Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Dealing with School-age Kids w/Attitude
momofboys 06:13 AM 04-26-2010
Okay, I have an 8 year old school-ager boy who give me major attitude. I have my own 8 & 6 year old boys so I am used to it. However this child says things that truly hurt my feelings or in my opinion cross the line. The other week I made homemade brownies with homemade frosting & this boy said they were gross & the most disgusting thing he had ever tasted. With the brownie incident I did tell him that I had made them from scratch & that whether he liked them or not he needed to say thank you & I reminded him that if he didn;t have anything nice to say that he should not say anything at all. I told him he needed to think about his words b/c he could hurt someone's feelings. The thing is this boy says things like this about our home/yard/etc that are hurtful or make me feel bad about where we live. Yes, our home is not as big as his. Yes, our tv is smaller, etc. etc. No, we do not have a Wii/DS/whatever! I know I need to not be so sensitive & blow it off but at the same time it is annoying. What would you do or do I just ignore his comments?
Reply
Unregistered 06:45 AM 04-26-2010
tough one, normaly i would say ignore it as to me it sounds as if he is bragging and boasting, i usually associate that type of behavior from insecure people but since you are being upset by his rudeness id lik to flat out get in his face and tell him that i dont care if he has a bigger tv,bigger house or whatever and if he doesnt like the brownies have fun going with out a snack! i'd explain to him that money does not buy everything and although it is important to work and make a living the amount does not difine you as a person.
However since he is a kid what id really do and have done when i had an issue with a child saying things that was obviously being repeated from home was went to the parents, tell them that at first you just ignored it or told him not to say anything if he cant be nice but tell them that he's not stopping and your concerned that he just doesnt like it there with you and maybe they should find somewhere else for him to go because you dont wanna be the cause of such unhappiness and discontent (roll eyes). At 8 he is old enough to know better than to talk to anyone like that, if you ignore it with the way it is hurting you it will get worse, talk to him and/or the parents and staight out tell him/them you dont care how much they have or how big it is and if he doesnt like you he needs to go elswhere. No one wants to be around some one all the time that puts you down and thinks they are better than you (makes me wonder what the parents say or think?) Ok i havent had my coffee yet and am not thinkg all to clear, the library will usually have kids books on bragging and teasing and how to be nice, make him read oe everytime he says something rude?
Kiddiecare
Reply
safechner 07:08 AM 04-26-2010
Don't feel bad. If he said bad things about you and all you can say "I am sorry to hear that but that is too bad." If he continues then I would speak to his mother about it. If it is not working out then I would terminate him. It is not worth your time with him.

I normally don't take after-school ages kids but I took two kids (ages 9 and 8) about three years ago because I feel sorry for them. Oh boy, I was wrong and they gave me the h***. They had destroyed my home and hurt a few small kids included my kid between 3-4 years old. I spoke to their mother about it and she have nothing to control of her kids. Like you said you don't have video games and we don't have it too. My husband wouldn't allowed my kids to play any video games unless it is very education like leapfrog. Now they do have Wii that they got last Christmas from their grandparents (my husband's parents) but my husband was not too happy about it. They have only play 4 times since Christmas and I guess they are not too crazy about it. Anyways, I was fed up with them and I decided to KICK THEM OUT without notice. I can't go through again if I continue to watch them. I cried and too much stress before I kicked them out.

Now I was thinking I would take after-school kids in the summer for full time or part time but I am not sure if I am doing right thing to do to take them. We will have a lot of activities and go on field trip a lot to have fun but I am afraid if they have attitude problem with me that i don't want to deal with. My own kids don't have attitude problem and they are very good kids. I thought it would be best for me to get in touch with their previous providers before I decided to take them.. I dont know yet but I will think about it later...
Reply
grandmom 07:21 AM 04-26-2010
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is what I'd say.

AND - there are not alternatives to what you offer for food. If he doesn't like your brownies, he will be hungry when he gets home.

I'd talk to the mom and I'd have a parent/provider/child conference just like they do at school. At that meeting, I'd discuss the problems, and tell him that if there is no change, his mom will need to find another daycare.

It's like yeast, it infiltrates everything. Soon the other children will be talking like that.
Reply
AmandasFCC 07:29 AM 04-26-2010
I have a 9 year old in the evening who has started giving major attitude. When it first started a couple of months ago, I told him "That kind of attitude is not welcome here. If you're going to be rude, you can find a nice comfy corner to sit in and read for the duration of your stay here." He shut his hole pretty quick after that.
Reply
AfterSchoolMom 07:29 AM 04-26-2010
I have all school aged kids, and we nipped those kinds of attitude problems in the bud at the beginning of the school year. I just told them that if they didn't appreciate the snacks and activities that they were given, they'd get neither and spend the 3 hours after school sitting in a silent room staring at each other. One day we actually did this for about 15 minutes. I don't have any problems now!

Also, I know that the reward method has sparked debate here in the past, but I have a behavior chart/treasure box system that works very well with older kids. They know that that sort of behavior will earn them an "X" on the chart which means no treasure on Friday, and that is usually enough of a motivator to behave.
Reply
missnikki 07:36 AM 04-26-2010
I work solely with kids, Kindergarten-8th grade. (I've worked with infant-Pre-K for many years before, but that's the gig I have now)
That is hurtful when they do that. At a certain age, kids can be very cruel as they learn to express themselves and carry on complete conversations with you as though they are equal to you. I practice the 'pokerface approach'.
If it gets rude, I tend to give them the old..."hmmmm, that's good to know. It's time to clean up now." in my best unaffected voice and turn my attention away. Then we all know what happens next, they try to get the last word, sound, or snicker. If I felt like responding, I would just ask if they've cleaned up yet without looking their way.
It worked for my mom, the passive-agressive queen!
Reply
Carole's Daycare 08:08 AM 04-26-2010
Originally Posted by AmandasFCC:
I have a 9 year old in the evening who has started giving major attitude. When it first started a couple of months ago, I told him "That kind of attitude is not welcome here. If you're going to be rude, you can find a nice comfy corner to sit in and read for the duration of your stay here." He shut his hole pretty quick after that.
Nice! I do the same thing- I let my big kids know that, like it or not the little kids emulate them, so they need to have attitudes and behavior worth emulating, or I will isolate them to prevent their naughtiness from "spreading". I let the parents know about whatever behavior- backtalk, rudeness, teasing- and that I have tried to explain to their child why it is not appropriate, and let them know what the consequence for that behavior ongoing is. Eventually, if it continues, I'd let them go.
Reply
MarinaVanessa 08:32 AM 04-26-2010
Talk to his parents. Seems to me that you have already tried talking to him and it has absolutely no effect on him. If he does it constantly and you have talked to him constantly and there is no change and it truly hurts your feelings, talk to his parents. He's old enough now that he knows what is right and wrong and what it means to be rude. Have a sit down with him and the parents and say that you understand that he is only 8 but that no matter what you try he does not respect your feelings in your own home. I would be worried about the behavior rubbing off on the other children. Maybe his parents can work out something with you (like consequences of proveledges taken at home if he is rude at DC). Good luck.
Reply
nannyde 08:48 AM 04-26-2010
Aww don't take it personally.

Here's how to get it changed:

Rude boy: "these are the grossest brownies I've ever tasted"
You: "you don't like them? EXCELLENT .. more for me."

Rude boy: "Our TV is bigger"
You: "I heard about that. I wish I had a big TV like you do"

Rude boy: "you should have a ds"
You: "I wish I had a DS"

Rude boy: "your yard sucks"
You: "I wish I had a better yard"

You can either use it to your advantage as in the brownie one OR just agree with him.

It doesn't work to school him in manners. You've tried that. He does it to get a rise out of you so don't allow that.

I wish I had a bigger house. I wish I had a better TV. I wish I had a _____ It's okay to just agree with him and move on. Once he knows you won't give him a rise he will quit it.

I took my 9 y/o ds out to eat last night and all he did was COMPLAIN about everything. The slow service... the table not being cleaned... the food was too hot... blah blah. I think it's something to do with the age. They realize they have an opinion and SOME people listen to their opinion. Don't be one of them. Just agree with him and he'll quit.
Reply
momofboys 09:24 AM 04-26-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Aww don't take it personally.

Here's how to get it changed:

Rude boy: "these are the grossest brownies I've ever tasted"
You: "you don't like them? EXCELLENT .. more for me."

Rude boy: "Our TV is bigger"
You: "I heard about that. I wish I had a big TV like you do"

Rude boy: "you should have a ds"
You: "I wish I had a DS"

Rude boy: "your yard sucks"
You: "I wish I had a better yard"

You can either use it to your advantage as in the brownie one OR just agree with him.

It doesn't work to school him in manners. You've tried that. He does it to get a rise out of you so don't allow that.

I wish I had a bigger house. I wish I had a better TV. I wish I had a _____ It's okay to just agree with him and move on. Once he knows you won't give him a rise he will quit it.

I took my 9 y/o ds out to eat last night and all he did was COMPLAIN about everything. The slow service... the table not being cleaned... the food was too hot... blah blah. I think it's something to do with the age. They realize they have an opinion and SOME people listen to their opinion. Don't be one of them. Just agree with him and he'll quit.
LOL! Thanks everyone! I needed some good advice & you ladies helped me a lot. I will put these to use immediately!
Reply
TGT09 10:06 AM 04-26-2010
I think some parents have missed the "tact" class so it rubs off on their children. I've thought about especially in the summer when I have more school aged children working on what "tact" is. I've noticed that parents nowadays don't necessarily work on that with their child and I think it's a definite part of being a successful adult.

I have a couple of 8 year olds that aren't directly "mean" to me but they definitely have loads of complaining to do. I normally answer with "too bad" and walk away, as harsh as that sounds, it works.
Reply
momma2girls 11:47 AM 04-26-2010
I had a friend of my daughter's here Spring Break week and I never thought it would end!!! She complained over everything, and was Miss Drama QUeen!! She didn't like my snacks, my meals, drinks, it goes on and on!!! I couldn't believe it!! I made her know right away who was boss, and if she didn't like it, she didn't have to eat it, but she was going to be very hungry, until snacks came!!! THen she complained about snacks, milk, etc.... Oh It was very rough!! She didn't like this and that, didn't like quiet time, I said too bad, this is what we have to do to make sure everyone takes a nap that still needs a nap, and you have to be quiet!!
UGHHH!!!!!!
Reply
MarinaVanessa 03:30 PM 04-26-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Aww don't take it personally.

Here's how to get it changed:

Rude boy: "these are the grossest brownies I've ever tasted"
You: "you don't like them? EXCELLENT .. more for me."

Rude boy: "Our TV is bigger"
You: "I heard about that. I wish I had a big TV like you do"

Rude boy: "you should have a ds"
You: "I wish I had a DS"

Rude boy: "your yard sucks"
You: "I wish I had a better yard"

You can either use it to your advantage as in the brownie one OR just agree with him.

It doesn't work to school him in manners. You've tried that. He does it to get a rise out of you so don't allow that.

I wish I had a bigger house. I wish I had a better TV. I wish I had a _____ It's okay to just agree with him and move on. Once he knows you won't give him a rise he will quit it.
I LOVE this idea. I am going to do this the first chance I get!
Reply
QualiTcare 08:36 PM 04-26-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Aww don't take it personally.

Here's how to get it changed:

Rude boy: "these are the grossest brownies I've ever tasted"
You: "you don't like them? EXCELLENT .. more for me."

Rude boy: "Our TV is bigger"
You: "I heard about that. I wish I had a big TV like you do"

Rude boy: "you should have a ds"
You: "I wish I had a DS"

Rude boy: "your yard sucks"
You: "I wish I had a better yard"

You can either use it to your advantage as in the brownie one OR just agree with him.

It doesn't work to school him in manners. You've tried that. He does it to get a rise out of you so don't allow that.

I wish I had a bigger house. I wish I had a better TV. I wish I had a _____ It's okay to just agree with him and move on. Once he knows you won't give him a rise he will quit it.

I took my 9 y/o ds out to eat last night and all he did was COMPLAIN about everything. The slow service... the table not being cleaned... the food was too hot... blah blah. I think it's something to do with the age. They realize they have an opinion and SOME people listen to their opinion. Don't be one of them. Just agree with him and he'll quit.
you're so right.
Reply
Tags:attitude, school-age
Reply Up