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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Family---a Vent
Unregistered 01:05 PM 08-29-2013
I am a new member here, but logged out for this.

Let me start by saying, I LOVE my sister. We are very close, but she has some issues (like most of us do). A few of her's are: lack of communication & poor money management (that my dad bails her out of ALL THE TIME). Matter of fact, he has control of her checkbook right now. A grown, married woman with 3 kids.

I know taking on family is not wise, but I did it. I took on my sister's youngest child in April. I had her read the handbook & sign the contract. I cut her a discount & told her I would enforce all late payment fees, late pick up, early drop off, etc. She was fine with it.

When we did the contract, she made it out for 7:30A to 2:45P. She would drop off, her husband would pick up. The night before they were due to start she tells me DH has to work OT all week & will not be able to pick up until 445. She wants to know what my OT fees are. I tell her. GUILT TRIP.....

"UGH! All of his OT pay is going to go to your OT fees!"

I am upset about the guilt trip, but decide that IF she would have been thinking she would have made the contract 7:30A-4:45P (her work hours w/drive time). I tell her my thoughts at morning drop-off & let her know I would be changing the pickup time accordingly so that they would not have to pay the OT fee IF they picked up by 445P. Her reply:

"Great! I was going to suggest it, but didn't want you getting all huffy." Really? You couldn't just say thanks??!

So, DH picks up at 2:35 on the dot (OR 4:35 if on OT) each day. Some days she decides to pickup and is generally late 4:47, 4:48. She says it's b/c she gets stuck on a call & can't get away. AND I totally understand that & I know it's ONLY 3 minutes, but......I make other clients pay for that time. AND her DH COULD be picking up to avoid it.

I haven't charged OT to her yet.

I have had 2 occasions with "bad check". First time she said that her CIPS would be shut off if she didn't pay & needed to "bounce my check". How mad would I be? Of course I said I would be HOT. So, she didn't do it. Second time was about a month ago (right before my dad took over all her finances) She calls to tell me her bank informed her my check did not clear. She did pay me the PART of the fee I have listed in my contract, but I was still mad. I told her she had to pay with cash from now on & she said, NO!

I am stupid (& my dad sided with her saying there was no need now that he was "in charge").

Last week she texts me 15mins before DH is supposed to be here picking up. She informs me she will be picking up. DH is on OT. When she picks up she says she knew about it the eve before, but "forgot" to let me know.

And then a day later she texts to say she has to go in early that Friday, charge her accordingly. I text her back with a reminder of what OT fees are & ask her how early she will be dropping off. She was not happy about paying the extra. I guess she assumed I wouldn't charge her.

Monday her DH picks up & tells me that he will "more than likely be early Wednesday." He is going to a funeral & doesn't know when it will be done, but should be before his normal 2:30P pick-up. I STUPIDLY say, don't worry, take your time.

That eve her DH calls my DH to ask him to check over their vehicle. When her DH comes I thank him for the GREAT communication. He says, sure! And then says, "that (my sister) will be picking up Tues b/c he wanted to go to the visitation. He was going to go home, shower, & be ready." Me, NOT A PROBLEM. Thanks for letting me know!

Tuesday comes & goes. Wednesday, I await early pickup. STUPID. By 330 I assume my sister is coming instead. And yes, she did. She walked in at 4:48P.

I inform her she is late. She argues that she is not & that my clocks are wrong.

I'm now a bit put off. I show her that my cell phone shows the same time as my house clocks. OK, maybe that is where *I* crossed the line, bringing about this.........

Then tack it on my F*****G bill.

WHAT??!!!

So hurt. I said, really? Insert sister name.

Her: Yeah really!!

I then asked if this is how she would treat another provider?

She says: OH GOD!! Here we go!!

I just look at her, feeling totally defeated & say, it really hurts to know you have so little respect for me.

I walk away & let her finish getting her child ready & they go.

This morning's drop-off was tense. She paid me, which is something she hasn't been doing until Friday. And made it out for the extra $3.

I don't know if that's an I'm sorry. BUT as well as I know my sister, I feel more like it was a "here's your $3, I hope it was worth it."

I seriously don't even know what to say.

IF you got this far, thanks for reading & for letting me vent.
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cheerfuldom 01:24 PM 08-29-2013
its up to you if you want to accept this treatment any longer. you need to face the fact that this is how your sister is and nothing is going to change that anytime soon. either you can put up with her drama or you are willing to term. i think you can agree that taking on family was a horrible idea. but again, only you are going to put a stop to it.

would you let another daycare family treat you like this???
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jenn 01:27 PM 08-29-2013
Sorry you are going through this. I learned the hard way, never (never, never, ever) provide daycare for friends or family unless you are willing to lose pay or lose the relationship.
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daycare 01:33 PM 08-29-2013
All I can say is that you are a strong woman for doing what you are.

I also said that I would never work with family but then got stuck in a situation having to help for a few weeks.

I notice what happens, family or not, that if we let something slide, then it becomes expected. Just like a child, if you let it happen sometimes, but not others, it will become a battle or open negotiation and a tantrum is born.....

I would just tell your sister, hey I let you slide all those other times, but it seems like it is becoming a habit. Just like I would any of my other clients and as stated in our agreement that you signed, it states that I will charge a late fee if you are late. I didn't do it before, because I honestly did not think it was going to become an issue...

I love my sister, but I could NEVER watch her child. Even if she offered me a million dollars to do it....

Hugs to you. Hope you are feeling better by just getting that out.
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Blackcat31 01:52 PM 08-29-2013
Please know that I mean this in the kindest way.... but your sister is doing ALL of this because YOU (and your dad) are allowing it.

I am NOT a Dr. Phil fan per se, but he says "People will not change their behavior until it becomes a problem for them." and right now, the ONLY person your sisters actions/attitude/behavior is affecting is YOU.

Your dad is basically enabling her. No confusion there. He needs to allow her to suffer the consequences of her actions. She is an adult.

You need to do ONE of two things.....

Either way, it will be hard but unless you take back control of this situation, it is never going to change.

BTW~ I have the same sister. I too, had her in daycare. Not for long....but long enough to know I preferred her as family compared to a client.
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MyAngels 02:09 PM 08-29-2013
I agree with the others, but if you feel you must continue caring for her children raise your rates by $100 per week so that at least it might be worth the aggravation .
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Josiegirl 04:31 PM 08-29-2013
If it were me, I think I'd try to find the courage to say "I love you too much as my sister to allow for this working relationship to interfere with that, which it seems to be doing. So as of(2 week notice) you need to find other arrangements." Then maybe give her some help checking out daycares.
I took my brother and sil's little girl a long time ago and it worked out okay. I did make the mistake of telling my sil I felt guilty taking her money and she said "Really? Maybe we could work out a special deal?" I said it wouldn't be fair to all the other families.
Good luck and hope it works out for you. Mixing family and business is very difficult.
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countrymom 05:00 PM 08-29-2013
don't feel bad because we all have family like this. I would never ever watch my sisters kid, because she is super high maintance but I know my sister would never pay me and then my mother would say that I shouldn't charge family.
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Mister Sir Husband 08:59 PM 08-29-2013
Something I read a while ago seems to fit here... Would you let a complete stranger treat you/talk to you like that..? If not then why would you accept it from a family member?

Just because you share DNA shouldn't be a free pass to treat someone like this.
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Familycare71 10:24 PM 08-29-2013
to you!!!

If it makes you feel better I cared for my SIL daughter a while back. One night at a family gathering she was drunk and said in the midst of financial ramblings: and to top it off I have to pay someone to spend the best years of my kids life with them! yeah- that person was me!! not to mention she is a work a holic and her husband takes care of the kids 90% of the time they weren't in dc!
But anyway... You aren't alone! . I did continue to watch my niece until my SIL pulled to be closer to home just because I got to spend that time with her
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lovemylife 05:05 AM 08-30-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Please know that I mean this in the kindest way.... but your sister is doing ALL of this because YOU (and your dad) are allowing it.

I am NOT a Dr. Phil fan per se, but he says "People will not change their behavior until it becomes a problem for them." and right now, the ONLY person your sisters actions/attitude/behavior is affecting is YOU.

Your dad is basically enabling her. No confusion there. He needs to allow her to suffer the consequences of her actions. She is an adult.

You need to do ONE of two things.....
  • 1. Start enforcing each and every rule/policy you have with NO exceptions. EVER. It shouldn't matter who is in charge of her check book or if any of her utilities will be shut off....maybe if that actually happened to her, she would try harder to manage it...kwim?

    or

  • 2. Term. Some people can be family OR clients and NEVER both.

Either way, it will be hard but unless you take back control of this situation, it is never going to change.

BTW~ I have the same sister. I too, had her in daycare. Not for long....but long enough to know I preferred her as family compared to a client.

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Maria2013 06:42 AM 08-30-2013
Originally Posted by jenn:
Sorry you are going through this. I learned the hard way, never (never, never, ever) provide daycare for friends or family unless you are willing to lose pay or lose the relationship.
so did I
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