Daycare.com Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-29-2010, 06:11 AM
MsKara's Avatar
MsKara MsKara is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 65
Default Child Won't Play

So I have an almost 3 yr old little boy who won't play. period. If I am engaging him in an art or craft he will sit and do it. He will also copy anything I do (like cleaning, yard work, etc.) , but when it comes to interacting with other children he absolutely will not interact. If I take a break and let the children have free play, he sits at my feet doing nothing and will not play. If I need to go up to get something, I'll come back and he'll be sitting at the door/gate waiting. He follows me everywhere and stays right under my feet the whole time. Though I understand engaging our children is the biggest part of our job, I can't do this 24/7 and enjoy letting them play with one another. It's bugging me, and I know I shouldn't let it, but it really is driving me crazy. What is wrong with him?

A LITTLE MORE INFO:
I tried modeling play and suggesting things for him to do. We have tons of toys all for different ages and interests, so that shouldn't be a problem. I also wanted to ad that this child has been very protected at home, is an only child, rarely cries or shows emotion. Even when he first started here, he just walked in quietly and clung to mom. When mom said goodbye, he didn't show any emotion and just stood there watching all the kids and me. If he does show emotion it is taking/pushing/or hitting due to anger, but this is rare and hardly ever happens. He rarely talks unless all the children leave and it is just one on one with me. He will talk my ear off then, can make all the sounds but has very slurred speach. He's very smart in that he can follow directions and tell me any object I point to. However, it is slurred. If he is one on one with me and laughing and talking he will instantly clam up and act quiet and shy again as soon as mom or dad walks through the door.

Mom said they took him out of the previous preschool due to issues of feeling "lost" and "picked on" by the other kids. They wanted him in a smaller home environment so he would get more individualized attention. He has been with me for 3 months now.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-29-2010, 06:31 AM
emosks's Avatar
emosks emosks is offline
Daycare Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 288
Default

Has he been evaluated by Early Intervention?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-29-2010, 06:32 AM
AfterSchoolMom's Avatar
AfterSchoolMom AfterSchoolMom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,938
Default

It sounds like Social Anxiety disorder to me. Have you spoken to his parents about this yet? What do they say?
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-29-2010, 06:44 AM
nannyde's Avatar
nannyde nannyde is offline
All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 6,969
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom View Post
It sounds like Social Anxiety disorder to me. Have you spoken to his parents about this yet? What do they say?
Or it could be he wants an adult to entertain him every minute.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-29-2010, 07:18 AM
JenNJ's Avatar
JenNJ JenNJ is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Burbank
Posts: 1,203
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
Or it could be he wants an adult to entertain him every minute.
My thoughts exactly.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-29-2010, 07:26 AM
AfterSchoolMom's Avatar
AfterSchoolMom AfterSchoolMom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,938
Default

Yes, you're both right, I could be that, and probably is, especially if this child is an only and gets all the attention at home. It's the fact that he clams up and won't speak unless he's alone with her that made me think Social Anxiety. I have a neighbor who's child has struggled with this from a very young age, and it involves a near crippling shyness and fear of being around people, and has nothing at all to do with the child being manipulative. I know we're all hyper aware of all of the "disorders" these days, but it can't hurt to express concern (without saying that you suspect a psychological problem, of course) to the parents.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-29-2010, 08:32 AM
nannyde's Avatar
nannyde nannyde is offline
All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 6,969
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom View Post
Yes, you're both right, I could be that, and probably is, especially if this child is an only and gets all the attention at home. It's the fact that he clams up and won't speak unless he's alone with her that made me think Social Anxiety. I have a neighbor who's child has struggled with this from a very young age, and it involves a near crippling shyness and fear of being around people, and has nothing at all to do with the child being manipulative. I know we're all hyper aware of all of the "disorders" these days, but it can't hurt to express concern (without saying that you suspect a psychological problem, of course) to the parents.
Either way he's most likely NOT being funded as a special needs kid in her day care so until he is diagnosed and she is being PAID to adapt her enviornment to meet his needs the end result is the same.

He's in a group of kids and he is three. He NEEDS to go play toys and nevermind the adult. His focus at his age should be toys and other children. She's tried to be the gateway for three months to integrate him into the group and he is refusing.

If he can play well with her he can play well by himself and the other kids. Anxiety or no... he still is a child and he still needs the life experience of playing, self entertaining, sharing the adult, and focusing on the OTHER KIDS.

If he were in my world, after three months I would cut him off of adult interaction except for the basic care things one must do... like feeding, potty, and safety supervision.

The rest of his time would be "go play toys". I would do it all day every day. I wouldn't do a single activity with him. I would make sure that he was as far away from where I hung out with his back turned AWAY from me. My offering to him would be the toys and the other kids. That's good and it's good enough.

When I spoke to him it would be to the GROUP and I would limit the eye contact to the same as I do with the other kids. When I had him come to the table I would have him do it with the group. When I put him down for a nap it would be WITH the other kids.

He would not use proximity control to control me. He wouldn't be allowed to be right next to me all day long. I want him NEXT to the toys and NEXT to the other kids.

Once he gets the idea that he's not going to have an adult for one to one entertainment and interaction he's most likely NOT going to like it. He's most likely going to start balking at coming to day care. He's most likely going to cry at drop off and most likely start crying when he sees his parents at pick up. These are GOOD sings not bad signs. It means he is understanding the gravity of his actions and his natural kid self is going to want to fight to regain his ground. The good news is that he is understaning that he's loosing ground so his next move will be to MOVE over to other grounds. The other grounds are the toys and the kids.

What happens with adult dependent kids in home day care is that most providers feel they HAVE to keep the kid happy. It takes a few hours with the kid to get WHAT makes them happy and for this kid it is one to one care. If they don't do what keeps the kid happy then the kid is going to fuss about coming and the parent is most likely going to pull the kid. With a kid like this the parents have already done this once. They will do it again. So the provider gets into a circle jerk where she's damned if she does (end result of a kid being there THREE months and sitll won't play) or damned if she doesn't (kid gets pulled and she looses income). This is bad for the kid. They may not understand why they have this power but they surely understand that they do.

The provider WANTS there to be at least a middle ground but with kids THIS far gone there really isn't. If there was you would find it in three months.

Time to decide: Can I afford to loose this kid? If not, then he must get what he wants. If so, then time to have his world be GO PLAY TOYS.

I've NEVER kept a kid that needs an adult for his happiness. It never works out. Social anxiety disorder or not... he's a kid in a group. Kids in groups need to play WITH each other and play toys.

Think of the positive for him. He's not a child living in a dump in Guatamala who has to scrounge thru garbage to get food. He's not a kid living in a two room trailer laying in a overflowing full diaper while his parents are sleeping off the night before, he's not a poor African kid whoose parents are having to work all day long to just get him the WATER he needs to survive.

He's a kid who has the LUXURY of going to a loving home with power, lights, food, AND toys and other kids. That's nothing to feel sorry about. Even WITH a "social anxiety disorder" this is a HUGE and wonderful thing for him. In my house he wouldn't have the luxury to shun that. I see it for what it REALLY is. We have gone WAY too far in allowing kids to not BE children and know their PLACE as a child. His place is with his mates and their toys.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-29-2010, 09:36 AM
Lilbutterflie's Avatar
Lilbutterflie Lilbutterflie is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: TX
Posts: 1,366
Default

I have a 4 yo dcb who is the very same way, just not to the extreme that he is at my feet ALL day long. But, when he's not in the same room with me, he is off playing ALONE. He does not play with the other kids, or his own siblings. If he does, it's only b/c they came to play with him and he usually leaves within minutes if this happens.
We have circle time together each day, and if it's a physical activity like dancing or exercise, he does not want to do it. Because it's with the group. I make him participate. I also have preschool workbook time, and he always complains b/c he has do it with the other kids. I still make him participate though. After he initially gets over his fear of being with the group, he ends up enjoying himself.
He does talk well and play well on his own, so I haven't really brought it up with his mom yet. He is much better now than when he first started two months ago.
It sounds like you have lots of work on your hands with this one! I would just find something he is interested in, and at least make him start playing by himself. Then, slowly start making him participate in short group activities. Encourage individual and group play on a daily basis.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-29-2010, 09:50 AM
nannyde's Avatar
nannyde nannyde is offline
All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 6,969
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilbutterflie View Post
I have a 4 yo dcb who is the very same way, just not to the extreme that he is at my feet ALL day long. But, when he's not in the same room with me, he is off playing ALONE. He does not play with the other kids, or his own siblings. If he does, it's only b/c they came to play with him and he usually leaves within minutes if this happens.
We have circle time together each day, and if it's a physical activity like dancing or exercise, he does not want to do it. Because it's with the group. I make him participate. I also have preschool workbook time, and he always complains b/c he has do it with the other kids. I still make him participate though. After he initially gets over his fear of being with the group, he ends up enjoying himself.
He does talk well and play well on his own, so I haven't really brought it up with his mom yet. He is much better now than when he first started two months ago.
It sounds like you have lots of work on your hands with this one! I would just find something he is interested in, and at least make him start playing by himself. Then, slowly start making him participate in short group activities. Encourage individual and group play on a daily basis.
I would just find something he is interested in,

No I would make sure HE found something he was interested in. It's not my business what interests him. It's my business to put a bunch of toys and kids out there for him to BE interested in. It's my job to supervise how he and the others safely play with the toys and each other.

I wouldn't have a problem with a kid playing by themselves as long as they are physically in the same room as the other kids and didn't hoard any toys. I've seen kids go in and out of that phase many times. It's fine by me.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-29-2010, 12:06 PM
AfterSchoolMom's Avatar
AfterSchoolMom AfterSchoolMom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,938
Default

Nannyde, you're my hero. I wish I could be a fly on the wall at your house on any given day so that I could take notes.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 07-29-2010, 12:40 PM
nannyde's Avatar
nannyde nannyde is offline
All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 6,969
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom View Post
Nannyde, you're my hero. I wish I could be a fly on the wall at your house on any given day so that I could take notes.
I seriously wish I could do live NanCam for you guys. It's hard to explain how it works. I wish you COULD see it. I've got the nicest, sweetest, most well behaved kids you could ever hope for. They are toy playin fools and none of them have behavior problems.

I take full credit

I'd have to charge ya for it though. Nan don't do free. And don't be asking for a discount.

NO discount.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 08-02-2010, 03:31 PM
michelleshouse's Avatar
michelleshouse michelleshouse is offline
New Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2
Default

i watch a little boy like that fridays only but its been 3 years now and he just started to try to play but ONLY with my son not other kids...n he talks to me only is super closed when approached by other adults. I tried talking about it with the parents but they kindajust got offended the couple of times i mentioned so i decided to abide by their wishes :/ but it took 3 years
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 08-03-2010, 06:56 AM
Crystal's Avatar
Crystal Crystal is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 3,947
Default

MsKara, if you can get your hands on the book "The Out of Sync Child" I highly recommend it. You may find all of the answers you are looking for, and be able to really make a difference in this child's life.

Regardless of WHY the child has these issues, you are aware of them and you have the opportunity to educate yourself and help this little guy, and you may end up with one of your best kids ever!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
child won't play, stubborn, won't play

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Meal Time, When Kids Play And Won’t Eat daycare Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 23 03-02-2011 05:53 PM
What To Do With The Child That Won't Play SilverSabre25 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 3 12-28-2010 10:05 AM
Daycare Parents Handbook DancingQueen Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 24 12-04-2010 12:35 AM
Plastic Slides Danger in Hot Weather nannyde Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 33 06-01-2010 11:10 AM
Newbie Contract sdawnd Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 0 02-25-2010 10:19 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:33 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming