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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Some Advice On Toy Sharing..Please!
KBCsMommy 04:54 PM 10-04-2011
Okay......I have a 3 yr old ds. And an almost 3 yr old dcb who is new to the daycare scene!!
The issue we are having is sharing toys.
My rule is if someone is playing with a toy then you wait for the other kid to be done then you can play with it.
The issue is that boy #1 will put their toy down or back in the toy box and guard it...boy #2 picks up the toy....then boy #1 is wrestling boy #2 for the toy back.
Also new dcb takes toys away from the babies here to. And when I say take I mean yank!!
Ive done time outs. But I dont want the boys in timeout all day.
And I feel like the boys are being competitive about the toys (and everything else) and a rivalry is begining!!
I feel like a referee at times, which is fine, I just want to be fair to both of the boys.
Any advice would be appreciated!! Thanks!!
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daycare 07:04 PM 10-04-2011
Years ago I had a boy like this but he was 4 believe it or not.
When he did this I removed him from the group and would give him books to read or let him draw on paper only. I usually had him there for a good 15-20 minutes.
I would tell him that if he can play nicely and share toys he can go back with the other kids to play. One episode of snagging toys or not sharing lands him back in separation with crayons and books. It took about a week, but he eventually got it.
The other kids also missed playing with him and learned to share with him too
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Michael 11:03 PM 10-04-2011
Some more threads on the topic: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=toy+sharing
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JenNJ 07:25 AM 10-05-2011
I have done 2 hands, 2 toys for non-sharers. Each kid picks ONLY 2 toys. No one else can use those toys all day long. The kids think it is great at first. But they quickly realize that having only 2 toys to yourself gets boring fast. So when I see boredom set in, I ask if they are ready to share and play together. It works pretty well. Occasionally we do have to revisit this technique, but they do well with an offer after that.
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Blackcat31 07:47 AM 10-05-2011
If the kids are roughly the same age, I do not get involved in squabbles over toys. When they fight, the toy is removed. If they move on to another toy and fight over that one, the toy is removed. Pretty soon they figure out how to get along so they don't lose any more toys.

It is all part of learning conflict management and pro-social behaviors. They have to figure it out. You can guide them, but they need to figure out how it works between them. Sometimes what we think is fair is not what they think is fair...kwim?
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Ariana 10:13 AM 10-05-2011
I put time limits on "popular" toys. 2 minutes for one kid then trade and 2 minutes for other kid. I set a timer on my IPhone and they wait for the beep. At first it was a struggle but now they expect it and it works great!
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laundrymom 10:30 AM 10-05-2011
This,.. also if I find a certain toy repeatedly causes issues,.. I remove it to the basement until these children are no longer attending,...

They ask,.. Where are the waffle blocks,.. Im sorry, I put them away,... you didnt share them, You cant play with them.

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
If the kids are roughly the same age, I do not get involved in squabbles over toys. When they fight, the toy is removed. If they move on to another toy and fight over that one, the toy is removed. Pretty soon they figure out how to get along so they don't lose any more toys.

It is all part of learning conflict management and pro-social behaviors. They have to figure it out. You can guide them, but they need to figure out how it works between them. Sometimes what we think is fair is not what they think is fair...kwim?

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kendallina 10:33 AM 10-05-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
If the kids are roughly the same age, I do not get involved in squabbles over toys. When they fight, the toy is removed. If they move on to another toy and fight over that one, the toy is removed. Pretty soon they figure out how to get along so they don't lose any more toys.

It is all part of learning conflict management and pro-social behaviors. They have to figure it out. You can guide them, but they need to figure out how it works between them. Sometimes what we think is fair is not what they think is fair...kwim?
Although I don't remove toys when children argue over them, I do agree with Blackcat's philosophy. Children have to learn to work it out at that age. I'm not going to solve their problems for them by putting time limits or toy limits or deciding when children get turns or deciding what's fair. They need to feel that they have some say in situations like this.

I do tell them to use their words and ask for a turn if they want something. Most times, when the request comes from a child, the children are much more likely to just give the turn. If the child doesn't want to give up the toy, then they can say something like, "you can have it when I'm done." Frequently, they are done very quickly with the toy and give it up.

After children are here for a few weeks, they are all generally pretty good about asking for toys they want, and either sharing toys or saying they can have it when they're done. I have mostly 3-year olds.
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