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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>23 Month Old Development Questions
Unregistered 01:11 PM 03-13-2012
So I have a DCB that is 23 months old. His parents speak Tagalog and English, so I know his language skills will be somewhat behind, Im just not sure how far?? As I have some other developmental concerns.

I started caring for him part-time when he was 14 months, then he stopped coming at 16 months and started back at 18 months because we had some issues to resolve with the parents thinking part-time entitled them to take off a week or 2 and not call and then come back and pay when they wanted.....long story.

So he started full time at 18 months and DCM asked me if I provided whole milk or if she needed to, I told her that I do. He was on formula before. Well I worked with him to eat everything under the sun and no such luck. He really has no preference for anything. So I asked DCD...........What do you feed him? and my first response is, oh he likes rice, which I know because that is all his mom will tell me. So I asked what else, response....."um, I do not know, maybe he likes yogurt and banana" well yeah, I was the one that told them that early on...........getting nowhere, parents are limited in their communication.

Then a couple of days ago mom brings DCB before work and says "oh, I have bottle in the bag, I already mixed one for you, so you dont have to mix one" .................Confused....... I have not been giving him formula, so I take the lid off and smell it and sure enough it is formula........He is almost 2!! My opinion is that he shoul NOT have a BOTTLE much less formula! Should I be concerned that he is not eating hardly anything here? Or is the formula substituting enough? I just give him milk, He will eat banana, gold fish, yogurt, cheese, mac and cheese, ravioli, pizza, and these are things I have worked for months to get him to eat and it is in SMALL SMALL quantities, like half of a ravioli ??

His speech development also worries me, DCD keeps pacifier in his mouth always, the only words that he says are words that I have taught him. DCM says that he only knows one word in tagalog, in english he can say, fish, baby, daddy, thanks, hello (eyo) and tia (which is what the other children call me) This is the complete list, should I be concerned, It seems like he should be talking a lot more at almost two, the rest of the time he just says "geeka" all day long which his mom says is not a tagalog word either. They literally bring him to me as soon as he wakes and pick him up at 7:45 every night, So I know most of his development depends on me, and his parent do not seem concerned at all.

I keep his pacifier from him unless it is in dire need, I have tried all kinds of sippy cups but he will not drink from them he only plays with them, throws them, shakes them. He will not drink water, he wont drink juice, he wont even drink sweet tea!

Do you think his overall development is just slow? Am I being overly concerned for this baby for no reason? Just thought I would get some other points of view. Thanks
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daycare 01:19 PM 03-13-2012
hi and welcome..

First off you need to understand one thing. People from the Philippines keep their children BABIES for as long as possible. My husband is from there. The first time I visited his home country, I was in shock when I saw a ton of 4 year olds with bottles and pacifiers. So you are also dealing with a culture thing.

My in-laws pretty much raise my niece who is 4.5. She also will only eat rice and bread. She also will not feed herself, dress herself, pretty much they do everything for her. She is also still in diapers.

I think that maybe you should call your food program if you are on it or not and request some information for them to read about the need for milk and being off the bottle at this age.

They should have something in Tagalog for the parents. I know that mine does.

ALso, as far as his speech, just keep working with him. It is difficult for a child to learn two languages at the same time, but it is actually easier than if they were older trying to learn two.

I have a child here that the parents speak limited english and only speak mandarin at home. The child came with zero english words, but within weeks he has a pretty big vocabulary.

With the food, don't battle the child during food time. Serve the food and if he doesnt eat at meal time, then he doesnt eat. He will eat when he is hungry, I promise you this.

Also, the pacifier, I don't allow them here at all. I don't care what parents do at home, but here they are not an option. YOu would be amazed how many kids are Binky dependent at home, but not here. DOn't make it an option and they won't have anything to cry about.

I hope that it all works out well for you....good luck
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Soupyszoo 01:20 PM 03-13-2012
He's probably really confused!

Dang! Those are really long hours for him. Do you think they even feed him at home or do you think they leave it all up to you?

I agree, he shouldn't have a bottle much less formula. I've heard of supplementing a poor diet with pediasure or something but never formula. Maybe I'm wrong
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cheerfuldom 01:50 PM 03-13-2012
I would never keep a child for those hours. The rest of the issues seem parent-induced and it will be an uphill battle to overcome them. I would imagine that he is given a bottle or a paci, nothing else all day. I know several families from the Philippines and just from what I see, they are very reliant on bottles. One family comes to our church service and will bring 4 to 8 bottles for just the one service! Constant bottles
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littlemommy 01:50 PM 03-13-2012
I had parents bring an almost 2 year old with bottles of milk with rice cereal. He wouldn't eat anything here, and his diapers were always diarrhea (sorry if TMI.) The diapers made me wonder if he EVER ate food. His parents always said he was a "picky eater" and said he loved mac n cheese and pizza, and they always offered McDonald's at pick up. I called my food program rep and she said he should not have a bottle, that it is important he learn how to eat with a fork and spoon like other kids his age. I told the mom the food program doesn't allow bottles, so she quit bringing them. It took him a while, but he DID start eating healthy meals at my house. There were even times he asked for seconds!

Long story short...ask your food program lady.
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SunshineMama 02:23 PM 03-13-2012
I have very close Filipino friends. I think that some of what you are experiencing is cultural. My Filipino friend's son was 5 before he was off the bottle. (The dad is a surgeon and the mom is an obstretician). I have noticed this across the board, with several Filipino families. They also eat very differently- you probably wont find the typical toddler food there.

Psychology suggests that bilingual children do take longer to speak, as they are processing two different languages, but I would not be too concerned yet. I watch 2.5 year old twins who barely speak English.

Do your best and offer a variety of foods. There isn't really much comparison between Filipino food and American food, so if he is eating their native food at home its a shock to see yogurt and PB&J. Maybe try cooked carrots/sweet potatoes, etc??

Try to be sensitive to the culture and understand that it is way different from our own. They are a very loving, family oriented culture, and very easygoing, which does leak over to behavioral "issues" (if that's the right word). They also probably do not understand daycare etiquette so it will be important for you to be very clear about your rules, attendance policies, etc.

Hope this helps!
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SunshineMama 02:25 PM 03-13-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
hi and welcome..

First off you need to understand one thing. People from the Philippines keep their children BABIES for as long as possible. My husband is from there. The first time I visited his home country, I was in shock when I saw a ton of 4 year olds with bottles and pacifiers. So you are also dealing with a culture thing.

My in-laws pretty much raise my niece who is 4.5. She also will only eat rice and bread. She also will not feed herself, dress herself, pretty much they do everything for her. She is also still in diapers.

I think that maybe you should call your food program if you are on it or not and request some information for them to read about the need for milk and being off the bottle at this age.

They should have something in Tagalog for the parents. I know that mine does.

ALso, as far as his speech, just keep working with him. It is difficult for a child to learn two languages at the same time, but it is actually easier than if they were older trying to learn two.

I have a child here that the parents speak limited english and only speak mandarin at home. The child came with zero english words, but within weeks he has a pretty big vocabulary.

With the food, don't battle the child during food time. Serve the food and if he doesnt eat at meal time, then he doesnt eat. He will eat when he is hungry, I promise you this.

Also, the pacifier, I don't allow them here at all. I don't care what parents do at home, but here they are not an option. YOu would be amazed how many kids are Binky dependent at home, but not here. DOn't make it an option and they won't have anything to cry about.

I hope that it all works out well for you....good luck
What part of the Phillos is your husband from? My friends are from Baguio City
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daycare 02:26 PM 03-13-2012
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
What part of the Phillos is your husband from? My friends are from Baguio City
cavitie... I dont know if I spell that right or not
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SunshineMama 02:29 PM 03-13-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
cavitie... I dont know if I spell that right or not
Not sure where that is- I know Cainta (maybe the same).

You are right about them wanting their babies for as long as possible. I can't say that their method is bad though- my friend comes from a family of doctors and lawyers- all 11 of them! Maybe they are practicing some form of attachment parenting? LOL- but bottles until 5 or 6 years old are a little odd over here
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daycare 02:35 PM 03-13-2012
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
Not sure where that is- I know Cainta (maybe the same).

You are right about them wanting their babies for as long as possible. I can't say that their method is bad though- my friend comes from a family of doctors and lawyers- all 11 of them! Maybe they are practicing some form of attachment parenting? LOL- but bottles until 5 or 6 years old are a little odd over here
OMG crazy. when I was there, one little boy was about 4 or 5 all of his teeth were rotting out of his head because he drank from a bottle still, he still wore diapers and OMG the parents did everything for him. He ate lollipop every chance he had.

Also there is no carseat law over there, so all of the kids are hoping up and down in the cars going all over the place. UGH talk about crazy..

THen his cousins most of them still lived at home age 25-30. Not married and their parents paid everything for them..EVERYTHING. Just like we do our SA children. I was in such shock..

just looked the city up online, its spelled......Cavite City, Philippines it looks very coastal and near the Manilla Bay
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Heidi 03:04 PM 03-13-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
hi and welcome..

First off you need to understand one thing. People from the Philippines keep their children BABIES for as long as possible. My husband is from there. The first time I visited his home country, I was in shock when I saw a ton of 4 year olds with bottles and pacifiers. So you are also dealing with a culture thing.

My in-laws pretty much raise my niece who is 4.5. She also will only eat rice and bread. She also will not feed herself, dress herself, pretty much they do everything for her. She is also still in diapers.

I think that maybe you should call your food program if you are on it or not and request some information for them to read about the need for milk and being off the bottle at this age.

They should have something in Tagalog for the parents. I know that mine does.

ALso, as far as his speech, just keep working with him. It is difficult for a child to learn two languages at the same time, but it is actually easier than if they were older trying to learn two.

I have a child here that the parents speak limited english and only speak mandarin at home. The child came with zero english words, but within weeks he has a pretty big vocabulary.

With the food, don't battle the child during food time. Serve the food and if he doesnt eat at meal time, then he doesnt eat. He will eat when he is hungry, I promise you this.

Also, the pacifier, I don't allow them here at all. I don't care what parents do at home, but here they are not an option. YOu would be amazed how many kids are Binky dependent at home, but not here. DOn't make it an option and they won't have anything to cry about.

I hope that it all works out well for you....good luck
I was JUST going to say: I learned in a class last night (as a side-note), that in many Asian cultures, they prefer children to be dependent much longer. It is not uncommon for them to feed their children (vs. self feeding) until they are school age. I didn't know this...always learning.

I think you should do your best to bring him "up to speed" when you can, without critizing the parents for their cultural beliefs. I would not give him a bottle or pacifier (except maybe to sleep) while he's at your house. I am pro-pacifier, just not during waking hours when they are over 1.
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momma2girls 03:43 PM 03-13-2012
Originally Posted by bbo:
I was JUST going to say: I learned in a class last night (as a side-note), that in many Asian cultures, they prefer children to be dependent much longer. It is not uncommon for them to feed their children (vs. self feeding) until they are school age. I didn't know this...always learning.

I think you should do your best to bring him "up to speed" when you can, without critizing the parents for their cultural beliefs. I would not give him a bottle or pacifier (except maybe to sleep) while he's at your house. I am pro-pacifier, just not during waking hours when they are over 1.
I have an almost 2 yr. old little daycare child. He only has the pacifier here at naptime, and that was a struggle for the Mom to see!! He has it 24/7 at their house!!! He only says about 10-15 words- he worries me as well. I think at the age of 2, I will actually say more to the Mom about him not saying much at all. I have talked to her before on the pacifier, and him not saying hardly anything at all!!! The parents are very niave (spelling wrong) and don't see things correctly. They also don't have a clue sometimes, with certain things!!
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daycare 03:45 PM 03-13-2012
Originally Posted by momma2girls:
I have an almost 2 yr. old little daycare child. He only has the pacifier here at naptime, and that was a struggle for the Mom to see!! He has it 24/7 at their house!!! He only says about 10-15 words- he worries me as well. I think at the age of 2, I will actually say more to the Mom about him not saying much at all. I have talked to her before on the pacifier, and him not saying hardly anything at all!!! The parents are very niave (spelling wrong) and don't see things correctly. They also don't have a clue sometimes, with certain things!!
I dont worry about what goes on at home, as long as its not abuse. I cant control what happens there and same for them here.

I don't ever bring stuff up like this to the parents. If they say my kid needs a pacifier, I say sorry we don't do those here.

If they are behind on speech, I won't bring it up. I will wait until they are about 3.5-4 then if they are still behind, then I will say something only once. AND i ask them to ask their doctor about it,,,,,,
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momma2girls 04:10 PM 03-13-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
I dont worry about what goes on at home, as long as its not abuse. I cant control what happens there and same for them here.

I don't ever bring stuff up like this to the parents. If they say my kid needs a pacifier, I say sorry we don't do those here.

If they are behind on speech, I won't bring it up. I will wait until they are about 3.5-4 then if they are still behind, then I will say something only once. AND i ask them to ask their doctor about it,,,,,,
Yeah, but me being a nurse, the poor child should have early intervention and have speech pathologists working with him. I will wait til the age of 2 and suggest it to them.
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Unregistered 04:13 PM 03-13-2012
I completely agree with everything you all are saying, I only give him his pacifier at nap time and in the past month I have stopped that unless he is considerably cranky. His dad is a surgical nurse and his mom is a physical therapist so I know that they understand the effects of him keeping the bottle and pacifier all the time. I think I will stop giving him bottles also. I am going to have to inform mom that I do not supply formula if this was her thoughts, she only asked if I offered milk when he started back. When he was younger they always brought formula so surely she does not expect that I am buying it for him now.

The only thing that I dont understand is that she is always telling me not to baby him that he can walk, or he can do this or that by himself. I know that their family life is a little hard right now bc she is taking care of her dad also, and yet they leave there 9 year old home by himself since DCB first started here, bc daycare is too expensive!

All in all I have had the little guy for about 9 months so I have definetly become attached to him, he is my youngest so he does get babyed a lot. I just want to make sure he is reaching his potential and progressing with things.
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MrsB 07:12 PM 03-13-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I completely agree with everything you all are saying, I only give him his pacifier at nap time and in the past month I have stopped that unless he is considerably cranky. His dad is a surgical nurse and his mom is a physical therapist so I know that they understand the effects of him keeping the bottle and pacifier all the time. I think I will stop giving him bottles also. I am going to have to inform mom that I do not supply formula if this was her thoughts, she only asked if I offered milk when he started back. When he was younger they always brought formula so surely she does not expect that I am buying it for him now.

The only thing that I dont understand is that she is always telling me not to baby him that he can walk, or he can do this or that by himself. I know that their family life is a little hard right now bc she is taking care of her dad also, and yet they leave there 9 year old home by himself since DCB first started here, bc daycare is too expensive!

All in all I have had the little guy for about 9 months so I have definetly become attached to him, he is my youngest so he does get babyed a lot. I just want to make sure he is reaching his potential and progressing with things.
Do you think maybe her asking if you offer milk got mixed up in translation and she meant to ask do you offer formula? As far as him reaching his own potential, it sounds like you are doing a great job. I have had alot of bad feed back from some parents regarding me trying to get parents to ask their doctors about delays they may have, let alone the added difficulites you have with the cultural and language bariers. All you can do is control what happens when he is with you. From the amount of hours he is with you, I am sure you are able to make a significant impact in his life!

On a side note... DCB left at home at 9 years old? Do you know what the law is in your state regarding children staying home alone? In Maryland it is 8 years old, so a non issue for me. If it is older than 9 years old, would that be something that falls under mandatory reporting?
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jenny31052 09:50 PM 03-13-2012
I have a degree in psychology and out household is bilingual ( Italian- English ). When a small child is raised in a household where two languages are regularly spoken he will automatically learn both. He will not get confused. Actually bilingual children have higher cognitive skills than monolingual individual because the brain gets that extra exercise from retrieving words from two different languages. They probably dony speak enough tagalog for him to learn it.


And like others said: he is there for a long time ! I'm not allowed to have children in care for more than 10 hrs each. I would not want it either. I love taking care of them, but I don't want to raise them..
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MrsB 10:18 PM 03-13-2012
Originally Posted by jenny31052:
I have a degree in psychology and out household is bilingual ( Italian- English ). When a small child is raised in a household where two languages are regularly spoken he will automatically learn both. He will not get confused. Actually bilingual children have higher cognitive skills than monolingual individual because the brain gets that extra exercise from retrieving words from two different languages. They probably dony speak enough tagalog for him to learn it.


And like others said: he is there for a long time ! I'm not allowed to have children in care for more than 10 hrs each. I would not want it either. I love taking care of them, but I don't want to raise them..
My understanding was that parents only speak only Tagalong and their English is very minimal.

Really, only 10 hours per day? I have a few parents that work 3 10s (3 days on 3 days off) With travel time I have them 11 hours a day it is fine with me because I still only typically have them 20-30 hours a week, depending on when their work days fall. Seems like that tight of a restriction would cut out daycare options for alot of job classes. Factory shift, nurses, doctors, etc Do the centers have to abide by that rule too? What state is this? If you dont mind me asking?
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Unregistered 05:54 AM 03-14-2012
To answer a few questions...........I am also wondering if I got it milk and formula got mixed up in translation............DCM says that they do not speak tagalog at home often but I have never heard them speak anything but tagalog to one another. Even if I call on the phone, if one needs to ask the other a question that I may have they ask the other in tagalog, even though it is my question...........So I am not sure if she is not just saying that.

His schedule seems long.......and it is.........but Dad works 12 hour nights and Mom works 12 hour days. Sometimes she will bring him and pick him up but this is not often. Mostly Dad brings him when he wakes up which is not until like 10 or 11 so the hours are often shorter than they seem. Its just that when he brings him he always says "oh he just woke up" So I take that as my que that he has not eaten breakfast, he probably wont take a proper nap......yada yada

I dont think the boy is at home alone always, bc DCM's Dad is there but he is very elderly and is actually going back to the phillipines to spend his last days according to her. He will be leaving next week so we shall see.
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Tags:developmentally delayed, milestones
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