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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>A Thin Line Between Personal and Professional
DPS 01:25 PM 12-15-2014
Hello, I run a family home daycare and have had a close friends children in my care for almost a year now. Lately they have become such a distraction, they scream when they are dropped off... (I think it's partly because they have no structure at home and can do as they please.)
The older one (a boy) is mom's pride and joy, he could do nothing wrong in her eyes, so when he is here he attempts to get away with what ever he can get away with, there are a couple other boys who are younger and try to copy him and it's because very trying. I find myself dreading his arrival. Now his sister is pretty good, she has her times of misbehaving but she will listen when asked to stop and she wants to participate in activities and fun, unlike her brother who would rather ransack my place. I have had to stop putting stuff on the wall because they want to pull it off.
I'm so lost because these are children of a very close friend, and she is always making up sorry excuses for the way they behave.
Part of me wants her to find different care for the children and part of me wants them here because I know that they get the attention they crave and the love and cuddles.
My biggest mistake was agreeing to take them in the first place because their mother is my friend, and if I do chose to let them go, this could possibly be the end of a very long friendship.
HELP
The older one (a boy) is mom's pride and joy, he could do nothing wrong in her eyes, so when he is here he attempts to get away with what ever he can get away with, there are a couple other boys who are younger and try to copy him and it's because very trying. I find myself dreading his arrival. Now his sister is pretty good, she has her times of misbehaving but she will listen when asked to stop and she wants to participate in activities and fun, unlike her brother who would rather ransack my place. I have had to stop putting stuff on the wall because they want to pull it off.
I'm so lost because these are children of a very close friend, and she is always making up sorry excuses for the way they behave.
Part of me wants her to find different care for the children and part of me wants them here because I know that they get the attention they crave and the love and cuddles.
My biggest mistake was agreeing to take them in the first place because their mother is my friend, and if I do chose to let them go, this could possibly be the end of a very long friendship.
HELP
Play Care 02:07 PM 12-15-2014
I won't lie, no matter how you do it, she may very well be upset.
You could always blame yourself "Helen, the boys just seem like they need more kids their own age. I feel like they're bored. I think it's time to look at bigger day cares. I can give you one month but won't be able to care for them after x date. I just love them soooo much and want them to thrive!"
You can vomit later.
You could always blame yourself "Helen, the boys just seem like they need more kids their own age. I feel like they're bored. I think it's time to look at bigger day cares. I can give you one month but won't be able to care for them after x date. I just love them soooo much and want them to thrive!"
You can vomit later.
Unregistered 02:18 PM 12-15-2014
I had this same experience, and learned never to mix business relationship with personal relationships. I ended up terming the son (the more difficult of the two siblings) letting dcm know that my environment and curriculum no longer appealed to dcb who was turning 3 in a couple of months, and that he needed a bigger environment suited to his needs for his age. Ended up keeping younger child, now I wished I termed them both. But with changes in policies in the new school year, big probability that they will take dck out because they can't make the new times work for their schedule.
Shell 02:34 PM 12-15-2014
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I won't lie, no matter how you do it, she may very well be upset.
You could always blame yourself "Helen, the boys just seem like they need more kids their own age. I feel like their bored. I think it's time to look at bigger day cares. I can give you one month but won't be able to care for them after x date. I just love them soooo much and want them to thrive!"
You can vomit later.
I won't lie, no matter how you do it, she may very well be upset.
You could always blame yourself "Helen, the boys just seem like they need more kids their own age. I feel like their bored. I think it's time to look at bigger day cares. I can give you one month but won't be able to care for them after x date. I just love them soooo much and want them to thrive!"
You can vomit later.
Totally agree. I will never take a friend's kid ever again!
Controlled Chaos 02:41 PM 12-15-2014
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I won't lie, no matter how you do it, she may very well be upset.
You could always blame yourself "Helen, the boys just seem like they need more kids their own age. I feel like their bored. I think it's time to look at bigger day cares. I can give you one month but won't be able to care for them after x date. I just love them soooo much and want them to thrive!"
You can vomit later.
I won't lie, no matter how you do it, she may very well be upset.
You could always blame yourself "Helen, the boys just seem like they need more kids their own age. I feel like their bored. I think it's time to look at bigger day cares. I can give you one month but won't be able to care for them after x date. I just love them soooo much and want them to thrive!"
You can vomit later.
I love your child too much to keep watching them is my favorite way to breakup
daycare 05:53 PM 12-15-2014
since you have already crossed the line, I would just do as you normally do and treat them like you would treat any other family.
holly333 08:11 AM 12-16-2014
I had a very similar situation when I first opened my daycare. The older boy was AWFUL, bullied all the other kids (including mine) and was worse when mom was there (and she always wanted to stay and chat). I agree that you need to treat them like every other family and try to make it more of a professional relationship when it's daycare hours. I ended up terming the boy and should have done it much, much sooner.. by the time it happened the friendship was long gone.
EntropyControlSpecialist 11:03 AM 12-16-2014
Turn the situation around. If your child was attending a friend's daycare but was HORRIBLY behaved, would you be upset and blame the provider for having to let you go? Or, would you understand?
I, personally, would understand. I would let them know I wanted it to work but due to my child's poor behavior there (maybe "too comfortable" ... or maybe just plain straight naughty) that I understood it was NOT a good fit. To me, that is a real friend. A friend wouldn't want to subject you to their child's HORRIBLE behavior.
I just had a 20 year friendship end because I didn't want to vacation with my friend's family. I said I spent my entire week around children her child's age so I just wanted to unwind away from children (and I did, at the lake where I saw 0 other children besides my own). If she can't understand that, then that is a personal problem and our friendship wasn't as great as I thought.
I, personally, would understand. I would let them know I wanted it to work but due to my child's poor behavior there (maybe "too comfortable" ... or maybe just plain straight naughty) that I understood it was NOT a good fit. To me, that is a real friend. A friend wouldn't want to subject you to their child's HORRIBLE behavior.
I just had a 20 year friendship end because I didn't want to vacation with my friend's family. I said I spent my entire week around children her child's age so I just wanted to unwind away from children (and I did, at the lake where I saw 0 other children besides my own). If she can't understand that, then that is a personal problem and our friendship wasn't as great as I thought.
Indoorvoice 12:01 PM 12-16-2014
I am in a very similar situation right now. I took my friend out for a drink and just explained that her child needed a different environment and that as a friends, I wanted the best for them. She took it very well and even thanked me for being honest. I think if you approach it emphatically and explain you want what is best for the child and not what's best for you, that it is hard for a parent to argue that or be upset. Be honest and say it how you would would want to hear it if the tables were turned. There is a nice way to say just about anything.