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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>New child at center-differing views on how to handle her.
Unregistered 04:47 AM 10-07-2015
We had a new two year old start last week. She has never been in daycare and as you can imagine it has not been an easy transition. The problem is that many of the younger employees think the best solution for handling her is to just carry her around. She still continues to cry, so it really doesn't help. Yesterday, I made the choice to not carry her and asked the other teacher to not do it as well. I said lets try to get her to engage with the other kids and to play. It worked great. She hardly cried. My problem came when another co-worker came in later in the day and picked her up because the child ran to her crying and then carried her around for the rest of the day. She didn't start crying until she saw her. This teacher is one that has been carrying her around a lot so I feel she has set a bad precedence for this behavior. I even talked to her about it and she just ignored what I had told her. Also, they also feel because the little girl is new she doesn't need to follow the rules that all the other kids do. They say she is new and asking her to do that is too much. I feel having her learn the rules right away will make it become more routine for her and the adjustment easier. Need help!
Thriftylady 04:52 AM 10-07-2015
I would talk to the director and she can set the tone for how to handle it.
Ariana 09:10 AM 10-07-2015
I would ask for a team meeting to discuss it. Obviously you both feel you are right so maybe getting together to voice your concerns and hear the other side is important. Maybe you could set a time frame for when the carrying will end.
I happen to agree with you. Being new is the perfect time for implementing new rules. Once she gets into a routine at daycare of being carried around it will be much harder to break. Unfortunately when you work as a team you can't dictate what others are going to do. I ran into these issues a lot too!
I happen to agree with you. Being new is the perfect time for implementing new rules. Once she gets into a routine at daycare of being carried around it will be much harder to break. Unfortunately when you work as a team you can't dictate what others are going to do. I ran into these issues a lot too!
nannyde 10:10 AM 10-07-2015
If the staff focuses on one kid they don't have to do the others. There's a huge incentive to fixate on one kid. It's way easier than managing eight.
laundrymom 10:13 AM 10-07-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
If the staff focuses on one kid they don't have to do the others. There's a huge incentive to fixate on one kid. It's way easier than managing eight.
This!If the staff focuses on one kid they don't have to do the others. There's a huge incentive to fixate on one kid. It's way easier than managing eight.
daycare 02:35 PM 10-07-2015
I would also recommend talking to the director. New or not, everyone needs to be shown the same love, respect and attention.
Are you the main teacher in that classroom?
You are doing the right thing. It must stink when you have to work with someone who doesnt see things quite the same.
hope you week gets better.
daycare
Are you the main teacher in that classroom?
You are doing the right thing. It must stink when you have to work with someone who doesnt see things quite the same.
hope you week gets better.
daycare
Febby 05:27 PM 10-07-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
If the staff focuses on one kid they don't have to do the others. There's a huge incentive to fixate on one kid. It's way easier than managing eight.
YES.If the staff focuses on one kid they don't have to do the others. There's a huge incentive to fixate on one kid. It's way easier than managing eight.
One of the tough things about working in centers is that you have to work with other people and that those other people don't always agree with or follow your techniques.
When I run into people who want to fixate on a single child, I'll ask them to do a specific task that would be difficult or impossible to do while fixating on that child. Changing diapers, assisting children in the bathroom, cleaning tables/chairs, doing a small group activity WITHOUT "their" child, setting out meals/snacks, retrieving supplies from outside the room (when ratios allow) are all tasks I'll give those people. If you're not going to help me manage my group, you can do my cleaning and diapers.
daycare 05:30 PM 10-07-2015
Originally Posted by Febby:
YES.
One of the tough things about working in centers is that you have to work with other people and that those other people don't always agree with or follow your techniques.
When I run into people who want to fixate on a single child, I'll ask them to do a specific task that would be difficult or impossible to do while fixating on that child. Changing diapers, assisting children in the bathroom, cleaning tables/chairs, doing a small group activity WITHOUT "their" child, setting out meals/snacks, retrieving supplies from outside the room (when ratios allow) are all tasks I'll give those people. If you're not going to help me manage my group, you can do my cleaning and diapers.
oh I love that idea...YES.
One of the tough things about working in centers is that you have to work with other people and that those other people don't always agree with or follow your techniques.
When I run into people who want to fixate on a single child, I'll ask them to do a specific task that would be difficult or impossible to do while fixating on that child. Changing diapers, assisting children in the bathroom, cleaning tables/chairs, doing a small group activity WITHOUT "their" child, setting out meals/snacks, retrieving supplies from outside the room (when ratios allow) are all tasks I'll give those people. If you're not going to help me manage my group, you can do my cleaning and diapers.
If you're not going to help me manage my group, you can do my cleaning and diapers.
and she can take the kid with her too...lol totally joking about that last part.
Unregistered 12:10 PM 10-08-2015
The other teacher is the lead. She feels that first the child must feel safe before making her follow the rules. We have had several new children in the last month or so and those children were not given the same leeway this child is given. The director was in the room on the child's first day as the lead was sick and the child attached to her completely to the point that she cries for her everyday. Yesterday, the lead teacher called the director to come in the room to get her to go to sleep for nap. I feel this problem is snowballing and is only going to get worse and not better. She seems to cling to the teachers that rotate out of the room instead of the two constants in the room which are myself and the lead. I want to treat her the same as the other kids. I had one of the other assistants in the room yesterday with me and she solely focused on just her, while there were nine other children in the room! At this point, I am truly frustrated as I feel this approach is just making her worse and not at all better.
racemom 12:38 PM 10-08-2015
I sympathize with you, it is hard to have a clingy child in care. I am the lead teacher, so my thoughts may not help, since you are not, but here it is: tell her that is enough, it is time to go play and gently lead her over to the toys. If she starts to cry, ignore her, but do not let her come back and hang on you or other staff. It sounds mean, but after a few days it is time for them to suck it up and begin to adjust. The longer she is coddled by staff, the more she will continue to act up by crying. It is time for her to learn to play, she will be sad and crying as long as it gets her attention, time for her to move on and get used to daycare! And following rules in my room start from day 1, no leeway or the others will think they don't have to follow rules.
daycare 12:46 PM 10-08-2015
let her learn to cope... yes I get she is really young, but learning to cope starts now.
If she is crying and upset and there is nothing wrong I would just say this.
get down on here eye level look at her and say aw susie are you feeling sad? Give her a little hug and say you are ok, you are safe, now lets go play.
the cut it down to side hug, you're safe, go play.
she does not need to be held and allowed to stretch out and over validate her feelings. you can make her feel safe by keeping all of the environment safe simultaneously at the same time, allowing for everyone to feel safe as well, not just this child. it is every child's right to feel this way ALWAYS, not just when they first start. Is she going to carry around every child, she ain't an octopus is she? lol
If she is crying and upset and there is nothing wrong I would just say this.
get down on here eye level look at her and say aw susie are you feeling sad? Give her a little hug and say you are ok, you are safe, now lets go play.
the cut it down to side hug, you're safe, go play.
she does not need to be held and allowed to stretch out and over validate her feelings. you can make her feel safe by keeping all of the environment safe simultaneously at the same time, allowing for everyone to feel safe as well, not just this child. it is every child's right to feel this way ALWAYS, not just when they first start. Is she going to carry around every child, she ain't an octopus is she? lol
Unregistered 12:52 PM 10-08-2015
Too bad my lead is not of this mind set. This girl follows no rules and isn't made to at all. I feel the room has been thrown into chaos as the other kids see what she is doing and are trying to follow suit. Tomorrow marks two weeks of daycare for her and it is not getting better it is getting worse as she gets more demanding about the things she wants to do. I look like the mean one because I ask her to do the same things I ask all the other kids in the room to do and I get told by my lead and even my director that we can't expect her to follow the rules yet. It is causing me to have adverse feelings for this child. I just want to focus on the other kids in the room and let them deal with her as I can't treat her the way they want me to.
Thriftylady 03:42 PM 10-08-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Too bad my lead is not of this mind set. This girl follows no rules and isn't made to at all. I feel the room has been thrown into chaos as the other kids see what she is doing and are trying to follow suit. Tomorrow marks two weeks of daycare for her and it is not getting better it is getting worse as she gets more demanding about the things she wants to do. I look like the mean one because I ask her to do the same things I ask all the other kids in the room to do and I get told by my lead and even my director that we can't expect her to follow the rules yet. It is causing me to have adverse feelings for this child. I just want to focus on the other kids in the room and let them deal with her as I can't treat her the way they want me to.
If this is true, I would be looking for a new job.Too bad my lead is not of this mind set. This girl follows no rules and isn't made to at all. I feel the room has been thrown into chaos as the other kids see what she is doing and are trying to follow suit. Tomorrow marks two weeks of daycare for her and it is not getting better it is getting worse as she gets more demanding about the things she wants to do. I look like the mean one because I ask her to do the same things I ask all the other kids in the room to do and I get told by my lead and even my director that we can't expect her to follow the rules yet. It is causing me to have adverse feelings for this child. I just want to focus on the other kids in the room and let them deal with her as I can't treat her the way they want me to.
Febby 04:12 PM 10-08-2015
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
If this is true, I would be looking for a new job.
Same. I cannot and will not work with administrators who have significantly different views on discipline/guidance and classroom management. It creates too many headaches for me.If this is true, I would be looking for a new job.