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krissy_mo 07:37 PM 12-13-2011
Ok, so... I have a 10 yr old that has been doing dishes since age 4 1/2... (not solely back then, but she's been pretty much responsible for most of them since age 7)...

Of course, we used to help, and still do with baked-on foods, heavy glass bakeware or corningware, etc..

This child... my dear sweet wonderful child... will dunk them and then put them in the strainer... without wiping them at all.

So... what we do is check them.. and if we find food on them... she rewashes the entire load again... this repeats until they are clean.

She is pretty irritated with us right now as she has rewashed three days worth of dishes .. .some of them up to seven times each dish (from the first time she washed them incorrectly)... well, she was hysterical the fourth time her dad came out this evening and found food on them....

We finally got her to breathe, and reminded her that throwing a pity party wasn't going to help her focus and do them right this time, but that she needed to instead of grumble "why do I have to wash these again," or "I hate dishes" or "I hate my parents" "I'm so poor" "I'm so abused.." Instead, she needed to think, "Ok, is this dish clean enough that I won't have to do this AGAIN tonight?"

I got the biggest dirty look out of her I think I've ever gotten....

Anyway, anyone in the market for a half-price slave? We've cut the price in half, since she only works about half the time... but still.. it's a deal... I think.


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safechner 08:58 PM 12-13-2011
It sounds like she is washing the dishes everyday. I don't blame on your daughter but it is too much for your daughter for her ages if she have to rewash a few times a day or more. It is not fair to her but I would give her to do her chores maybe twice a week which it is good enough. Just saying..


I have two daughters of my own (ages 10 years old and 9 years old) and they never wash dishes because I believe they are too young to do this. However, they do clean up their rooms, and keep it clean. I would wait until they turn 13 years old then they will learn responsibility. One time, my daughter went to her friend's house and her friend asked her to help wash her dishes (her friend is 8 years old) a month ago and she told me that she helped her to clean the dishes. She told me that it is a lot of work that she can't play with her until she is done with her dishes. I also wouldn't pay my daughters for doing chores, I think it is silly.
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dave4him 09:12 PM 12-13-2011
I set a limit on what she is able to do for her age level
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sharlan 10:26 PM 12-13-2011
I'm with your daughter. She's been responsible for the family dishes since she was 7?????????

I hate doing the dishes so I never made my kids wash them as a regular chore.
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Mandy_Jane 11:01 PM 12-13-2011
Yeah, no joke but that is SERIOUSLY sounding pretty cruel to me if you make her rewash the entire load just for food being left on a few. Maybe it's time you invest in a dishwasher and give your daughter a break. My 6 year old has helped with loading the dishwasher since she was 4, but I would wipe off the dishes and hand them to her to load. She is now getting to the point that she can wipe them herself and load them, but I never would entrust her to actually WASH the dishes and expect them to be totally clean. I think you are putting way to much responsibility on such a young child.
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Meyou 02:57 AM 12-14-2011
My kids all do dishes. My 8 year old loads the dishwasher almost every afternoon (mostly plastic from the dc) and my 12 year old does the dinner dishes most nights. My 13 year old does them on the weekend when she's here. They are also all responsible for taking their dirty clothes to the laundry room, keeping their rooms clean and various other chores. My older girls clean bathrooms and wash floors. They all have to fold their own laundry and put it away. The 8 year old just started have to do this at the beginning of this school year.

I think it teaches responsibility AND accountability. If you trash your room...you clean it every day. If you don't...you only have to tidy, dust and vacuum once a week. They learned quickly which one is easier. I was watching both of my siblings after school and cooking dinner everyday by the time I was 11 so I firmly believe kids are not only capable but can benefit from instilling a good work ethic early in life. My girls can all cook as well although my 8 year old is only allowed to microwave cook without an adult in the room.

Now in your case mama it sounds like the amount of dishes is overwhelming to your dd. Maybe she could do plates, cups, cutlery etc and you or your dh can do the pots?

My dh does the heavy kitchen cleaning for the girls but they are expected to do everything but "cooking dishes" including wiping down counters, sweeping the floor, emptying the recycling and compost and not complaining while they do it.
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Unregistered 04:41 AM 12-14-2011
good for you teaching her responsibility. She is old enough to help out and do it right. Give her a break from time to time. Kids should help out in the house they live in, they end up going to College and have no idea what to do, or feel entitled to have to do nothing. Your teaching her that your a family unit and everyone helps and making her do it right.
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AfterSchoolMom 04:49 AM 12-14-2011
I'm with you. She'll learn to do it right the first time, and will learn to take pride in doing a good job.

The OP didn't say that she made her rewash them when she was 7. In fact she said she used to help. I think that ten years old is a perfectly fine age to start learning the lesson that it is LESS work to do it correctly than if you half@ss it. I'm trying to teach my own oldest this lesson as well!

I think our Grandparents/Great Grandparents would laugh at us - I remember my GG telling me about working on the farm when she was a child, and helping to wash clothes with a wringer washer and hang them on the clothesline, etc... all from a very young age.

My own children are responsible for the dishes, for cleaning their bathroom, for keeping their rooms clean, and for folding and putting away their own laundry. My youngest takes out the trash and the recycling, and my oldest starting helping with the yard work this past summer. They still have plenty of time to be kids, but they're also learning responsiblity and won't be helpless once they move out.
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Meyou 05:02 AM 12-14-2011
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom:
I'm with you. She'll learn to do it right the first time, and will learn to take pride in doing a good job.

The OP didn't say that she made her rewash them when she was 7. In fact she said she used to help. I think that ten years old is a perfectly fine age to start learning the lesson that it is LESS work to do it correctly than if you half@ss it. I'm trying to teach my own oldest this lesson as well!

I think our Grandparents/Great Grandparents would laugh at us - I remember my GG telling me about working on the farm when she was a child, and helping to wash clothes with a wringer washer and hang them on the clothesline, etc... all from a very young age.

My own children are responsible for the dishes, for cleaning their bathroom, for keeping their rooms clean, and for folding and putting away their own laundry. My youngest takes out the trash and the recycling, and my oldest starting helping with the yard work this past summer. They still have plenty of time to be kids, but they're also learning responsiblity and won't be helpless once they move out.

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Kaddidle Care 05:11 AM 12-14-2011
Just have her fill the sink with all hot water and soap and let them soak for 1/2 an hour. Then all she has to do is pull the plug and give them a light rub and rinse. If she wears gloves she will be able to tolerate the hotter water.

I'm amazed that she's been doing it for that long. I have a 10 year old and he's yet to wash dishes. You got me thinking.... hehe!
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Solandia 05:29 AM 12-14-2011
My kids have to do their own plate/bowl/flatware/cup, dry them and put them away. I wouldn't have them do all the dishes, because it is so gross to wash off someone else's leftover food or boogers of a kiddie cup. JMO, of course.

Since you have it set up with your child doing the dishes and requiring them to be done correctly....once she gets back in the habit of doing them correctly for few days...I would back off and have everyone wash their own nasty stuff. I wouldn't want her to think that her mini-tantrum and passive-aggressive if-I-don't-do-it-right-i can-get-out-of-it is what caused the change. Then rotate who does the pans. A LOT less dishes to do at one time, even *I* get overwhelmed if I have to do everyone's plates and stuff.

10yo is plenty old enough to expect this task do be done right the first time. She is doing it on purpose.
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SilverSabre25 05:38 AM 12-14-2011
Perhaps it's time to take a different approach. I agree that she's old enough to learn to do it right, the first time. However, if she's been doing it that long and just now is slacking off, there's probably something else afoot. She could be telling you that it's too big a job and she's feeling overwhelmed. She could need a refresher course in how to do it. She could need a different consequence or stiffer consequence for not doing it right--maybe an earlier bedtime, or loss of any "technology" she enjoys for the rest of the night or the next day.

Maybe give her a refresher course in how to wash the dishes ("You have to actually wipe them with the dishrag"). Then have a parent stay in the kitchen with her for a couple of nights and check each dish as she washes it. If there's still food on it, she has to wash it again until it's clean.

She could also be telling you that it's time to switch it up and teach someone else to do the dishes and let her do the laundry or something.
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Meeko 06:15 AM 12-14-2011
I had to help my mother do laundry. And I don't mean throw it in an automatic washer. An old twin tub that has to be tended to the whole time. Wet clothes had to be pulled from the tub and switched to the spinner...which had to be filled with water each time from the sink. And then it all had to hung out on the line to dry. Our kitchen was steamy and hot and I sweat!. The wet clothes were heavy and my arms ached when we were done.

Now I look back and see what a lesson in responsibility it was. And most of all, now I am 7,000 miles away from my mother...I realize how precious laundry day was and how we talked and laughed and how much I learned from her. She made me cook when I was so young I needed a chair to stand on to see on the counters. I was ironing clothes at a very young age...and I had to do it and fold it EXACTLY like my mother showed me.

My own father grew up on a farm. He was really little when it was his job to feed the chickens at dawn each day. Weekends too. Rain or shine.

And now people think that making a child do the dishes right is too much?

And we wonder why we are raising generations of ungrateful, self-centered, entitled kids.

I say good for you! Your daughter will appreciate it later even if she complains now.
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Blackcat31 06:22 AM 12-14-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
I had to help my mother do laundry. And I don't mean throw it in an automatic washer. An old twin tub that has to be tended to the whole time. Wet clothes had to be pulled from the tub and switched to the spinner...which had to be filled with water each time from the sink. And then it all had to hung out on the line to dry. Our kitchen was steamy and hot and I sweat!. The wet clothes were heavy and my arms ached when we were done.

Now I look back and see what a lesson in responsibility it was. And most of all, now I am 7,000 miles away from my mother...I realize how precious laundry day was and how we talked and laughed and how much I learned from her. She made me cook when I was so young I needed a chair to stand on to see on the counters. I was ironing clothes at a very young age...and I had to do it and fold it EXACTLY like my mother showed me.

My own father grew up on a farm. He was really little when it was his job to feed the chickens at dawn each day. Weekends too. Rain or shine.

And now people think that making a child do the dishes right is too much?

And we wonder why we are raising generations of ungrateful, self-centered, entitled kids.

I say good for you! Your daughter will appreciate it later even if she complains now
.

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sharlan 06:40 AM 12-14-2011
I see nothing wrong with a child doing chores. I see nothing wrong with a child having to do those chores correctly. But what I am seeing is an abusive power play on the parents' part. It's time to step back and take another look at how you're handling this situation. Make cleaning the kitchen after dinner a family affair. Everyone stays in the kitchen until it's clean.

(not solely back then, but she's been pretty much responsible for most of them since age 7)...

She is pretty irritated with us right now as she has rewashed three days worth of dishes .. .some of them up to seven times each dish (from the first time she washed them incorrectly)... well, she was hysterical the fourth time her dad came out this evening and found food on them....

As for what chores our parents had, that has nothing to do with today's kids. Our parents didn't have 2 - 5 hours worth of homework a night that they had to juggle with other extra curricular activities.
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krissy_mo 08:33 AM 12-14-2011
Originally Posted by Meyou:

Now in your case mama it sounds like the amount of dishes is overwhelming to your dd. Maybe she could do plates, cups, cutlery etc and you or your dh can do the pots?

***this is more how we do it.... if it's just a small pot that had green beans in it, she washes it, but anything "cooked on" or "baked on" I handle, plus I wash anything heavy and slippery like my crock pot. Oh, and we use paper plates a lot for 1-2 meals, so usually dishes aren't as overloaded as you think. Plus, I help her get the stuff "readied" up... and get her on the right track with all of us scraping dishes into trash and starting her out by rinsing the heavy stuff. Plus I handle the counters and stove and food put away. So, her actual job isn't difficult.**

But, I don't think expecting one chore out of her every day is asking too much at 10... or even last year or the year before.

She isn't responsible for anything else except school work and helping pick up toys/stuff when asked. She is also home schooled, so she has a lot more time in her day than public school kids. Her studies usually last 2 1/2 hours for the "heavy" stuff and then another hour or two of fun projects, lessons, etc... depending on the week and what she wants to do. The only other thing she's doing right now is helping at children's church every other Sunday, and practicing violin a couple times a week.

I hated dishes at her age too, but I remember doing them every day, too.
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familyschoolcare 09:20 AM 12-14-2011
Op.

At my house we had a period of time when the children did not have chores or an alounance and it resently started up again. When I started them both

up again this time I sat down with the children and pointed out the things that they are expected to do everyday with out getting paid, Keep room

clean ect. Then I asked each child seperately starting with the youngest how much aloiunce they thought they should get a week. Then I asked each child

seperatly what they thought they should do to earn the X dollars a week they whant. We "negotated" from their. Then I created a chart and if they do

not do a choir they get docked some pay.


Now I know my youngest is older than your child but maybe something like thise might help, get the child envolved in what chores they do and how

often. Just because you ask for a child's enput or opinion does not mean you have to argee with it just use it as a starting point for negotions. (great life skill)
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Zoe 09:30 AM 12-14-2011
I think it's awesome that you give your child a certain chore to do. It teaches responsibility. I do agree with the others that maybe she just needs some supervision for a few days until she gets it right again. Not really ordering her what to do, but more be in the kitchen with her doing something else while she's doing the dishes.
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KBCsMommy 09:45 AM 12-14-2011
How did my daughter get to your house???!!! Im so sorry she was acting like that!!!!!! J/K

All my kids do chores even my 3 yr old son. My daughters alternate every week doing dishes, vacuming, sweeping, trash duty, and taking care of all their animals. Dog Cat and Bunny! My son feeds the dog and sets the silverware and napkins for dinner, I give him a quarter or whatever change I have and he thinks its the greatest!!!

If they dont do it right the first time they have to do it again too....and believe me I get the dirtiest looks from my 10 yr old!!! Holy Cow!!!

I believe children learn from doing, and they feel more empowered and confident knowing they can do for themselves and dont have to depend on adults for everything.
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MarinaVanessa 09:53 AM 12-14-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:

And now people think that making a child do the dishes right is too much?

And we wonder why we are raising generations of ungrateful, self-centered, entitled kids.

I say good for you! Your daughter will appreciate it later even if she complains now.
I'm with you 100%. 10 years old is old enough to know how to wash dishes properly. I agree with Solandia when she said that she's doing it on purpose. I saw a movie that my DD was watching (Diary of a Whimpy Kid) and the big brother teaches the little brother how to lower their parents expectations and how to get out of doing chores by doing the chores badly (like washing the car with oily rags) which would make the parents want to do the job themselves . I told my DD that if she got any ideas she was in for a rude awakening because she'd be doing the chore over and over again until she did it right. Of course my DD is 7 and her chores are to pick up after herself, take out the trash in her room and occasional dust with a feather duster, bt she got the point.

I'm with you krissy_mo. Sounds like my style of parenting.
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Unregistered 10:47 AM 12-14-2011
Originally Posted by familyschoolcare:
Op.

At my house we had a period of time when the children did not have chores or an alounance and it resently started up again. When I started them both

up again this time I sat down with the children and pointed out the things that they are expected to do everyday with out getting paid, Keep room

clean ect. Then I asked each child seperately starting with the youngest how much aloiunce they thought they should get a week. Then I asked each child

seperatly what they thought they should do to earn the X dollars a week they whant. We "negotated" from their. Then I created a chart and if they do

not do a choir they get docked some pay.


Now I know my youngest is older than your child but maybe something like thise might help, get the child envolved in what chores they do and how

often. Just because you ask for a child's enput or opinion does not mean you have to argee with it just use it as a starting point for negotions. (great life skill)

I feel some things are not up for negotiations. You live in our house, you help out. We are the parents and we decide what works best for us as a whole. Respect,caring for your home,work ethic,team work, discipline are better life skills to teach then negotiating. Negotiating comes easy to most. We all try to take the easy way out of work. It takes all of us helping out to make our home run smooth. Hard work never hurt anyone and learning to do things right. Way to go- I would explain to her if you don't clean them well you can make everyone sick in our family, so please do it the right way and check them well to make sure they are clean the first time so your not doing them over again.

Having a dishwasher doesn't make much of a difference, because then you have to scrape the plates,load it and unload it and that can be just another task no one wants to do too.
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familyschoolcare 01:28 PM 12-14-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I feel some things are not up for negotiations. You live in our house, you help out. We are the parents and we decide what works best for us as a whole. Respect,caring for your home,work ethic,team work, discipline are better life skills to teach then negotiating. Negotiating comes easy to most. We all try to take the easy way out of work. It takes all of us helping out to make our home run smooth. Hard work never hurt anyone and learning to do things right. Way to go- I would explain to her if you don't clean them well you can make everyone sick in our family, so please do it the right way and check them well to make sure they are clean the first time so your not doing them over again.

Having a dishwasher doesn't make much of a difference, because then you have to scrape the plates,load it and unload it and that can be just another task no one wants to do too.
I think you missed the main point I was making.


My main point was to envovle the child in what part of the family resposibilities she would like to help with instead of saying you are part of

this family so you will do the dishes, say you are part of this family how are you going to contribute to the family.
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themoorethemerrier 02:00 PM 12-14-2011
Too much responsibility? Whoa, mama, don't come to my house - we live on a farm in a home of 6. Everyone contributes here, even my 2 year old - free rides are for the weak.

My girlies were having the same problem with dishes; they would make a three minute chore last for an hour because they hated it so much! I can sympathize so we Mary Poppin-ize our chores if we can. We started to plan the chore to fall on a favorite radio program like The Pond or Adventures in Odyssey, put in tapes or CD like Jungle Jam or audio books, or even just some favorite music. It usually becomes a "buddy" chore because we enjoy listening to these together.


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Country Kids 02:06 PM 12-14-2011
Originally Posted by themoorethemerrier:
Too much responsibility? Whoa, mama, don't come to my house - we live on a farm in a home of 6. Everyone contributes here, even my 2 year old - free rides are for the weak.

My girlies were having the same problem with dishes; they would make a three minute chore last for an hour because they hated it so much! I can sympathize so we Mary Poppin-ize our chores if we can. We started to plan the chore to fall on a favorite radio program like The Pond or Adventures in Odyssey, put in tapes or CD like Jungle Jam or audio books, or even just some favorite music. It usually becomes a "buddy" chore because we enjoy listening to these together.

That is a great idea!!!! I was actually thinking of looking for a replica of a vintage radio from the 30's or back further that played cd's and tapes. I think one would look nice in my livingroom and we could hear it in the kitchen. Also, they have replica's of the old phones with the cords and you dialed it with the little wheel thing. For the life of me I can't think of what those phones where called. Anyway they have them know but they are cordless, but look really cool. I was thinking of buying one of those also. I'm going back in time not forward. Love vintage things!
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daycare 02:31 PM 12-14-2011
I am all for making children learn to do chores, but this seems a bit excessive for a 10 year old. I understand your point and reasoning, but I think it is a little much.
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Unregistered 11:02 AM 12-15-2011
Originally Posted by familyschoolcare:
I think you missed the main point I was making.


My main point was to envovle the child in what part of the family resposibilities she would like to help with instead of saying you are part of

this family so you will do the dishes, say you are part of this family how are you going to contribute to the family.
no I get what you are saying. I think that leaves to much room for negotiations. It's ok to expect more from our kids and not have to reason for everything we ask. We live here, we all help, this is what I need for you to do, and I expect you to do this chore the way I showed you how, because you are capable. Not coming off as a drill Sargent but as a parent who is asking a reasonable request.

I personally would have stood next to the child on the third attempt to make sure they were doing it right if possible. This child is not being abused, she is simply being asked to do something right and finding out the consequence of what happens when you don't do it right. You have to do it again.

but if that works for you, then great. Picking my battles has been half the battle and that is from years of experience. If I was going to expect this child to have the dishes as her chore, then I would have done the same thing. If I am going to be wishy washy and let her have her way of not doing them then I would have just let it pass and fixed the dirty ones myself. I feel this parent was teaching, and the child was pushing with her every little mite, hoping mom and dad would cave. Good job not caving in. She will respect you one day for this, right now she is doing what she does best, being a stubborn child that wanted her own way.
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iheartkids 11:38 AM 12-15-2011
My 10 year old daughter is responsible for dishes every night and folding her own laundry and the towels. She keeps her own room clean on her own preference (I swear she reorganizes it every night!). I feel like I don't give her enough chores but she takes responsibility for so many other things that I don't ask her to do (getting the mail everyday, helping watch her little brother, cleaning up toys around the house). I tried doing allowance but half the time I end up "owing" the money to her cause I never carry cash with me and then when we are out shopping and she wants something she says "well you owe me $6!. We kind of just randomly give her money when we have cash and she did something really helpful (like watching her brother for a long period of time so I can get a project done, or helping my DH out in the backyard). My husband feels like regular housework should be done as part of a collaboration around the house, not to get money.

As far as rewashing dishes.My DH did this to her just the other night. He didn't make her rewash all the dishes but he checked them and threw all the dirty ones back in the sink and I guess he had to do this several times because she just wasn't taking the time to WASH them. He is trying to teach her to pay attention to what she is doing and not to do it half-a$$ just so it can get done.
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familyschoolcare 01:25 PM 12-15-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
no I get what you are saying. I think that leaves to much room for negotiations. It's ok to expect more from our kids and not have to reason for everything we ask. We live here, we all help, this is what I need for you to do, and I expect you to do this chore the way I showed you how, because you are capable. Not coming off as a drill Sargent but as a parent who is asking a reasonable request.

I personally would have stood next to the child on the third attempt to make sure they were doing it right if possible. This child is not being abused, she is simply being asked to do something right and finding out the consequence of what happens when you don't do it right. You have to do it again.

but if that works for you, then great. Picking my battles has been half the battle and that is from years of experience. If I was going to expect this child to have the dishes as her chore, then I would have done the same thing. If I am going to be wishy washy and let her have her way of not doing them then I would have just let it pass and fixed the dirty ones myself. I feel this parent was teaching, and the child was pushing with her every little mite, hoping mom and dad would cave. Good job not caving in. She will respect you one day for this, right now she is doing what she does best, being a stubborn child that wanted her own way.
I think ou hit on the most importat thing in the "process" do what works
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familyschoolcare 01:33 PM 12-15-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
no I get what you are saying. I think that leaves to much room for negotiations. It's ok to expect more from our kids and not have to reason for everything we ask. We live here, we all help, this is what I need for you to do, and I expect you to do this chore the way I showed you how, because you are capable. Not coming off as a drill Sargent but as a parent who is asking a reasonable request.

I personally would have stood next to the child on the third attempt to make sure they were doing it right if possible. This child is not being abused, she is simply being asked to do something right and finding out the consequence of what happens when you don't do it right. You have to do it again.

but if that works for you, then great. Picking my battles has been half the battle and that is from years of experience. If I was going to expect this child to have the dishes as her chore, then I would have done the same thing. If I am going to be wishy washy and let her have her way of not doing them then I would have just let it pass and fixed the dirty ones myself. I feel this parent was teaching, and the child was pushing with her every little mite, hoping mom and dad would cave. Good job not caving in. She will respect you one day for this, right now she is doing what she does best, being a stubborn child that wanted her own way.
I think ou hit on the most importat thing in the "process" do what works
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safechner 02:03 PM 12-15-2011
All I can say wow... I am so lucky that I never chores all of my childhood but I do clean up my room and something I like to do. My mother never want me or my sis/bro to do too much chores because she worked a lot since she was 10 years old. She wants to let me to be kid like play outside.. I had been playing outside a lot with other kids a lot until 17 years old. Honestly, I know how to do wash the load when I see my dad do this all the time. I moved out at 20 years old and I still enjoy my life and I keep clean in my home. I still enjoy doing chores for myself but not my kids. I let my kids to be kids. If my kids want to help then I can let them if they want to.

I do see there are so many young girls, women and mothers are suffering to do all chores. What about boys/men/fathers???? Men/Boys/Fathers don't need free to make the women/girls do all the chores. Just thought...
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Crystal 02:34 PM 12-15-2011
I agree with your daughter having to contribute by doing chores. I think it is important to have a sense of responsibility to the family home.

BUT, I don't agree with having her re-wash over and over....as you have found out, it is not accomplishing anything other than a meltdown. She gets more upset and discouraged each time she is made to do it over, and therefore does a poor job of it again.

My parents did the EXACT same thing to me and my siblings. Ya know what? It didn't work! All it accomplished was alot of tension and resentment......we STILL didn't always get the dishes clean 100% of the time, because as children, we were still learning to be thorough and still learning the skills needed to do a 100% thorough job....

Hell I know adults who don't always clean the dishes perfectly, I can imagine a ten year old missing a few spots.

I think it would be easier to resolve if you had a heart to heart with her about your expectations and your very valid reasons for those expectations at a time that is not in the heat of the moment. I would keep a few dirty dishes out, and later or the next morning sit down with her, show her, explain your reasoning ( dirty dishes are gross, we can get sick from left over particles on our utensils/cups/etc) and encourage her to do better next time. Empathize with her...."I know you really dislike doing dishes, it's alot of work, but we all need to work together to take care of the household," etc. I think she'll be far more responsive than she has been.

Good luck.
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AmyLeigh 04:15 PM 12-15-2011
This girl has been doing dishes for 6 years. Mom makes sure she completes the job. Do you want to eat off of a dish that has dried food on it from last night? Ewww..... It was the girl's choice to do them seven times. If it was done right first or second time, they would have been done.

My 8 yo dd and 5 yo ds empty the dishwasher every morning. DD loads the breakfast and lunch dishes. This includes wiping off all food before loading. All three, including the 3 yo, are also responsible for keeping their rooms clean, putting away their clean laundry, and they help clean the daycare room daily as well as the weekly cleaning of the house. They love to sweep the floors and use the wet jet to mop. Their chores include yard work, too. The only chore they don't help with is the bathrooms.
That does not mean they spend all day working. Each day they are working maybe 30 minutes. That still leaves a lot of time for school, playing, wii, tv, extra curricular activities, etc.
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daycare 04:22 PM 12-15-2011
Originally Posted by AmyLeigh:
This girl has been doing dishes for 6 years. Mom makes sure she completes the job. Do you want to eat off of a dish that has dried food on it from last night? Ewww..... It was the girl's choice to do them seven times. If it was done right first or second time, they would have been done.

My 8 yo dd and 5 yo ds empty the dishwasher every morning. DD loads the breakfast and lunch dishes. This includes wiping off all food before loading. All three, including the 3 yo, are also responsible for keeping their rooms clean, putting away their clean laundry, and they help clean the daycare room daily as well as the weekly cleaning of the house. They love to sweep the floors and use the wet jet to mop. Their chores include yard work, too. The only chore they don't help with is the bathrooms.
That does not mean they spend all day working. Each day they are working maybe 30 minutes. That still leaves a lot of time for school, playing, wii, tv, extra curricular activities, etc.
sorry, I agree with Crystal... I don't think its proving anything here making someone repeat it over and over. Eventually it becomes almost emotionally abusive if you ask me. Why would you keep kicking down the work of a child. If the child does not do a "GREAT 100% JOB" then do it yourself...Have the child do something else that they are more capable of doing.

I feel sorry for this child. I could never do this to anyone, let alone a child...
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AfterSchoolMom 06:08 PM 12-15-2011
I usually make it a point not to get involved in these debates. However, I feel very strongly about this.

I started cutting grass for my Grandfather at the age of 11... I cut his yard, my great-grandmother's yard, the neighbor's yard, etc. I cut grass for him for 6 years. If I didn't do a good job, I had to cut the WHOLE yard over again. I remember feeling resentment at the time...I felt like it "wasn't fair". But you know what? I learned how to do a good job the first time, how to take pride in the job that I do, and I learned that it takes LESS time to do something right the first time than it does to try to takes shortcuts. I learned the value of hard work and a job well done. I appreciate the heck out of my Grandfather for teaching me that lesson. If he had just patted me on the head and said "oh, that's ok, I'll do it for you because you're only 11", what kind of lesson would that have taught me?

Doing the dishes is not hard. She's not out harvesting the crops or working in the factory - she will survive washing the dishes a few times. It will not hurt her self-esteem or cause her to hate her parents forever. What she WILL do is learn her lesson, and I bet that she'll do better next time, and feel pride in it, too!
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daycare 06:18 PM 12-15-2011
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom:
I usually make it a point not to get involved in these debates. However, I feel very strongly about this.

I started cutting grass for my Grandfather at the age of 11... I cut his yard, my great-grandmother's yard, the neighbor's yard, etc. I cut grass for him for 6 years. If I didn't do a good job, I had to cut the WHOLE yard over again. I remember feeling resentment at the time...I felt like it "wasn't fair". But you know what? I learned how to do a good job the first time, how to take pride in the job that I do, and I learned that it takes LESS time to do something right the first time than it does to try to takes shortcuts. I learned the value of hard work and a job well done. I appreciate the heck out of my Grandfather for teaching me that lesson. If he had just patted me on the head and said "oh, that's ok, I'll do it for you because you're only 11", what kind of lesson would that have taught me?

Doing the dishes is not hard. She's not out harvesting the crops or working in the factory - she will survive washing the dishes a few times. It will not hurt her self-esteem or cause her to hate her parents forever. What she WILL do is learn her lesson, and I bet that she'll do better next time, and feel pride in it, too!
I'm with you on teaching the child to do it right the first time, but I dont think that this is fair...the OP wrote:

She is pretty irritated with us right now as she has rewashed three days worth of dishes .. .some of them up to seven times each dish (from the first time she washed them incorrectly)... well, she was hysterical the fourth time her dad came out this evening and found food on them....

I don't know what getting someone irritated is teaching? I think that this is extreme... We can all agree to disagree and thats ok. I would never want someone to tell me how to parent and I sure would never tell someone else, but I don't have to agree with it and this is one of those times.
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Crystal 06:35 PM 12-15-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
I'm with you on teaching the child to do it right the first time, but I dont think that this is fair...the OP wrote:

She is pretty irritated with us right now as she has rewashed three days worth of dishes .. .some of them up to seven times each dish (from the first time she washed them incorrectly)... well, she was hysterical the fourth time her dad came out this evening and found food on them....

I don't know what getting someone irritated is teaching? I think that this is extreme... We can all agree to disagree and thats ok. I would never want someone to tell me how to parent and I sure would never tell someone else, but I don't have to agree with it and this is one of those times.
Yeah, that.
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AfterSchoolMom 05:25 AM 12-16-2011
Yup. Agree to disagree is fine by me - like I said, I usually don't get involved.
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Blackcat31 06:10 AM 12-16-2011
I think the important thing here is whether the child is capable or not. If she is capable of doing the dishes and doing them well and usually does, then I agree that it is important to have her learn to do a good job and to do it correctly no matter how many times it takes.

If she really isn't capable and more often than not doesn't do a good job then I think some coaching or modeling is appropriate.

Getting a child irritated is irrelavent to the point of having chores. ALL children get irritated at having to do chores or do somehting they don't really want to do. My brother is a perfect example of this. He was 100% capable of doing the dishes but chose to do a bad job thinking that my parents would say "Oh, he doesn't do a good job so we shouldn't have him do the dishes any more." Which is completely on par for a 10 year olds line of reasoning.

I was one of those kids who had to re-do the dishes if I didn't do them correctly. I am not scarred by it and I too learned to do the job right the first time and to take pride in how I do things. Did I feel resentful or irritated by it? Absolutley, but I wouldn't be the person I am today had my parents NOT pushed me to do my best. Something I was perfectly capable of doing.

The child OP is posting about may just not be capable of doing a good job and might need some coaching. If however, the child is capable, then she simply might have a stubborn streak in her and we all know kids like that. Only the OP knows what her child is truly like.

Being concerned about whether the child is irritated is like excusing her behavior because she is a child. I raised 2 very productive, responsible, hard working children (whom I am very close to) and I bet they spent a good deal of time being irritated with me or their father for the chores they were expected to do.
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Meeko 08:44 AM 12-16-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I think the important thing here is whether the child is capable or not. If she is capable of doing the dishes and doing them well and usually does, then I agree that it is important to have her learn to do a good job and to do it correctly no matter how many times it takes.

If she really isn't capable and more often than not doesn't do a good job then I think some coaching or modeling is appropriate.

Getting a child irritated is irrelavent to the point of having chores. ALL children get irritated at having to do chores or do somehting they don't really want to do. My brother is a perfect example of this. He was 100% capable of doing the dishes but chose to do a bad job thinking that my parents would say "Oh, he doesn't do a good job so we shouldn't have him do the dishes any more." Which is completely on par for a 10 year olds line of reasoning.

I was one of those kids who had to re-do the dishes if I didn't do them correctly. I am not scarred by it and I too learned to do the job right the first time and to take pride in how I do things. Did I feel resentful or irritated by it? Absolutley, but I wouldn't be the person I am today had my parents NOT pushed me to do my best. Something I was perfectly capable of doing.

The child OP is posting about may just not be capable of doing a good job and might need some coaching. If however, the child is capable, then she simply might have a stubborn streak in her and we all know kids like that. Only the OP knows what her child is truly like.

Being concerned about whether the child is irritated is like excusing her behavior because she is a child. I raised 2 very productive, responsible, hard working children (whom I am very close to) and I bet they spent a good deal of time being irritated with me or their father for the chores they were expected to do.

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themoorethemerrier 09:10 AM 12-16-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I think the important thing here is whether the child is capable or not. If she is capable of doing the dishes and doing them well and usually does, then I agree that it is important to have her learn to do a good job and to do it correctly no matter how many times it takes.
Right-o!

OP clearly said that DD is just dipping them in the water and not even trying to wash them. That's not incapable, that's lazy and unwilling.

IMO, this is giving a child real-world view at an age-appropriate manner.

Great job, ladies, agreeing to disagree.
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daycare 09:21 AM 12-16-2011
I love this form for the sole reason of being able to agree to disagree. There is always a different way to view things and I think it really helps me sometimes to see the different sides of a situation. Think outside the box I guess you can say....lol
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