Last week I told a parent that I would not open early for her so she could make it to tee ball for her son. I just changed my hours and didn't want to start taking on more because I am tired already. Anyway, now both the parents are treating me with the silent treatment and making it very uncomfortable at drop off and pick up. Every day I tell myself it will be different. I keep up the conversation on my part, I smile and tell them about his day and try to stay upbeat, while they look at me with glaring eyes and very few words if any at all. It just kills me because I do so much for them. I have their child for 50 hours a week for $120. and they want more. I teach him preschool, which he is now starting to read and can do sign language.
My husband tells me not to say anything because he will be leaving in August. I am just so mad and hurt. It seems when I am doing what everyone else likes, then things are fantastic and when I don't then ,well, not fantastic.

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Don't let it bother you. I went through a similar thing when I had to term one sibling due to behavior and kept the other sibling. After a while I just did my own thing not caring what they thought because I know I did the right thing for me and my program to run smoothly in turn benefiting the other children. I felt if it really bothered them then they were free to leave my program. This situation taught me to do what I need to do without feeling guilty or hurt because dcps will do what's best for them without any qualms and thought to how it will affect us as providers.

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I find that many parents can act just like children when they are told NO. I would carry on as usual and just do what you do. It's not your problem that they are acting like children and you don't have to make it either.

I have had many families do this to me because I said NO. Hey, guess what, if you don't like it, you don't have to stay. BUT no is no...

you have to do what's best for you and your family and they will with theirs.

However, I would be on the look out to replace them if any more grief is given from them.

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So how long do I put up with this behavior? My husband acts like it is no big deal, which maybe it isn't, but I don't like it. Why should I feel uncomfortable in my own home? That is what irritates me. I guess I am just too sensitive.

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let me ask you this question.... when a child acts this way, you ignore it right?? So why not just ignore their behavior... I personally can fake it until i make it. If you know they are on their way out just smile and carry on.

Now if they were a family that was going to be around for awhile, I might ask, hey Sue, you and DCD have seemed a little quiet lately and just wanted to make sure everything is ok.

The last thing that you want to do is assume that the change in their behavior is because you told them NO. It could just be coincidental that maybe something is going on at home or such.

If you feel you can't carry on, then just ask them, is everything ok...let them tell you that they are being butts because you said no.

and then at that time address it

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They are punishing you with the silence treatment and it is working cause you feel hurt, don't let them do this to you!
I would not trying to have a conversation with them, I would go on doing my own thing.
..I wish a couple of my parents, would give me silence at pick up/drop off

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Yes! They are literally having a fit because they couldn't find someone to watch their son. Not your problem. Smile big and be happy! You stood up for yourself! They are just pouting, wahhhhhh lol

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Of course it's no big deal to your dh, he doesn't have to deal with it.

Stop trying to engage with them. Take the child at drop off and then hand the child off at pick up.

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I would ask them what's up. Like you, I wouldn't want to be uncomfortable in my own home and business. If they have something to say...cough it up.


Then, if it's gets heated, I'd just say something like "well, this is the service I offer. You're certainly entitled to shop around, just remember I require two weeks notice. Otherwise, we need to resume our pleasant working relationship, or I will have to terminate our arrangement".

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August is a little over 5 months away. That's a long time to be feeling uncomfortable in your own home. If they don't get over it soon, I would be direct and ask them if something is bothering them. If it is your unwillingness to open early, I would just say, "I learned a long time ago that I can't be all things to all people. I would hate to see you go but I would understand if you felt you had to find another provider who opens earlier than I do. Just remember to give me 2 weeks notice if you decide to leave." I've had to say this to a parent or two and it helped stop the guilt trip they were trying to lay on me.

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agree with all of this....AND like i said be careful how you do ask, because you don't want to assume that YOU are the reason they are acting like this.

Long story short...i had a dcf that I told them NO I would not allow day transfers anymore it was just to much on me and crazy... Their next scheduled day DCD was giving me cold shoulder, same with DCM at pick up. I immediately think it was because I told them no.

I almost said something to them and before I did, dcm tells me dck won't be here tomorrow, grandma passed away last night in her sleep....WOW did I feel bad.

I am so happy that I didn't say anything to them. After that I learned to ask nicely if something was going on....

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Is this the same parent that gave you a hard time when your dad passed away and you took time off? I read your other post about being burnt out and also the fact that you said you don't need to do this for the money. If it were me I would not take any disrespect from my families and I would let them go. Especially if their child is the one with the behavior problems you mentioned before! You need to do what's best for YOU and not worry about anything else right now.

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I 100% agree with your husband.

Your DH's line of thinking is MY key to success.

Own what is YOURS to own and let parents own their own drama.

If they are giving you the cold shoulder, ignore it. Whether it is or isn't due to you saying no to them makes no difference.

You said no. They don't like it. Too bad.

YOU are sabotaging yourself by allowing someone (this family) to have the power to control how you feel.

You are making the connection between what you do and how you think they should act/react.

You said "It just kills me because I do so much for them" Stop equating what you do for them to how you think they should react.

If you do something for them, do it because YOU want to, not because you expect them to behave a certain way. Do you feel this upset/hurt when you tell a daycare child no? Do you feel like you need to allow daycare kids to run amok in your house just because you don't want to say no?

Of course not but that is exactly what you are doing with these parents.

Set YOUR rules and boundaries and when clients fit into those boundaries...YAH!!! Good fit = happy provider = happy parent.

If parents don't fit into YOUR rules/boundaries, you say "I'm sorry but that is how I run my business. I am not willing to waive my policies. If you are unable to work within those guidelines, you are free to find care elsewhere as we all need to do what works best for our families. It's not personal."

Because you are allowing it to be personal, it hurts. I am sorry for that.
But this family does not view you as a personal part of their family, they view you as someone who is working for them.

Define YOUR obligations and responsibilities in every parent-provider relationship and do NOT take on anything that is a parental responsibility.

For example if this parent needs care before you open, then it is THEIR responsibility to find a family member or friend to drop off when their daycare opens. It's not YOUR responsibility to pen early for them. They don't demand that Target open early because they want to shop before work. Why should you be any different? See what I mean?


You CAN do this!

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I agree with BlackCat. Some parents are morons. You are taking care of their child and they probably treat the mailman better!! Remember you are doing this for the little boy whose life is being improved because he's had your kind and loving influence on him. Sounds like he needs that considering his parents

Let it go for your health and peace of mind. They think this is how the world works because they are operating at a 5 yr old level.

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Ugg I had an interview the other day for a sweet little boy. They let me know that they wanted to enroll so I set up for today for paperwork. Not here so I text and she says "oh sorry we had to take him to the doctor" This is the third time I have had to change meetings with them. Both other times she scheduled during school and then messaged me "oh well I can't get out of school". I am feeling this may not work out well. If I didn't need the money so darn bad, I wouldn't even do the paperwork at this point.

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If she can't get out of school for a daycare meeting, what will happen if the kid gets sick & she is called to pick up within the hour?

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. Good point!

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Thanks everyone. It seems I have been in a downward spiral. A very negative one. And sharing things here seems to help quite a bit.
BlackCat....Thank you so much. What you said helped me more than you will know. My husband has been saying the same things but since I am a people pleaser, I have made this very personal. I have to take a step back and remember these are not my kids even though I have had them both for several years now. I can only control what is done here. I do love those boys. Gosh, I have really made this personal. I didn't see how much until posting on here. I do above and beyond but it is because I choose to. I don't do the things I do because I want some kind of reaction, I do it because I like what I do. I love watching them learn and love to see their faces when they actually do it themselves. We use to have a lot of fun. I feel like I am going in circles lately. Things are not getting done or planned. I have put so much pressure on myself to keep making things better or to keep doing more and more and more that I have just overwhelmed myself. I have spent so much money on these kids for birthdays and Christmas and Easter it isn't even funny. I think I set myself up for failure because I don't see how I can possibly keep up with the pace I have set for myself.
I think I need to take a step back and maybe start over. This is what a day for me is like.
7 am arrival
8 am breakfast
830 brush teeth
835-9 free play
9-915 circle....we do calendar, shapes, weather and read a book and sing songs
915-10 free play or dancing to music or on the wii with just dance for kids
10-1030 worktime....which is monday-craft
tues. fundamentals (names, letters, numbers)
Wed. science
thurs fundamentals(scissor use, fine motor
etc.
Friday math
11 lunch
1130 movie
12-2 nap/rest
230 snack
245 play outside or free play until home
530 home
It is a long day. I am tired. and the parents still expect more.

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I think you are doing plenty. I would cut back on the birthdays and such, not your job! If they are really that upset, they can leave and you can start over with new kiddos. If not, they will stay and and you will know they really aren't that upset they just want you to think they are. I get getting attached, it is hard not to, but don't let that get in the way of the business end of things.

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See, you already had the answers within.

Do it for the kids.

Do it for the smiles, the giggles, the hugs, the love, the FUN!!!

Remember WHO it is you are trying to make smile/laugh (the kids)

If they go home happy and FULL of fun memories, the you did your job and you did it well.

If parents want more, THEY can do more. It's not YOUR responsibility.

Sometimes we don't see the solution because we're so focused on what others (usually parents) tell us the problem is but when we take a deep breath, step back and really look at the situation, we realize that the problem we are trying to solve doesn't make sense because it's not our problem to solve.

We can't fix things for others but we can make sure we are happy and content with ourselves. If you KNOW you made the kids laugh, made them happy, kept them safe, warm and loved then you DID IT!!!!

That's all those little faces are expecting from you. Stop allowing others to add to those expectations!

You CAN do this!!!

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You have a fantastic program, Laura! I think most of us do this very same thing to ourselves, trying to do more and more. Then we either burn out and quit, or we take a step back and put some serious thought into what needs to change.

I try to do it all, here, too: circle time, centers, preschool, all with real motive to cover all the bases for early childhood education and development with newborns, babies, toddlers, and preschoolers while at the same time maintaining a pristine record for licensing and my food program. Whew!

When I was at the end of my rope, I figured out where I went wrong and changed it:

1. I only do preschool curriculum for those in their last year before Kindergarten.
2. I only do circle, centers, preschool M-Th. On F, the kids get to watch TV (not even turned on the rest of the week) and free play and I use that time to get stuff ready for next week. DCFs like that we only watch TV one day per week, and it is a major selling point.
3. I try to do everything for DC during DC hours, except for interviews and shopping. If it's work related, I should be able to do it during work hours.
4. I stopped buying and doing extravagant things for holidays and birthdays when I realized overall I was spending more on my 8-10 DCKs than I was for my own 3 DSs. That is really for the DCFs to do for their own children. We keep it simple and fun, and nobody misses the lavishness of yesteryear.

Those were the biggest things I did, and it renewed me. I hope you find your way to fall in love with daycare again!

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And about your original post about the big baby DCM and DCD, I agree with ignoring them. I think if you address it, they will still try to convince you to open early and unless you cave, it will only makes things even more uncomfortable. It will probably blow over in a week or so and be forgotten. If THEY bring it up, I would say exactly what e.j. and BlackCat31 said.

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