. I decided that I would have the child use toilet as a trained child but when they keep coming in a diaper I am finding the child no longer cares if they use the toilet or not and the little window of opportunity is closing fast....so am I a bad provider if I just let the kid wear diapers and not worry about it so much any more. Seems like I am the only one worrying about this. I keep thinking that it is mom's problem if she wants to have a kindergartener in diapers! She gives the kid a paci at home too (NEVER had one here) There is no daytime pooping here so that isn't a problem. But I am seriously thinking I should just stop talking and doing anything and let the kid wear diapers...why should I keep caring if no one else does......GRRR!!!

What would you guys do? Remember mom really doesn't care....I doubt having a disscussion with her would matter....I think diapers are just plain easier for her.....
nope, ur not bad. i said this awhile back about bottles, diapers, etc. if a parent wants a kid toting around a bottle with mt. dew and a turd in their diaper - oh well. it's not worth stressing yourself out over because it's not going to change. i learned this long ago. it's annoying to see a kid you know is capable not using their potential, but it's more annoying when your hard work is flushed down the drain every day at pick up time.
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tenderhearts 09:31 AM 01-04-2011
Oh I feel for you. I posted last week about a dcb who was in my care for a year and a half. I tried working on the potty training and he was doing well, although he never actually got out of diapers, well he left end of June came in for a drop in day last week mom brings in diapers, he is NOT potty trained, he will be 4 in less than a month. She said he knows what to do, he refuses to do it. Ugh wow, home with both parents the whole 6 months. Not only that but this boy was polite, kind, followed directions but when he was here that one day last week, om word, he was a tyrrant, he spit at me, was mean to the kids, stuck his tongue out, threw his silverware at the table, used my couch as a jungle gym , wow some parents.
It's frustrating when you have done good things for a child then parents don't help out at all.....or ruin what you've done.
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E Daycare 10:21 AM 01-04-2011
Originally Posted by QualiTcare:
nope, ur not bad. i said this awhile back about bottles, diapers, etc. if a parent wants a kid toting around a bottle with mt. dew and a turd in their diaper - oh well. it's not worth stressing yourself out over because it's not going to change. i learned this long ago. it's annoying to see a kid you know is capable not using their potential, but it's more annoying when your hard work is flushed down the drain every day at pick up time.
I had to laugh at the Mt dew and turd in the diaper lol.

Youre right though and Im figuring this out too. The parent 'Parents' how they want and with some they want no imput. I had one tell me they wanted to start potty training their almost 2 yr old but felt it was no issue that he was still on infant formula and used a bottle and didnt think of maybe weaning him off the bottle first...(these parents also told me the reason why he never said words was because she thought he was waiting till he knew how to say the word properly. Like one day he would just say "hey mom, those "your baby can read" Dvds worked wonders and I can also say my ABCs backwards!").

The current little boy I watch mom told me she will work on potty training him over the summer when shes on break. At least I have one thats willing to do so. For now...
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melskids 10:25 AM 01-04-2011
i dont stress over it. i have two right now who are both capable of being potty trained, but neither family is doing it. i'm not gonna bang my head against the wall.
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laundrymom 10:28 AM 01-04-2011
I'd tell her fine, just bring diapers. And change him at every dribble. Also, each time he pees in potty get a fresh dipe. Be sure that you accidentally rip it or see that its sweaty or something and grab a fresh one Make her diaper expense go up. I mean if you are using no diapers, and she is, her diaper expense is cut in half. The only way to fix that is by increasing the cost. And making her see that using undies is cheaper.
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E Daycare 10:34 AM 01-04-2011
What I dont get is why would some parents want to deal with changing diapers on a kid whos 3.5 feet tall and weighs maybe 40lbs? Thats a lot of wrestling! Also with the kids reaching almost prek and kindergarten coming up a lot of schools wont accept a child who isnt potty trained. I know as a preK teacher the last game I wanted to play was "track that smell" and then have to deal with changing it.
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laundrymom 10:37 AM 01-04-2011
Also, since he is potty learning he should try every hour or so,... That's potentially 12-15 diapers a day. Adding in wets and poops. :-) evil I know but keeping your son in diapers because your too lazy to take him potty is evil too
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I'd tell her fine, just bring diapers. And change him at every dribble. Also, each time he pees in potty get a fresh dipe. Be sure that you accidentally rip it or see that its sweaty or something and grab a fresh one Make her diaper expense go up. I mean if you are using no diapers, and she is, her diaper expense is cut in half. The only way to fix that is by increasing the cost. And making her see that using undies is cheaper.

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countrymom 10:43 AM 01-04-2011
either I would use diapers like crazy to her cost goes up (tell her that she pees too much) or every time she poops that you expect the mom to come and change her because she is giving you a hard time.
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QualiTcare 10:47 AM 01-04-2011
Originally Posted by Erin's Daycare:
What I dont get is why would some parents want to deal with changing diapers on a kid whos 3.5 feet tall and weighs maybe 40lbs? Thats a lot of wrestling! Also with the kids reaching almost prek and kindergarten coming up a lot of schools wont accept a child who isnt potty trained. I know as a preK teacher the last game I wanted to play was "track that smell" and then have to deal with changing it.
it would be a rare case for a kid getting ready to start kindergarten not to be potty trained, but they wouldn't be able to start if they weren't - unless they were a child with special needs and that was part of it. a child wouldn't be put in special ed because they weren't potty trained though. i don't know a kindergarten teacher on the planet who would change diapers or accidents every day - they're not even allowed to.
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jen 10:50 AM 01-04-2011
I would tell her that the rate for non-potty trained preschoolers is $30 per week extra...
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E Daycare 10:51 AM 01-04-2011
Originally Posted by jen:
I would tell her that the rate for non-potty trained preschoolers is $30 per week extra...
If there was a "like" button Id push that. Good idea!
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laundrymom 10:53 AM 01-04-2011
I once had a call for care. 6 yr old, I said I had an opening but because k is half day here I would Stijl have to charge full time rate, I said ok why isn't school?

Oh I haven't had time to potty train her but she wears diapers that fit her so I don't see a problem.

Hmmmmm no thankyou. Lol
Originally Posted by QualiTcare:
it would be a rare case for a kid getting ready to start kindergarten not to be potty trained, but they wouldn't be able to start if they weren't - unless they were a child with special needs and that was part of it. a child wouldn't be put in special ed because they weren't potty trained though. i don't know a kindergarten teacher on the planet who would change diapers or accidents every day - they're not even allowed to.

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Blackcat31 11:02 AM 01-04-2011
Originally Posted by jen:
I would tell her that the rate for non-potty trained preschoolers is $30 per week extra...
I charge $28 per day for toilet trained and up and $35 a day for non toilet trained children....she is on assistannce from the state which pays me the $28 (per his age) a day and she does pay me the $7 extra!! I thought that would defer her thinking but obviously she couldn't care less. The child is here 5 days a week so she forks over an extra $280 or so a month but it doesn't phase her!?!?! She is also living in subsidized housing, gets WIC, gets medical assistance and child care assistance and even got a newer (2009) car a few months ago because she participated in a program for single moms who needed a low interest rate loan to get reliable transportation. BTW, she is in in her early 30's and has an older child who is 14. I had him in care too but she was a different type of parent then....she had a job, was in college, looking to buy her first home and somewhere along the way she has learned to live off the system and not move forward. The oldest kids dad is not in picture but pays child support and the 3.5 yr old one has a daddy who resides within our country's penal system. Won't be visiting his child until child is driving and hopfully NOT still in diapers!!! LOL!
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laundrymom 11:05 AM 01-04-2011
Seems like an additional. 20 per week for diapers may be the way to go. :-) [h QUOTE=Blackcat31;68462]I charge $28 per day for toilet trained and up and $35 a day for non toilet trained children....she is on assistannce from the state which pays me the $28 (per his age) a day and she does pay me the $7 extra!! I thought that would defer her thinking but obviously she couldn't care less. The child is here 5 days a week so she forks over an extra $280 or so a month but it doesn't phase her!?!?! She is also living in subsidized housing, gets WIC, gets medical assistance and child care assistance and even got a newer (2009) car a few months ago because she participated in a program for single moms who needed a low interest rate loan to get reliable transportation. BTW, she is in in her early 30's and has an older child who is 14. I had him in care too but she was a different type of parent then....she had a job, was in college, looking to buy her first home and somewhere along the way she has learned to live off the system and not move forward. The oldest kids dad is not in picture but pays child support and the 3.5 yr old one has a daddy who resides within our country's penal system. Won't be visiting his child until child is driving and hopfully NOT still in diapers!!! LOL![/quote]
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momatheart 05:09 PM 01-04-2011
I think if you stick to using underwear at your house eventually the kid will want underwear at home. This is a control issue he is pulling with his mom. And this diaper time may be the only time he gets with mom and that is why he is resorting to not pottying at home.
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marniewon 05:26 PM 01-04-2011
I would do what many pp's have said and use an outrageous amount of diapers while he's in your care. Make it cost money, money usually is a good motivator. Maybe mom will get off her bum and train this child who is more than ready!
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Blackcat31 07:26 AM 01-05-2011
Originally Posted by momatheart:
I think if you stick to using underwear at your house eventually the kid will want underwear at home. This is a control issue he is pulling with his mom. And this diaper time may be the only time he gets with mom and that is why he is resorting to not pottying at home.
Been that route too and mom claims he does throw a fit about having to wear diapers but she said there is no way she is going to let him continually pee on her stuff! I'm thinking it is just easier for her to put him in diapers so she is going to. The kid is vocal about NOT wanting to wear diapers.....atleast he was...but that is where I am at, I think he has just given up and even though I could put him in underwear, I feel like I shouldn't have to because the child no longer cares and mom will NOT work with me. I know it isn't fair to the child but at what point does the parent step in and take over parenting and stop allowing me to do it. If I put him in underwear and she continues with the diapers at home regardless of me or her child's objections, I just feel like I am giving in to her laziness by using the underwear here. I feel like if I use alot of diapers and make her costs go up like pp's said then maybe, just maybe she will step up and do what she should. I am just irritated by parents who let the providers parent and then sit back and reap the rewards!! I hope he goes home and pees on the kitchen rug....she just told me she got a new one!

Oh and it is 10:00 now, I have changed him 2 times since he got here....at 7:30
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SilverSabre25 07:32 AM 01-05-2011
Teach him to take his diaper off, go in the potty on his own, and put the diaper back on. My DD wears dipes at night and sometimes gets up, takes off her jammies, pulls down the diaper like it's undies, pees, and pulls the dipe back up. It's possible. Teach him to do it. Then he can go independently at home.
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Blackcat31 07:35 AM 01-05-2011
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Teach him to take his diaper off, go in the potty on his own, and put the diaper back on. My DD wears dipes at night and sometimes gets up, takes off her jammies, pulls down the diaper like it's undies, pees, and pulls the dipe back up. It's possible. Teach him to do it. Then he can go independently at home.
Nice idea.....hmmm, definitely food for thought. He CAN go and if I did put him in undies, he'd be dry with no accidents here everyday because he can. He is a smart, funny, capable and willing 3.5 yr old ...who just happens to have a very lazy parent. This is the same parent who introduced him to the paci at 2 years old because he talked too much!!!!!
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alyssyn 08:28 AM 01-05-2011
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I'd tell her fine, just bring diapers. And change him at every dribble. Also, each time he pees in potty get a fresh dipe. Be sure that you accidentally rip it or see that its sweaty or something and grab a fresh one Make her diaper expense go up. I mean if you are using no diapers, and she is, her diaper expense is cut in half. The only way to fix that is by increasing the cost. And making her see that using undies is cheaper.
This is a great idea!! It is so sad that some parents are so lazy though. Poor child.
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QualiTcare 08:45 AM 01-05-2011
i personally don't think she'll care ONE BIT if you use more diapers. she probably wouldn't even notice. we're not talking about a normal parent's perspective - we're talking about someone who WANTED her 2 year old to have a paci.

i think what might change her attitude is if you stopped worrying yourself with potty training - even though it's annoying - and let her know you're on board with keeping him in diapers. then, when people are asking her, as i'm sure they already have been, "how is potty training going?" she won't be able to say, "he uses the potty all day at daycare and wears underwear. i just put a diaper on him at night."

i dunno, JMO, but i'm the cynic who gave up on breaking kids of any habits when the parents didn't care.
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lvt77 10:33 AM 01-05-2011
I had the same issue last year. Basically what I did was changed my rates for children 3 years of age and older to a the 2 yr old potty trained price. Its a $5.00 differene a day. I gave a months notice and said that any child that was 3yrs and up still in diapers would pay the potty training price. (my prices change once child is fully potty trained)
The parent that I was having the issue with all of a sudden changed her tune...
It was either that or bang my head on the wall every day trying to figure out why a parent would do this..

Good luck to you!
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