Hello,

I just got a boy that will be 4yo in a couple of weeks and he is not listening or behaving at all. His mother told me that they left his previous daycare because he was getting bruises that they couldn't explain. Well I took him in and now I feel like I am regreting it. My other DCK are great kids and listen but this boy does not. He pushed one of my DCB down and when I told him to go sit on the step he stuck his toungue out at me. So I had to tell him again or I was going to call his mom. He did go and sit down. Then I ask him not to do things and he does them again and again. I feel like he has ADHD since he won't stay in one spot long, doesn't listen, talks and talks, and he is loud. I ask him to be quiet and he won't. Any ideas on how to make him listen? I am tired of putting him in time out. Also he will randomly say he is a bad boy and I ask him who told him that and he points to something but there isn't anyone there. I am just confused by this boy.

Any ideas will help.

Thank you!

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I think we have all had a kid like this..

I think kids who dont listen, is because they are not listened to. It seems like at home they are to be seen and not heard. I would create time for this boy to talk with you. maybe read him a book and ask tons of open ended questions.

Perhaps you can try the power of choice.

you pick two realistic options for him and let him decide.

ex Johnny keeps standing in his chair. JOhnny would you like to sit in your chair or stand at the table? Give him one shot to answer. Follow with his decision.

Now if he stands again because he decided to sit down, then you tell him I am sorry you are having a hard time making good decisions. Looks like I have to make the decision for you. take the chair and have them stand.

or you can again give two more options, would you like to stand at the table nicely or sit in time out?

Also, I would tell the mom that the child is not listening to you and it is resulting in him hurting himself or another child. I have had to tell parents this from time to time. It could be also why the child was coming home with unexplained injuries/bruises. unfortunately some kids have to learn by lifes natural consequences, but I don't let that happen here at daycare. I stop the behavior before I see it.

when it gets to that point, the child becomes my shadow or special helper for the day so that I can keep an eye on them even more.. It hardly ever gets to this, because they usually snap into line with the rest of the kids when they see that I am not going to give into their behavior.

also, you will need to catch this child when he is doing good and give lots of praise.

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So this is his first day?

I would definitely tell mom that you will be working on listening and following directions. I would also let her know that her son was pushing and that is something that will not be tolerated.

Do you have a trial period time?

A lot of the issues may clear up once he is used to the routine, but its going to be a lot of work. However, if any aggressive behaviors persist, that would be a big issue for me. A small tussle over a toy is one thing, targeted kids with aggressive behavior and hurting others purposefully would be termination here.

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Thank you for your input. Today is his second day. We only had three timeouts so far. He is listening a little better but I caught him standing on top of my patio table so that was horrible. He doesn't want to learn and do my curriculum. I am going to explain to mom that I am a daycare center with a curriculum that the children do every day and that he isn't doing it. If he doesn't change by Friday then I am going to have to term him since I don't want my other families suffering since my constant attention goes to him to tell him to quit doing things.

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if today is only his second day, I doubt that he will be ready to jump into your curriculum by Friday. For me, when I have new kids, I try to let them know that they are in a safe place, that they are loved, listened to and respected. I let them know who's boss by putting my foot down when they try to test me and I do my best to help aid and guide them through our daily routines. Once they feel comfortable here and trust me, evrything else just falls into place.

Has this child been in a learning environment before?

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well, I think sometimes you just know that a kid is not fitting in. If he is the type to climb up high on furniture, then that is scary and dangerous for everyone involved. Like you said, you dont have all day to make sure that he is watched every second and doesnt do something crazy. there is nothing wrong with saying that after 5 days in care, you already know its not a good fit and letting him go. You dont HAVE to work with every kid. It is possible he just needs time....but it is possible that every day will be like this until he goes to kindergarten. There is nothing wrong with you saying that a week of this type of behavior is your limit.

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I agree with daycare, you're expecting too much way too fast.


He very well may have been bullied in his last daycare. The way he acts would support that claim. If the kids were allowed to be unruly then the provider obviously wasn't well respected nor did she probably care about him at all. Why shouldn't he expect that kids treat other kids like that normally and that the provider is someone who should be listened to?


I think since you took him on knowing the sort of daycare situation he came from you owe him more than a week to turn around his perception of what is good and normal daycare behavior.

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