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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Would You Handle This?
Francine 02:51 AM 01-08-2011
I have an 18 month old in care, he has two older siblings 17 and 18, he does not need to speak at home because they cater to him his every whim.

I have been working on "cup" for drink and "eat".......thinking they were the two easiest words for what he wants. At snacks and meals he is given his cup of water with his food, other than that the cup sits on the counter. He use to run into the kitchen and just have a fit when he wanted his cup, we started working on the word "cup" I say it a million times a day. He knows exactly what I am talking about and actually started saying it a few weeks ago instead of having a fit. Well now this week he has started screaming "nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn" hanging on the counter or highchair when he wants something. Or "nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn" when he wants a toy down off of the shelf. Or just hanging on the counter grunting because he wants his cup. Do you respond to this?

He can say the word cup and knows what it means, at what age do you expect them to use their words if they can? I know that all kids are different, and don't get me wrong he gets plenty to eat and drink every day, I don't withhold food and beverage but his fits every time that he wants something this week got to be very old by the end of the week. Half of the time he takes a sip of water and then starts letting it dribble down his face or playing around with the cup, he's not really thirsty.
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VTMom 06:25 AM 01-08-2011
I have a 17 month old who screams at a level only dogs can hear when he wants/doesn't want something. It's awesome. I don't respond to this, but I'll quietly ask him "what do you need - no screaming". He'll typically babble something and point and I will respond to this while repeating what I think he's saying. His vocabulary is definitely spotty (says car, lunch, my husband's name, coat, etc, but not Mama, cup, bye bye). I'm guessing he'll have a vocabulary explosion at some point soon and that's when I'll expect him to use correct words.

MY DCB's level of screaming is clearly worse on Mondays and is gone for the most part by the end of the week. I know it drives Mom and Dad nuts so my guess is that it works and they scramble to get what he wants so he stops. I also watch their 4 year old who has learned that throwing a fit gets him what he wants in a hurry. They're just now working on this (4 years too late in my opinion).

Good luck! He'll learn what you expect from him and he'll be better off for it.
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nannyde 07:09 AM 01-08-2011
Originally Posted by Miss Joy:
I have an 18 month old in care, he has two older siblings 17 and 18, he does not need to speak at home because they cater to him his every whim.

I have been working on "cup" for drink and "eat".......thinking they were the two easiest words for what he wants. At snacks and meals he is given his cup of water with his food, other than that the cup sits on the counter. He use to run into the kitchen and just have a fit when he wanted his cup, we started working on the word "cup" I say it a million times a day. He knows exactly what I am talking about and actually started saying it a few weeks ago instead of having a fit. Well now this week he has started screaming "nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn" hanging on the counter or highchair when he wants something. Or "nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn" when he wants a toy down off of the shelf. Or just hanging on the counter grunting because he wants his cup. Do you respond to this?

He can say the word cup and knows what it means, at what age do you expect them to use their words if they can? I know that all kids are different, and don't get me wrong he gets plenty to eat and drink every day, I don't withhold food and beverage but his fits every time that he wants something this week got to be very old by the end of the week. Half of the time he takes a sip of water and then starts letting it dribble down his face or playing around with the cup, he's not really thirsty.
I don't do anything with speech for this age child. I don't try to teach them words. I just talk to them. I don't expect anything back. I don't do the "say" so and so.

I just let them talk when they want and what they want. They usually have well child check ups every three months until they are two so I just check the physical when it comes back and see if there is any speech concerns on the physical. They always come back normal.

Speech education and therapy are beyond my abilities. I stay out of it.

My concern would be that he is screaming. He would be told to go play toys. I have everything out that he CAN have so there is no need to ask for anything. I have all the food and drinks they need offered when they need it so there is no need to ask for it.

At this age I just want them to play with each other and be a good playmate. If they talk cool... if they don't... that's cool too. The speech they have at home usually far exceeds what they do at my house according to the physicals I see so I am comfortable with the assessment from the real experts and just stay out of it.

The range of speech aquisition is so vastly different from kid to kid that I don't really notice any delay until they get into the mid two. If I see a problem then I will bring it up. I haven't had too many issues with that with the kids I raise. If anything they won't shut up The older kids are my free onsite speech therapist.
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DBug 08:22 AM 01-08-2011
Yep, I agree -- speech development is so different from child to child. I'd just be more concerned about him learning that screaming is the way to get things. But I think every child tries it .

What I generally do is if they're screaming for their cup, I'll stand right in front of them and say in a very quiet voice "Would you like your cup? Say "Cup, please". " Or the more generic "Help, please". And then wait until they stop screaming. If they stop screaming or if they use an indoor tone of voice, even if they don't say the words (if they haven't learned them yet), I'll give them the cup.

Hopefully it reinforces the fact that they need to ask for things without screaming or throwing a fit, but at the same time, takes into account what they actually are capable of.

In fact, I have one little guy who is just learning words (knows maybe 10). He'll fall constantly in the snow and he'll just lay there saying "Ep, Peez!" until I pick him up . No fits, no screaming -- and way too cute!
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kidkair 08:52 AM 01-08-2011
I'd teach him sign language and let him use gestures. I would also talk to him like crazy during play, eating, clean ups any time he was close by and attentive to me I would be talking about anything I was doing or objects nearby. And reading and discussing picture books like crazy too. Kids need to hear word many many times before they can even start to say it. I definitely would not give him something if he screamed for it. If he screamed I would cover my ears, say 'ouch, that hurts my ears' and walk away from him.
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KEG123 09:52 AM 01-08-2011
I wouldn't worry much until 2-2.5. My son is a bit over 2.5 and has made GREAT strides in the past few months. I used to worry, now not so much. So, I say, give it time.
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Lucy 11:06 AM 01-08-2011
Have a sippy cup where he can reach it instead of above his reach, and that will eliminate the screaming demand for it. (And btw, I would never give in to a screaming demand. Just my opinion.)

18 months is too early to worry about speech delays. I wouldn't even be concerned until they are past 2. Yes, most will learn and say words at or prior to 18 months, but some just don't. Seems to me that the late talkers walked earlier than the early talkers for the most part. Yes, it varies, but that's been my experience - that they are early on one or the other, but not both.

And I agree on talking "to" him, not expecting that he learn and repeat a word. Just throughout the day, calmly tell him what you're doing -- "Billy, Miss Joy is going to change your diaper now. You'll have a nice, clean diaper. Isn't that great?", and "Oh wow, Billy finished ALL his green beans today. How nice!", and "Oh look! There's a birdy outside. Isn't he pretty? Miss Joy likes birdies!" -- little things like that. He may or may not understand, but he will be absorbing the cadence of speech, and hopefully pick up some of the words, even though he may not use them. I watch a 2 yr old who, at times, is my only child present. I talk to her as if she were another adult in the house. If we go to the store, I ask her what else we need, do you remember where that is, should I get this brand or that, oh that's a good price, etc. Probably looks crazy, but that's how they learn. I have no expectation of her understanding or repeating, but it sure is good practice for her to hear it! She does talk now, but I've done this since she was an infant.
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QualiTcare 11:25 AM 01-08-2011
well, you said that he CAN say cup and was saying it. if he can say it, and you know he can say it, i wouldn't give into "NNNNNNNN" but that's just me.

i think it's annoying and when a kid does that and when you give them what they want (when they KNOW how to say cup) they no longer have a need to say cup because "NNNNNNN" works.

i would just put it where he couldn't reach it and act like i had no idea what he was talking about. then i'd say, "cup? is that what you want? your cup?"

this goes right along with the thread "once they CAN do, do you expect them to" and yes, i do.
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AmandasFCC 11:38 AM 01-08-2011
I'm with QualiTcare on this.

I don't force words until I hear them say it. I have a very language-rich environment so the kids are exposed to a lot of words and modelling every day. But until I hear them consistently using a word, I don't make them say anything.

You say he's been saying the words just fine, and all of a sudden now is refusing. I don't fly that way, you don't get to pick and choose when to use your words here. If you know the word, you need to use it. So I wouldn't give him anything until he used the words, and I would VERY prompty put a stop to hanging on the counter. That's unsafe in my opinion. My dck's do not have access to anything in my kitchen but the table and their chairs. I give them everything they need right off the bad, and if they want more or whatever, they need to ask but NOBODY gets out of their seats during meals here.
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Francine 03:25 PM 01-08-2011
[quote=Joyce;69923]Have a sippy cup where he can reach it instead of above his reach, and that will eliminate the screaming demand for it. (And btw, I would never give in to a screaming demand. Just my opinion.)

The problem with this is if he can reach it than so can all of the other kids and if given the chance he will drink all day and then not each.

I don't expect him to always say the words, I totally understand that he is only 18 months old. If he would go to the counter and say something, anything at all other than screaming nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn and grunting I wouldn't have a problem with it. It's the screaming demands that are the problem, it's driving me nuts. His Mom has said that she just walks away when he starts in, he follows me and continues on. I have found that the "death glare" seems to works momentarily.
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lvt77 03:30 PM 01-08-2011
I have a 14-15 yr old and a 3 year old child at home, so I know how you feel...
I have to parent the older two, teaching them how to treat, bond, disipline, and cherrish their little brother.. They spoil him rotten to the core. buy him things after he threw a fit in the store, speak for him and so forth...It drives me up a wall....

My advice to you is that you cant controll what goes on at home and if the family is not going to do it, then whatever you apply towards teaching him is going to be a waste of your time. Everything you teach them they will un-do. Trust me I deal with this every day with my own kids..
I say no candy no icream...my little guy runs to my 14 yr old and she lets him have his way..I just wanna die when this happens.....He has both of them whipped, its sick...

dont beat yourself up.....having the family on the same page as you is the only way that you are going to be able to defeat this....

best of luck
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Tags:commands, speaking, spoiled, using words
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