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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I Hate Feeling Guilty
Thriftylady 11:16 AM 11-23-2015
I really hate the feelings of guilt I sometimes deal with. I know I shouldn't feel guilty so help me through it. DCM is a nurse, divorced and DCD I have never met. He wants the girls when he wants them, and not when he doesn't. He quit responding to her texts for a couple of weeks the last she had heard from him was "beep you". She thought perhaps he had been put in jail because he had a court date coming up. Well the other day was DCG's bday, so he got a hold of her and wanted to see the girls. At this point, DCM had already scheduled me for Thanksgiving care, because dad had not been responding to her. So today, DCM comes in and writes a check and includes the agreed upon extra fee for the holiday. We are at breakfast and DCG says to me "I am going to my dad's for Thanksgiving". News to me so I text mom and ask. She tells me that yes he asked for them, but she is waiting to make sure he doesn't cancel at the last minute like he has done before. So I offer to refund her if they are not here, and she says don't worry about it. But for some reason, I am worried about it. Help me wrap my mind around this in a way I don't feel guilty.
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daycare 11:29 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by thriftylady:
i really hate the feelings of guilt i sometimes deal with. I know i shouldn't feel guilty so help me through it. Dcm is a nurse, divorced and dcd i have never met. He wants the girls when he wants them, and not when he doesn't. He quit responding to her texts for a couple of weeks the last she had heard from him was "beep you". She thought perhaps he had been put in jail because he had a court date coming up. Well the other day was dcg's bday, so he got a hold of her and wanted to see the girls. At this point, dcm had already scheduled me for thanksgiving care, because dad had not been responding to her. So today, dcm comes in and writes a check and includes the agreed upon extra fee for the holiday. We are at breakfast and dcg says to me "i am going to my dad's for thanksgiving". News to me so i text mom and ask. She tells me that yes he asked for them, but she is waiting to make sure he doesn't cancel at the last minute like he has done before. So i offer to refund her if they are not here, and she says don't worry about it. But for some reason, i am worried about it. Help me wrap my mind around this in a way i don't feel guilty.
take your emotions out of it!!!
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daycare 11:30 AM 11-23-2015
seriously you are the sweetest person ever, but remember.......this is a place of business and you will need to treat it as such.

as much as you want to help others, you have to help yourself and your business first.

I would continue to charge as normal.
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Blackcat31 11:34 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I really hate the feelings of guilt I sometimes deal with. I know I shouldn't feel guilty so help me through it. DCM is a nurse, divorced and DCD I have never met. He wants the girls when he wants them, and not when he doesn't. He quit responding to her texts for a couple of weeks the last she had heard from him was "beep you". She thought perhaps he had been put in jail because he had a court date coming up. Well the other day was DCG's bday, so he got a hold of her and wanted to see the girls. At this point, DCM had already scheduled me for Thanksgiving care, because dad had not been responding to her. So today, DCM comes in and writes a check and includes the agreed upon extra fee for the holiday. We are at breakfast and DCG says to me "I am going to my dad's for Thanksgiving". News to me so I text mom and ask. She tells me that yes he asked for them, but she is waiting to make sure he doesn't cancel at the last minute like he has done before. So I offer to refund her if they are not here, and she says don't worry about it. But for some reason, I am worried about it. Help me wrap my mind around this in a way I don't feel guilty.
She isn't paying you for the CARE you are going to provide. She is paying you for the convenience of having back up care should her ex decide to be a no-show.

Just like a hotel reservation..... you pay for that....unless you cancel days before.

You asked if she wanted to cancel and she said no. Which means she NEEDS that back up. Just in case.
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rosieteddy 01:52 PM 11-23-2015
You were willing to take the children on Thanksgiving?You deserve to be paid. Others are right take the emotion away.
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Thriftylady 02:32 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by rosieteddy:
You were willing to take the children on Thanksgiving?You deserve to be paid. Others are right take the emotion away.
Only because she would be working, and I knew that. And, she was willing to pay a little extra.
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ddaycare 03:07 PM 11-23-2015
You do whatever you are going to be comfortable with at the end of the day. Yes, you have every right to keep the money and not issue a refund. This is a business and must be operated as such. That said, you also have every right to make exceptions, issue refunds, or whatever will allow you to have peace. You could even just refund 50% (or any percentage) because you had to put your holiday plans on hold. Your business and your conscience must agree, regardless of what is fair or justifiable.
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Thriftylady 03:17 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by ddaycare:
You do whatever you are going to be comfortable with at the end of the day. Yes, you have every right to keep the money and not issue a refund. This is a business and must be operated as such. That said, you also have every right to make exceptions, issue refunds, or whatever will allow you to have peace. You could even just refund 50% (or any percentage) because you had to put your holiday plans on hold. Your business and your conscience must agree, regardless of what is fair or justifiable.
I guess I feel that way, that is what I am struggling with. But I didn't really put any plans on hold. It is just DH, DD and I and one of DH's friends who mom approved to be around her kids for the day. I was just adding them into my plans I guess. Sometimes I think I am just to soft to run a business. One side of me says "hey you were kind enough to say you would do it or mom would have been in a bind". The other side of me says "how could you dream of saying no?".
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Ariana 03:27 PM 11-23-2015
Do whatever feels right to you! We have all made exceptions for others out of kindness and don't feel bad for doing that at all.

I think that she appreciates you holding the spot for her and is willing to pay for it. Maybe get DCG an extra nice Christmas gift if you feel bad taking the money
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daycare 04:47 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Ariana:
Do whatever feels right to you! We have all made exceptions for others out of kindness and don't feel bad for doing that at all.

I think that she appreciates you holding the spot for her and is willing to pay for it. Maybe get DCG an extra nice Christmas gift if you feel bad taking the money
yes this..... I agree. I have felt at many times that becasue I can I will do something nice for a family, especially if I know that I can.

I used to help out this mom in my care because she was a true single mother. she didn't have any help at all. the dcd was not around to help in any way. so I would feel inclined to help out during holiday or when I knew times were tough. Mostly because she never asked.

you do what you feel in your heart is right thing for you and your business.
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Tags:feeling guilty, guilt
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