Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Spoiler Alert
TwinMama 08:45 AM 11-23-2015
So my 3 year old dcb just said to me that Mommy and Daddy told him that Santa isn't for real.

I don't need him telling the other kids that. I think it's jacked that they tell him that when he's 3.

How do I approach this? I make a pretty big deal out of Christmas in general and I have a ton of Santa books and arts and crafts. Whatever they believe is their business, but I want my children to believe and the other kids believe too.
Reply
rosieteddy 08:55 AM 11-23-2015
When I had that problem at daycare I told all the children that different people believe different things .I would ask parents to speak to him about ruining the magic for other children.I would send a note home expressing your belief in the magic of Christmas. I did have a Jewish Family and we talked about the different beliefs......I told the children that of course they would get presents from their parents if they did not believe.
Reply
Blackcat31 08:57 AM 11-23-2015
Seems to be a common thing around this time of year for group care providers...

https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=santa+not
Reply
TwinMama 09:16 AM 11-23-2015
So he brought it up again and said,"Did you really see Santa?"

So I said..."He comes to our house honey, but different people believe different things."

He said, "Well hopefully he comes to our house this year."

I feel terrible for him.
Reply
daycare 09:33 AM 11-23-2015
I wouldnt play into it. last year one of the kids told all the others santa isn't real. I did not even respond and just said no thanks to her and we all moved on...

she said it again later and I just say no thanks and again moved on.

I chose to ignore it and it worked.
Reply
Unregistered 09:45 AM 11-23-2015
I am not all invested in the 'keep the Santa secret' since its a big silly lie lol but obviously I wouldn't ruin it for some other person's child. I just want to add to the conversation that if you ask dcm to talk to dck about 'not ruining the magic' for another kid, they will probably go and tell that other dck as fast as they can find them lol... Don't think of an elephant, kid.. Kinda thing.
Reply
Annalee 09:49 AM 11-23-2015
We have this in my extended family...It usually just works itself out. The kids who are told there is NO santa do talk about it,but the kids that really believe think the nonbelievers are silly. It really hasn't been a big issue and I think that is largely because the parents just stay out of it.I think the more you tell a child not to talk about it the more they will want to tell what they think they know. Just my opinion.
Reply
daycare 09:54 AM 11-23-2015
I look at it like everything else that I feel is a parents place to tell them. I don't get into it, ask your parents.


Kids are going to hear this no matter what at some point and again it is the parents place to tell their child what they feel is right.

I stay out of it
Reply
Controlled Chaos 09:54 AM 11-23-2015
I treat Santa belief differences the same as I treat different religions. "You believe ____ that's interesting, my family believes/celebrates ____" we read books about Christmas and Hanukkah. If it becomes attention seeking, redirect.
Reply
daycare 10:32 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
I treat Santa belief differences the same as I treat different religions. "You believe ____ that's interesting, my family believes/celebrates ____" we read books about Christmas and Hanukkah. If it becomes attention seeking, redirect.
exactly this. I treat it no different either.

i sometimes just say ok thanks for sharing and we move on. I dont want to give it any value
Reply
Play Care 10:36 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
I treat Santa belief differences the same as I treat different religions. "You believe ____ that's interesting, my family believes/celebrates ____" we read books about Christmas and Hanukkah. If it becomes attention seeking, redirect.

Same here. I have family members who are Jewish so I try to be inclusive.
But years ago I had a little dcg whose family didn't do Santa/Easter Bunny, etc. Fine, but she announced it at the lunch table more than once that "Santa wasn't real" I did the "different families believe different things and that's okay" spiel. So Christmas came and went and of course she still got presents from family so that blew over. Easter comes around and she announces "the Easter Bunny isn't real!" Again, different families believe different things. Well, Easter isn't a gift giving occasion so on Monday when all the kids were talking about their Easter baskets, the girl starts crying because she didn't get an Easter basket. Of course the little DCB I had at the time blurted out "that's cause you don't believe in him!"

Honestly with this family I felt it was more about being too lazy to make/sustain traditions than the fact they felt they were "lying" to their kid. I also got the impression that her older siblings liked telling her inappropriate things for the shock value when she would blurt it out
Reply
auntymimi 11:41 AM 11-23-2015
I had one while back who told some of the other kids that Jesus wasn't real! We live in the Bible Belt, so you can imagine how THAT went over with the other kids parents.
Reply
TwinMama 12:14 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:

Same here. I have family members who are Jewish so I try to be inclusive.
But years ago I had a little dcg whose family didn't do Santa/Easter Bunny, etc. Fine, but she announced it at the lunch table more than once that "Santa wasn't real" I did the "different families believe different things and that's okay" spiel. So Christmas came and went and of course she still got presents from family so that blew over. Easter comes around and she announces "the Easter Bunny isn't real!" Again, different families believe different things. Well, Easter isn't a gift giving occasion so on Monday when all the kids were talking about their Easter baskets, the girl starts crying because she didn't get an Easter basket. Of course the little DCB I had at the time blurted out "that's cause you don't believe in him!"

Honestly with this family I felt it was more about being too lazy to make/sustain traditions than the fact they felt they were "lying" to their kid. I also got the impression that her older siblings liked telling her inappropriate things for the shock value when she would blurt it out
OMG...this made me laugh. Did you just want to kiss that little boys cheeks off for saying that?!?!

I in a way feel the same way. The parents tend to dump him off and get babysitters most weekends. It was him that I was excited most about making Christmas magical for. I have asked her 3 different times about Christmas and celebrating. I even asked her permission to do Elf on the Shelf. She said that he'd LOVE that. She should've let me know then.

Does this mean that I have to/should cut out all crafts and songs that involve Santa?

He said that Mommy told him that they believe in angels.
Reply
Unregistered 01:02 PM 11-23-2015
Here's a question: is the Jehovah's witness that doesn't make Christmas magical for their child being a better parent than the atheist who doesn't make Christmas magical for their child (which you think is just being lazy)? Honestly. Cause that's what it sounds like you're saying.
Reply
Play Care 01:04 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by TwinMama:
OMG...this made me laugh. Did you just want to kiss that little boys cheeks off for saying that?!?!

I in a way feel the same way. The parents tend to dump him off and get babysitters most weekends. It was him that I was excited most about making Christmas magical for. I have asked her 3 different times about Christmas and celebrating. I even asked her permission to do Elf on the Shelf. She said that he'd LOVE that. She should've let me know then.

Does this mean that I have to/should cut out all crafts and songs that involve Santa?

He said that Mommy told him that they believe in angels.
I felt bad at the time, because it wasn't her fault.

But generally I think people should be careful about what they say to their kids. Instead of Santa isn't real, say "our family doesn't have Santa we do x y or z," instead.

Honestly, I don't believe in God, but I'd never announce or allow my children to announce there is no such thing. At the end of the day it's about manners/respect.
Reply
TwinMama 01:19 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I felt bad at the time, because it wasn't her fault.

But generally I think people should be careful about what they say to their kids. Instead of Santa isn't real, say "our family doesn't have Santa we do x y or z," instead.

Honestly, I don't believe in God, but I'd never announce or allow my children to announce there is no such thing. At the end of the day it's about manners/respect.
Exactly!!!! That's just it. So now she has given a 3 year old the ammo to ruin someone else's magic and she doesn't even think about it.
Reply
Michael 01:44 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Here's a question: is the Jehovah's witness that doesn't make Christmas magical for their child being a better parent than the atheist who doesn't make Christmas magical for their child (which you think is just being lazy)? Honestly. Cause that's what it sounds like you're saying.
I can't imagine a parent excluding a child from being imaginative and creative. There are three ways to look at Christmas. As a religious belief, as a secular belief and as both.

Would a parent keep a child from going to Disneyland or watch the film Frozen because they feel it is not real?

Allow a children's mind to be free and creative. As the philosopher Geothe wrote: "See the world through a child's eyes". I wouldn't want to make a child look at the world through an adult's perspective.

Here is a good read: http://wallstreetinsanity.com/9-reas...a-childs-eyes/
Reply
mommyneedsadayoff 02:19 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Here's a question: is the Jehovah's witness that doesn't make Christmas magical for their child being a better parent than the atheist who doesn't make Christmas magical for their child (which you think is just being lazy)? Honestly. Cause that's what it sounds like you're saying.
I don't think the poster was saying that at all. We are not religious, but we love following the traditions and Santa is a part of that. It is okay not to believe, but just as I don't tell my children (who are 3 and 6) that there is no God, I don't tell them there is no Santa. They have plenty of life to grow up and come to their own conclusions or discoveries.
Reply
Play Care 03:39 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Here's a question: is the Jehovah's witness that doesn't make Christmas magical for their child being a better parent than the atheist who doesn't make Christmas magical for their child (which you think is just being lazy)? Honestly. Cause that's what it sounds like you're saying.
Not sure if you were referring to my post, but I clearly stated:

Originally Posted by :
Honestly with this family I felt it was more about being too lazy to make/sustain traditions than the fact they felt they were "lying" to their kid
Also, they were not Atheist, I am. IIRC, they were of the B'ahai Faith.
On a side note, my current assistant and her family do not do Santa, bunny, etc. because they are very religious (however they do put up a tree at Christmas and do baskets at Easter, the gifts are just from mom and dad). But she has never said anything to the dck's about it. Her son is in class with my dd and they are friends, he has never said that he doesn't believe, it's not real, etc.
My point was that a parent who doesn't teach their child to be respectful of other families traditions/beliefs, regardless of what they believe, is doing their child a grave disservice.
Reply
TwinMama 06:10 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Michael:
I can't imagine a parent excluding a child from being imaginative and creative. There are three ways to look at Christmas. As a religious belief, as a secular belief and as both.

Would a parent keep a child from going to Disneyland or watch the film Frozen because they feel it is not real?

Allow a children's mind to be free and creative. As the philosopher Geothe wrote: "See the world through a child's eyes". I wouldn't want to make a child look at the world through an adult's perspective.

Here is a good read: http://wallstreetinsanity.com/9-reas...a-childs-eyes/
Agreed!!!
Reply
TwinMama 05:45 AM 11-24-2015
Mom picked him up and said she was sorry. She didn't think he'd tell other kids. She said it broke her heart because she didn't know that he wanted Santa to come to their house. He still gets presents, but they always say they're from them.

She said she would talk to her husband about it, because it's his family that doesn't have Santa come, not her. She still wants me to do the projects and crafts that I want to and to definitely still have elf on a shelf come.

She dropped him off this morning but her and her husband didn't have time to talk last night. She said they will tonight and she would fill me in. She told 3 year old dcb to just not talk about it in front of the other kids.

I'm sorry....what?!? You just told a 3 year old to not say anything?!?!
Reply
Play Care 06:22 AM 11-24-2015
Originally Posted by TwinMama:
Mom picked him up and said she was sorry. She didn't think he'd tell other kids. She said it broke her heart because she didn't know that he wanted Santa to come to their house. He still gets presents, but they always say they're from them.

She said she would talk to her husband about it, because it's his family that doesn't have Santa come, not her. She still wants me to do the projects and crafts that I want to and to definitely still have elf on a shelf come.

She dropped him off this morning but her and her husband didn't have time to talk last night. She said they will tonight and she would fill me in. She told 3 year old dcb to just not talk about it in front of the other kids.

I'm sorry....what?!? You just told a 3 year old to not say anything?!?!
Maybe I'm just a mean old fuddy duddy, but I wouldn't allow one family to dictate what we do for our holiday curriculum. I usually tell parents that we do talk about all the holidays that are at this time of year, I come from a Christian background (no need to go further with clients, IMO) and we have a tree, stockings, etc in my home. I would not be a good fit for a family that didn't celebrate anything and didn't want their child to participate in holiday celebrations.
Reply
TwinMama 06:59 AM 11-24-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
Maybe I'm just a mean old fuddy duddy, but I wouldn't allow one family to dictate what we do for our holiday curriculum. I usually tell parents that we do talk about all the holidays that are at this time of year, I come from a Christian background (no need to go further with clients, IMO) and we have a tree, stockings, etc in my home. I would not be a good fit for a family that didn't celebrate anything and didn't want their child to participate in holiday celebrations.
That's my thing too. Thank you for not making me feel bad about this. I was like...ok...well I was going to do it anyhow. I almost feel like they're not a good fit anyhow. I know it would be ridiculous in a way, because people can believe what they want....but I don't want to risk the other kids Santa memories being ruined because of this family. It would be different if they said...no...our family celebrates this way this is our religion...but they're not.
Reply
Unregistered 09:29 AM 11-24-2015
You see- You said it right there: "It would be different if they said 'Our family celebrates this way. This is our religion'". But, they didn't. They aren't the Jehovah's witnesses in my example, they're the atheists. And they are being judged as if they are inferior.

I wrote a long message but erased it. I have so much to say. But I won't. I see it won't be well received. Dominant culture. I'll leave it at that.

I'm trying to be as unoffensive as possible with all of the offense I have built up in me over this! I hope this plants just a seed of understanding that there are people with different beliefs and that we aren't inferior parents.
Reply
284878 10:08 AM 11-24-2015
Originally Posted by TwinMama:
So my 3 year old dcb just said to me that Mommy and Daddy told him that Santa isn't for real.

I don't need him telling the other kids that. I think it's jacked that they tell him that when he's 3.

How do I approach this? I make a pretty big deal out of Christmas in general and I have a ton of Santa books and arts and crafts. Whatever they believe is their business, but I want my children to believe and the other kids believe too.
I find this to be rude that you would say it that way.
We choose not to do Santa or the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy. Just because this is outside your Norm does not mean that it is Jacked.

Even though we do choose to not to tell her these lies. We also choose to not ruin it for other families. We have not told her either way about the jolly old man. We simply tell her that the man in the picture is a man.

We still get her gifts and basket but they are from us not a fake person.

I would let any care givers for my dd know, quietly that we don't do them and hope that the care giver would respect that.
Reply
TwinMama 10:42 AM 11-24-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
You see- You said it right there: "It would be different if they said 'Our family celebrates this way. This is our religion'". But, they didn't. They aren't the Jehovah's witnesses in my example, they're the atheists. And they are being judged as if they are inferior.

I wrote a long message but erased it. I have so much to say. But I won't. I see it won't be well received. Dominant culture. I'll leave it at that.

I'm trying to be as unoffensive as possible with all of the offense I have built up in me over this! I hope this plants just a seed of understanding that there are people with different beliefs and that we aren't inferior parents.
So you think it's okay that they could possibly ruin another child's Christmas? Just don't do Santa. I don't care, but tell them we believe something different. We don't believe in Santa. Don't tell him it's not real for the simple fact that he could ruin the spirit of Christmas for another child.

You said other people have other beliefs!!! That's right. Tell him you BELIEVE something different. It's about how you word things to a child.
Reply
TwinMama 10:44 AM 11-24-2015
Originally Posted by 284878:
I find this to be rude that you would say it that way.
We choose not to do Santa or the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy. Just because this is outside your Norm does not mean that it is Jacked.

Even though we do choose to not to tell her these lies. We also choose to not ruin it for other families. We have not told her either way about the jolly old man. We simply tell her that the man in the picture is a man.

We still get her gifts and basket but they are from us not a fake person.

I would let any care givers for my dd know, quietly that we don't do them and hope that the care giver would respect that.
That's not it at all....like I told previous poster....and you said it yourself. you didn't tell her either way about Santa. Tell the child your family believes something different. Don't tell him that he's not real!!! He's real to another child and another family, but he may not be to yours. It's about how you word things.
Reply
Play Care 11:20 AM 11-24-2015
Originally Posted by 284878:
I find this to be rude that you would say it that way.
We choose not to do Santa or the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy. Just because this is outside your Norm does not mean that it is Jacked.

Even though we do choose to not to tell her these lies. We also choose to not ruin it for other families. We have not told her either way about the jolly old man. We simply tell her that the man in the picture is a man.

We still get her gifts and basket but they are from us not a fake person.

I would let any care givers for my dd know, quietly that we don't do them and hope that the care giver would respect that.
I think you are misunderstanding - it's not that they don't do those things, it's that they tell a 3 yo he isn't real, and then that 3 yo goes on to tell other kids that he isn't. And frankly, just as you have the right to not "do" Santa, other families have the right to do him. As a family if you chose not to focus on the secular aspects of a holiday or feel it's "lying" then don't. Do as you have been. But telling a young child Santa/Bunny etc. isn't real *knowing* full well that they will inadvertently ruin it for another child is rude.

And to unregistered, if the family doesn't celebrate at all then say "some families do this, but we do not." Why is it the providers responsibility to do/not do anything holiday wise because of your beliefs? I certainly wouldn't tell the children I don't believe in God and don't think one exists.
And, as an atheist I still celebrate the non-religious aspects of holiday.
Reply
Play Care 11:25 AM 11-24-2015
And I never understood the whole "lying" argument anyway.
We never really did Santa or Jesus or Bunny, but my kids caught on. I've always said I'm happy to maintain the illusion but once they get to where they question I wouldn't lie.
Some of our best memories have been leaving out cookies for Santa and making reindeer food to scatter outside on Christmas Eve. My 10 yo asked me last year and I asked her what she thought. She said, "I know it's not possible but I still believe. It's fun."
So there you go. Traumatized she was not.
Reply
TwinMama 11:41 AM 11-24-2015
Originally Posted by play care:
i think you are misunderstanding - it's not that they don't do those things, it's that they tell a 3 yo he isn't real, and then that 3 yo goes on to tell other kids that he isn't. And frankly, just as you have the right to not "do" santa, other families have the right to do him. As a family if you chose not to focus on the secular aspects of a holiday or feel it's "lying" then don't. Do as you have been. But telling a young child santa/bunny etc. Isn't real *knowing* full well that they will inadvertently ruin it for another child is rude.

And to unregistered, if the family doesn't celebrate at all then say "some families do this, but we do not." why is it the providers responsibility to do/not do anything holiday wise because of your beliefs? I certainly wouldn't tell the children i don't believe in god and don't think one exists.
And, as an atheist i still celebrate the non-religious aspects of holiday.
thank you!!! Yes!! This!!!
Reply
Mad_Pistachio 04:55 PM 11-26-2015
I have never had a 3-year-old say that, but when a 6-year-old came running with "is it true Santa is not real?" I just basically pulled out the Wiki page about St. Nicholas (there is one in both Catholic and Orthodox traditions AFAIK) and read a sweet legend (again, not sure how true it is) about a guy named Nicholas who was giving presents for Christmas, even though celebrating it was prohibited, and was killed for that. I skipped what miracles are being attributed to him (something like bringing two boys back to life or something) as it was irrelevant, but she was pretty satisfied with explanation. yeah, okay, maybe Santa does not get into her chimney (they didn't have one anyway), and the gifts are from parents, but St. Nick was a cool dude, and in his memory - why not?

honestly, have no idea what to say to a 3-year-old. I got one myself, and I am not ready for her claiming that Santa is not real. (I grew up with no Santa, but the old man we've celebrated has such a nasty legend behind him, I prefer a guy in glasses and red jacket...)
Reply
Unregistered 07:35 PM 12-04-2015
Originally Posted by auntymimi:
I had one while back who told some of the other kids that Jesus wasn't real! We live in the Bible Belt, so you can imagine how THAT went over with the other kids parents.
I had a Pentecostal child once that told all of the other children they were going to hell all the time. Like over the smallest things. I had to term, but like another poster I believe it was lazy parenting vs their "beliefs". I.e. "You didn't do your chores, you're going to hell" instead of just actually parenting. It was very disturbing to myself and the other parents, even though I knew the child didn't know what they were saying fully.
Reply
Unregistered 07:44 PM 12-04-2015
Originally Posted by Michael:
I can't imagine a parent excluding a child from being imaginative and creative. There are three ways to look at Christmas. As a religious belief, as a secular belief and as both.

Would a parent keep a child from going to Disneyland or watch the film Frozen because they feel it is not real?

Allow a children's mind to be free and creative. As the philosopher Geothe wrote: "See the world through a child's eyes". I wouldn't want to make a child look at the world through an adult's perspective.

Here is a good read: http://wallstreetinsanity.com/9-reas...a-childs-eyes/
You know, I think people will get mad for this, but I think part of this are people are too old when they start having kids. Like a 28-30 year old who comes in with a two year in my experience is more likely to sit on the floor and do a game or whatever the child is doing with them. Where as a 40 and older parent with a child under five is more likely to let them play alone or put them in front of an electronic. I've met so parents that I thought were the grandparents. They're raising little adults. It's so sad. I'm not saying having children after a certain is bad/wrong, but it's like any thing. If you're not fit enough, don't do it
Reply
Annalee 08:04 PM 12-04-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
You know, I think people will get mad for this, but I think part of this are people are too old when they start having kids. Like a 28-30 year old who comes in with a two year in my experience is more likely to sit on the floor and do a game or whatever the child is doing with them. Where as a 40 and older parent with a child under five is more likely to let them play alone or put them in front of an electronic. I've met so parents that I thought were the grandparents. They're raising little adults. It's so sad. I'm not saying having children after a certain is bad/wrong, but it's like any thing. If you're not fit enough, don't do it
Maybe in some cases but not necessarily the norm....I had kids at age 35 and 37 (not by choice, just what was in the cards..I say don't ever give up....it can happen)....they are now 12 and 14.....and I play lots of sports and watch alot of ESPN....My extended family is like this as well....We were outside playing kickball, football, and basketball on Thanksgiving Day and cars were going slow on the highway watching.....ACTIVE family time may not be the norm for everyone, but we make every moment count....
Reply
MunchkinWrangler 08:59 PM 12-04-2015
I make it a point in my advertising and interviews that I celebrate all major holidays and seasons. I do bring up my religious beliefs but make it clear there is no teaching of it during my day with children. I do believe that a dose of magic is important because that's what being a kid is about. It's fun! I haven't encountered this situation yet but I hope to be able to handle it appropriately when it comes up. At least you're not getting any push or pull from the parents and that will make it easier.
Reply
TwinMama 07:49 AM 12-16-2015
Okay.....I'm sorry for bringing this back...but it's bugging me.

So...this little boy comes every day now and talks about how many presents he has under the tree and about all the stuff he's going to get. He's naming off the items like tow truck...etc.

I said,"Buddy. Just because you ask for presents though doesn't mean you'll get them though. Right??"

His response..."Yes it does!! I asked for it, and so I'll get it at Christmas."

Let Mom know about this in a joking manner by saying..."LOL!! He's so matter of fact that he's getting all of these things. He thinks just because he asked it means he's getting them."

Her response: "What a stinker. We put it on his list for all of our relatives, but who knows."

He also mentioned to me that he thinks Santa is still coming to his house. I didn't tell Mom this...

The other kids are getting the wrong idea. Mom's idea about teaching him the real meaning of Christmas and having 25 days of giving isn't working. In turn it's making more work for me to explain that it's not how it works.

Today he shows up and says,"I have 15 presents under the tree!!! I counted them!!!"

I get that's what kids do, but this was such an issue before I can't say....hey...you might not. I keep saying that's not what Christmas is about, but he says..."Well I'm getting them. I know I'm getting them."

I'm afraid if I tell Mom these are his responses she's going to think I'm being in her face about her way of celebrating. Which is absolutely not the case.

I'm trying to turn things around asking what are you getting everybody for Christmas type of thing.

What would you do?
Reply
Blackcat31 08:19 AM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by TwinMama:

What would you do?
I'd simply not engage in ANY talk/discussion about Christmas.

To each their own. I have friends that literally do buy every.single.thing on the list that their children want.
Some years they have admitted to spending $1,000's so for some kids Christmas DOES work that way.

But if his Christmas talk is not fitting in with daycare/other kids then I would simply stop engaging in conversation with him about Christmas at all.
Reply
childcaremom 08:21 AM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by TwinMama:
Okay.....I'm sorry for bringing this back...but it's bugging me.

So...this little boy comes every day now and talks about how many presents he has under the tree and about all the stuff he's going to get. He's naming off the items like tow truck...etc.

I said,"Buddy. Just because you ask for presents though doesn't mean you'll get them though. Right??"

His response..."Yes it does!! I asked for it, and so I'll get it at Christmas."

Let Mom know about this in a joking manner by saying..."LOL!! He's so matter of fact that he's getting all of these things. He thinks just because he asked it means he's getting them."

Her response: "What a stinker. We put it on his list for all of our relatives, but who knows."

He also mentioned to me that he thinks Santa is still coming to his house. I didn't tell Mom this...

The other kids are getting the wrong idea. Mom's idea about teaching him the real meaning of Christmas and having 25 days of giving isn't working. In turn it's making more work for me to explain that it's not how it works.

Today he shows up and says,"I have 15 presents under the tree!!! I counted them!!!"

I get that's what kids do, but this was such an issue before I can't say....hey...you might not. I keep saying that's not what Christmas is about, but he says..."Well I'm getting them. I know I'm getting them."

I'm afraid if I tell Mom these are his responses she's going to think I'm being in her face about her way of celebrating. Which is absolutely not the case.

I'm trying to turn things around asking what are you getting everybody for Christmas type of thing.

What would you do?
"You counted 15? Let's hear you count to 15."

I guess I would just smile and nod and redirect. Reallly would not get more involved than that. I would not be explaining what Christmas is or any thing too in depth because who knows how everyone celebrates the season at their house. I do not want/need/wish to incorporate it all at my house.

I wouldn't even be having these conversations anymore with him or mom.
Reply
daycare 08:41 AM 12-16-2015
everyone does christmas their own way and I love that.

i ask for all families to bring in something that represents their family traditions. It's all about where the family puts the focus. If it is on the presents, then that is where it is.

For my family, it is about eating together and building memories, so we all make crazy food. We have a family tradition of making this very yummy stuff (I only eat on christmas, but secretly want every day) which we call it reindeer poop, I don't even know what is in it, but it is the best taste in the world.

the adults dont exchange gifts, only we buy for the kids. ALL of the kids and there are a LOT of them.

there really is no right or wrong way to celebrate it, even if you choose not to celebrate it.

sorry, this got way off track. lol
Reply
TwinMama 08:52 AM 12-16-2015
There's no question about celebrating. If you read the previous posts you'll see mom and my discussions. Mom wants dcb to think a certain way about the season. The way he's talking does not reflect that. Is it my job to let him know or to let mom know that he's not getting her message?

Or do I just forget about it? Mom is the type that would also blame me for this kind of talk. As if I'm promoting selfishness. That's my biggest concern.
Reply
daycare 08:56 AM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by TwinMama:
There's no question about celebrating. If you read the previous posts you'll see mom and my discussions. Mom wants dcb to think a certain way about the season. The way he's talking does not reflect that. Is it my job to let him know or to let mom know that he's not getting her message?

Or do I just forget about it? Mom is the type that would also blame me for this kind of talk. As if I'm promoting selfishness. That's my biggest concern.
If this were me, i would let it go. I would just say ok, and move on.

if dcm brings it up, I would say sorry we don't discuss that kind of stuff here. Insert big smile.
Reply
childcaremom 09:02 AM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
If this were me, i would let it go. I would just say ok, and move on.

if dcm brings it up, I would say sorry we don't discuss that kind of stuff here. Insert big smile.

Reply
Blackcat31 09:13 AM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by TwinMama:
There's no question about celebrating. If you read the previous posts you'll see mom and my discussions. Mom wants dcb to think a certain way about the season. The way he's talking does not reflect that. Is it my job to let him know or to let mom know that he's not getting her message?

Or do I just forget about it? Mom is the type that would also blame me for this kind of talk. As if I'm promoting selfishness. That's my biggest concern.
Sounds to me like you are letting mom's issues be yours.

Let him talk however he wants then...I don't see how it matters?

If mom says one thing but the kid is saying another that reflects the opposite of what she is saying, then it sounds like she might be lying to you....

If mom blames you, I'd have no issues putting her in her place as far as what things you can and can't control in regards to her wishes for her child and the season.

I'd mind mine, and let DCM worry about herself and her child.

Teaching kids about family beliefs, Christmas and holidays traditions that are practiced at home have NOTHING to do with you.
Reply
TwinMama 10:21 AM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Sounds to me like you are letting mom's issues be yours.

Let him talk however he wants then...I don't see how it matters?

If mom says one thing but the kid is saying another that reflects the opposite of what she is saying, then it sounds like she might be lying to you....

If mom blames you, I'd have no issues putting her in her place as far as what things you can and can't control in regards to her wishes for her child and the season.

I'd mind mine, and let DCM worry about herself and her child.

Teaching kids about family beliefs, Christmas and holidays traditions that are practiced at home have NOTHING to do with you.
Ok. Good!!! I just feel a certain responsibility with my dck's. I want them to learn good things, but at the same time I have to remember that I can't put it all on my shoulders.

Thank you!!!
Reply
TwinMama 10:21 AM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
If this were me, i would let it go. I would just say ok, and move on.

if dcm brings it up, I would say sorry we don't discuss that kind of stuff here. Insert big smile.
Love this...thank you.
Reply
Unregistered 06:02 PM 12-16-2015
Originally Posted by TwinMama:
Ok. Good!!! I just feel a certain responsibility with my dck's. I want them to learn good things, but at the same time I have to remember that I can't put it all on my shoulders.

Thank you!!!
Who says what mom is teaching him or their way of celebrating isn't good? Just because you do not agree and do not like the way they celebrate or do things doesn't mean it is not good.
By your comment, "I want them to learn good things." It comes off as though you think what mom is teaching him or their way of doing things isn't "good."
Some people in this world should really learn to understand that their way is not always right at least not for everyone and just because they do not agree with other's ways, does not mean that it's bad, their bad, or that their lazy parenting as someone else put it.

For instance, my husband and I are non believers and quite frankly do not care for nor about religion or faith. However, we are more than tolerant and respectful of those that choose that path. We also do not tell our child about Santa and all of the other made up things as we feel it is silly and unnecessary as well as even abusive to lie to your kids when you know it's false. BUT that is just our belief. Others feel differently and that is quite alright. I like that we are surrounded by diversity. Now, we have never told our 3 year old about Santa, but guess who won't be quiet this year about Santa, because he learned it at school. Even though we do not teach him those things, we do not take away his imagination either, nor do we agg it on when he starts talking about it. We acknowledge him and then move on.
We are most certainly not lazy, because we choose not to engage in those things. We just have a different way of doing things, but doesn't mean it's not good. It's just our way. Again, some people really need to learn to just not make a big fuss over things, especially when they're not your place to.
Reply
TwinMama 07:07 AM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Who says what mom is teaching him or their way of celebrating isn't good? Just because you do not agree and do not like the way they celebrate or do things doesn't mean it is not good.
By your comment, "I want them to learn good things." It comes off as though you think what mom is teaching him or their way of doing things isn't "good."
Some people in this world should really learn to understand that their way is not always right at least not for everyone and just because they do not agree with other's ways, does not mean that it's bad, their bad, or that their lazy parenting as someone else put it.

For instance, my husband and I are non believers and quite frankly do not care for nor about religion or faith. However, we are more than tolerant and respectful of those that choose that path. We also do not tell our child about Santa and all of the other made up things as we feel it is silly and unnecessary as well as even abusive to lie to your kids when you know it's false. BUT that is just our belief. Others feel differently and that is quite alright. I like that we are surrounded by diversity. Now, we have never told our 3 year old about Santa, but guess who won't be quiet this year about Santa, because he learned it at school. Even though we do not teach him those things, we do not take away his imagination either, nor do we agg it on when he starts talking about it. We acknowledge him and then move on.
We are most certainly not lazy, because we choose not to engage in those things. We just have a different way of doing things, but doesn't mean it's not good. It's just our way. Again, some people really need to learn to just not make a big fuss over things, especially when they're not your place to.
I'm sorry that people make you feel that way. This post was brought back from a couple of weeks ago with a NEW question. My NEW question was that dcb talks about getting all the time. His mom wants him to talk about giving....my NEW question was whether I should keep redirecting dcb to giving which is what his mom is trying to teach him. He doesn't seem to get it. The answer is no...this is Mom's job. This is about my dcb and dcm and where I need to draw the line.
Reply
Play Care 09:01 AM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Again, some people really need to learn to just not make a big fuss over things, especially when they're not your place to.

And some people need to learn reading comprehension and not get offended over another person's post.
Reply
KIDZRMYBIZ 10:32 AM 12-17-2015
I have a deeply religious Catholic family in my care, and 5yo dcg told the kids last week that Jesus is real, Santa is not.

At first, I was alarmed, as this is the first time that's ever happened. But I just said the "different families believe different things" and quickly moved on. Later, I talked with dcg about not spoiling it for "the little kids," which she loved to think that made her a "big kid" then. I thought of having dcm reitierate at home, but decided that I was not up for a religious debate. And thus far, it has not been an issue again.

P.S. Me thinks "Unregistered" is just looking to pick a fight.
Reply
TwinMama 01:07 PM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
And some people need to learn reading comprehension and not get offended over another person's post.

Reply
TwinMama 01:08 PM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
I have a deeply religious Catholic family in my care, and 5yo dcg told the kids last week that Jesus is real, Santa is not.

At first, I was alarmed, as this is the first time that's ever happened. But I just said the "different families believe different things" and quickly moved on. Later, I talked with dcg about not spoiling it for "the little kids," which she loved to think that made her a "big kid" then. I thought of having dcm reitierate at home, but decided that I was not up for a religious debate. And thus far, it has not been an issue again.

P.S. Me thinks "Unregistered" is just looking to pick a fight.

Reply
Unregistered 06:17 PM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
And some people need to learn reading comprehension and not get offended over another person's post.
Likewise. No one here was offended. So stop assuming. I made a point. Sorry you can't see past whatever it is in order to see that. My post was nothing but nice and straight to the point. Sorry you can't comprehend that there was nothing negative in it. Maybe read it again instead of assuming I was offended.
Reply
Unregistered 06:27 PM 12-17-2015
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
I have a deeply religious Catholic family in my care, and 5yo dcg told the kids last week that Jesus is real, Santa is not.

At first, I was alarmed, as this is the first time that's ever happened. But I just said the "different families believe different things" and quickly moved on. Later, I talked with dcg about not spoiling it for "the little kids," which she loved to think that made her a "big kid" then. I thought of having dcm reitierate at home, but decided that I was not up for a religious debate. And thus far, it has not been an issue again.

P.S. Me thinks "Unregistered" is just looking to pick a fight.
Me thinks you're ignorant.
Unregistered was just making a very valid point. Not picking a fight at all. I swear you people have some issues and need to get over yourselves. And yes, now I'm irritated and voicing my not so nice opioin as some of you bigots have been doing though out the post. If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen. A lot of you talk crap about families on a daily, but can not stop for one second to see if from anyone else's point of view. Now, I see why so many people look at home providers with some kind of worry, because the place is filled with a lot of bitter people and I wouldn't be surprised if some providers here end up like some of these news stories. This is one of the reasons I got out of owning my own childcare. It seems like a business that is ran by bitter people.

This post was brought up just to continue to complain about this parent. All I did was ask. What isn't good about what the family is choosing to do. But of course it gets side tracked with accusations when you have closed minded individuals. There was NOTHING attacking not derogatory nor confrontational about my post, FYI!!!
Reply
Play Care 03:05 AM 12-18-2015
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
I have a deeply religious Catholic family in my care, and 5yo dcg told the kids last week that Jesus is real, Santa is not.

At first, I was alarmed, as this is the first time that's ever happened. But I just said the "different families believe different things" and quickly moved on. Later, I talked with dcg about not spoiling it for "the little kids," which she loved to think that made her a "big kid" then. I thought of having dcm reitierate at home, but decided that I was not up for a religious debate. And thus far, it has not been an issue again.

P.S. Me thinks "Unregistered" is just looking to pick a fight.
Agreed. Someone who equates Santa with being abusive has issues.
I hope they never have to witness real child abuse as many of us have. But perhaps then they would not be so flippant.

In any event this thread has run its course.

Anyway, OP, I'm glad you have been able to work out a solution that works for ALL your clients.
Merry Christmas!
Reply
Unregistered 05:41 AM 12-18-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
Agreed. Someone who equates Santa with being abusive has issues.
I hope they never have to witness real child abuse as many of us have. But perhaps then they would not be so flippant.

In any event this thread has run its course.

Anyway, OP, I'm glad you have been able to work out a solution that works for ALL your clients.
Merry Christmas!


Again, your ignorance is showing with your assuming. First of all you need to take your own advice and get some reading comprehension- I did not equate Santa to abusive. I said lying to your child about something you know is false is abusive. And I have been abused as a child. Grew up in a very abusive home physical, verbal, mental, and emotional abuse as well as sexually outside of my home. So there you go again. You never know what a persons reason are for the way they do things and morons like you are the ones that have issues!! Sorry, not sorry that you got offended because I put my opioin out there and made a statement about my own personal choices, just to make a point that everyone does things their own way for their own reasons. And YES, i do have issues like diagnosed PTSD hence the reason I do some of the things I do with my child. If I feel like keeping him away from certain things is going to protect him then that is MY prerogative and I should not be judge by closed minded bigots just because I choose not to believe or practice silly crap as should no other parent! But in the land of the this forum everyone is one their high horse and knows better than a child's own parent. (Take note, the last sentence was sarcasm- just thought I might need to spell it out for you since YOU have no reading comprehension as you like to put it)
Reply
Mad_Pistachio 05:48 AM 12-18-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
some people need to learn reading comprehension
ssssscuse me? I have just got 95% in my English reading comprehension test! (sorry, the memories of that test are still fresh and raw)
Reply
Blackcat31 06:28 AM 12-18-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Me thinks you're ignorant.
Unregistered was just making a very valid point. Not picking a fight at all. I swear you people have some issues and need to get over yourselves. And yes, now I'm irritated and voicing my not so nice opioin as some of you bigots have been doing though out the post. If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen. A lot of you talk crap about families on a daily, but can not stop for one second to see if from anyone else's point of view. Now, I see why so many people look at home providers with some kind of worry, because the place is filled with a lot of bitter people and I wouldn't be surprised if some providers here end up like some of these news stories. This is one of the reasons I got out of owning my own childcare. It seems like a business that is ran by bitter people.

This post was brought up just to continue to complain about this parent. All I did was ask. What isn't good about what the family is choosing to do. But of course it gets side tracked with accusations when you have closed minded individuals. There was NOTHING attacking not derogatory nor confrontational about my post, FYI!!!
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Again, your ignorance is showing with your assuming. First of all you need to take your own advice and get some reading comprehension- I did not equate Santa to abusive. I said lying to your child about something you know is false is abusive. And I have been abused as a child. Grew up in a very abusive home physical, verbal, mental, and emotional abuse as well as sexually outside of my home. So there you go again. You never know what a persons reason are for the way they do things and morons like you are the ones that have issues!! Sorry, not sorry that you got offended because I put my opioin out there and made a statement about my own personal choices, just to make a point that everyone does things their own way for their own reasons. And YES, i do have issues like diagnosed PTSD hence the reason I do some of the things I do with my child. If I feel like keeping him away from certain things is going to protect him then that is MY prerogative and I should not be judge by closed minded bigots just because I choose not to believe or practice silly crap as should no other parent! But in the land of the this forum everyone is one their high horse and knows better than a child's own parent. (Take note, the last sentence was sarcasm- just thought I might need to spell it out for you since YOU have no reading comprehension as you like to put it)
It's one thing to have a difference of opinion. That's what makes this forum great.... not everyone sees things from the same perspective so therefore we learn and share and grow.

But calling names and being downright rude towards registered members is simply unacceptable.

Is that biased towards those that are registered?
Yep. But that's one of the perks you get for being registered.
Reply
Play Care 10:57 AM 12-18-2015
Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
ssssscuse me? I have just got 95% in my English reading comprehension test! (sorry, the memories of that test are still fresh and raw)
I didn't mean you!!
I thought your post was very thoughtful and I always appreciate hearing things from a parent perspective.

I feel that certain subjects tend to get people's back up, especially if it's questioning a practice that they may do/not do.

As providers we try our best to accommodate ALL beliefs do that the kiddos feel welcome and safe. It's nice to have a place to ask the best way to go about it.
Reply
Mad_Pistachio 02:06 PM 12-18-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I didn't mean you!!
I thought your post was very thoughtful and I always appreciate hearing things from a parent perspective.

I feel that certain subjects tend to get people's back up, especially if it's questioning a practice that they may do/not do.

As providers we try our best to accommodate ALL beliefs do that the kiddos feel welcome and safe. It's nice to have a place to ask the best way to go about it.
Which is exactly why I put a laughing smiley in

As for holidays, my view has always been "the more, the merrier." We celebrate New Year's, and a year ago, we were kinda forced to add Christmas, and this year we added Hanukkah, and I have a feeling that if we continue to light the menorah next year, we'll have to add 8 gifts for Hanukkah, and by then, someone may blurt the word "Advent" out, and I may buy an Advent calendar (you know, that house with small doors for little gifts/candy)... I am anxiously waiting for my Gengis Khan roots to pop out: I am NOT fasting for Ramadan!
We got Christmukkah this year, and we all enjoyed it.
I am (almost) prepared to deal with Santa questions, just not from a 3-year-old.
Reply
Rockgirl 02:29 PM 12-18-2015
Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
Which is exactly why I put a laughing smiley in

As for holidays, my view has always been "the more, the merrier." We celebrate New Year's, and a year ago, we were kinda forced to add Christmas, and this year we added Hanukkah, and I have a feeling that if we continue to light the menorah next year, we'll have to add 8 gifts for Hanukkah, and by then, someone may blurt the word "Advent" out, and I may buy an Advent calendar (you know, that house with small doors for little gifts/candy)... I am anxiously waiting for my Gengis Khan roots to pop out: I am NOT fasting for Ramadan!
We got Christmukkah this year, and we all enjoyed it.
I am (almost) prepared to deal with Santa questions, just not from a 3-year-old.
This had me lol-ing, for real!
Reply
284878 07:13 AM 12-19-2015
Try listening to this http://www.birthorderguy.com/podcast...eid=e44cec84c5
Reply
Play Care 05:36 AM 12-20-2015
Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
Which is exactly why I put a laughing smiley in

As for holidays, my view has always been "the more, the merrier." We celebrate New Year's, and a year ago, we were kinda forced to add Christmas, and this year we added Hanukkah, and I have a feeling that if we continue to light the menorah next year, we'll have to add 8 gifts for Hanukkah, and by then, someone may blurt the word "Advent" out, and I may buy an Advent calendar (you know, that house with small doors for little gifts/candy)... I am anxiously waiting for my Gengis Khan roots to pop out: I am NOT fasting for Ramadan!
We got Christmukkah this year, and we all enjoyed it.
I am (almost) prepared to deal with Santa questions, just not from a 3-year-old.
I figured, I just wanted to make sure
Reply
Tags:santa claus, santa not
Reply Up