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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Would You FEED This Kid?
Francine 11:56 AM 12-30-2010
18 month old little pistol, knows perfectly well how to feed himself but refuses. He gets offered the same food at the same times as all of the other kids, if he doesn't eat his lunch I save it for snack. It's not that he can't, he can pick up cookies, crackers, chips, raisens etc. etc. but give him meat, veggie, pasta etc and he refuses. There are days that go by that he will only eat a bite or two of food all day because I refuse to feed him. His Mom doesn't seem to care, because he will fill up on junk and milk when she gets him home. My scale is broken but he weighed over 30 pounds in June when he started, I would guess that he weighs about 45 now.

Sometimes he will eat better if I pick it up and feed it to him, according to Mom she does not do this at home. Would you?
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MyAngels 11:59 AM 12-30-2010
No, I wouldn't. I had a boy who came to me at just under 2 with the same type of issues. I never fed him, just gave him good choices, and eventually he came around. He's 8 now and eats a pretty balanced diet, but there are times he just won't eat. I remember at the time he enrolled his Mom told me that he would only eat chicken nuggets, so that's what she fixed him almost every meal .
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Francine 12:02 PM 12-30-2010
This kids mom tells me that he likes kidney beans and pineapple, that was her answers when I asked her what he eats at home. Sorry, put I am not feeding kidney beans and pineapple everyday.
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Blackcat31 12:04 PM 12-30-2010
Absolutely not!! I don't feed any kids who are over 1 year old. Once they transition from baby food or jarred foods to pieces and cut up food, I do not feed them. I offer silverware from high chair age up but no way would I feed this kid. Its too bad mom wont work with you. I had a similar experience over the last few years...a dcb would rather skip the meals and snacks I offered (because they were healthy) and wait til mom came because she took him to McDonald's everyday or convenience store for a donut.....he is now 6 and weighs 110 lbs.....I tried to help, mom didnt support me so I followed my rules at daycare and offered all the regular meals and snacks to him and if he refused to feed himself and then later refused to eat at all....not my problem. I offered.....he refused....his choice. Mom didn't care so I didnt either.
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SilverSabre25 12:16 PM 12-30-2010
Nope. If he's hungry, he'll eat. Eventually, he'll probably start eating more of the good stuff, especially if he sees other kids eating it and you play up "MMm, how yummy the turkey is! Mmmm, tomatoes are tasty! Here try one!" kinds of things.
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misol 12:18 PM 12-30-2010
FWIW I wouldn't feed him either. ESPECIALLY since you've witnessed him self-feed before. Offer the food, give him ample time to eat it, remove him from the table until the next meal or snack. If he gets hungry enough he will start to eat - he will not starve before his mom picks up.
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momofsix 12:46 PM 12-30-2010
I must be the weird one here If I have a little ones (like under 2) not eating well, I'll help them out. If it's chunky food, not so much...maybe I'll put it on his fork for him and encourage him to do it by himself. If he wouldn't do it himself, but would eat from me then I would stiill probably do it just to get him some good food in. (he'll sleep better with a full tummy) If it's something like mashed potatoes,yogurt, applesauce...I let them work at it for a while, but usually end up helping them finish up what's on their plate. I find they eat a lot better if I help them out a little, and I don't mind doing it. I'm not talking about forcing them to eat something they don't want, just assisting them in eating whatever they are already eating. If I don't help them I get them asking for 'more" when they have a ton on their plates, it's just too "spread out" for them to scoop it up!
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Crystal 12:51 PM 12-30-2010
nope. BUT, I would not serve it to him later for snack if I know he's not going to eat it, that's not cool IMO because you know he is hungry. I would offer healthy snack to ALL of the kids, like cheese and crackers with some apples. You know he'll eat crackers, and so will the others, so I would serve snacks that are 1. HEALTHY and 2. something they will ALL eat.
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Cat Herder 01:45 PM 12-30-2010
Originally Posted by Crystal:
nope. BUT, I would not serve it to him later for snack if I know he's not going to eat it, that's not cool IMO because you know he is hungry. .
I agree with this. I, personally, would not give him crackers at snack first, though (I know that is not what Crystal said either). It sounds like he could benefit from the veggie first, fruit second, milk third and starch last plan to me. If offered the vegetables first, when he is hungriest, the hope is he will eat more of them. The goal is to develop a taste for them..YKWIM? After several months like this (4 course meal plan ) I have noticed my "picky" eaters eat everything I offer here, even if they will not eat at home.

Good luck, I know this can be frustrating.
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TGT09 02:57 PM 12-30-2010
Nope. I have a 3.5 YEAR old that still pulls this. It is so frustrating! However, I say no but since he's 18 months I would maybe try if I feed you a bite then you feed yourself a bite, etc etc.
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misol 02:59 PM 12-30-2010
Originally Posted by momofsix:
I must be the weird one here If I have a little ones (like under 2) not eating well, I'll help them out. If it's chunky food, not so much...maybe I'll put it on his fork for him and encourage him to do it by himself. If he wouldn't do it himself, but would eat from me then I would stiill probably do it just to get him some good food in. (he'll sleep better with a full tummy) If it's something like mashed potatoes,yogurt, applesauce...I let them work at it for a while, but usually end up helping them finish up what's on their plate. I find they eat a lot better if I help them out a little, and I don't mind doing it. I'm not talking about forcing them to eat something they don't want, just assisting them in eating whatever they are already eating. If I don't help them I get them asking for 'more" when they have a ton on their plates, it's just too "spread out" for them to scoop it up!
momofsix you are not weird. My response was based strictly on finger foods. I certainly help my younger kiddos with foods that need to be "spooned" i.e, applesauce, soup, yogurt etc. As they get older I just help less and less until they can finally do it on their own. Since the OP said the kid feeds himself other foods, it seems that this is a matter of his food preferences rather than a physical inability to feed himself.

Originally Posted by Crystal:
nope. BUT, I would not serve it to him later for snack if I know he's not going to eat it, that's not cool IMO because you know he is hungry. I would offer healthy snack to ALL of the kids, like cheese and crackers with some apples. You know he'll eat crackers, and so will the others, so I would serve snacks that are 1. HEALTHY and 2. something they will ALL eat.
He will learn quickly that he eats or goes hungry until it's time to eat again. The ONLY snack that EVERYONE here will eat is graham crackers and I can't serve that for snack every day. So I still think that OP is likely to encounter the same problem even when she serves him healthy snacks. It's going to be a waiting game but eventually he will start to eat some of the foods she offers.



Whether he is starving or not, I would NOT feed him foods that I know he was capable of picking up and eating himself. Mom already said that she doesn't hand feed him so there is no way I would start doing it. Mealtimes are hectic enough without creating extra work for ourselves.
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Crystal 03:07 PM 12-30-2010
Misol, with all due respect, we are talking about an 18 month old here. Yes, he will learn with time to eat or he will be hungry, BUT there is absolutely NO reason to re-serve his LUNCH for SNACK when the provider knows good and well that he will NOT eat it. Therefore, the child is going HUNGRY for 8-10 hours a day. As a provider, I am apalled that another provider would even consider allowing a child to go hungry for that long, even if she did offer him (the same) food all day and as a parent I would be downright LIVID and probably calling licensing about it.

Now, if we were discussing an older child, it would be a LITTLE more understandable to re-serve lunch for snack, but even then I'd be questioning why anyone would think that's okay.

I do agree that I would not hand-feed him. He is quite capble of that himself.
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Luna 03:19 PM 12-30-2010
I would not hand feed him either, but I wouldn't re-serve him his uneaten food. I would be serving him the same food as everyone else, at the same time as everyone else, and nothing in between. I promise you, he won't starve.
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jen 03:20 PM 12-30-2010
Hmmm...

Well, I feel a bit differently on this. Have you tried simply feeding him one bite and then walking away. I have one that will eat just fine, ONCE I've gotten him started. I wouldn't sit and feed him, but I'd pop a bite in there to get him started. If he didn't eat after that, so be it.

I wouldn't refeed him his lunch. I would simply offer him some veggies and maybe a little ranch dip, some cheese, and some milk.

I wouldn't worry about if everyone else would eat it, or even if everyone else had the same thing.
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countrymom 03:20 PM 12-30-2010
well, the last day here before christmas (thursday) I had ordered pizza from the pizza joint down the street (I have ordered from them lots of times, they make great pizza for the kids, light on sauce, cut it up in small pieces) so we did our little christmas party and so its lunch time and the 5 yr old says to me "I don't eat that pizza, I only eat cheese" well I tell him whatever you don't like pick it off-right, well wrong, he just doesn't eat that pizza because he only eats lunchable pizza (ohmg how gross is that) so I said oh well, you don't get nothing else, because i was only serving pizza. But for snack it was fruit and opps again it wasn't a lunchable so he didn't eat it either.
this kid and parents frustrate me (there is something wrong with the child, he is going for lots of therapy but something is off about him) but his parents only serve him lunchables, chicken nuggets and soup out of a can for dinner. so when its snack time because he doesn't eat his lunch half the time, he gets other things or he gets less than the other kids. I found that he would wait for snack time and fill up on crackers or cookies or whatever, so to me its a pain for me to cook this wonderful meal for all the kids and have to throw his in the trash.
I wouldn't save the lunch and serve it for snack, its just me.
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countrymom 03:25 PM 12-30-2010
[quote=Crystal;67428]Misol, with all due respect, we are talking about an 18 month old here. Yes, he will learn with time to eat or he will be hungry, BUT there is absolutely NO reason to re-serve his LUNCH for SNACK when the provider knows good and well that he will NOT eat it. Therefore, the child is going HUNGRY for 8-10 hours a day. As a provider, I am apalled that another provider would even consider allowing a child to go hungry for that long, even if she did offer him (the same) food all day and as a parent I would be downright LIVID and probably calling licensing about it.

Now, if we were discussing an older child, it would be a LITTLE more understandable to re-serve lunch for snack, but even then I'd be questioning why anyone would think that's okay.

I do agree that I would not hand-feed him. He is quite capble of that himself.[/QUOTE

get a grip!! go back and reread what was written. no one is starving a child 8-10 hours a day. Oh and I guess you have never heard of leftovers. also its not that the child is not wanting to eat the food, he's refusing to feed himself, thats 2 totally different things.
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Crystal 04:02 PM 12-30-2010
[quote=countrymom;67437]
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Misol, with all due respect, we are talking about an 18 month old here. Yes, he will learn with time to eat or he will be hungry, BUT there is absolutely NO reason to re-serve his LUNCH for SNACK when the provider knows good and well that he will NOT eat it. Therefore, the child is going HUNGRY for 8-10 hours a day. As a provider, I am apalled that another provider would even consider allowing a child to go hungry for that long, even if she did offer him (the same) food all day and as a parent I would be downright LIVID and probably calling licensing about it.

Now, if we were discussing an older child, it would be a LITTLE more understandable to re-serve lunch for snack, but even then I'd be questioning why anyone would think that's okay.

I do agree that I would not hand-feed him. He is quite capble of that himself.[/QUOTE

get a grip!! go back and reread what was written. no one is starving a child 8-10 hours a day. Oh and I guess you have never heard of leftovers. also its not that the child is not wanting to eat the food, he's refusing to feed himself, thats 2 totally different things.
If you know that the child is not eating what you serve him, and you do not offer him anything else at another meal/snack time, then yes, it is starving a child. I assume he is care full-time. If he's there for a couple of hours, then I am sure mom will feed him what he will eat at home and wouldn't worry about it.

I agree that he needs to feed himself, but it is not okay to re-serve the same food knowing that he will not eat it.

You can disagree with me, that's fine, but this is my stance on it and I don't care if anyone else like it or not. It is NOT OKAY to let a child go hungry. PERIOD.
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mickey2 05:05 PM 12-30-2010
Originally Posted by Miss Joy:
18 month old little pistol, knows perfectly well how to feed himself but refuses. He gets offered the same food at the same times as all of the other kids, if he doesn't eat his lunch I save it for snack. It's not that he can't, he can pick up cookies, crackers, chips, raisens etc. etc. but give him meat, veggie, pasta etc and he refuses. There are days that go by that he will only eat a bite or two of food all day because I refuse to feed him. His Mom doesn't seem to care, because he will fill up on junk and milk when she gets him home. My scale is broken but he weighed over 30 pounds in June when he started, I would guess that he weighs about 45 now.

Sometimes he will eat better if I pick it up and feed it to him, according to Mom she does not do this at home. Would you?

I would NOT feed him, at 18 months of age he is perfectly capable of feeding himself. I would however encourage him to eat and praise him when he does take a bite. After a reasonable amount of time I would just remove his food and tell him that lunch time is over. At snack time be sure to offer him a nutritious snack. If he does not want to eat it then so be it.

I have a question though. Is he perhaps very tired by the time lunchtime arrives? Maybe he is just too tired to eat so just sits there. I have a little boy who is 3 1/2 now whom I have had since he was 11 months old. He was doing this for a while. Once I realized that he was just way too tired to eat his lunch I started feeding him earlier & he began eating better. He arrived some mornings at 6 30 so by 11 am he was too exhausted! Poor baby. Maybe a VERY good nutritious snack mid morning then if he does not eat his lunch at least he had something nutritious. Then give him another very good snack as soon as he wakes up.

Just a thought. :-)
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Francine 05:13 PM 12-30-2010
I just wanted to pipe in here again about what kind of food we are talking about, I am not talking about yogurt, mashed potatoes or the like. I am talking about chicken nuggets, french fries, grilled cheese, pizza, pb&J, fruit, veggies, waffles, scrambled eggs and toast etc. I'm not asking him to eat it with a spoon and fork, I want him to pick it up with his fingers. If I put it into his mouth he will eat it just fine, he just won't pick it up. He can, I have seen him eat plenty of crackers, cookies, fruit snacks etc. He tends to want to play around during lunch, twisting in his chair, talking, throwing his arms around so that his food ends up getting either scattered around the table or dumped on the floor. He doesn't just sit and eat like the rest of the kids, he is a very busy kid. He eats breakfast before he gets here, he gets offered a.m snack whether he eats it or not is up to him, he gets offered lunch whether he eats it or not and afternoon snack. Yes, if lunch is something like a pb&J and it went untouched because he was messing around during lunch I will give it back to him for snack. I don't leave his hot lunch sit on the counter to get cold and then give it back to him for snack and expect him to eat it.

He is by no means going hungry, he still wakes up in the middle of the night for 8 ounce bottles of milk, sometimes more than once. A week or so ago Mom told me that he had woke up at like 4 a.m., they gave him 3 8 ounce bottles between 4 and when they were ready to get up just to keep him quiet. His bed is in his parents room so they do whatever they can to keep him quite, milk keeps him quiet.
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nikia 06:02 PM 12-30-2010
Miss joy your last post speaks volumes. He is 18 months and still bottle fed still waking up in the middle of the night STILL is treated like an infant IMO.

I think maybe trying to feed him before the other kids so he doesn't show off which I think is what he is doing. Do the other kids laugh when he is twisting around and playing with his food? Can you feed him one piece and then put one in his hand and the guide it to his mouth ? I know it will be time consuming for a bit but he is being treated like a newborn at home IMO and needs to work on being a toddler. KWIM??
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Daycare_Mama 06:40 PM 12-30-2010
Totally agree with the person who said "have you ever heard of leftovers?"

There is nothing wrong with reserving food that went uneaten for the next meal/snack. That is exactly the definition of leftovers. It's not like you are not offering the child food. THAT would be starving a child, but if you offer a child food and they ARE hungry, they WILL eat it. Bottom line.

Now, I'm not saying every single meal that's not completely finished should be saved for the next meal/snack, but there's not a thing wrong with doing that once in a while, especially when they didn't eat hardly anything.

My 20 month daycare boy is pretty picky and sometimes will only eat his meat for lunch. There's plenty of times that he doesn't touch his blueberries or green beans or whatever and so I give wrap it up, stick it in the refrigerator, and give it to him at snack when he wakes up, and what do you know, he eats it all up! What a mean daycare mom, giving the boy leftover lunch from 3 hours ago!

I think it is MUCH more appalling to throw away and waste perfectly good food that was untouched, then to offer it at the next meal. It's not like it gets served meal after meal after meal, day after day until he eats it. Get a grip is right!

To the original poster, I would not feed a child that age his whole meal. But once in a while, when I give dcb something, he just stares at it like he think he won't like it. So, like the other poster said, sometimes I'll pick up one bite and feed it to him, he realizes he actually does like it and he eats! But no, never a whole meal or anywhere close to it. That's how you end up with a 4 year old that is still spoon fed by her parents... true story! My mom's coworker's niece will not eat a single bite herself! And she is very capable..parents just baby her.
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QualiTcare 11:21 PM 12-30-2010
[quote=Crystal;67448]
Originally Posted by countrymom:

If you know that the child is not eating what you serve him, and you do not offer him anything else at another meal/snack time, then yes, it is starving a child. I assume he is care full-time. If he's there for a couple of hours, then I am sure mom will feed him what he will eat at home and wouldn't worry about it.

I agree that he needs to feed himself, but it is not okay to re-serve the same food knowing that he will not eat it.

You can disagree with me, that's fine, but this is my stance on it and I don't care if anyone else like it or not. It is NOT OKAY to let a child go hungry. PERIOD.
i agree. i mean, would you give one child a meal that was different from all the rest of the children just because their parents said, "they don't like chicken stir fry (or whatever)?" NO - you'd say, "they are going to be served whatever i serve the other children. it's not fair for one child to be served something different bc the other children might want it, etc." why is it okay to serve one child something different because THEY didn't choose what you served?

there are some battles that aren't worth fighting. if a child doesn't eat their green beans at lunch, you don't give the other children yogurt with gummy bears for snack and put green beans in front of the child who wouldn't eat them for lunch.

your job is to offer the children a good, nutritious meal - whether they eat it is not up to you. do you think depriving them of yogurt at daycare is going to change their habits if their mom has a bag of cheetos waiting in the car? NOOO.

if you KNOW a child won't eat your food that you paid good money for then don't give them a large portion - but don't put that same food in front of them while the other kids have something different.
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Daycare_Mama 09:00 AM 12-31-2010
It has nothing to do with serving children different meals altogether. I would never do that. If my dcb OR daughter doesn't eat their green beans and blueberries at lunch, I sure will give them to them as snack, ALONG WITH what the other child is getting for snack. I'm not going to deprive either kid of what the other is getting. If daughter is getting graham crackers and cheese for snack, so will dcb. BUT if he didn't touch something at lunch, I will give that to him also to see if he'll eat it with snack. If he doesn't, no big deal. But I'm not going throw away food of any size if I know he'll probably eat it in a few hours.

Now, reserving a child their lunch for snack and giving all the other kids a different snack, that is mean. But as long as you ALSO offer the child the snack that everyone else is getting WITH what they didn't eat earlier, that is perfectly fine.
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BentleysBands 09:17 AM 12-31-2010
My advice is to offer smaller portions at a time. He maybe overwhelmed with a huge plate
Of food.

I would personally just feed him
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misol 10:30 AM 12-31-2010
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Misol, with all due respect, we are talking about an 18 month old here. Yes, he will learn with time to eat or he will be hungry, BUT there is absolutely NO reason to re-serve his LUNCH for SNACK when the provider knows good and well that he will NOT eat it. Therefore, the child is going HUNGRY for 8-10 hours a day. As a provider, I am apalled that another provider would even consider allowing a child to go hungry for that long, even if she did offer him (the same) food all day and as a parent I would be downright LIVID and probably calling licensing about it.

Now, if we were discussing an older child, it would be a LITTLE more understandable to re-serve lunch for snack, but even then I'd be questioning why anyone would think that's okay.

I do agree that I would not hand-feed him. He is quite capble of that himself.
Originally Posted by Luna:
I would not hand feed him either, but I wouldn't re-serve him his uneaten food. I would be serving him the same food as everyone else, at the same time as everyone else, and nothing in between. I promise you, he won't starve.



Crystal, what I meant was exactly what Luna said right here. I wouldn't reserve his lunch for snack but I also wouldn't serve him a special snack just because I knew he would eat it. He would get whatever was on the menu for snack that day. Nothing more, nothing less. Now if he didn't eat the snack either, then yes, he would be hungry at my house until his mom picked him up - but he certainly wouldn't starve.

ETA - I agree with other posters that reserving an uneaten meal is simply leftovers. The only reason I don't do this (anymore) is because I've never had any success with it.
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Francine 11:13 AM 12-31-2010
I really appreciate what everybody has had to say, I do want to say something to those who think I am being mean by saving lunch for snack and giving all of the other kids something different/better. 9 chances out of 10 he eats afternoon snack by himself, I have 5 kids and all are part time and two of the five are infants. On the days that he is here with either of the older kids he is still sleeping when they eat their snack because they get picked up at 3:00 so I wake them up and give them snack before they leave. He usually sleeps until 3:30 or 4. And I don't always save his lunch for him to eat at snack but there are days that I just assume that he must not have been hungry at lunch if he isn't going to eat so I give it back to him later after his nap when he might be more hungry. There is a difference between saving a pb&j and saving a grilled cheese, the grilled cheese would be nasty and I wouldn't want to eat it left over so I'm not going to give it to him but the pb&j is just fine.

His own mother doesn't sit and feed him, she just assumes that he will eat when hungry. He gets more milk on any given day before he comes to me at 8:30 than I would give my own kids in an entire day, he is not starving, he's not crying because he's hungry, he is not delayed in anyway, he is very strong willed and stubborn.
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Live and Learn 04:45 PM 12-31-2010
My kiddies are good little eaters. My dc parents send in lunches we always start with veggies, then protein, then fruit. .....then if there are crackers or something last. Sometimes the parents will send a veggie that the kiddie is suspicious of!...one parent sends these yummy organic pepper, eggplant, onion combos from our fancy deli here in town...YUMMY! He looked at the eggplants with trepidation!! I poked one in his lil pie hole and he gobbled the rest right down!!....I would never routinely feed an 18 month old. He is capable of feeding himself!! If he is hungry he will eat but I am old school....he can eat his veggies and protein before he is offered the rest. I don't fight with kids over food. I have rules and that is that.No biggie...I don't get upset or anything...you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. I have never had a healthy kid not eat their lunch. If he were healthy and trying to control the food options... like you MISS JOY I would feed him the lunch later. Especially if is just you and him.
Also my dc kiddies drink water only during the day.This lil fella is drinking a whole lot of milk at home. He wouldn't get milk here.
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Francine 07:39 PM 12-31-2010
Originally Posted by Live and Learn:
.Also my dc kiddies drink water only during the day.This lil fella is drinking a whole lot of milk at home. He wouldn't get milk here.
Yep, water only here too! I have one little girl that drinks so much milk in the morning before getting here that her diaper is usually leaking when Mom brings her in, pants wet, needing a full outfit change. By 10:00 her diaper will be just as full even if she hasn't had anything to drink here. Mom will bring her in and say " she's had milk but no breakfast" WHY????? She is two years old and it is 8:30 in the morning.
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