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broncomom1973 07:39 AM 05-27-2011
I have one dcb who is now 3 who started here at 14 mos. His parents let him rule the roost and I mean literally. I dont think I have ever heard them tell him "no" for anything. At pickup time, he runs from his mom.... sometimes 2 or 3 houses away and she just runs after him and then offers him choices as to how to get back to the vehicle- give me a break. I pick my son up and carry him under my arm kicking and screaming to wherever it is we are going (my son is 2). I do NOT offer him choices in these matters. Anyway, this dcb does not pick his nose at daycare, I do not allow it. His mom comes in last week and says if you dont pick your nose today, you can have such and such toy and I was thinking to myself, well that shouldnt be too hard he doesnt pick his nose here. When she walked in at the end of the day, his finger immediately went so far up his nose I thought it was going to come out the top of his head. Then he proceeded to eat his booger. I was completely horrified and told her he does NOT pick his nose here. In the meantime as she was leaving it went in the nose and never came out. And, he showed up with his "toy" the other day, lol. Last evening Dad comes to get him and we are outside. As soon as dad picks him up to hold him the finger shoots into his nose and drills around......YUCK!!! I told the dad that he does not ever do that here. I honestly think they think it's cute. He is the same child who knows he is not allowed in my living room which is right by the front door. I wrote a letter to all parents last year asking them to please respect my rules and not allow their children in this room, but his parents think he is entitled to go wherever whenever he wants. When his mom arrives he "throws" himself onto this carpet every chance he gets and she doesnt say a word even though she knows I dont want him over there. He follows my rules when they are not around, but knows that as soon as they show up, they do not enforce rules and he "thinks" he is allowed to do as he wishes. Now that the weather is nicer, I have been taking the kids out front to wait for their parents so I dont have to deal with this. This mom walks in the other day and says "he just got up, so he needs to go potty and he didnt get his teeth brushed"...... um, so get up earlier and potty him and brush his teeth, this is not my job. Last month she brought him in his pj sleeper and said he didnt want to get dressed. I had a lady coming to evaluate my sons hearing that a.m., and wanted to have all of the kids fed and toileted before she came and then this crazy woman brings her kid in his pajamas???? If my kid didnt want to get dressed, I would not give them the option of not getting dressed. I would let them scream, kick, cry.... whatever, but they would end up dressed in the end. She also has been telling me for the past year that she doesnt like when he naps because he stays up too late. I put him on a nap mat and he is usually out within 5 minutes. I would say that he needs a nap. She has made the remark to me that she wishes he would go to bed at 7:30 and I want to say "then when would you ever get to spend any time with him?" She picks up at 5:30 and wants him in bed within 2 hours. Why have kids? I am closing in on 40 and dont believe in offering "choices". My parents raised me with rules and they were non-negotiable!!
Sorry for the rant, I am just amazed sometimes!
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meganlavonnesmommy 11:33 AM 05-27-2011
I have a similar family. I'm pushing 40 also, and like you, was raised the same. If you dont like it, too bad, I'm the parent.
It kills me to see what parents let their kids get away with. I have one 3 year old boy who acts the same as yours. He pulls crap with his parents that he never pulls with me! He's like Jeckyl and Hyde, completely different person when mom or dad walks thru the door!

But I still enforce MY rules in My home. Its my home, and he needs to know that the rules still apply. Just because Daddy walked through the door doesnt mean you can hit, kick, call names, throw your shoes, spit., these are all things he does when parents arrive.

I just calmly remind him that in my house you dont hit, etc.

The parents just asked me to cut back his naptimes to 2 times a week instead of 5, and just 1 hour instead of 2. They said they are having a hard time keeping him in his bedroom at night, he keeps getting up and not wanting to go to bed. They think this is because he is napping too long during daycare. I wanted to tell them, NO, its because you are piss poor parents, and he knows he can get away with it!
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cheerfuldom 11:36 AM 05-27-2011
I think every parent I have ever had here has hinted or suggested that their child take less naps or no naps while at daycare in effort to either have to deal with them less in the evening or trying to get them to sleep thru the night sooner. I don't go for that. Nap times are a must. If you don't nap, you don't come to my daycare. I have had a few parents see that my routine and increase of sleep for their child actually helps them sleep better at home but for the rest, I still don't change anything even if they keep bugging me about it.
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wdmmom 11:45 AM 05-27-2011
I couldn't agree more!

I was raised the same way and this is YOUR business so take it back!

Tell these parents:

Not dressed = NO DAYCARE!

He comes ready for the day (meaning potty, teeth brushed, etc.).

He's not ready = NO DAYCARE!

And I would tell lil Mr. Sicko-pants...DON'T YOU DARE PUT YOUR FINGER IN YOUR NOSE IN MY HOUSE!

STICK TO YOUR GUNS!

And, as for nap...

No nap = NO DAYCARE.

You've obviously outgrown my program. BUH BYE!
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broncomom1973 11:57 AM 05-27-2011
Originally Posted by wdmmom:

And I would tell lil Mr. Sicko-pants...DON'T YOU DARE PUT YOUR FINGER IN YOUR NOSE IN MY HOUSE!

STICK TO YOUR GUNS!

And, as for nap...

No nap = NO DAYCARE.

You've obviously outgrown my program. BUH BYE!
Ha, ha, I just put him down for his nap and I said "you dont pick your nose at my house" as a reminder to him and he said "no, (name- he refers to himself in 3rd person) pick his nose at my house". I just laughed because he knows he isnt supposed to do it at all, but he is also smart enough to know that nobody will stop him from doing it at his house. Unbelievable, lol. And yes, he is totally a Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde.
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Country Kids 12:45 PM 05-27-2011
I'm another one from the generation where you respected your elders/peers and did what you were asked to. Bottom line and I know if I didn't I was given the LOOK that was enough to make you wish you were somewhere besides right there.

Nannyde-what do you think of all this. You seem to be of this generation also but from what I gather from your postings you are all for giving kids choices and letting them kinda run the roost. At least that is how I read them-the last posting about the little girl who doesn't want to participate in eating and playing with the group is the latest one I can think of.

I personally cannot handle a child telling me what they will do and what I can't do!
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broncomom1973 01:18 PM 05-27-2011
[quote=Country Kids;115257]I'm another one from the generation where you respected your elders/peers and did what you were asked to. Bottom line and I know if I didn't I was given the LOOK that was enough to make you wish you were somewhere besides right there.

QUOTE]

Ha, ha, my dad was so patient with us when we were kids, but man, when he got upset with us to that certain point, his eyes would get real big, bulging actually and you knew you better stop whatever you were doing immediately. No words needed to be spoken. My sister and I still joke about the "look" when reminiscing, lol.
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Kaddidle Care 01:52 PM 05-27-2011
Well, we were ALL from the generation that got spanked if we were naughty enough. Even though we know there are times when these little munchkins could use a spanking, we cannot do it. We re-direct, we time out, etc., etc. and there are a few that will continue to push and push us because they know they can.

That said, they're always worse for their parents. Just imagine how the real trial kids are for their parents. Whooppeeee!

The problem is that this generation of parents aren't doing their part as evidenced by the tyranny you see at pick up time. They're also a generation of parents that seem to be missing hands. They don't have the sense to hold their children's hands while walking to the car, walking across a parking lot or walking near the road. I've seen parents walking ahead of their children (2-4 year olds) down the sidewalk near a busy street, never even glancing back to see if they are following. It makes me cringe.

Oh well, the day is over for me. 3 day weekend, 3 day weekend! Enjoy it ladies!
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nannyde 03:47 PM 05-27-2011
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
Nannyde-what do you think of all this. You seem to be of this generation also but from what I gather from your postings you are all for giving kids choices and letting them kinda run the roost. At least that is how I read them-the last posting about the little girl who doesn't want to participate in eating and playing with the group is the latest one I can think of.
I'm strict with behavior issues but I have learned to never fight over food. I will not do food battles. The casualties of war with food fights nets you an unmanageble kid in every other core areas of care: health, DEEP RESTORATIVE SLEEP, playing, exercise, behavior, friendship, fellowship etc... are all grounded in healthy eating.

If they don't eat ... NOTHING else works.

So I will work my wiley ways with them and do the transition slowly and methodically. They will go native if it is done properly.
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QualiTcare 12:05 AM 05-28-2011
i get your point, but as i was saying in another thread awhile back - i'm sure we all do things as parents that would make each other's mouths drop.

my son went through a SHORT phase where he was a little hellian when he was in daycare. i gave his teacher a behavior sheet (which i normally hate, but i was trying to make her life better which can be tricky when you're not there) and told her and him that if he got a "good mark" all week that he could get a treat. it wasn't any specific behavior - just whether or not she felt like he had been well behaved overall each day. i know you think that doesn't make sense that the parent "bribed" her child, but again - we all have our flaws.

you pointed out that she would chase him down the street whereas you carry your child kicking and screaming to wherever you're going. one might ask, why on earth would you need to carry your child kicking and screaming? both scenarios are different examples of unacceptable behavior, but you each do what works for YOU at the time.
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broncomom1973 09:49 AM 05-28-2011
QualiTcare -"you pointed out that she would chase him down the street whereas you carry your child kicking and screaming to wherever you're going. one might ask, why on earth would you need to carry your child kicking and screaming? both scenarios are different examples of unacceptable behavior, but you each do what works for YOU at the time."


You ask why on earth would I carry my child kicking and screaming? For his own safety in a very busy hospital parking lot as we passed by the outpatient surgery pickup and valet parking where there is a ton of traffic. We had just left an appointment at the local pediatric clinic (about 6 weeks ago) when he started to run from me in the parking lot- something he had never done before. He would not hold my hand and started to run, so I picked him up and carried him to my van for his own safety. That is all it took- one time. He has not done it again and I took him in to the same clinic on Thursday. He knows I dont allow him to "run" from me. I dont chase him and offer him choices, that's for sure, lol.

As for this other mom, and dad for that matter, this isnt a one time occurence. It happens EVERYDAY! This is a result of the parents LETTING him do this everyday. Yesterday the dad pulled in and before they left, dcb ran from him partially in the street. This young dad proceeded to chase down his son for a few minutes before finally catching him and then carried him to the car. Hmmmm, let me compare scenarios here- my son did it once, this boy does it daily. Big difference because I dont allow it from any of my children. I dont care who you are, that is unacceptable if you are looking out for the well-being of your child. You dont allow them to do those sorts of things EVER. My elderly neighbor has grandchildren that come to see her several times a week and the grandson recently got his learners permit. He told me that on one of these "occasions" where mommy was chasing down dcb, he almost ran over him when dcb darted out in front of my van that was parked in the street. He didnt see him, but luckily his mom did and he was pulling into his grandmas driveway so he was going slow. All it takes is one time and little dcb is going to suffer serious consequences.

Im not saying Im a perfect parent, I know I am not, but I can say with 100% certainty that I have higher standards for my children than these particular parents. I EXPECT them to behave, I EXPECT them to have manners, I EXPECT them to be respectful and if they arent, there will be consequences. The only way to achieve this is to have rules and if/when children dont follow these rules, they need to be disciplined and this goes back to the discussion about all these young children today that think that they are entitled to whatever they want because that is how they have been raised. Oh, and for the record, this is not a "short" phase, this little guy is going through. His behavior has been like this for well over a year I dont blame him, it's his parents fault that he misbehaves in their presence. He does fine here the majority of the time, because as I said in the original post...... I dont allow that kind of behavior.
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nannyde 02:12 PM 05-28-2011
Originally Posted by broncomom1973:
He told me that on one of these "occasions" where mommy was chasing down dcb, he almost ran over him when dcb darted out in front of my van that was parked in the street. He didnt see him, but luckily his mom did and he was pulling into his grandmas driveway so he was going slow. All it takes is one time and little dcb is going to suffer serious consequences.
This is an excellent example of how the Mom's decision to only think of herself at these moments can result in devestating someone else's life. It's not about her and her child. She's willing to loose his life if it means she doesn't have to take hold of his behavior at that very moment. She's willing for him to be injured or even die so that right THEN she doesn't have to listen to him cry.

That's hard enough to swallow but what's even worse is she's willing to wreck the future of a young kid just learning to drive. She's willing to have that young kid take the risk of running over a small child. She's willing to have that on his heart and soul for the rest of HIS life.

Whether the young driver did everything right at the moment or not.. the devestation of harming a little kid ... even with NO blame whatsoever.. would NEVER EVER go away.

The cost to THAT kid... that matters here. That's where it goes too far. That's what's unforgiveable.

When parents are raising these kids to never be unhappy ... never cry.. never have to have rules and boundaries.. they are doing it for THEMSELVES... not the kid. They are making sure THEY are happy every moment and the easiest thing possible for THEM happens.

It's a level of selfishness that is so far beyond child neglect or child endangerment. It's a level of selfishness that means their child doesn't really matter and society doesn't either.
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broncomom1973 02:15 PM 05-28-2011
nannyde, you hit the nail on the head..... again!
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wdmmom 01:31 PM 05-29-2011
Today's generation of parents don't want to parent, they want to be-friend. They don't want to cause controversy so they let the child have their way to keep the peace.

SAD!!!

Kids that are raised to get their way 24/7 will be the ones our tax dollars pay to keep in prison because they don't believe in rules or laws!
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QualiTcare 08:16 PM 05-29-2011
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
Today's generation of parents don't want to parent, they want to be-friend. They don't want to cause controversy so they let the child have their way to keep the peace.

SAD!!!

Kids that are raised to get their way 24/7 will be the ones our tax dollars pay to keep in prison because they don't believe in rules or laws!
i think another reason we see kids behaving so badly in public is because parents are afraid to touch their kids since everything is considered "abuse" now. my mom never thought twice about spanking me, but you also didn't see video footage and mugshots of people on TV who spanked their kids back then. i don't believe in spanking as a routine way to discipline or a first choice, but maybe i should. i was just telling my husband last night that our own kids do things that i would've been scared to death to do! for example, when i was told to go to bed i would go to bed. i would usually try the "i need a drink" routine and my mom would let me get a sip of water and then that was IT. i'd be afraid to get back out of bed after that. the word "bedtime" doesn't seem to mean anything to my kids. they have NO fear when they get up for whatever reason or no reason at all. i was really frustrated yesterday with my kid's behavior and i was thinking maybe i've done something wrong. the only thing i can think of that i've done differently than my own parents is not spanking. just a thought.
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Tags:nap policy, rant, spoiled, vent
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