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daycare 08:27 AM 10-24-2014
I am so angry right now that I don't really know what to title this.

This situation actually happened yesterday, I wanted to sleep on it and think about it, but I am more mad now.

Back story, ( I will try to keep it short) I have two boys that have been with me for about 2-3 years. 1 is a very shy sweet kid and the other is the loudest out spoken forthcoming, active sweet child who will break every rule if given an inch. However, under my care he normally does well.

KId A- Shy kid, is 5 my only after school kid, and kid B 4.5 years old- Active kid have been rough hosing at my house which is 100% against our policies.

My youngest plays football and took his balls outside to play catch, they all did and I was ok with that but reminded them we are only going to play catch, if it gets rough its over. My son leaves and goes to football practice.

THe other two boys are still playing and my asst is watching them. Well sure enough they end up tackling each other and one of them gets hurt. NOthing bad just a scrape that required some cleaning and a band-aid.

I take away the footballs and tell they boys you guys are done for the day, go sit inside until your parents get here. it was for about 10-15 min.

Parents arrive and I tell DCD of Kid A about it and he was a little upset.
I tell kid B parents about it and DCM B said oh ok. Kid A (parents are split) has only ever been to time out once in the history of being in my care, the other child it is constant.

This was last week

So fast forward to this week. All footballs have been 100% banned from outside play, but now it has turned into any ball becomes an aggressive game. Both boys have been having to sit out a lot this week because of it.

YESTERDAY, DCM of kid A comes in and says to me how is my kid doing here is something going on. I tell her yes, this is what is going on. I tell her I am so sorry that I did not tell you, I figured DCD would tell you. guess he didnt.

Turns out that DCM of kid B approached her outside the house and told her " oh did you hear that our boys are in trouble again for rough housing, whatever that is so dumb. I guess it's a huge issue and Ms. N is making a huge deal over it!"
DCM of kid A goes on to tell me that she was rolling her eyes and laughing about it and that she DCMA was extremely bothered by it. DCM A actually said " she pissed me off so bad thinking it's no big deal and now we know why it's still happening."

I was super shocked and told DCM I am really sorry that this happened, I am more sorry that I did not notify you about it as I normally would.

So now I need to address this with dcm B who obviously thinks this is funny and is showing no respect for my rules and policies.

I don't know how to approach this at all. DCM A is so angry and I am too.

ALso, I am thinking that the next time rough play happens that I am going to suspend for one day.

how to approach this...
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Margarete 09:37 AM 10-24-2014
If it's not a big deal for her boys to rough house at home, that's her business... but DCM of kid 2 needs to teach respect to her kids for other people's rules, in other settings.
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daycare 09:42 AM 10-24-2014
What my concern is, is that now there is negative emotions about two parents at this point and time. I have never had an issue before that two parents have an issue with each other. Well at this time DCM A has issues with DCMB.

I need to tell DCM B that she need to respect the rules, but do I tell her that DCM A came to me and told me all of this??
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Meeko 10:04 AM 10-24-2014
Tell Mom #2 that it "has been brought to your attention" .......you don't have to actually name names. She'll probably know, but at least you didn't tattle on mom #1!
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NeedaVaca 10:25 AM 10-24-2014
I may be the odd one out but...personally I would not say anything to DCM aside from problems with her child when/if they occur. What was said between the parents is between the parents and I would not get involved other than to let the DCM that's upset know that regardless of the other DCM's opinion I will handle it on my end when the dck's are in my care.

I don't allow running in my house but I know the kids are allowed to run in their houses. I don't allow rough house play either but I'm sure some of the kids do it at home with siblings. Just don't allow the rough house play...do whatever it takes. If that means no more balls, separation, etc...

If you can't get that under control and the child instigating the bad behavior can't get it together then yes, I would put the problem back on the parents whether that be suspension/term whatever your policies are.
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Play Care 10:29 AM 10-24-2014
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
I may be the odd one out but...personally I would not say anything to DCM aside from problems with her child when/if they occur. What was said between the parents is between the parents and I would not get involved other than to let the DCM that's upset know that regardless of the other DCM's opinion I will handle it on my end when the dck's are in my care.

I don't allow running in my house but I know the kids are allowed to run in their houses. I don't allow rough house play either but I'm sure some of the kids do it at home with siblings. Just don't allow the rough house play...do whatever it takes. If that means no more balls, separation, etc...

If you can't get that under control and the child instigating the bad behavior can't get it together then yes, I would put the problem back on the parents whether that be suspension/term whatever your policies are.

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CraftyMom 10:51 AM 10-24-2014
I don't think I would tell one what the other said.

Maybe approach dcm2 and ask her if she has spoken with her child about the behavior at your house. Let her know that it is continuing, and you would like to work together to end this behavior. Remind her that this is not acceptable behavior in a group setting and kids can get hurt, etc. Come at it from a stand point of trying to come up with a plan "because this behavior is not tolerated here"

Let her know that it IS a big deal, but without letting her know that you spoke with dcm 1
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daycare 11:59 AM 10-24-2014
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
I don't think I would tell one what the other said.

Maybe approach dcm2 and ask her if she has spoken with her child about the behavior at your house. Let her know that it is continuing, and you would like to work together to end this behavior. Remind her that this is not acceptable behavior in a group setting and kids can get hurt, etc. Come at it from a stand point of trying to come up with a plan "because this behavior is not tolerated here"

Let her know that it IS a big deal, but without letting her know that you spoke with dcm 1
I see your guys point about not bringing up the other dcm, but I need for DCM b to know that I am aware that she thinks my rules are DUMB...
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daycare 12:33 PM 10-24-2014
I guess if I were to address it from the stand point that DCMA never told me then I would not have known.

I will make sure that I address it in the manor that I feel DCM is not taking this serious enough and this is why it is still an issue here. Again today DCB was throwing things while in circle time, distracting the rest of the kids from their work.

I asked DCB to go to the toddler room and stay there with the toddler teacher...
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Unregistered 12:46 PM 10-24-2014
What if you did up a letter reflecting your stance regarding rough housing in your home and regardless of dcp own personal opinions on the subject, all children are to follow your guidelines while in your care. No exceptions and if they have any concerns moving forward to speak to you directly. Also mention the reasons why and consequences.

Monkey Toes
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daycare 12:54 PM 10-24-2014
thanks for the idea, if this was any other parent I would write a letter, but this parent needs face to face communication. the parent would not read what I sent, they never do, so I don't bother with letters and this parent any more. BUT it definitely needs to be addressed.
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Thriftylady 02:28 PM 10-24-2014
Wow someone needs to learn to respect that at your house it is your rules. I would talk to her, but I may not tell her the other mom spoke to me.
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daycare 02:35 PM 10-24-2014
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
Wow someone needs to learn to respect that at your house it is your rules. I would talk to her, but I may not tell her the other mom spoke to me.
I finally got down how I was going to address it and I did not bring up the other DCP at all. I just told DCM that I needed to readdress the on going behavior and that I needed DCM to start backing my rules. I told her that since she never says anything to her kid when she is here (he acts out of control) that he KNOWS my mom does not care so I can do what I want. mom never says anything to me, so why do I need to listen only to MS N.

I told DCM that I could care less about this kids academics, hes one of my top student, but if we did not nip this bad behavior now and teach him how to crave positive attention then he was going to move on to school and his intelligence would be over shadowed by his bad behavior and he will forever me THAT kid.

I told her that I am not complaining about your child's behavior at all, I am telling you that we need to work together and fix it otherwise I will have no choice but to let him go.

When one child's behavior start to mess with my money, then it's time to let that child go.

DCM seemed to listen when I told her the next time it happens it will an automatic 2 day suspension without refund. She is a single mom and I know could not afford that.

I told her we have the opportunity to fix this now or you can deal with it again next year on much more strict terms with the school district.

Lets see what happens
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MOM OF 4 07:17 AM 10-25-2014
You can always say you HEARD the conversation.

"Jessica, I just wanted to let you know,my window was OPEN when you were talking to another parent telling them you think my rules are stupid and I heard you. That's not going to fly. Next time, if you have a concern, please come to me. I have rules in place for XYZ reasons...if that's not going to work for you, you are always welcome to seek other care"
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daycare 10:13 AM 10-25-2014
Originally Posted by MOM OF 4:
You can always say you HEARD the conversation.

"Jessica, I just wanted to let you know,my window was OPEN when you were talking to another parent telling them you think my rules are stupid and I heard you. That's not going to fly. Next time, if you have a concern, please come to me. I have rules in place for XYZ reasons...if that's not going to work for you, you are always welcome to seek other care"
I thought about that, but I just told dcm that obviously she is not taking my rules seriously because the behavior is still an issue. I told her to step up or she's going to end up stepping out. I give this dcm a heck of a deal on care compared to the programs in our area. She would be paying a $100.00 plus more a week if she went else where.

I think she is taking me serious when I told her next time no suspension, I am going to term.....
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Josiegirl 04:06 PM 10-25-2014
Can I borrow your backbone next time I need to confront a dcp?? I think you handled it great! You mentioned the school district...I was going to say that would never be tolerated on any school playground. Let her roll her eyes at them! It doesn't matter what parents think of our rules, they know them coming in and if they think they're dumb, they need to back us up anyways. United front and all that.
I'm surprised she didn't also say 'boys will be boys'. I had a dcd tell me that a couple years ago when his ds and another dcb did NOT get along well. Dcm spoke up and said 'maybe so, but Ms. Josie doesn't need to put up with it'.
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Tags:disrespectful parents, parents - don't cooperate
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