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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>False Accusations?
TheMisplacedMidwestMom 11:02 AM 10-14-2016
I am currently doing daycare legally unlicensed in my home (less than 4 kids). I have had two siblings that are part-time for about 10 months, current ages 3 and 5. A few months ago dcm switched work schedules to 2nd shift and I agreed to keep them later in the evening until dcd could get off work. I didn't think it would be a big deal, because its only a couple times a week. However the biggest change was that now they are here when my husband is home.
Dcg5 was immediately super drawn to my husband and we had to set some boundary limits (i.e. its not OK for her to try to sit on his lap). Recently though we've had to incidents in which she has made accusations that my husband purposely harmed her and her sibling. Once she fell in the yard after trying to pull a water hose from his hands and came and told me that he pushed her to the ground. The second time her sibling was standing in the entryway when he came in and the door bumped the sibling. Later dcg came and told my husband that she was going to tell her dad that my husband slammed her sibling with door and hurt the sibling.
Both times we made the parents aware of both the incidents and what she had said about them. The parents did not seemed concerned and said this also happens at home (she tells her dad she is going to tell mom that he hurt her on purpose). I have voiced my concern that if she were to tell another adult these things (at preschool, church, etc...) that it could be reported (and honestly I feel it should be reported if a child says someone is harming them). I told the parents that if it continues I will not be able to continue care into the evenings.
Now for my questions...
1. Am I making a bigger deal about this than it should be?
2. Should I continue to offer care during the day if they are picked up before hubby gets home?
3. How would you handle the situation?
Dcg5 was immediately super drawn to my husband and we had to set some boundary limits (i.e. its not OK for her to try to sit on his lap). Recently though we've had to incidents in which she has made accusations that my husband purposely harmed her and her sibling. Once she fell in the yard after trying to pull a water hose from his hands and came and told me that he pushed her to the ground. The second time her sibling was standing in the entryway when he came in and the door bumped the sibling. Later dcg came and told my husband that she was going to tell her dad that my husband slammed her sibling with door and hurt the sibling.
Both times we made the parents aware of both the incidents and what she had said about them. The parents did not seemed concerned and said this also happens at home (she tells her dad she is going to tell mom that he hurt her on purpose). I have voiced my concern that if she were to tell another adult these things (at preschool, church, etc...) that it could be reported (and honestly I feel it should be reported if a child says someone is harming them). I told the parents that if it continues I will not be able to continue care into the evenings.
Now for my questions...
1. Am I making a bigger deal about this than it should be?
2. Should I continue to offer care during the day if they are picked up before hubby gets home?
3. How would you handle the situation?
daycarediva 11:07 AM 10-14-2016
Is there a way that your husband could not be available to them at all? Eg. when husband is in, kids are outside. When kids are out, hubby is in.
I would probably just replace. All it takes is one false allegation, and this dcg is a time bomb for that.
I would probably just replace. All it takes is one false allegation, and this dcg is a time bomb for that.
DaveA 11:10 AM 10-14-2016
I wouldn't care for a child who is lying about something like that. Even if DCPs aren't concerned now, it could get ugly quickly if she says something around someone else or if DCPs get mad about something.
I would term ASAP.
I would term ASAP.
TheMisplacedMidwestMom 11:12 AM 10-14-2016
No good way to seperate, currently the house we are in is small, and unless hubs hides in the bedroom all evening its just not possible. (It's already to cold here to have all the kids out at that time of day) We are moving soon and into a larger home, which is about the only reason the hubs is still on board with them coming. He keeps saying "Well when we get in the new house I can go elsewhere."
Blackcat31 11:16 AM 10-14-2016
Originally Posted by TheMisplacedMidwestMom:
I am currently doing daycare legally unlicensed in my home (less than 4 kids). I have had two siblings that are part-time for about 10 months, current ages 3 and 5. A few months ago dcm switched work schedules to 2nd shift and I agreed to keep them later in the evening until dcd could get off work. I didn't think it would be a big deal, because its only a couple times a week. However the biggest change was that now they are here when my husband is home.
Dcg5 was immediately super drawn to my husband and we had to set some boundary limits (i.e. its not OK for her to try to sit on his lap). Recently though we've had to incidents in which she has made accusations that my husband purposely harmed her and her sibling. Once she fell in the yard after trying to pull a water hose from his hands and came and told me that he pushed her to the ground. The second time her sibling was standing in the entryway when he came in and the door bumped the sibling. Later dcg came and told my husband that she was going to tell her dad that my husband slammed her sibling with door and hurt the sibling.
Both times we made the parents aware of both the incidents and what she had said about them. The parents did not seemed concerned and said this also happens at home (she tells her dad she is going to tell mom that he hurt her on purpose). I have voiced my concern that if she were to tell another adult these things (at preschool, church, etc...) that it could be reported (and honestly I feel it should be reported if a child says someone is harming them). I told the parents that if it continues I will not be able to continue care into the evenings.
Now for my questions...
1. Am I making a bigger deal about this than it should be?
2. Should I continue to offer care during the day if they are picked up before hubby gets home?
3. How would you handle the situation?
#1 No, you are NOT making a bigger deal out of this than it should be. It SHOULD be alarming... because it is. At 5 she should know the difference between someone purposely hurting her and someone accidentally hurting her. There IS a reason she feels the need to "tattle" this info...added attention, shock factor? I don't know but she is getting something out of it or she wouldn't be doing it. I am currently doing daycare legally unlicensed in my home (less than 4 kids). I have had two siblings that are part-time for about 10 months, current ages 3 and 5. A few months ago dcm switched work schedules to 2nd shift and I agreed to keep them later in the evening until dcd could get off work. I didn't think it would be a big deal, because its only a couple times a week. However the biggest change was that now they are here when my husband is home.
Dcg5 was immediately super drawn to my husband and we had to set some boundary limits (i.e. its not OK for her to try to sit on his lap). Recently though we've had to incidents in which she has made accusations that my husband purposely harmed her and her sibling. Once she fell in the yard after trying to pull a water hose from his hands and came and told me that he pushed her to the ground. The second time her sibling was standing in the entryway when he came in and the door bumped the sibling. Later dcg came and told my husband that she was going to tell her dad that my husband slammed her sibling with door and hurt the sibling.
Both times we made the parents aware of both the incidents and what she had said about them. The parents did not seemed concerned and said this also happens at home (she tells her dad she is going to tell mom that he hurt her on purpose). I have voiced my concern that if she were to tell another adult these things (at preschool, church, etc...) that it could be reported (and honestly I feel it should be reported if a child says someone is harming them). I told the parents that if it continues I will not be able to continue care into the evenings.
Now for my questions...
1. Am I making a bigger deal about this than it should be?
2. Should I continue to offer care during the day if they are picked up before hubby gets home?
3. How would you handle the situation?
#2 I would refuse to offer care during hours your husband is home. I would also invest in a video camera. You do NOT need to give parents access but IF there was ever an accusation the parent did believe you would have video to show differently.
#3 I would stop providing care all together...if she is in any way finding something positive in tattling, your DH will no longer be the target if he isn't accessible but that doesn't mean she won't start tattling on you.
I can't and won't keep kids that are a risk to my livelihood.
Mike 11:19 AM 10-14-2016
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Is there a way that your husband could not be available to them at all? Eg. when husband is in, kids are outside. When kids are out, hubby is in.
I would probably just replace. All it takes is one false allegation, and this dcg is a time bomb for that.
Is there a way that your husband could not be available to them at all? Eg. when husband is in, kids are outside. When kids are out, hubby is in.
I would probably just replace. All it takes is one false allegation, and this dcg is a time bomb for that.
I'm wondering why she's like that. Something about her or her life is making her that way, but she is a ticking time bomb. Unless the parents can figure out the issue, and explain lying and exaggerating to her, it's too risky to keep her.
Blackcat31 11:19 AM 10-14-2016
Originally Posted by DaveA:
I wouldn't care for a child who is lying about something like that. Even if DCPs aren't concerned now, it could get ugly quickly if she says something around someone else or if DCPs get mad about something.
I would term ASAP.
THIS! I've seen so many good parent-provider relationships go bad at the flip of a switch... we've had providers on this forum go through it..... I wouldn't care for a child who is lying about something like that. Even if DCPs aren't concerned now, it could get ugly quickly if she says something around someone else or if DCPs get mad about something.
I would term ASAP.
Great parents, trust the provider 100% and then wham....parent doesnt like paying for a closed day or having their child excluded for strep and suddenly the parent believes every story "Little Snowflake" told.
Super risky...
Play Care 11:20 AM 10-14-2016
What everyone else said.
I will add that my husband has NOTHING to do with the day care, period. He doesn't talk to, play with, interact, with day care at all. When they are here and he is home, he's doing his own thing in areas off limits to day care.
And not because I don't trust him, KWIM...
I will add that my husband has NOTHING to do with the day care, period. He doesn't talk to, play with, interact, with day care at all. When they are here and he is home, he's doing his own thing in areas off limits to day care.
And not because I don't trust him, KWIM...
Ariana 11:22 AM 10-14-2016
My dcg is here for about 1/2 an hour when my husband gets home. He goes into another room and doesn't interact with us until she leaves. Maybe that is something you could do? If he was working I wouldn't be bothering him so he treats it the same way....my work day is not over until she is gone.
I would be very worried about a child saying the wrong thing and it only takes one time. No matter how understanding the parents might seem you never know how they will react.
I would be very worried about a child saying the wrong thing and it only takes one time. No matter how understanding the parents might seem you never know how they will react.
TheMisplacedMidwestMom 11:35 AM 10-14-2016
Thanks ladies, I was leaning toward term, but always second guess myself. And with the parents being unconcerned...
I tend to people-please to avoid any possible drama/confrontation. (Yes, I've been reading other threads. Yes I realize I need to do that whole grow a backbone thing. Yes I am still in year one and am afraid of losing income, etc...) Had a good feeling this was the response I would get... think I just needed to hear it.
I tend to people-please to avoid any possible drama/confrontation. (Yes, I've been reading other threads. Yes I realize I need to do that whole grow a backbone thing. Yes I am still in year one and am afraid of losing income, etc...) Had a good feeling this was the response I would get... think I just needed to hear it.
Nurse Jackie 11:44 AM 10-14-2016
I would most definitely term. It's too much of a liability. My husband works graveyard and rarely interacts with the kids with the exception of saying hi as he's walking through the door. A couple of them haven't met him because they arrive after he's in bed and leave before he wakes up. Every now and then he'll come and keep me company while I'm waiting for the last pick up. With that being said yes this is a daycare but it's my home first. I couldn't imagine telling my husband to stay locked up in his room while I keep someone else's child. I wouldn't keep anyone's child that could possibly get my husband or one of my children in serious trouble. It's not worth it.
Mom2Two 11:46 AM 10-14-2016
What everyone else said. The video camera seems like a good idea too while you're working it out.
I know I wouldn't be able to continue living with that situation. It's a terrible thing to falsely accuse someone of harm.
Some kids seem to really start lying at that age.
I know I wouldn't be able to continue living with that situation. It's a terrible thing to falsely accuse someone of harm.
Some kids seem to really start lying at that age.
mommyneedsadayoff 12:40 PM 10-14-2016
Term! She is lying, the parents know she is lying, yet nothing is being done. Let them deal with their little liar. The minute they have an issue with you, their little liar will be Mother Theresa and all her stories will then be used against you. Term, term, term!
Snowmom 01:02 PM 10-14-2016
I would term too.
But first, I'd probably be inclined to write up what has and HAS NOT happened, what parents reaction was, then have them sign it, along with their termination notice.
It just sets off alarm bells to me... I can see someone getting termed, then turn around out of spite and say every allegation is true just because they got termed.
But first, I'd probably be inclined to write up what has and HAS NOT happened, what parents reaction was, then have them sign it, along with their termination notice.
It just sets off alarm bells to me... I can see someone getting termed, then turn around out of spite and say every allegation is true just because they got termed.
Mike 01:36 PM 10-14-2016
Originally Posted by Mom2Two:
Some kids seem to really start lying at that age.
I've noticed that a few times. It seems like it's probably because they know the difference between truth and lies, but don't understand the importance of it, so they tend to say whichever way they prefer. Some kids seem to really start lying at that age.
Originally Posted by Snowmom:
I would term too.
But first, I'd probably be inclined to write up what has and HAS NOT happened, what parents reaction was, then have them sign it, along with their termination notice.
It just sets off alarm bells to me... I can see someone getting termed, then turn around out of spite and say every allegation is true just because they got termed.
I would term too.
But first, I'd probably be inclined to write up what has and HAS NOT happened, what parents reaction was, then have them sign it, along with their termination notice.
It just sets off alarm bells to me... I can see someone getting termed, then turn around out of spite and say every allegation is true just because they got termed.
Very smart idea.
EntropyControlSpecialist 02:09 PM 10-14-2016
Originally Posted by Snowmom:
I would term too.
But first, I'd probably be inclined to write up what has and HAS NOT happened, what parents reaction was, then have them sign it, along with their termination notice.
It just sets off alarm bells to me... I can see someone getting termed, then turn around out of spite and say every allegation is true just because they got termed.
Yes. Please do this first.I would term too.
But first, I'd probably be inclined to write up what has and HAS NOT happened, what parents reaction was, then have them sign it, along with their termination notice.
It just sets off alarm bells to me... I can see someone getting termed, then turn around out of spite and say every allegation is true just because they got termed.
sharlan 03:18 PM 10-14-2016
DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, every single day
ASAP, term the child. Things can and will turn bad in a heartbeat.
Personally, I would not work with parents who find this type of lying acceptable.
ASAP, term the child. Things can and will turn bad in a heartbeat.
Personally, I would not work with parents who find this type of lying acceptable.
Poptarts22 04:47 PM 10-14-2016
I would look at it this way:
What is your weekly wage for watching them?
What is your husbands reputation worth?
Unless you make more in wages than the worth of his good name, then you terminate.
What is your weekly wage for watching them?
What is your husbands reputation worth?
Unless you make more in wages than the worth of his good name, then you terminate.
daycare 05:15 PM 10-14-2016
Originally Posted by sharlan:
DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, every single day
ASAP, term the child. Things can and will turn bad in a heartbeat.
Personally, I would not work with parents who find this type of lying acceptable.
^^^^^ what she said.DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, every single day
ASAP, term the child. Things can and will turn bad in a heartbeat.
Personally, I would not work with parents who find this type of lying acceptable.
BTDT and if I could warn someone and save them the headache and heartache my family and I went through I would..
We are not sugar coating any of this. There is nothing worse that could happen in your business than this.
I could tell you a few horror stories that I have heard about children who were lying about such accusation as this little girl. A lie this child tells could mean the difference between a family member of yours spending time or life behind bars.
If you need help with terminating this family there are many members on here who will help you do it in a very professional manner. Just ask
lovemydaycare0912 05:21 PM 10-14-2016
I didn't read all off the comments but you all might remember when I had a parent flip on me and falsely accuse once I termed them for telling me I was wrong for not giving dcb breakfast when he came after breakfast was over. I would term. You never know what she could say. Better safe than sorry.
TheMisplacedMidwestMom 12:03 PM 10-15-2016
Called and told dcm I could not watch dck anymore because of the risk. She didn't seem shocked and just said "Ok, I understand". Shortest conversation ever. Spent a lot more time stressing about it than I should've I guess.
TheMisplacedMidwestMom 12:04 PM 10-15-2016
Also I have all the previous conversations on text with dcm, so I do have some form of documentation of incidents leading up to the term.
daycare 02:41 PM 10-15-2016
Originally Posted by TheMisplacedMidwestMom:
Also I have all the previous conversations on text with dcm, so I do have some form of documentation of incidents leading up to the term.
Wow. Good job. I bet that's a lot of stress off your shoulders. Also I have all the previous conversations on text with dcm, so I do have some form of documentation of incidents leading up to the term.
Hugs to you and hoping you refill the spot with a great family.
sharlan 04:37 PM 10-15-2016
You made the right decision. It only takes one false accusation to destroy your lives.