How would you feel if a very good friend who you had hired to be an assistant in your family childcare wanted to start who own business up the street from you? Also applied for license before letting you know?

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I would be pissed, especially because she kept it a secret from you. To me, that in itself is an admittance of guilt for her actions. I would feel used. Hopefully she won't steal your families away from you too.

Monkey Toes

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I would be hurt as a friend because she didn't tell me that she had applied for a license but in ONLY because "as a friend" she kind of owed that to you.

However, as a child care provider in business, I don't care if someone opens a child care next door to me. I don't view anyone as competition. In home family child care's are as unique and individual as snowflakes and no two are the same.

I would be upset only because now I have to go through the entire hiring process again to find an assistant..... when this one "knew" she wouldn't be staying.

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Thank you for validating my feelings. I have let her and the friendship go. I have asked friends and family how they would feel but I wanted to get other providers opinions. I felt completely used. I had employed her for over 3 years I was very good to her. And of course she would tell my clients she was starting her own day care! She wanted me to help her. She considered me not a true friend because I wouldnt show her my contract, give her referrals, help,her set up her home etc. If she was in a different community I would have no problem at all. I have helped another friend from another community. But right up the street!!! And working for me!! I would never put a friend in that kind of a position. I told her my feelings but they were ignored.

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Welcome to the forum by the way! Nice to see some new members!!

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I wouldn't mind her starting a new childcare, even if it were up the street. I would not share my personal stuff with her-I worked hard to develop it, and that's something she should do for herself. If I felt she were capable, I wouldn't have a problem with sending referrals her way, either. I get way more calls than I have space for.

Trying to steal your clients is another story. That would be enough for me to end the friendship.

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I understand every program is unique. I have many friends who are providers. But when you are working with me and want me to help and give your referrals there is no uniqueness there. If you are using my contact, setting up your room like mine, using my clients for referrals I feel that is using me.

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Thank you for replying and thank you for welcoming me to the forum!!!

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I would be mad and hurt too. I started working at my sister's home daycare and after some time, opened my own home daycare. But I told her that I since I was pregnant, I wanted to stay at my home with the baby and was thinking about opening my own daycare. We lived in completely different neighborhoods with enough driving time between us that we weren't technically competition for each other. She had no problem with it and she helped me with some things regarding setting up and opening my own home daycare.

But, in your case, your friend didn't tell you that she was going to open her own business and started doing so behind your back. And she is close enough to be your competition. Yeah, I'd be mad as anything at her! I'm sorry she did that. I think that if she had just told you ahead of time that she was thinking about opening her own daycare, you'd probably feel differently. But the way she did it, would make me feel like she planned this for a while and used working at your daycare to get inside information and ideas. And the fact that she obviously tried to get your clients to leave you and go to her daycare! WOW!, just WOW! Unbelievable!

I had been friends with a daycare lady down the road from me for years. A few months ago, I realized that she has started only calling me to find out the new things and changes that I was making here at my daycare. She'd call, immediately ask if I had bought any new items, or started doing anything new or different. As soon as I would tell her about improvements I had made lately, she'd immediately get off the phone. Within 2 weeks, she would advertise that her daycare now does/has whatever I had just told her I had changed about my daycare!

After a few times of that, I decided that our 'friendship' had run it's course and now she was using that 'friendship' just to copy my daycare ideas and I decided to cut ties with her. It was very upsetting to me at first, but after a while, I got used to not having her as a friend.

So, I definitely know how you feel and I'm sorry you are going through that.

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I'm sorry that you are hurt. But let me tell you how I started out in childcare. I did not want to leave my secure job, where I'd worked for over a decade. But I did want to do child care So I convinced my sister, who lives on my block, to do it instead Then a year or two later, I decided to take the leap. She showed me her policy and paperwork, at her house, not for me to keep but only to get ideas of what to include. Then I made up my own stuff.

A year or so later another neighbor on the block, who had substituted for both of us, decided to do child care too! She looked at my sister's stuff and at mine, and had worked in both of our settings.

The three of us all ran successful, and similar child care homes, but with significant 'personality' differences. One was much stricter and 'old-school' with discipline techniques, one was very permissive and one was middle-of-the-road. One used only her basement for care, one used her whole home, and one used one entire floor of her home. (There were other differences too, but those were noticeable.)

We had lots of fun getting together, taking field trips, going to the park, over the next fifteen years or so. Then another provider (on the same block!) joined us. We all got along so well. We had an automatic support system, automatic back-up care (to varying abilities) and always sent our overflow phone calls to the people we knew well enough to refer

It was fantastic I still miss that. (Everyone else had the sense to get out, except for me )

I hope that you will be able to move past your hurt, and maybe even embrace the change. It's possible that it could even work out to your benefit

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I guess I just feel as if I have worked so hard for so many years doing this job. There have been many sacrifices made. She has said to me many times "this is just babysitting" anyone can do this. I have a degree and take pride in my work. I don't like the idea of someone just thinking they can just take all my business ideas, rates, referrals that would otherwise go to me etc. it has taken me years to build my reputation. If I had a friend in a jewelry business or a pizza shop I would never have the nerve to say "guess what? I'm going to do the same business up the street! " I personally could never do that to a friend. Where is your originality?

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I do appreciate you showing me how to look at it in another way though. I guess friends and business do not mix.

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Definitely a business relationship....when I turned in my 2 week notice at a center years ago, the director refused to let me work it because she was afraid kids would follow me....clients will make their own decisions about where their kids will stay and, oddly enough, several found me and thought I chose not to give notice at the center.....persons can be so cruel, but, in the end, IT IS a business relationship.....mom is my assistant but if she ever retires, I drop my ratio and work alone. I am a work-alone, be my own boss person because I like to run things......control is a better word

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Anything that you have, that she does not, will show. Smart parents get a good feel for the person and the child care during interviews. Hopefully she didn't steal your personality because then you'd be in trouble.

The hard work you've put in shows in your program, and in your kids, and in your clients. I think you will be fine. Stay confident

As to the friends and business, I would say it's "some" friends This one knows you, and clearly must have violated a boundary that it seems likely that she knew was there. I'd stay open to the friendship being okay, but from how you feel, it seems like you must have reason to be wary.

From what you've said, it sounds to me it's the 'not letting you know' part that is troubling. That would probably trouble me too - none of our group asked permission of the others, but we certainly brought it up in conversation! (Before it happened!)

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Yes analee the problem is you need to work with someone you can depend upon and trust. Which is usually family and friends. I also have my mom with me but after she leaves I'm going to 6. I don't like to feel as if I have to entertain someone anyways. I like to run my own show. I have found out the hard way friends take advantage and it is more aggravation then it is worth depending on anyone else in this business

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No ONE views child care, in my opinion, like I do to the point I would work with them 40+ hours a week except my mom....there are only 16 years between mom and I. We have worked the entire 20+ years together but could NOT do that with anyone else...I have stated before on this forum that we are known as the "pioneer women" in our community....

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Thank you sign me up! No I think I managed to hold on to my personality.

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My sister and I both wanted to do home daycare, but I convinced her to open up first so I would be able to get experience without quitting my "awesome" *cough cough* government job first.

She quit within 5 months

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I would suggest you have your next assistant since a non-compete thingy (my mind is blanking, idk what it's called)

I would be upset that she kept it from you and tried to take clients from you. Enough to end the friendship for sure. Not at all upset that she opened up, and she can't help her location.

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I also didn't like the idea she wanted to stay another 6 months. She basically wanted to set herself up first. I felt like she was calling the shots with my business and taking what she needed from it and deciding when she would leave. She was starting to ask me all kinds of questions. I would of felt like I was being interviewed for the next few months. I guess I was just not a good enough friend and I felt a need to protect my livelihood. It was a very sad ending.

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All of this.

I never showed my contract to 'friends' because I know better. Over the years, friends have come and gone and they'll always do what is best for them. So to protect myself, I do what's best for me: Do not mix business and friendship. Ever.

I had another friend who DID do daycare, but she was in a different part of town. I definitely referred her a lot of clients. She NEVER referred any back to me. She'd get people to try to drive out of their way to her instead of where I was, which was closer to the parent. I found out when she slipped up and told me. There was a lady who called with 3 kids. She said she'd called another provider, and gave me the provider's name. The provider actually has a common name so saying "Christine" would mean nothing to me. It could be ANY Christine, and trust me, there were a LOT of them on the referral list. I got the client! However, I called her up and in my excitement, told her about this new client with 3 kids. (2 were BA school) She slipped up and said "(name)? Oh, I had an interview but she said she was looking for child care closer, and cancelled" Funny, because that parent said the same exact thing, and said nothing about being referred by friend. She DID, however, mention my AD! So it just goes to show, you think you have this awesome friend, and they're not truly awesome after all.

Now, the fact she's trying to TAKE the clientele YOU built up and get them to come to HER new daycare? That's enough to make me want to punch a girl in the face! That's really sneaky, devious and unacceptable behavior. You are RIGHT to let her go. Let her sink herself. People that do that kind of stuff always will.

Good luck, I hope your parents stay with YOU!

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I would be happy I had someone to go on walks with and to the park with. My good friend started a FDC after I did, and we met for story hour and also met at the park. Her companionship and friendship was such a blessing.

If a friend undersold me and took families from me it would be horrible and upsetting. Otherwise, I'd wish her all the best and I'd be there to share my knowledge and resources.

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the sneakiness of it would bother me the most. She didn't openly tell you what her plans were and chances are she didn't wake up yesterday and decide she wanted to open a daycare.

I am in an area where getting kids is TOUGH. I would have to view anyone in my area as "competition" and I would not share my info with them. I worked to create everything the way I need it to be - they need to do the same for them. One size does not fit all in the way of contracts - as the hundreds of us here all have different things we choose to have in ours.

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I would not be offended that an assistant started a daycare. This exact thing has happened to me, twice. However, I do think it shows some nerve that she would be mad at you for not sharing resources and referrals and handing over a ready made business to her. She had a lot of assumptions there that you would just hand over everything to her. I am not surprised that she worked while she was planning her next job. People do that kind of thing all the time. I wouldnt be offended about that......I am sure she just didnt want you to get mad and fire her if she told you beforehand.

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