He is 1 and throws HUGE fits when mom comes to get him. He wants to stay with me, gives mom a quick hug, then runs back to me or lunges towards me if mom has picked him up. Mom says she would rather he be this way than the way he was at the last place. But I feel bad for her, it has to hurt her feelings. I try to get him all excited to go home before mom comes, but the instant he see's her he bawls! She is wonderful, loving, no worries there. He is definately spoiled at home, so not sure what the deal is. He loves my house, loves the other kids, but he is my boy all the way. He is a little love. But I wonder what I can do to make it easier on everyone. Any suggestions?

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Lots and lots of talking and staying calm. After he hugs mom and comes back to you walk him around the daycare saying goodbye to things like in Goodnight Moon. Then help him into his outside stuff and talk like crazy with a calm voice about anything. He'll get used to the routine.

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I try to get him all excited to go home before mom comes, but the instant he see's her he bawls!

That's your mistake.

Have your world as calm as possible. Have him as bored as possible.

Hand him off to her with his back against your belly and face first to her. Don't hand him off from your side.

Have him turn his back to you first.... wait a second... then to her face first.

Then you turn your body away from him and walk away. Grab something that you can hold onto so your hands are full.

No eye contact with him. Just talk to Mom and IGNORE him.

Don't let him go back and forth.

He's telling you that there is too much chaos. Believe him.

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i have to disagree w/you nannyde on your technique...if you say none of your kids have done this behavior, honestly i can see why ! the yWANT to leave your house. ...just saying..

OP, i have the same problems. the kids just enjoy it so much here. most of my dck's dread going home. has NOTHING to do w/the parents love for them,etc...its because its boring at home. kids r with us most times much more than their own parents. WE raise them. WE keep them on routine and have schedules for everything. thats the best thing anyone can offer a child. routine and structure!! my dcks' do nothing more than eat,bath,play and bed when they go home. they have fun here and do ALOT .... IMO its a fabulous sign any kid can show to make a parent feel more at ease w/leaving them every day. yes, it drives me nuts and I want them GONE ...but to a parent , its a relief to know their kids are having fun and are loved and safe!!! if a kid is so ready to go everyday or dreads coming in the morning...IMO thats a red flag

i just have each child ready for their own pickup, hand parents their art work,etc and move back to the other kids.

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I have a just (this week) 1 yo dcg who does the same thing.

In my experience, it's just a phase ~ some go through it, some don't. Mom and Dad are really cool about it ~ what has been working for us is when mom/dad arrive, I pick her up for a minute or two while we chat about her day and they grab her stuff. Then they just say 'Ready R*****?" That's my cue to do ~Ah 1, Ah 2...and on 3 she goes to mom/dad giggling. Then it's 'Bye see you tomorrow' before she really winds up with the crying.

It's been working pretty well this week, I guess we will see next week!

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my daycare kids do that off and on.

I'm so bad. I pick them up. I give them a hug and I say "love you too but...." then I break out in song.

I sing "It's closing time....You don't have to go home but you can't.. stay .. here..."

I'm not kidding.
I really do this.
atleast 2x per week. Parents laugh. I smile.
but I aint kidding.. I LOVE your children - but take them and leave now

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You are absolutely right. They really want to leave my house.

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I'm sad for your kids.

Mine are happy to go home. They don't have this life you described. I don't "raise" the kids. I help raise them but rasing them is their parents primary job. I have routine and structure. They have routine and structure. They love their parents very much and are SO happy to scoot on out of here to have their one to one time with their own family.

Unfortunately I think your kids life is becoming the norm of kids in America. It's no easy task finding families who are raising their own children well.

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I'm not in the business of raising children for the parents. I WANT them to WANT to go home. It doesn't make me feel good at all when I see kids crying because they don't want to leave my house. I do my job well and I'm glad that my daycare kids and their parents value me but I don't want to do my job so well that the parents feel like their child likes me better or so well that the parent outsources more of the parenting to me.

I take a step back at pick up time and let the parent handle it. I will give goodbye hugs but I want the child to interact with the parents more than me at pick up.

Bentley, has anyone ever brought to your attention that you border on being a mean spirited person?

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Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! We all have a variety of kids to deal with and we all interact with them differently. I think we all need to take a deep breath and cool down. sahm2three asked for advise on helping a child transition from one environment to another. I'm sure she didn't want a huge fight about whether we raise the kids or not. I'm sure we all have our opinions about what it truely is to raise a child. So our disagreements about that come from personal definitions. Please cool it! The kid sahm2three is asking about is 1. It's typical behavior for a 1 year old to not want to transition when he is having so much fun. It has nothing to do with life at either place. Kids need to be taught how to handle transitions and there are a variety of ways to do so. Let's return to topic and give sahm2three advise rather than bickering. I suggest reading the I have a dream sticky and keep a perspective when responding to threads.

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Ummmm

I gave VERY specific step by step advise. I couldn't be more clear.

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Transitions are hard for some kids and at some ages. I hate dealing with the ones who don't want to go home, too (although there is the side of me that knows that it's a sign I'm doing a good job!), because I worry that it makes me look bad or makes the parents feel bad.

When someone throws a fit about leaving, I just stay calm and remind them that even though it's hard to leave when you're having a good time, they'll be back [whenever] and we'll have more fun then. And while I'm saying that, I'm helping scoop up the child, wrestle shoes/coat on them, pass them off to their parents, and then it's a quick, bye, see ya!

Most of my pick-up issues have only lasted a few days, or are very sporadic. I have also taken to warning them that mom/dad will be here very soon and when they get here, it's time to go. That has helped a couple of my older ones.

Oh here's a thought...is he always picked up at the same time, and is whatever activity you're doing then always the same? If so, could you try changing up the schedule and be doing something different when he gets picked up?

Another thought...that won't work all the time...today I had GREAT success with being outside when everyone got picked up. They all had shoes and coats on already, parents chatted for a few minutes and then scooped up their kid and straight into the car. Very smooth. COuld you try that?

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Yes you gave very specific advise. Then BentleysBands made a comment seemingly attacking you Nannyde. Then you made two comments back which to me looked like the start of a fight. And the unregistered made a comment attacking BentleysBands. I'm just asking that we stick to OP's topics in this thread as well as others and stop making comments that attack how someone chooses to run their daycare. I enjoy reading many of the post on here and have incorporated many ideas and have become a stronger person because of advise on here. Many advise is sound we just need to cut out the personal attacks.

sahm2three: How did things go? Were you able to calm him down a bit the last couple days?

I too have had success with having the kids outside at pick up though when they are old enough to run and still throwing a fit I dislike chasing them to get them to their parents. One other thing that may work is offering him choices galore: Do you want me or mommy to put on your coat? Do you want your boots or mittens on next? Do you want to say goodbye to me or another kid first? Those kind of choices let the kid feel as though they are in charge of the situation and limit outbursts due to trying to remain in or gain control. He may be a little young for it but it may be worth a try. Let us know how it's going!

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I have an 18 month old who does this everyday her mom now brings her a treat to get her in the car whatever works I always tell them I love them but its time to go home and I will see them again the next day. Its so nice to feel loved doesn' t it?

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i agree - this works. as with most things, the more attention it gets, the longer it lasts. you know how people say ignoring something doesn't make it go away? not true with kids!

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I have to agree with you I have seen Bentley be mean spirited a few times and diffently towards Nannyde. This board is not about hate or means words to one another we are here for advice and to bounce ideas off of each other.

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